UNCLE EDDIE'S THEORY CORNER!

RANDOM THOUGHTS ON FASHION

2012-02-13T03:46:00.000-08:00

Boy, women (above) sure like fashion!

What's in now are thick eyebrows and unibrows. You see them everywhere. Some people attribute that to the influence of Joan Crawford in the forties. Maybe, but my guess is that it started big time with the rediscovery of the feminist communist painter, Frida Kahlo (above). Kahlo did a zillion portraits of herself which not only emphasized bushy eyebrows but also her girl mustache and jaw line hair.

That's Kahlo in real life (above), proudly displaying her mustache.

The Kahlo mustache failed to catch on but, as I said, thick eyebrows are everywhere.

Imagine how that makes girls like this one (above) feel. Lots of girls permanently removed their entire eyebrows thinking that thin, painted on brows were the height of chic, and would be with us til the end of time. Aaaargh! Fashion can be cruel.

On another subject, I observe that a lot of women still like to knit (above).

And they still knit for their boyfriends (above), too.

On yet another subject, here's an outfit (above) that was around when I was a kid: bottle cap hat, loose top, ultra-tight calf-length skirt, and long, long cigarette holder. It was the "Pepsi Generation" look.

This (above) was around at the same time: Scoop-back dresses with face fish net festooned with little black balls or cloth bugs. John K is obsessed with these bug nets.

The latest fashion is sneakers with toes. This (above) is the most popular brand: "Vibram Five Fingers." It started as something for barefoot runners but now they're regarded as chic, and even couch potatoes have them. They require socks with toes.

Interesting, eh?

KIDS WHO STARE AT YOU

2012-02-09T19:34:00.000-08:00

While I'm on the subject of little girls (see the previous post), don't you hate kids who stare at you in restaurants and trains? The last time that happened to me I got the idea of taking out a piece of paper and quick sketching a little wordless story for the kid, where I show him every drawing as I draw it. The story would be me beating the kid up for staring.

I didn't do it, but I made a note to try it one of these days. Yeeesh! Suppose the kid grabs the drawing and shows it to his dad?

A VALENTINE'S DAY GIFT SUGGESTION

2012-02-09T01:16:00.000-08:00

What do you give a wife or girlfriend for Valentine's Day? Flowers? A restaurant meal? Sure, why not...but something else is needed, don't you think? Something cool like....a tea party! Yes, a tea party, a real little girl's tea party with a real little girl (or girls) hosting the Valentine couple. Imagine the charm of sitting at the little table with your significant other, surrounded by dolls, and chatting with a little girl...maybe the child of a relative or friend...while she pours tea and serves bisquits. Your present to your girl would the gift of witnessing childhood charm.

I was surprised to find that the thought of a tea party held no appeal for the adults I talked to. Maybe that's because the Disney Princess people took over the idea. These days a lot of formal kid birthday parties are built around this Disney theme. I guess it's a chance for girls to wear the princess costumes they bought at Halloween. There's nothing wrong with that, but I prefer something on a smaller scale....

...something like this (above). These kids know how to celebrate.

How old should the kid host be? Maybe as young as this girl (above). Boy, she really has the tea party spirit. I like the small scale of the furniture and the tiny plastic tea sets. The chair should be so low that an adult sitting in it has his knees almost up around his chin.

Of course a tea party requires ritual. Maybe a little kid has to have witnessed an adult tea party in order understand the ceremony.

Kids have a limited attention span, and the tea party probably won't last long. Maybe you can stretch it out by baking scones with the kid, following her directions. Scones are fast and easy to make.

Maybe the thing to do is to build up expectation for the eventual arrival of...The Queen. Maybe the Queen is an adult who comes in amid much fanfare and agrees to take tea with everyone for a while. Here's (above) the way the Rennaisance Faire handles the Queen's entrance.

THE FUNHOUSE (PART ONE) (WORDLESS)

2012-02-07T01:45:00.000-08:00

TO BE CONTINUED........

AN ABUSIVE CORNER MAN

2012-02-05T01:01:00.000-08:00

The pictures here are all from a different era. I couldn't find anything on the net to illustrate the particular modern fight I have in mind. Oh well, they're kind of interesting for their own sake.

Anyway, It's tough being a corner man in mixed martial arts. How do you stand out on TV and make a reputation? It's a job that everybody takes for granted...until now. I saw a fight on John's HD Net on Friday night where the corner man stole the show.

The man cornered for an African American guy...I wish I could remember the name. he was a terrific fighter, but had the handicap of being a gentle intellectual who'd rather be with his books. You could tell he deeply regretted the necessity of hurting other fighters. He was like Ferdinand The Bull, if you know that story. The other guys on the bill all strutted in to the tune of gangster rap. This guy entered to classical music. I didn't recognize it, but it was something pastoral that suggested sniffing daisies in a meadow.

At the entrance to the ring his corner man, who was huge, turned around and began to insult the fighter. Right there on TV they got into a nose-to-nose shouting match. I'm not sure, but the corner man might even have slapped the fighter. The fighter got madder and madder, til he pushed the corner man aside and stomped into the ring, ready to tear apart anybody who got in his way. It looked to me like the corner man deliberately provoked him.

Like I said, the formerly gentle fighter was skilled, but his opponent was even better. At the round breaks the battered gentle guy would slink back to the corner where the derisive corner man would reinvigorate him by insulting him some more and throwing Gatorade in his face.

Regretfully the gentle man lost. I thought the whole drama was over, but there was one more act waiting to play out. His cocky opponent, the winner, came over to our guy's corner, put his arm around the corner man, and proceeded to chat the corner man up. I couldn't believe it! It looked like he was offering the corner man a job working for him. Our guy sat on the stool watching all this and was completely dumbfounded.

I know what you're thinking...that this was all staged to get a laugh. Maybe, but I don't think so. It looked like a real fight.

I ALMOST BECAME A SHOE SALESMAN!

2012-02-03T00:08:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid shoe salesman was a high status job.

The shoe salesmen were all well spoken and impeccably dressed. TV ads always portrayed them as consummate professionals. In some stores they even operated X ray machines called fluoroscopes which were specially designed for feet. I loved getting new shoes because that meant I got to look into the machine's viewer and watch my own skeletal feet.

Geez, that was dangerous radiation. I hope I don't wake up some morning with an extra head on my shoulders.

Parents had to be careful with money in those days, so they always got over-sized shoes that their kids could grow into. I guess that made the salesman's job easier.

Like a lot of kids in my time, I considered selling shoes as a possible career. Ads in magazines gave me the impression that only beautiful women bought shoes, and I was prepared to do my best for them.

I was aware of the hazard presented by dealing with beautiful legs all day. Even as a little kid I fully expected a lot of customers to throw themselves at me. I anticipated that I'd have to deflect their advances, and I was determined to do it with humor and savoir-faire. After all, a shoe salesman is a professional and must maintain a professional detachment.

I can't remember what changed my mind about selling shoes. Was it Bundy's horror stories about the job in "Married With Children?" No, that came much later. I guess I just got interested in other things, like being a pilot or a general....or a cartoonist.

Occasionally I come across a veteran shoe salesman from the old days. These guys still dress like Cary Grant and still treat their customers as if they were lordly aristocrats. They still handle quality leather shoes as if they were marvels of technology and craftsmanship. I'm always tempted to ask them what it was like in the good old days. Ah, the stories they could tell!

HOW TO TAKE PICTURES OF FRIENDS

2012-02-01T01:12:00.000-08:00

Groooan! It looks like I won't be able to avoid using a bad picture of myself (above) to illustrate this. Okay, here goes: I look a hundred years old in this picture! I look at this photo and imagine that there must be an IV stand and oxygen tanks just out of frame. How I wish the person who'd taken this had told me that when he took it. If I'd known, I could have struck a different pose, one that was more flattering.

People don't tell you that you look bad in a picture because they figure that, whatever its defects, it captures the real you. That's because they value fidelity to reality above all. Not me. I can see the real me any day by looking in the mirror. I don't need pictures for that. What I want is a snapshot that makes me look good, that creates a reality where I fit in. That's what I'm thinking when I take pictures of myself (below).

I've been thinking about this lately and it occurs to me that a lot of people probably feel the way I do. At least some of the time they want snapshots that reflect their inner life or the way they react to the world around them.

The conclusion that I've come to is that I'll have to modify the way I photograph other people. I'll try never to take snapshots of friends that makes them look less than the way they'd like to look (well, within reason...). If I do take some questionable pictures I'll delete them then and there, on the spot. The subject will never have to worry that an unflattering photo that I've taken is circulating out there, waiting to bite them.

The way I look at it now, when I take your picture I'm acting as your agent. I'm trying to sell you to the world. I want you to look good, or as good as a snapshot can. If you have a best side, or a most flattering angle, let me know. If you have a weak point let me know that too, so I can avoid it. If I take a picture of you at work I'll try to make you look efficient, or like somebody it would be fun to work with. If I get you in a social situation, I'll try to get one that shows you solidly in the mood. I only ask that you allow me to make several pictures, because the first one isn't always the best.

P.S.: The picture I criticized at the top isn't really all that bad, and I'm grateful to the photographer for taking it. I had to exaggerate a bit to make my point. That's Mike on the right in that picture. He always takes a good picture, though he denies it.

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BTW: I just learned that my old animation pals Byron and Betty Vaughns are in desperate need. Very serious medical problems together with a house that burned down and no immediate prospect of work, have left them in a bind reminiscent of something from The Book of Job. If you can help it would be much appreciated. You can learn more about the situation at their site: http://bvneedshelp.blogspot.com/

WHAT ANNOYS YOU ON A DATE?

2012-01-30T01:25:00.000-08:00

What a headache this post turned out to be! This was intended to be an easy to do parody of an article in Look magazine, but when I tried to change the captions to make them funnier everything got buggered up. Oh, well.....

BTW: I just got an interesting comment from a British actor whose internet name is "Propeler." It regards a post I put up on August 11th called, "What Is the Purpose of Acting?" Here it is:

Eddie, I am a British actor, most of my career has been with the royal Shakespeare company and I work regularly on television and film. I have had a dream career so far. I have appeared regularly in londons west end, won awards for my stage work with the rsc and acted with dame judi dench, Patrick Stewart and Ian mckellen. But, I have lost all sense of joy or purpose in it. Your piece on the purpose of acting has totally reinspired me and effectively stopped me from retiring early. The job can feel so self indulgent but you have reminded me of what is great about what we do. I thank you sincerely

Wow! I'm speechless! I don't know what to say, except that it's wonderful to know that something I said was that helpful. Many thanks Propeler for the kind words.

The post Propeller commented on:

http://uncleeddiestheorycorner.blogspot.com/search?
updated-max=2011-08-25T01:53:00-07:00&max-results=20

BOOK REVIEW: "KEYNES/HAYEK"

2012-01-28T00:27:00.000-08:00

That's John Maynard Keynes above, the economist who popularized the idea that government intervention in the economy could prevent slumps and depressions. Keynes is one of the pillars of modern liberalism and progressivism.

That's Keynes' opposite above...Friedrich von Hayek, the Nobel Prize winning economist who believed that slumps and depressions are made worse by government intervention. Together with Mises, Hayek became one of the fathers of the modern libertarian and conservative movements.

The two men defined the economic battle of our time: whether governments should intervene in markets.

Now I know absolutely nothing about economics, but like most people that doesn't deter me from having an opinion about it. I'm a Hayek man (sort of)...though if you disagree, and have read a comic book on the subject recently, you could probably embarrass me in an argument.

If you're a Keynesian you'll probably love the book I'm reading now: "Keynes/Hayek: The Clash That Defined Modern Economics" by Keynesian Nicholas Wapshott. I like the way the author argues. At every step he digresses to explain what his opposite thinks, at least half the time fairly, and the biographical details go a long way in fleshing the ideas out.

If I were a book writer, that's the way I'd do it. You learn more from the intelligently laid-out clash of opposing ideas than from a book advocating a single idea. My own term for this type of thing is "conflict learning." This is one way I'd teach a class if I was a liberal arts teacher. I'd debate my opposite for half the class just to air the subject, then at the half way mark invite the class to participate. This could work, even for the discussion of literature.

But I digress. Keynes believed in government intervention in the economy to create demand. Hayek believed that intervention would lead to a deepening of economic woes, which would create the need for still more intervention til we end up with a totalitarian state. Keynes thought that was silly. Look at Sweden and Switzerland...no totalitarian state there. Hayek pointed out the path taken by interventionist states like Germany and Italy in the thirties. That system was prevented from spreading only by war. I could go on, but you get the idea. The book is full of interesting back and forth like this.

Oddly, neither Hayek nor Keynes might recognize themselves in their modern disciples. Hayek is beloved by modern conservatives and libertarians, but he wrote an essay called, "Why I Am Not a Conservative," where he argued against nationalism, and laid out his belief that a culture should not be sentimentally attached to traditional ways of doing things. Keynes repudiated socialism as unworkable and believed that his system should only be applied at times of crisis when downturns in the business cycle brought about unemployment. Many of his modern disciples disagree and see government intervention as a constant. A fascinating book!

BTW: Who's the man in the cartoon (above)? He looks like both Keynes and Hayek.

Also BTW: Many, Many thanks to Kelly Toons and Jonathan Mastron for the great videos!!!!!!!! Both are worth watching.

MEN'S FASHIONS TO DRAW

2012-01-25T23:16:00.000-08:00

Here's (above) some men's fashions that might be fun to draw. The first is from Life magazine circa 1949. Life liked this style, and so do I. Thin people look great in over-size clothes.

Here's (above) Glenn Gould in the 1970s. I wonder if "Lawrence of Arabia" influenced this look. It reminds me of the flowing robes that Bedouins wore in that movie.

Here's Elvis Costello wearing the thrift store look. How do you like the "Saturday Night Fever" style on the guy on the far left?

Above, author Antoine de Saint-Exupery wearing a short, wide, hot water bottle tie.

Here's Gerry Mulligan in profile (above), looking like he was drawn by Wally Wood.

Mike sez that the "Double Cross" fez (above) is no longer available. Joe just wrote in to say that the company reconsidered, and the fez is once more for sale. Better order it fast before they chage their minds again.

There's Ed Sullivan (above) again. I couldn't resist. How did he think of those poses?

Above, John Ford wearing the tight sweater and baggy pants that were popular in the teens and twenties. That look returned in the 70s.

Above, the plaid jacket and saddle shoes that were popular with young "angsty" intellectuals in the 60s.

Here's (above) the way saddle shoes were worn in the late 40s and early 50s. Interesting, huh?

ED SULLIVAN: A REALLY BIG SHEW

2012-01-24T01:06:00.000-08:00

That's Ed Sullivan (above), the TV variety show host who first introduced The Beatles to American TV. Um, well actually it's George T., a Sullivan impersonator. I couldn't find a good picture of Ed, so this'll have to do.

Anyway, I'm a big Ed Sullivan fan. Poor Ed was the world's stiffest man. It's as if he had rigor mortis while still alive. Amazingly, he was able to use that to his advantage...on him it actually looked good!

Sullivan was the king of awkward. He never knew what to do with his arms. He was always folding and unfolding them and, when he got tired of that, he'd pull on his face or stand with his hands on his waist like Superman.

How do you like the impersonation Jerry does here (above)? The coat hanger shoulders, the "really bigs," the hands-glued-to-the-side when he walks...it's all there. How do you like the way Jerry plugs the sponsor's products?

Here (above) Jackie Mason further refines the Sullivan walk. The film begins badly, so you might want to skip the first 10 seconds. The sound's bad too, but don't let that deter you from watching. This is a brilliant parody.

Okay, one more impersonation (above), this time by Paul Terry. Do you see how the jacket rides up when he puts his hands on his waist? That's because the arm holes are cut low, so all the shoulder padding is pushed up when he lifts his arms. My "Wrinkle Jacket" does that. I did a whole YouTube video about it.

GIRL EXPRESSIONS

2012-01-22T02:25:00.000-08:00

Most female expressions are the same as men's (above). Nothing mysterious here, just the same expressions of joy and sadness that men have, only on a smoother, sexier, more easy to read surface.

But hold on...there's some expressions that don't get on charts like this. We all know that some expressions are unique to women, so unique in fact, that men have difficulty understanding them. Let's take a look at a few.........

Okay, this expression for example....what the heck does it mean? My best guess is that it's saying, "I don't know whether I'm attracted to you or not, but here's a low intensity sexy look to keep you interested while I make up my mind."

Or this one (above). Is that a neutral expression? Is she irritated? Is she murderous? Is she daydreaming? She doesn't seem ecstatically happy, but that's about the best I can say.

What is this woman (above) saying? I feel silly for asking since she's obviously striking a model's pose and not trying to convey a real emotion...yet there is something else going on there, I just can't figure it out.

Here's a girl (above) who's shocked by something unpleasant that she's just seen. The basic emotion is easy to read...what makes it noteworthy is that a secondary emotion seems seems to be overlayed on it. Taken all together she seems to be saying, "Oh, my God! My neighbor's been chopped up with an axe...and, er... doesn't my horrified expression look pretty?"

Man, you gotta feel sorry for women. They're what Norman Mailer called "prisoners of sex." They're doomed to be constant spectators on their own exterior lives. It's nice to be a guy, where you can tune out that self-awareness sometimes, and just relax.

How about this picture of a friend taken when she was a teenager? It's charming and doubly interesting when you realize that no man except Robert Pattinson would ever strike a pose like that. It's a girl thing. There's nothing wrong with that; actually I like the idea that girls have their own expressions. It's just interesting that expressions can be gender specific.

By the way, some girls have their own dialects too. In the late twenties and early thirties it was what we would call today, "Telephone Operator." Today it's "Valley Girl." Girls have their own textiles, color palettes, glasses, bottled water, cigarettes, recipes, candy, philosophy, books, cable channels, movies...even their own pencils and pens.....even their own science. It's a different culture.

MY OWN ANIMATION STYLE? [REVISED]

2012-01-20T01:26:00.000-08:00

You must think I'm nuts for reposting these two videos so soon after I'd posted them before. I'm doing it because I really do have something new to say about them. They've pointed me in a new direction and I'm so happy about it that I can barely contain myself.

What I see in them is a personal style of acting that's been simmering in my head for a long time. I'm picturing how this live action style would look in animation. If I could draw it the way I act it out, then I'd have a style that would be completely my own. Isn't that what every artist prays for...a unique style?

To see what I see in this video (above) imagine the roles of the little girl and the stern schoolmaster combined in one person. I picture a little girl who obsessively acts out what other people say to her, so there's lots of opportunities for back and forth acting in the same person. I love the idea of writing for the acting, something that few animation writers do. If you want to see what I mean, watch the video from 4:10 to 6:05.

On a different but related topic, I wonder why animation took the path it did, where animators learn general skills then apply those skills in whatever way their employer directs them. That's a good plan for most animation, but does it all have to be done that way?

Why can't I have a character that I animate particularly well, and shop him (or variants of him) around to the studios for use in their own projects? The studio would own the variant of my character that I do for them, but I could animate other variants for other studios. It's as if Clark Gable were a free agent who played many roles for many bosses, but was always recognizably Clark Gable. Does that make sense? Am I explaining it right?

I told this to John and he thought the idea was completely hair-brained, just the dumbest thing he'd ever heard. In his view having an independent artist come in would undermine the director's vision and make it difficult for other animators and designers to get on the same track. Maybe, but in my view John's putting too much emphasis on the independence of the animator. Clark Gable still took direction wherever he went, and so would my hypothetical artist. Anyway, I wouldn't recommend this way of working to John because the way he does things made him the funniest animation director of his time. Why mess with something that works?

Mike Barrier stirred up a big controversy when he suggested something similar to what I'm saying here. You should have seen the letters he got! People were outraged. Me...I think there's something in it.

PRETTY FACES

2012-01-17T21:39:00.000-08:00

Everybody loves a beautiful face, but be honest...don't you love pretty faces (above) more?

Pretty isn't quite as mathematically perfect as beautiful, and it may be a bit nerdy, but it's more likely to include friendliness and character.

Beautiful is for magazine covers and the movies. Pretty is accessible. It's what you find in the real world if you're lucky.

Some women (above) straddle the line between pretty and beautiful. That's okay, I'll accept them as honorary pretty types.

Pretty entitles the possessor to giggle and be fun to be with.

Of course pretty women can have flaws just like anyone else. I'll bet the pretty girl above has a depressive disorder.

Here's (above) a pretty woman that strikes me as positively dangerous. Men would be well advised to walk the other way, but it would take an exceptional man to do that.

THE GREAT GEORGE CLAYTON JOHNSON

2012-01-16T00:36:00.000-08:00

Weeell....if you weren't at Steve Worth's last night, TOO TOO BAD! You missed a chance to meet ace Twilight Zone writer, George Clayton Johnson (that's Steve on left and George on the right, above). For readers who are unfamiliar with George, here's a yeoman introduction cribbed from Steve' blog, Animation Resources:

Mr. Johnson was one of the principal writers on Rod Serling’s “Twilight Zone”, writing both stories and screenplays for such legendary episodes as “The Four of Us Are Dying”, “Kick the Can”, “A Game of Pool”, and “Nothing in the Dark”. He also was the writer of the first regular episode of Star Trek to air, “The Man Trap” and the feature films “Logan’s Run” (he co-wrote the novel the film was based on) and “Oceans 11″. He was part of a group of Southern California science fiction writers that included Richard Matheson, Ray Bradbury and Charles Beaumont. He collaborated with Ray Bradbury on the story for “Icarus Montgolfier Wright”, an Academy Award nominated animated film produced by Format Films.

I came to the event with a bunch of questions for George, foremost of which was this: how does a dramatic writer fill in the details of a story without being boring? In George's Twilight Zone episode "A Game of Pool," the whole extended middle was a pool game. Now how do you make a thing like that interesting?

The answer isn't obvious. I'd just seen the episode and there wasn't a single second where the film was less than fascinating, even though there were no fights, shouting matches, power outages or third characters. How did George keep the interest level so high? You're going to die when you hear what he said.

The answer in paraphrase was...personality...character friction...two appealing ideas in conflict...the gradual unveiling of an overriding great thought...and. of course, suspense about the outcome of the game and how the story's going to end.

Fine, I reply, but what kind of character conflict could possibly keep our interest for so long? One man's a seasoned pro and the other's a talented usurper. So what? What can you do with that, that hasn't been done a million times before?

George's answer was that I hadn't done my homework. I should have paid more attention to the human relationships on display in the street. It's not enough to characterize people as pro or usurper, or shy or extroverted. You have to try to understand why they're that way. Their outward actions are a manifestation of their inner ideas about the world. Exactly what are those ideas? What happens when those ideas are challenged? It's not anger, it's something more interesting.

Holy Cow! When all those things come into play, the task of filling up the middle of the story seems like fun. In fact, the middle now becomes the most interesting part. Thanks, George! I'll never look at that problem the same way again!

BTW: are these theories relevant to animated comedy? Mmmmmm...maybe not exactly. Cartoon comedy has its own rules. But they're still very, very interesting, you have to admit.

AAAAAARGH!!!!!!!

2012-01-15T00:45:00.000-08:00

Gee, I couldn't finish this post (above) about date rape before it was time to rush off to Steve's place to meet...in person...a wonderful screenwriter, George Clayton Johnson. It was a terrific night! I'll tell you all about it after I get some sleep, I'm just too... sleepy......to..........write..................

ACTING SEEN FROM THE BACK (EXPANDED VERSION)

2012-01-11T23:30:00.000-08:00

Thinking about the opening back shot in "Miracle on 34th Street" (see the previous post) got me thinking about the subject of back shots in general. I'm a big fan of back shots (actually back acting, not just isolated poses) in live action, but you don't see them much in animation. That's a shame. Back shots are funny. Where would "The people of Walmart" site be without back shots like the one above?

I understand why animation people avoid them. You can't easily study yourself in a mirror when you're drawing the back. You could draw somebody else's back, but they're not likely to act the scene right. I guess you could act it out yourself in front of a digital camera and play it back.

I wonder how the dancers in the video above did it. How did they know how their dance would look to us? That's a nice dance, isn't it? 'Very effective from behind.

I can't find any ready-made clips of good animated back acting, which is what I meant to discuss. I can't even find any good live action reference for it, apart from Chaplin. I'll return to this subject later when I have better visuals.

Back acting is different than front acting. It's not just a question of making good silhouettes...back acting is more about timing and context. You have to make the audience delight in imagining what the face they can't see is thinking and doing.

Oh well, I have plenty of back-of-the-head reference. I'll talk about that. For me, back of the head means big ears (above), whether the person has them in front or not.

For the purpose of drawing, the small-eared girl in the upper right (above) should look like the girl in the lower left when she turns her head.

I call your attention to the wispy little neck hairs in the picture. I thought only guys had neck hair! I wonder if girls shave it. Maybe they just let it grow. Imagine what a girl would look like if she cut off all her normal hair but kept her long neck wisps.

A good back of the head (above) is a thing of beauty, even on a guy. The two dots aren't mine.

I love over-the-shoulder shots, especially when the actor facing front has an extended acting scene. Laying bare your emotions to an impassive lump of hair and tweed in the foreground strikes me as funny. I tried it out in this video from a couple of years ago.

BTW, The best acting moments here come close to what I would have put into similar scenes if I'd been an animator working on an animated film. I really need to assemble a small reel of rough animation showing how I would animate characters using my own style of acting.

A POST MODERN "MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET"

2012-01-09T19:10:00.000-08:00

Which do you prefer: the old 1947 version of "Miracle on 34th Street," or the newer 1994 version? It's not a fair comparison because the older version had a bigger budget and some of the best stars and technicians of the day. Good writing, too. Even so, comparison is still possible.

I maintain that the biggest advantage the old version had was a philosophical one. People in those days had a more interesting way of seeing the world. We see things through a depressing Post Modern filter, or at least we did back in 1994 when the remake was made.

Let's take a look at some examples.....

Here's the start of the 1947 version: the titles are superimposed over a traveling backshot of Santa walking along Manhattan streets. Introducing a robust, confident character with a backshot is a great way to create suspense, and the immersion in the life of the city alerts us to the film's subtext, which is that the modern world (and specifically New York) is a wonderful place to live.

The titles finish and Santa, who we'd only seen from the back til now, rounds a corner and stops to kibbitz when a shopkeeper goofs up his reindeer display. The back and forth between the two men establish Santa's personality. It works fine.

Now here's (above) the 1994 version. It starts with a frontal shot of Santa walking down a single street. The shot is made with a long lens, which flattens the background and robs it of its character. No reveal, no subtext, and no color. Why is everything brown? I understand that it's cheaper to shoot this way, but is this really the best the director could do? What went wrong?

What went wrong is that the producer handed off a sentimental 40s story to an unsentimental Post Modern director. Unlike Woody Allen, the director just couldn't bring himself to cast New York in a positive light.

In the newer film Santa's character (above) is established by having him react to an astonished kid who recognizes him. It's not a bad way to go, but the handling was unimaginative. Too many close-ups, too long lenses, too few extras and pedestrian dialogue. And that's not all.

Also at fault is the flat, deliberately deadening Post Modern way of staging. Like atonal music, it's a bleak style that's deliberately meant to be flat and unsettling. Flat anesthetizes the senses. It's a style that fights the sentimental story it's trying to tell. It's a shame because you can tell that Richard Attenburough (Santa) had real enthusiasm for the role.

Here's the old version again. Santa (unseen here) discovers that the parade Santa is drunk , and storms off to report the problem to the coordinator, Maureen O'Hara, pictured above. It's all staged perfectly and there's plenty of extras. Everybody's looking at O'Hara...she's the center of attention, which is a good way to introduce a star.

Here's (above) how the Post Modern version introduces its star. She's in a dark media truck loaded with video monitors. What gives? The parade coordinator is our star, and we can hardly see her.

Okay, it's a cheap way to shoot, but it also fits with the Post Modern, Phillip Glass, trance rhythm of the film. The Post Modern style looks for broad patterns, and resists the notion of making scenes stand out. That's an odd style to choose for a classy story that begs for virtuoso scenes.

I'll add that video monitors are a Post Modern symbol of alienation. How depressing!

Here's (above) the old version showing Natalie Wood and John Payne watching the parade from O'Hara's apartment. Seeing the parade reminds us of the exuberance and grandeur of the city. What the characters say has extra weight because the visuals connect them to the grand adventure below.

Here's (above) a similar shot in the new version. No grand adventure here. Why is everything so dark and flat? And why is the parade reduced to shapes passing by the window? Couldn't the filmmaker afford to rent some stock parade footage?

The bleak graphic treatment makes me feel that the parade is either menacing or uninteresting, and that the foreground figures are hiding out to avoid it. How odd for a film that's supposed to be glorifying Christmas. You get the feeling that the director doesn't really care much about the holiday or about the city. What was the studio thinking?

Do you agree? Rent both versions from Netflix and make the comparison yourself.

ME AT THE UNION NEW YEARS PARTY

2012-01-07T22:49:00.000-08:00

No, that's not our party above, but if feels like our party felt. It was wild, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

On arrival, the first order of business was to find the food area and do some serious chowing down. The problem was, I met so many friends on the way to the food that it took forever to get there. I confess to hoping that girls I'd known in the past would take me aside and admit that they'd secretly lusted after my body way back when but, alas, nothing like that happened.

What did happen was that I met lots of old friends who I sorely missed. Half were out of work and half were doing just fine. The guys who weren't working put on a brave front, which was about all they could do.

I forgot to say that all this took place in the Gene Autry Museum, and I gradually made my way to the area where the exhibits were. What I'd hoped to see was their retro boys bedroom from the 50s, and I was not disappointed.

Holy Mackerel! There it was, the cowboy bed I had when I was a little kid! The chenille bedspread with embroidered lariat thrower, the wheel headboard...I almost broke into tears. What was missing was the arsenal of cool plastic guns that every kid had in those days. No kid would dream of leaving the house without packing. You needed a Derringer water pistol at the very least.

The exhibit was full of photos of armed children. Here's (above) a lucky kid who had the complete line of Hopalong Cassidy merchandise. Those films were made way before I was born, but TV gave them new life, and I and every other kid watched cartloads of cowboys chasing each other around the Chatsworth Hills. I'll add that we watched them on tiny screens that required constant vertical and horizontal adjustment.

On the way out of the exhibit area I stumbled on staggeringly beautiful pictures like this one (above) by Thomas Moran.

Or this one (above) by...er...I don't know.

Or this one (above), by...I'm guessing...Thomas Moran again. It's called "Slave Hunt."

The museum also owns this picture (above) by California watercolorist Phil Dike. Wow! Autry had good taste!

Back in the main hall (above) the party had really caught fire, and was even getting rowdy in spots. A couple of people I didn't know recognized me from pictures of myself on Theory Corner, and that was great. Unfortunately I punished them by going on and on about things they were only vaguely interested in.

Oh well, I guess a party isn't really a party unless every guest makes a fool of himself at least once.

TRACING THE EVOLUTION OF GEORGE HERRIMAN'S STYLE

2012-01-05T23:50:00.000-08:00

A lot of people don't know that Herriman tried several different styles before he settled on the Krazy Kat style that he's most remembered for. When he first started out in 1901 he worked in the German style of the day, and was pretty good at it. That's his very first strip, above. It was done for Pulitzer's New York World.

How do you like the story?

Only two months later we find him experimenting with an illustration style (above).

By 1902 (above) he's dumped illustration and tries pure cartooning, a bit in the Opper/"Kattzenjammer Kids" style.

He comes under the influence of a lot of other artists in 1902, possibly including Windsor McKay (above).

Now HERE'S (above) an interesting strip! It looks like something Milt Gross might have done, or maybe the young Sterrett. My source attributed this to Herriman, with a date of 1903, but I can't remember where I got the picture from, so I can't check it. If Herriman did draw this then it seems fair to say that both Gross, Sterrett, Barks and others were influenced by this strip, and Herriman the copier of others transformed during this period in to Herriman, whom others copy.

Gee, I got to say "whom."

I'm aware that Gross fans will find this connection between Herriman and Gross to be shocking. I'm not a historian, so if I'm wrong I hope a reader will let me know.

Somewhere in this period Herriman began to experiment with a scratchy pen and ink style. You see it in some of Herriman's "Baron Bean" drawings. I'm guessing that he got it from Bud Fisher, who did Mutt and Jeff.

I wonder if Kurtzman was influenced by this strip. Some of the Baron Bean sketches (not shown) look like Kurtzman's could have drawn them.

By 1907 (if not earlier) Herriman had perfected yet another style (above). Maybe it came out of the political cartoons he was doing in in 1904 and 5. This is my hands down favorite Herriman
.

With Krazy Kat, Herriman's pen and ink style evolved even farther, Here the scratchy, funny lines appear slightly liquid, as if they were brushed on. Were they? I don't think so. Maybe he smeared his ink lines with a little benzine. Or maybe the lines look liquid because they weren't photocopied right. I wish I knew.

LIFE DRAWING FOR CARTOONISTS

2012-01-04T01:27:00.000-08:00

Classical figure drawing (above) is helpful for an artist, no doubt about it. It's indispensable, even for cartoonists.

The problem is, that this kind of drawing disciplines an artist to think of the body in terms of beautiful shapes and forms. That's important, of course, but cartoonists are like baggy pants comedians. We also have to think of the body as a colony of mismatched and uncooperative parts, which are generally an embarrassment to its owner.

So, sure, cartoonists need classical figure drawing, but we also need practice in drawing figures that are more earthy and ignorant.

If you were teaching figure drawing to cartoonists what kind of models would you hire? Me, I'd choose funny models, like the girl above. She's a real country cyclone of a woman, straight out of Dogpatch. It doesn't get more earthy than this.

Geez, what a find! Every time I look at her (above) whole stories pop into my mind.
A model like this, with an expressive face, would probably work best in a small class of not more than fifteen students.

A first-rate female model like that would require a male model (above) to set her off. I'd choose a short, understated Mr. Meek type.

Or maybe someone like Arnold Stang (above).

For a model like this woman I'd say the ideal ratio of draped to undraped poses should be 50/50. You have to see her undraped to get an idea of what kind of structure adds up to a body like that, but draped is the only way you'll get the cool story ideas.

I'd choose models who were ham actors, and that kind of acting requires a loose story of some sort, something visual that's fun to act out.

It seems to me that the three most useful male types for a cartoonists to draw are Mr. Meeks, Leading Men (above, left) and Lumoxes. Fortunately Mr. Meeks and Lumoxes are abundant, but Leading Men are a rare type, very hard to find.

These three types should always be draped, with the Leading Man wearing only a bathing suit.

The ideal cartoony model would have been the late Imogene Coca, always draped. She was a genius actor and undraped would have broken the spell.

Physical comedians make great cartoon models, but if they're not used to doing it the poses should probably be short.

The blonde bombshell (above) is an absolute necessity for many comedic drawing sessions. The model would have to be someone worldly who looks good in a fuzzy bikini. Petite and wholesome types are fun to draw too, but not in the same session.

Hmmm....I think I'd team up this kind of woman with a Mr. Meek or a Leading Man. This kind of model would have to be frequently undraped in order to avoid a rebellion among the male students.

It would be great if a bombshell could be found who was also a dancer. If the budget permitted, I'd team her up with a sideman or two who could also dance.

In a case like this the instructor would serve as ersatz director and choreographer. It sounds complicated but I've worked with this kind of model before and, believe it or not, it comes together quickly and smoothely when the instructor makes it fun for the models.

After each new pose is settled on the cartoonist instructor might do a quick sketch of it on a large chalkboard. Seeing how an instructor organizes the shapes and spaces, and exaggerates for humor might help students who have trouble with things like that. After he does that, the instructor might make himself available for one-to-one teaching.

This woman's costume (above) is nice and cartoony: a big fluff ring to emphasize the hips, and a slit gown to empasize the legs.

Did I leave anything out, anything regarding model types? Oh yes. Some sessions should feature overweight girls in tight skirts. This kind of girl is really versatile. They can play sexy sirens or nagging housewives...almost any role. They do need to have muscle tone, though, in spite of the weight.

WHAT I DID AT CHRISTMAS

2012-01-01T07:52:00.000-08:00

Is it too late to post a Christmas card? Here's one (above) that I never finished. I just couldn't get enough time in the days before Christmas. The caricature of me is from the sidebar. John K drew it and I redrew it.

Well, Christmas was great, one of my best ever. It was indescribably wonderful to have my son home for a week. I refrained from lecturing him, which parents are apt to do, and just enjoyed the experience of hanging out with him.

My Christmas present to him was a truly enormous "Russian Divers Watch" (above) which I got from Amazon. He hated it, and now it has to be returned. I didn't mean to get a watch that big. It looked normal size in the promotion, but in real life the thing was big and heavy as a grandfather clock. It might even be a real divers watch, something you wear over a wet suit when you're way down in the Marianas Trench spearing luminescent devil fish.

The present he seemed to like best was one given to him by a girl FBI agent. It was a book about running barefoot called "Born to Run." Apparently there's an Indian tribe of super runners in Mexico who beat everybody in races, and who never wear shoes. They admit that padded shoes reduce pain, but they say that's the problem; only by allowing yourself to experience pain do you undertake the necessary correctives in your stride and stance. They believe padded shoes lead to permanent injury. Now my kid is hot to run over gravel in his bare feet.

I'm dying to tell you about my wife and daughter's Christmas adventures but they won't let me, so I'll have to keep those stories to myself.

John just got back from Europe and Canada. He says that British guys are wearing low crotch pants like the pair pictured above, except the pants he saw were torn all over. Fascinating!

Mike is back from the East Coast and he's discovered a new fez site.

http://www.fez-o-rama.com/current-fezzes-c-130

Some of his favorite designs (below):

Man! Those are classy hats!

A POEM CELEBRATING SHOPSIN'S RESTAURANT

2011-12-29T19:39:00.000-08:00

I just watched a terrific Netflix documentary called "I Like Killing Flies" about Shopsin's, a hole-in-the-wall Greenwich Village restaurant that's run by an eccentric cook who's famous for kicking people out when they don't obey "The Rules."

What are The Rules? Only the owner knows, he and a few regulars. One of those rules is the subject of this post: The Party of Five Rule. A New York poet named Robert Hershon wrote a poem about this rule, and it's a falling down classic. I'm going to memorize it. See what you think....

PARTY OF FIVE
by ROBERT HERSHON

you could put a chair at the end

or push the tables together

but don't bother

This banged-up little restaurant

where you would expect no rules at all

has a firm policy against seating

parties of five

And you know who you are

a party of five

it doesn't matter if one of you

offers to leave or if

you say you could split into

a party of three and a party of two

or if the five of you come back tomorrow

in Richard Nixon masks and try to pretend

that you don't know each other

it won't work: You're a party of five

even if you're a beloved regular

Even if the place is empty

Even if you bring logic to bear

Even if you're a tackle for the Chicago Bears

it won't work

You're a party of five

You will always be a party of five

A hundred blocks from here

a hundred years from now

you will still be a party of five

and you will never savor the soup

or compare the coffee or

hear the wisdom of the cook

and the wit of the waitress or

get to hum the old-time tunes

[among which you will find

no quintets.]

P.S.: Shopsin's recently moved to fancier digs, and that's what you see in the picture above. Long time Shopsin's fans might prefer the older greasy spoon location, which was unbelievably grimy and filthy. Good food, though.

CARTOON CHARACTERS SHOULD DRESS FUNNY!

2011-12-28T11:31:00.000-08:00

I wish cartoonists would pay more attention to what people wear. Clothes are funny (above), though you'd never know it by looking at modern animation and newspaper strips.

A hundred years ago main characters were drawn like clowns with outrageous clothes. I admit that's going too far, but I prefer that to the bland clothes cartoon characters wear today.

The way I see it, characters should always dress to fit their occupation or physical type. Rich people should look rich, poor people should look poor. Texans should look like cowboys, fat people should look like opera singers, and skinny people should look like scarecrows.

Cartoon characters should live in homes that reflect their professions. They should speak and act the way people in their profession speak and act. Everybody should be visibly attached to a profession, even if that profession is loafer.

Cartoonists should exaggerate. Slightly rich people (above) should look and act very rich. Sneaky people should dress like professional sneaks, and not simply act that way while dressing normally.

Unfortunately we live in an era whose fashion is dominated by geniuses like Calvin Klein. Klein set himself to the task of making the common man look as elegant as the rich, and he pretty much succeeded. Now every working person looks good, but nobody looks funny anymore.

Er...well, maybe some people do. Thank God for emos, skaters and hip hoppers.

SORRY FOR THE DELAY........

2011-12-27T00:16:00.000-08:00

FORGIVE ME!!!!! I haven't been able to post because my kid is visiting and my computer is in the room he's using. He's a sports guy and my computer table is full of athletic gear, smelly socks, hair gel, underwear, crumbs and the like. Having him here is delightful, but he sure does fill a room. I'll be back Wednesday, if not before.

MORE ABOUT WALLY WOOD'S ARCHITECTURE

2011-12-23T21:55:00.000-08:00

Let's take a closer look at the Wally Wood architecture that I posted a few days ago. There was a lot going on there and one post wasn't enough to cover it.

Well, to begin with, we all know Wood is fond of tight spaces. He uses perspective cheats to make them appear more spacious, and that's a great technique. His spaces are simultaneously wide and cramped. There's no reason why real architecture can't do this.

Wood intuitively knows that tight spaces and varying levels (above) are sheltering and nurturing. We naturally seek safety in places like that. A house full of gullies and alcoves and ledges and interesting reveals fits the kind of creature we are.

Of course a home consisting of nothing but tight spaces would be claustrophobic. I like the way Wood opens up the space in front of the entrance. Immediately upon entering the house (or is it an apartment?) you're confronted with a choice: whether to walk down into the living room or up onto the second floor. From the vantage point of the door both choices are visible and enticing.

I know what you're thinking...that some modern architecture (sample above) already does all that...but does it? The examples I've seen are usually botched, like the bed above. Granted, it sits on a level or a ledge of sorts but it's lost in a gigantic, impersonal space. None of Wood's sheltering here.

For contrast, observe how Wood handles his levels (above). The levels resemble solid blocks. They seem to protect the girl sleeping in the single bed at the bottom of the stairs. I'm guessing that's a guest bed, which is also useful for reading and lounging in the middle of the day. Spacious closets could be hidden in the blocks. There's actually a lot of potential closet space here.

The sleeping hipster on the top level sacks out on the comfortable wall-to-wall carpet that covers the floors, stairs and walls. Currently wall carpets are dust traps, and are probably unhealthy, but the day can't be far off when the right material will make them practical.

Most modern architects are too fond of empty space (above). Wood seldom made that mistake.

Here's a large space that almost works. It would work a lot better with a low, nurturing, Wally Wood ceiling that would emphasize the wideness of the room.

Sigh! There's more to say on this subject, but it'll have to wait til after Christmas. I've got presents to wrap!

Let me lay on you........

SOME GREAT CHRISTMAS MUSIC

2011-12-20T22:33:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I know...these are the songs I put up every year at this time, and Mahalia Jackson's "O Holy Night" always tops the list. So shoot me...I love this stuff.

This (above) is done by the St. Thomas Children's Choir. Is that the same Church that we associate with Bach?

'Not the best version (above), I admit, but it's interesting to hear this piece sung more simply than it usually is. The title says the singer is Pavarotti, but is this really him?

My kids loved this Chipmunk song (above), and they played it over and over and over. It drove my wife nuts. One year she deliberately "lost" it, and the tearful kids made me go out into the freezing night to find another copy.

I just watched this (above) and it was buried under a clutter of annoying advertising. Sigh! What can we do? They've got us over a barrel. The video is too good to miss!

WALLY WOOD'S HIPSTER CHRISTMAS

2011-12-18T23:08:00.000-08:00

Wally Wood worked on a hipster version of "The Night Before Christmas." I don't have the poem at hand, but I have these three illustrations (above and below) to remind us of what a knack Wood had for modernism.

Wood would have made a terrific architect. That fireplace (above) is beautiful, and the tree that spans two floors is pretty neat. I love the brickwork in the foreground and the idea of a mat-framed print to set it off. I love how the whole place is on levels. What do you think of the cheetah skin beret on the guy on the lower right?

Here (above) are beatnik children all snug in their beds while visions of Abstract Expressionism dance in their heads. Being the kids of cool parents they naturally wear headphones and dark glasses to bed, and have little goatees.

Boy, even Santa's reindeer are hip!

That's all I had to say about Wood. How about a few non-Wood pictures to round the post out?

What do you think of this photo (above) from the Christmas sequence of "Meet Me in St. Louis?" I get sentimental when I see pictures like this. Imagine how great Christmas would be if you had this many kids...okay maybe half this number, say...five or six. I had two and it definitely wasn't enough.

Bored Santas (above) are a whole genre of photography.

So are kids recoiling in horror from Santa.

Above, a good card to send a tall friend.

Can't afford a Christmas tree?

Surprisingly, some modern-day hipsters (above) are pretty good purveyors of the Christmas spirit. I guess they have a flair for design and this is a holiday that rewards that. Come to think of it, Halloween is a haven for designers too. The entire Fall and early Winter is a playground for artsy people like us.

Thinking about that reminds me of why I like Christmas so much. It's a time of the year that's steeped in profound tradition and sentiment, and it's simultaneously a fun celebration that's always trying to re-invent itself.

SNAPSHOT FROM THE FUTURE

2011-12-16T22:56:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the hasty Photoshopping! I'm swamped with things to do that relate to Christmas and my family! I'll stay on schedule though, even if I have to be a bit sloppy to do it.

THOUGHTS ABOUT TENGGREN AND LEGOS

2011-12-15T00:50:00.000-08:00

I started this piece with the intention of talking about Tenggren's toy paintings and I somehow digressed into a rant about Legos. I really should have split the piece into two separate articles, but I'm too sleepy to do a rewrite now. I hope you'll forgive me for allowing the post to remain the rambling platypus that it is.

So...about Tenggren...he painted the beautiful picture above from "Pinocchio." I'm guessing that he, or a layout man, referenced toy sketches by Horvath. Anyway, whoever designed them would have had a great run as a toy designer in the 19th century. They're first rate!

I know what you're thinking...that Tenggren's toys were generic for their time (maybe 150 years ago), but were they? For comparison, here's (above) another Pinnochio picture painted by Claude Coates. Take a look at the toys. Now that's generic!

Back to Tenggren again. Most of these toys (above) are designed, they're not generic at all. When you look at it close, even the rocking horse in the foreground seems a little like a caricature of generic toy horses rather than the real thing.

A lot of 19th century toys were sculptural and not very realistic. To us they seem like objects of art more than toys. They were so beautiful that I imagine parents were tempted to hold onto them long after the kids grew up and moved out.

Horvath was a terrific designer of buildings. His version of Stromboli's Puppet Theater would have made a wonderful toy. It still would. If it was available in the toyshops when my kids were young, I'd have bought it for them.

Some of the best toys we have today are by Lego (above). How do you like the Lego pirate ship, "Queen Anne's Revenge?"

Or this Lego castle?

Or the "Imperial Flagship" Above)?

The problem with Lego toys is that they're pricey and are made out of little blocks. Dads probably build the toys then kids take them apart, and once taken apart the essential pieces get lost forever. Another problem is that the big, impressive sets are geared toward older kids, who are no longer the age that plays with toys. These sets are never in sync with the developmental stages of real children.

One more gripe: what's with the cute little human characters? Pirates weren't cute. This is a concession made to hippie parents who foolishly wouldn't otherwise buy war toys for their kids. The little figures are nice and artistic, but they're not useful for kid fantasies. In fact, they were designed with the specific intention of thwarting kids war fantasies. What kind of toy is that?

I still like Legos. The best of them are miniature works of art. I just wish molded plastic pirate ships et al were also available. There aren't many parts to lose in toys made that way, they're more inviting to fantasy, and they can be sold cheaper.

GROAN! IT'S TIME TO SHOP FOR CHRISTMAS PRESENTS!

2011-12-12T22:50:00.000-08:00

Wow! Christmas shopping is a bear, isn't it? Every year I resolve to shop early and every year I end up doing my shopping at the last minute.

Part of the reason is my family. It takes me forever to figure out what to give them. I have a family of philosophers who are all deeply committed to the holiday, but who all have disdain for materialism and presents. All except me, that is...I love presents. Give me a video game or a book and I'm happy as a bug. That's because I know the true meaning of Christmas. It's a holiday that unites profound spiritual values with an over-the-top mania for toys and parties. That's it! It's so simple...just a good old-fashioned contradiction. All the great ideas embody contradictions.

By the way: The second picture from the top is available on the net as a black and white poster. If you have your own business, or are thinking of starting one, you should consider putting this on your office wall. It depicts the retailers dream: customers who fight to get what you're selling because you did such a good job of presenting it.

http://www.art.com/products/p13875401-sa-i2773344/yale-joel-bargain-hunters-shopping-at-ohrbachs-store.htm?sorig=cat&sorigid=0&dimvals=5007941&ui=36f6e5288f41425988679cae3b4980c5

Someone on the net (I can't remember who) is offering a slightly more expensive version that might be larger and printed on photographic paper.

I have a suggestion for a $16 gift from Amazon: how about this terrific 3 1/2 hr. DVD documentary on the Medici? I just watched the whole thing in one sitting and I was bowled over by it. The Medici are my new heroes.

The Medici weren't just another ambitious family. They had a collective vision which led them for 200 years to chip away at the Middle Ages and initiate the modern world. The last great Medici contribution was scientific...they gave the world Galileo and the scientific revolution.

They have a bad reputation today because a Medici Pope brought about the excesses that led to Martin Luther and the Reformation. That's unfortunate, but it seems like a misdemeanor when compared to the good that family did. They were amazingly moral when you consider that they didn't have to be. They were so appalled by the advocacy of deliberate deception in Machiavelli's gift copy of "The Prince" that they had the author beaten and thrown into the street.

After seeing this you'll wonder if the Medici were benign time travelers from the future.

BE BACK TUESDAY, THE 13TH!

2011-12-09T20:42:00.000-08:00

'Gotta do some Christmas shopping! I'll be back on Tuesday, the 13th!

Bye the way, a friend called up to say he discovered a video I put up a couple of years ago on the subject of "Jane Eyre." Holy Cow! I forgot all about that! I just listened to it, and found it entertaining...not because of me, but because of the reference material that I played. Give it a listen and see what you think.

SHOULD ANIMATION CHARACTERS WEAR WIGS?

2011-12-07T22:28:00.000-08:00

Yes, absolutely! Badly fitting wigs make any character look better. Of course the badly fitting hair doesn't have to be a wig...in fact, it's better if it's not. It can be the character's natural hair that just doesn't sit quite right on the head.

The fact that humans have long, unruly strings growing out of the top of their heads is funny. Cartoonists ignore that at their own peril.

Even live action comedic actors (above) would benefit from wig-like hair. If you're Betty Boop or Cary Grant then the well-groomed wigless look is great, but really, how many people does that apply to? For most comedians real hair needs to have a life of its own. It should be willful and should require constant adjustment.

There's more to say about cartoon hair, so I'll return to the subject again. Right now I want to announce that Steve Worth has a new animation site called "Animation Resources." Steve was the former webmaster of the ASIFA-Hollywood Animation Archive, one of my favorite animation sites. The last time I looked the site was still up but it appeared to be inactive, and now Steve has taken up residence at this new address. There's lots and lots of valuable material there, with new articles being added all the time. Check it out!

http://animationresources.org/

Be there or be square!

HOW GERMANY GOT OUT OF THE DEPRESSION

2011-12-05T23:28:00.000-08:00

How about a serious post for a change?

If I were an economist the area I'd focus on would be the quest for a market driven method of providing full employment, which I define as voluntary employment at a living wage for everybody who is willing and able to work. That doesn't sound like it would be too difficult to achieve but, believe it or not, no modern economic system, including our own, has ever pulled it off. Even communist countries which call themselves "workers' states" haven't been able to do it. There's plenty of unemployment in those countries, they just don't report it.

Oddly enough, the only country which is widely believed to have achieved it was Germany in the 1930s. But is that true? And if it is true, how did they manage to do it? How did they get out of the Depression so quickly and then create full employment besides? I know nothing about economics, but I just read a book on the subject, and I'll pass along the opinions of the author.

The book is "The Nazi Economic Recovery 1932-1938" by R. J. Overy (1982). Overy believes the recovery was a fake. Unemployed people were simply drafted into The Labor Service, where they were forced to work for an extremely low wage, usually on farms. Once they were in the service they weren't classified as unemployed anymore. According to Overy the real German economic miracle occurred in the 50s, and had nothing to do with Nazi policy.

The Nazis were said by some to be Keynesians because they also believed in big government spending to handle unemployment. The author, who's a Keynesian himself, was revolted by the idea. He says Keynes strongly believed that big government spending had to be accompanied by low taxes. The Nazis believed in high taxes. They didn't want consumers to spend money on things, they wanted them to save their money in banks where the Nazi's could make use of it.

Apparently the Nazis inherited what today we might call a "progressive" agenda from the Wiemar Republic. In Wiemar the government owned or controlled some big industries and when the Nazis took over they simply amplified that policy, gradually expanding it til even small business came under their control.

Add that to fact that Germany didn't try to export or import much during this period and was concerned mainly with self sufficiency wherever possible. Overy says this was disastrous for the country because it cut them off from foreign competition which, if they had engaged in it, would have forced the country to increase efficiency and to modernize. No wonder wartime Germany used slave labor. They were too inefficient to produce enough goods by normal methods.

Overy's book left me feeling sad for the Germans. They had a cruel leadership to be sure, but they were also an energetic, educated people handicapped by a system that just didn't work.

THE AMAZING SLUMS OF RIO

2011-12-03T20:29:00.000-08:00

This (above) is Rocinba, a slum on a mountain in Rio de Janeiro. I got interested in the place because it was the locale for an action film I just saw on DVD, called "Fast Five." Yeah, it's a Vin Diesel film. I'm not a fan of the man, but this one worked for me (well, sort of...you have to forgive a lot). It made me want to visit Rocinba for real. Geez, I'd probably get killed there.

The thing about Rocinba is that it succeeds in being somewhat beautiful, even though it's a slum. How many slums can you say that about?

Parts of Rocinba remind me of Montreal's "Habitat (above)." Both make high density living seem appealing, at least from a distance.

Back to Rocinba: here Von Deisel (above) tries to elude the police by taking a shortcut through what may be the community's drainage. Do you see what I mean about the place being good looking? Sure, it's toxic and decrepit, but if you had to live in absolute squalor, you could do worse.

Imagine what it's like to climb these hills every day if you don't have a car. Come to think of it, it couldn't be that easy even if you do have a car. I think a lot of people have motorcycles.

In real life the place (above) is run by drug lords who provide some electricity and water in exchange for loyalty from the people who live here. Every once in a while the drug people hold big late-night block parties which attract the rowdiest people around. They fight with each other and lots of people end up getting killed.

It looks like some of the buildings (above) have been given a paint job. Rio is trying to clean up the slums in time for The Olympics and the world soccer championships.

In November there were pitched battles between the drug gangs and the cops.

The people who lived there, including some of the children, were so used to violence that they casually went about their business, oblivious to the machine gun fire and exploding grenades all around them.

What a city of contrasts! Beauty and ugliness side by side!

A YouTube video claims that there are 50,000 murders a year in Brazil! No wonder that country wins so many of the UFC martial arts championships!

Here (above) a couple runs along the rooftops, trying to evade the police.

They have no choice but to jump down onto a distant roof of corrugated tin fragments. What a view!

HOW THE BEATNIK RIOTS BEGAN

2011-11-30T23:10:00.000-08:00

EXT. 50S BEAT COFFEE SHOP: We hear a discussion going on inside.

EDDIE BEATNIK (VO): "So that's where the art of film is today...."

INT. COFFEE SHOP:

EDDIE BEATNIK: "It's caught between two poles: Fellini and Bergman. The man of heart and the man of mind."

EDDIE BEATNIK: "Fellini's simple and light hearted. Inside he's a child and through his vision we relive...well, you know."

EDDIE BEATNIK: "Bergman on the other hand...what a cold fish! Did you see 'The Silence?' I thought it would never end. Bergman's just a rehash of Ibsen, only it's all done with stares instead of dialogue."

BEATNIK EDDIE: "I'm afraid cinema will never reach maturity until it rediscovers heart.

BEATNIK #1 (VO): "Yeah, heart!"

BEATNIK #2 (VO): "Without heart film is nothing!"

BEATNIK #3: Dig it, Man. Without heart, life is nothing!"

Eddie looks for something.

EDDIE BEATNIK: "Anyone got a light? I can't find my matches."

BEATNIK #1 (VO): "Hey, you're putting me on the spot, man!"

BEATNIK #2 (VO): "Yeah, like matches cost money. Cats should use their own matches."

BEATNIK #3 (VO): "Dig it, man! In life you gotta have your own bread! No mooching!"

BEAT GIRL: "Gee, that's too bad. I could use a light, too."

SPEED SFX: ZWOOT! ZWOOT! ZWOOT! as several arms race into sc., to light her cigarette.

BEATNIK #1 (VO): "Let me lay it on you, Sister!"

BEATNIK #2: "Here's a light! Keep the lighter!"

BEATNIK #3 (VO): "I have a pocket full of lighters! Take them all!

BEATNIK #4 (VO): "I have a whole house full of lighters! 'Wanna see them!?""

BEATNIK #5 (VO): "Do you need a ride home? How about a sandwich?"

BEATNIK #2: "Eddie, I agree with your opinion about Fellini, but you got Bergman all wrong. He's witty. Actually Bergman is more like Fellini than somebody like Rossellini."

BEATNIKS # 3 and 4: "Rossellini's the main dude. Even Fellini copies him."

BEATNIK #5: "But does Rossellini have heart? That's the question."

BEATNIK #6: "Does Fellini have brains? THAT'S the question!"

BEATNIK #7: "Yeah! Fellini thinks we're all interested in his fantasies about fat girls."

BEATNIK #7: "I don't think Fellini would know what to do with a real woman. In fact, I think Fellini is......"

TO BE CONTINUED.......

A HOMEMADE LATTE: THE THEORY CORNER WAY

2011-11-30T01:13:00.000-08:00

OUCH! I scratched my lip on the French Press I was holding, and the computer wouldn't let me retake the shot. Oh, well. The girl in the background is my assistant chef, Magnolia.

Anyway....

GOOD MORNING!!! I don't know about you, but I'm going to have a cup of coffee...a faux cafe latte, actually...made The Theory Corner way. What way is that? Read on!

The Theory Corner way uses a French Press, a milk frother and a bean grinder. None of this stuff costs very much, and pressed coffee doesn't take long to make.

Okay, you put the water on to boil. Lots of people use hippie water (bottled water) but I use filtered tap water. Nobody in LA needs to use bottled water in the winter months, because our water in that time of year comes from the High Sierras, and is top quality. During the Summer we buy water from Nevada, and that's murky, so if you're from Southern California and you feel you must buy bottled water, then that's the time to do it.

Anyway, while the water's boiling you grind your coffee beans in one of those little counter top grinders like the one pictured above. I like Starbucks coffee, French Roast Bold, Whole Bean. You can get Starbucks brand coffee at the supermarket. Grind the beans "coarse," which takes about 9 seconds.

The water hasn't come to a boil yet, so you can get started on the milk froth. I recommend buying a frother (pictured above, on the right...on the left is the French Press) but if you don't have one, just put some milk in a jar, shake it vigorously, and put it in the microwave for about a minute. Now you have milk froth.

Put the milk aside, and add the ground coffee to the French Press, along with a tiny pinch of salt, some sugar, and maybe a drop of vanilla extract. Pour in the boiling water. At the 1/5 mark stop and stir the coffee and water. [Magnolia's doing it wrong here...the idea is to stir only when the level is very low]. Never stir it again after this. Pour in the rest of the boiling water and let it all steep for four minutes: no more, no less. At exactly four minutes, press the plunger down slowly...about thirty seconds for the whole plunge.

Now you're ready to pour the coffee into a cup. I put a little froth on the bottom, beneath the coffee, and the rest on top. A lot of people prefer to have all the froth on top. Add some whipped cream and cinnamon or nutmeg and you're done. Maybe eat a piece of banana bread with it. Delicious...but it doesn't stay warm very long.

A video to help you get started:

Alton Brown uses a burr grinder. One of these days I might get one, but my humble little blade grinder works so well that I see no reason to change.

NO, I'M NOT DEAD!

2011-11-28T23:27:00.000-08:00

Oops! I missed a day! Sorry, I've been Christmas shopping and cleaning up the house for the holiday when my whole little family'll be together under one roof again.

I'm still working a little bit at a time on my two beatnik posts (samples above and below). I've also been reading some interesting stuff which I can't wait to tell you about.

I'll be back tomorrow!

ANATOMY FOR CARTOONISTS: FEMALE PROFILES

2011-11-25T23:03:00.000-08:00

WARNING: 'NOTHING OBSCENE HERE, BUT THIS POST IS NOT SCHOOL OR OFFICE SAFE!

Wow! Rubens would have loved this model (above)! I'm tempted to do a whole post about this one fascinating woman, but I'll restrain myself and simply point out that she's leaning forward on the profile shot.

LOTS of women (above) lean forward like this. I'll hazard a guess that it has to do with the effects of standing straight after wearing high heels all day, but I could be wrong. Maybe a lot of men stand this way too, and I just never noticed.

Anyway, thinking about this might change the way I caricature busty women. Maybe women like that need to lead with their chests, at least in a subtle way. Either that or they have to compensate for the weighty front by arching their torso way back. Either way it's a nice, cartoony effect.

Here's (above) a fascinating bean-shaped model, who I assume is pregnant. I used to be a bit bean shaped myself but I seem to have morphed out of it. It's a great, cartoony look. "Blessed With the Bean," says Robert Crumb.

Hmmmm, come to think of it, the upper legs on this model are still thrust forward.

Here's (above) a modified bean. Or maybe you'd call it an "S" Curve. Notice how the body doesn't sit on top of the hips, rather it thrusts out and up on a 45 degree angle. George Bridgeman favored models like this. As the years go by I appreciate Bridgeman more and more.

About 20% of all men and women (above) have bottoms that appear to be Scotch Taped upward. Most people's butts feel the effect of gravity, and their weight causes them to flair out at the bottom like an up-side down pear. Not so for taped-up people. Their bottoms have no weight. It's as if they were filled with helium. You wonder if people like that have to struggle to stay attached to the ground.

I'll end with this interesting study (above) of a woman with a big chest compensating for the frontal weight in two different ways, one of them very cartoony. I notice the pose on the right includes a forward thrusting head. Fascinating!

MACY'S THANKSGIVINGDAY PARADE

2011-11-23T22:48:00.000-08:00

Many thanks to Mike Fontanelli for the tres cool pictures of past Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parades. Wow! How beautiful these balloons are! No wonder the parade attracted such big crowds. The gradual reveal of things like Pinocchio's enormous nose could only be appreciated by people who saw it in person. TV wouldn't have done it justice!

A magnificent crow (above), but who are the people who are carrying it? I like to think they're members of a secret society who just couldn't resist showing off their club's symbol.

Half the fun of any parade is watching people (above) in the crowd. I notice the kids in this picture are wearing the kind of clothes worn by the kids in the "Christmas Story" movie. My parents used to dress me like that. Only the cheeks were unprotected, and they froze like crazy!

Here's (above) Uncle Sam protecting everybody.

Unbelievable! Look at that crowd (above)! What if someone in there had to pee? How would he have done it?

A wild turkey takes flight (above). Look at those crazed eyes!

This (above) is indisputably the best Superman balloon ever to grace the parade!

People in those days (above) certainly had a taste for cartoon weirdness! Balloons today are too perfect, too middle of the road, too on-model.

I like how every parade ended with Santa, who was surrounded by dozens of beautiful women. Boy, Santa was the Hugh Hefner of his day!

When I was a kid nobody did any Christmas shopping til after Thanksgiving. Nobody tried to beat the crowds by shopping early, they just waited til the last minute then everybody shopped at the same time, shoulder to shoulder...what an ordeal!

Christmas shopping for us kids was easy. Mothers got quart bottles of cheap perfume or fuzzy slippers. Dads got ties. We kids really believed that they treasured those presents, and we devoted a lot of time to making sure that they used them.

My favorite thing to do was to visit the toy departments (above) in the big department stores. Sometimes they'd devote half of a whole floor to toys, and they were the kind of toys you couldn't get in your local neighborhood shops: chemistry sets, air rifles, Erector Sets, marionettes, space ships and space helmets, toy soldiers...what a feast! There was always a giant diorama showing all the top of the line toy trains weaving in and out of mountain tunnels and trestles. It was heaven for kids but hell for adults, who had to pry their crying kids unwilling fingers from toy shelves when it was time to go home.

Oh, well...enough nostalgia! Happy Thanksgiving everybody!!!!!!

MORE EARLY COMICS FROM "STRIPPER'S GUIDE"

2011-11-22T22:03:00.000-08:00

Haw! From Allan Holtz's "Stripper's Guide" blog (link in the sidebar) comes yet another roundup of little-known comic strips of a hundred years ago. How do you like "Mr. and Mrs. Pippin" by the same artist who would later do Moon Mullins? Click to enlarge.

Boy, it was hard to make a living as a cartoonist even then!

Here's (above and below) a melodrama by girl artist Russell Patterson.

This (above) looks later than the other strips here, maybe from the 30s or 40s.

I just can't get enough of the early Herriman. This is a fairly typical Herriman daily... from 1906, I think.

Above, the relentless law of the cartoonist's universe: be funny or die!

This artist (above) isn't what you'd call wildly innovative, but his compositions are easy on the eye, and he manages to project a quietly happy and friendly tone.

MAKE YOUR MOTHER HAPPY

2011-11-20T22:46:00.000-08:00

If you're a guy, and you want to make your mother happy, there's no easier way to do it than to send her a picture of yourself in a suit. All parents, no matter how laid back, no matter how criminally inclined or grody they are, yearn to see a picture of their son in a well-tailored suit. Photo editing software makes that easy to do, so why deny that simple pleasure to them? Why not send them a distinguished picture of yourself this very day? Here's a little help from the staff of Theory Corner...

First, you'll need a good picture to graft your head onto. I recommend the one above, which I believe is the young Humphrey Bogart. It's black and white, which avoids color matching problems, and the pose is simple and direct.

Here's (above) a photo of my own face grafted onto Bogart's body. I took a black and white picture of myself with the computer's camera, cut out my face using the Lasso Tool, and slid it over Humprey's face with no further adjustment. I just can't believe how quick and easy it all was. The flat lighting on my my face, the ghost image, the chicken feathers coming out of my cheek...none of these flaws were bad enough to prevent the picture from being a parent pleaser.

Of course, Humphrey might not be to every one's taste. How about Errol Flynn (above) instead?

Or Tyrone Power (above)?

One more photo: this one to send to wives, not mothers. Put your face over Tyrone's.

MY BOUT WITH SICKNESS

2011-11-19T00:01:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd talk about how much fun it was to be sick for a week. I mean that literally...on some level it actually was fun.

When I realized the sickness was serious, when I shivered through two or three freezing, sweaty, virtually sleepless nights, I did what I always do in situations like that and went into my Ralph Phillips/Calvin and Hobbes routine where I psyched my self into believing that I was at death's door. Boy, did I have fantasies!

What fantasies? Well there was the one where I gave a brave speech to the U.N. from my deathbed which had been halled onto the stage of the General Assembly pavilion . The audience cried as I took them through anecdotes of the ups and downs of my tumultuous life. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. Everyone saw himself, indeed the whole pathos and greatness of the human condition reflected in my stories. I bowed my head humbly to accept a standing ovation.

And my family? That was another fantasy. Tearfully they gathered round my bedside while grief stricken plantation workers sang spirituals under the Magnolias outside my window. My children bade me goodbye and fessed up to lending my Halloween masks to their stupid friends when I wasn't looking. They assured me that they'd memorized every word of my priceless lectures, and would pass the precious-as-rubies words to their own children when they came along.

Last of all was my wife. With tears flowing down her cheeks she forgave me for not being a rich doctor or a lawyer, and admitted that I was probably the better cook. She confessed that all my tirades against Bill Gates and Japanese engineers were justified, and that she had secretly kept scrupulous notes so that what I said could be shared with the world in a posthumous book.

No, I didn't fantasize about being levitated up into heaven in flowing white robes, that's silly, but I did imagine friends and visitors to this site swamping my family with telegrams claiming that I had transformed the animation industry. A collection was gotten up to install a bench of meditation and remembrance of me in the middle of the highway, at the juncture of the 101 and the 405, where I had spent so many unwilling hours in life.

I could go on, but you get the idea. When the flu finally abated, I was slowly brought back to the real world. After grappling for long hours on my back with the great philosophical issues, after listening to the creaks in the lonely house made by the wind and the rattling pipes, after watching endless TV documentaries in which Australians reached into Python holes, I made my way into the blinding sunlight of the workaday world.
I felt like I had been away in a foreign country, and I had.

GLORIOUS IKEA!!!!!

2011-11-17T12:03:00.000-08:00

After more than a week spent mostly in bed with a flu, I finally felt well enough to venture into the world to buy a present for my kid. I ended up at Ikea. Man, what an experience!

I love the place. It's so bright and inviting, and full of ideas. An awful lot of them are bad ideas, but you forgive that because every once in a while you stumble on something that's a brilliant rethinking of something you thought couldn't be improved.

But like I said, it's not all good. Some of the kids rooms (above) bordered on child abuse. How do you like those High Kitsch flat-colored cabinets or the deliberately generic design of the ladybug? Why is the yellow stool so dorky?

On the other hand, you gotta love these bunk beds. Kids like stuff like that!

What do you think of this work space (above)? It's so tiny! Surely big ideas require big writing surfaces. Ikea does make beautiful, sturdy wooden desks but they're called dinner tables. I have lots of ideas for desk designs. Maybe I'll do a blog about them sometime.

Boy, Ikea sure is good at cheery! It's hard not to smile when you see a room like this, even if you'd go nuts if you had to live in it. This is the kind of place Stimpy would design for Ren, the kind of place that would provoke a curmudgeon into homicidal rage.

I think here in America we're shielded from the weirdest stuff (above). It would be great to go to Sweden and see what's for sale in the Ikeas there.

I think the native Swedish Ikea is chock full of promotions for their prefab houses and office buildings, and for plans for office interiors. Come to think of it, I think Ikea designs whole communities. Fascinating! Disney might have gone this route if he'd lived longer.

BTW: I haven't forgotten the Beatnik stuff. I'm working on it now, and it's a ton of fun. I was just too spaced out to do it earlier in the week!

NOW I GET TO USE MY NEW BERET!

2011-11-14T22:20:00.000-08:00

Sorry, I wasn't able to finish the blog post on time. I'm still just too sick. Just for the heck of it, I thought I'd show you a few outtakes of the beatnik story I was working on when the flu descended, and I had to stop. No story here, just random stuff.

Er...this didn't turn out the way I intended. Actually, I was going for a "dismissive "tut, tut" and didn't realize how it would look to the camera.

How do you like the beats in the background? They're so delightfully decadent!

It occurred to me that Beats were always angry, so I tried an angry pose. Geez, is my head really that big?

Beatniks smoked a lot, so I thought I'd throw that in.

While I was fooling around with beatnik pictures like these I chanced on a one act play about the subject that turned out to be brilliant, so I decided to illustrate that story instead of my own. The problem is that I had to change it a bit in order to squeeze it into a single post. I'll give the author full credit, but I doubt that will deter him from coming after me with a meat cleaver!

Aaaaargh! Now I'm going to drag myself back into my sick bed!

I'M SICK!!!!!!

2011-11-13T20:30:00.000-08:00

I am SICK AS A DOG! I got a flu shot a month ago, but it looks like I caught something the shot didn't cover. I can't read very long, and I'm tired unto death of watching bad daytime TV. Well, at least I'm losing weight.

If I can I'll be back on Tuesday morning.

MORE HALLOWEEN PHOTOS

2011-11-11T22:27:00.000-08:00

I have plenty of photos that I somehow neglected to put up in the weeks preceding Halloween. I could file them away for next year, but what if I got hit by a car...you'd most likely never see some of this stuff. No, I'll put them up now, even though the holiday's over.

My favorite picture of the lot is this one (above), of a mildew ridden old shop that sells used masks as well as new ones. What a rational idea! Gee, seeing this reminds me of beloved old used book stores that were everywhere only a short time ago. Store like that were usually run by retired eccentrics who had difficulty counting the change, but who somehow managed to get books that no one else did.

Above, the classic Jack Davis Frankenstein.

Above, Dali's famous skull made of girls.

Two of my favorite Halloween movies are out of print now: "Burn Witch Burn," and a Stephen King adaptation for TV called, "The Langoliers." Burn Witch is based on a novel by Fritz Leiber called "Conjure Wife," which I highly recommend.

For me surrealism (above) has always been a comfortable fit with Halloween. Maybe that's because some of the scariest dreams are ones have to do with dislocation and disorientation. Somehow a feeling of dread arises from situations like that. They're the stuff of nightmares, but with humor added.

Here's a nice shot of what in my fantasy I imagine to be an abandoned Victorian mental institution. Wow, if only the walls could talk!

Above, a scary Aztec. It makes sense. Aztecs really were scary.

My hometown library had a framed copy of this picture (above) hanging in the kids section. Putting it there was a great idea. It made me associate reading with high adventure.

Here (above) is the very essence of a scare: something jumps out at you from the shadows with the intention of killing you. Real life is sometimes like that. No one gets through life without being irrationally and unexpectedly attacked.

Geez, that feeling of dislocation again.Water (above) isn't supposed to flow through streets like that. Seeing things the way they're not supposed to be can make you feel violated.

How would you like to have this bust (above) in your living room?

Above, my guess is that this is from a recent East European version of "Nosferatu."

MUG SHOTS COULD REVIVE NEWSPAPERS!

2011-11-09T23:49:00.000-08:00

If newspapers are going to build circulation again, they'll need to show more photos, and few things are more interesting to look at than photos of criminals (above).

Dramatic crime photos like the one above are better suited for magazines than newspapers. Newspaper readers prefer something more sedate. They like to see unposed criminal faces that they can study at leisure. Maybe that's because most people want to confirm their belief that they're good at judging people by their appearance.

I like crime portraits that beg to tell a story. Take the one above, for example. The woman looks intelligent. In another life she might have been the District Attorney rather than a prisoner in the dock. How did she end up in jail? Did a man lead her astray? Was she born bad? Is she actually evil? You want to know more about her, and that sells newspapers.

Some criminals (above) look bad through and through. You need pictures of those people, too. Maybe seeing them caught and held up for public display satisfies the part of us that yearns to grab a torch and a pitchfork and storm Frankenstein's castle.

Most newspaper photos are served up in bad resolution, but that's an asset, not a liability. Marshal McLuhan said that old black and white TV was more emotionally involving than modern color TV. The mental effort we were forced to exert in order to construct images from the old TV scan lines compelled us to get involved with what we were seeing. Well, dot printing has the same effect.

Hazy newspaper reproduction forces us to become involved with the pictures. Newspapers are actually a perfect medium for a certain type of picture. By "certain type" I mean that the subject matter has to be at least potentially interesting, something which current newspaper photos never are.

RANDOM THOUGHTS ABOUT SMOKING

2011-11-07T22:43:00.000-08:00

No wonder people smoke. Smokers look sooooo cool!!!!

Unfortunately smoking can also make you mean. The reason is an aesthetic one: cigarettes and mean expressions just go together, why I don't know. In his quest to look good the smoker finds himself practicing mean smoking expressions til they inadvertently become permanent.

I feel sorry for cruel and heartless people because they're forced to smoke whether they want to or not. If they don't, other cruel people won't hang out with them.

Me (above), demonstrating how girls smoke. The cigarette is always held at the tips of the fingers. The 6th finger of the other hand is always raised.

Here's a smart smoker (above). He smokes in the shadows and lets the smoke drift up and develop in a shaft of bright sunlight. I imagine smart smokers also pick a part of the room with minimal air currents. Dead air favors the development of strings and spirals. Moving air destroys them.

How do you create strings? It's the easiest thing in the world! A properly held filterless cigarette will create strings all by itself. Here (above) a cigarette has strings coming from both ends!

After a smoker masters his strings, he'll want to work on his crawls (above). The smoker learns to push out the smoke rather than blow it out. He learns to allow the smoke to crawl up his face. On the first try, the smoke will probably go around the nose. That's not good because it then heads straight for the eyes, and becomes an irritant.

The smoker will need to train the smoke to go over the nose, and not in it, or around it. He'll want the smoke to rise over the nose, and up the forehead to the edge of the hairline. Observe how beautifully this smoker (above) does that.

Man, this (above) is Olympic level smoking! Here she allows the crawl to split over the nose then she directs it outwards, like bull's horns. How on Earth does she do that?

BTW: Thanks to commenter Shawn Luke for the great quote about smoking, which I'll print below. I still don't recommend smoking because of the health risk, but this positive statement about it deserves to be heard because of the beauty of its expression. From Ayn Rand:

“I like to think of fire held in a man's hand. Fire, a dangerous force, tamed at his fingertips. I often wonder about the hours when a man sits alone, watching the smoke of a cigarette, thinking. I wonder what great things have come from such hours. When a man thinks, there is a spot of fire alive in his mind--and it is proper that he should have the burning point of a cigarette as his one expression."

PIZZA: THE SECRET INGREDIENT

2011-11-06T01:55:00.000-07:00

I don't know why anyone would make pizza from scratch at home when great pies can be had cheap almost anywhere in America. Hmmm...well, wait a minute, maybe I can imagine why. You go to all that trouble because you have an idea for an improvement that could beat what the pros do.

Okay, here's my idea and I'm dying to test it. It's something you add to the sauce.

That ingredient is...(drum roll)..stock! That's right, stock, just like you find in French cooking. I'm no expert, but I know from the internet that it's possible to make both cheese and mushroom stock (stock = a condensed essence of a food's flavor that's much more intense than the real thing). Has anyone ever tried using stock in pizza? We'll never know because professionals don't share their secrets. Anyway, I'm dying to try it.

I'm also dying to try aromatic stock. That's a stock whose purpose is to make the food smell good.

Making aromatic stock might be more complicated than it sounds. My only knowledge of aromas comes from a movie called "Perfume." According to the film a great aroma is a combination of three scents: the first is a the "grabber" smell. It's immediately intriguing and delightful, but doesn't last very long. The second aroma is the long lasting body of the smell, the one that everyone associates with your product. The last smell is the aroma's soul...the unexpected scent that gives a unique character to the product.

The film explains that the initial smell requires a tiny amount of alcohol for fast delivery to the nose, but that quickly evaporates. The second smell requires fat because the smell of fat stays on the nose for a long time. The third smell...well that's the tough one. I wonder what unexpected smell could give an ordinary slice of cheese pizza...a soul.

BEAUTIFUL GIRLS

2011-11-04T00:25:00.000-07:00

WARNING! 'Nothing obscene here, but this is not office or school safe!

Fascinating! On a whim, I googled a few variations of "girls posing like hood ornaments" and discovered these two pictures, above and below.

This is the kind of pose you want on a statue resting on a pillar near your easy chair.

A sidebar on the adult site containing the hood ornament pictures led to this amazing picture (above)! The woman on the left is obviously having second thoughts, and who can blame her? The photographer set her up with some Li'l Abner-type wild woman. The mind boggles to think of what this session must have been like!

I can only guess that a shortage of edible squirrels and mice brought her out of the hills, down to the outer edge of civilization. Maybe she lived out of dumpsters for a while, then came to the attention of the law when she was caught pilfering Rogaine. 'Just a guess.

Emboldened by my success with the opening pictures, I got a sandwich and a beer and hit the adult sites in earnest. I discovered a whole site devoted to overweight women in tight skirts. Man, this picture (above) makes me want to draw!

A visit to a nerd site resulted in this photo (above). I'm guessing that the photographer provided the glasses, which are larger than people wear now, but which add character to the face.

Believe it or not, this girl (above) was on the same nerd site. Does she seem like a nerd to you? I must define the word differently than other people do.

On a different subject, I thought I'd mention the things I bought on the day after Halloween, when everything was 50% off. Well, I got a great vampire castle but it's a kit and it'll be a while before I can build it. I also got a terrific beret, but that's for a future story about beatniks.

The only thing I can show here is a pair of wax lips, the best I've ever seen. Don't underestimate wax lips; there are dozens of things you can do with them. Here (above) they allow me to be Edward G. Robinson,

THE PROPER WAY TO SMOKE

2011-11-02T01:18:00.000-07:00

I don't smoke but the subject interests me, maybe because it strikes me as odd that cigarette smokers don't seem to enjoy it very much. Cigar and pipe smokers enjoy it. Look at them: they have magazines, clubs, internet sites...all sorts of fan outlets. What do cigarette smokers have? Nothing. No clubs, no magazines...zip. They seem to smoke just to satisfy an urge. Why is that? Why the difference?

I think it's because current cigarette smokers don't know how to smoke. They only know how to create mist, and there's no fun in that. Real smoking is almost a lost art.

Pushing a shapeless mist out of the mouth like the two women above is not smoking. It's...I don't know what to call it..."evacuating." Smoking implies that you enjoy watching and manipulating the slowly unraveling thing called smoke.

And why wouldn't you enjoy it? Unlike mist, smoke tells stories. The smoke above, for example: I see four little ghosts happily nibbling on a spinal column til two of them disappear, sending their friends into a panic. Moments later this scene might be replaced by cats attacking a school bus or Indians eating pies. Smoke puts on a show for you, while mist is just...well...mist.

I blame the ascendancy of mist on Flappers from the 1920s who, to judge from photos, didn't have a clue about the art of smoking, but I could be wrong. Maybe the decline of true smoking coincides with inhaling, which I'm guessing began in the 30s or 40s. Inhaled smoke turns into vapor. When you blow it out, it's just formless mist. It has no strings, no crawl, no shape, no imaginary animals or ghosts...it's just a haze. That's a pity because tobacco smoke is capable of so much more. It was just never meant to be inhaled.

Cigarette smokers who inhale like to think that they're superior to noninhaling smokers, but actually the opposite is true. Inhalers have limited imaginations and only smoke to be sedated. People who don't inhale are the real sophisticates. They're intellectually engaged in what they're creating. They enjoy the mysterious drama that unfolds infront of them.

Sometimes I wonder if the whole antismoking movement would have had the same zeal if smoking had prevailed over mist making. My guess is that smoke particles are larger and heavier than mist particles. They tend to cling to the area around the smoker, and fall to the ground at his feet. Mist on the other hand, fills the room and becomes part of the atmosphere that everybody has to breathe, whether they like it or not. Maybe the antismoking people are really just antimist.

Don't get me wrong...I don't advocate smoking. It's just too dangerous, even when it's done right. But if you're determined to do it anyway...well, geez, at least make an effort to enjoy it.

MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME

2011-10-29T22:30:00.000-07:00

Aaargh! These are horrible, horrible pictures, but I don't have time to redo them. Boy, this has been one busy week! I still haven't put up any decorations, but my daughter volunteered to help me tomorrow if I get stuck. I can't believe we're doing this so late!

As you can see, my costume is the Muskrat lodge uniform, and if you're an especially good observer you'll note that I'm wearing the Grand Master hat. That's new...I just got it! The epaulets are made of paper. I couldn't find the old braided ones. I kinda like the way paper looks.

In real life the hat looks great, but in photos it makes me look like a Bolshevik.

Aaaaaarghhh!!!!! This picture (above) genuinely scares me! It's me, but it's a different me. It's a glimpse into a parallel universe where I own a small motel in Ohio, and play poker with the boys once a week.

That's it for the costume but hey, if you live in LA, stop by Boney Island in North Hollywood this Saturday or Sunday night. Milt Grey says a couple of Simpsons artists put together a huge, free Halloween display that rivals anything you can find at Knott's Berry Farm or Disneyland. Maybe I'll see you there! Here's a site with all the info:

http://boneyisland.com/main.html

IDEAS FOR HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS AND MASKS

2011-10-27T23:27:00.000-07:00

A RIGHTEOUS MASK (above)!!!!!! But who sells these? Was this custom-made?

I see this Wolverton girl (above) as a sculpture made from a base consisting of a carved- out empty milk container (gallon size) and a ropey mop.

This Don Martin guy would look great 6' tall on the outside of a door. So would Clampett's indian, the one with a skinny neck and a big belly, but I can't find a good picture on the net.

Plastic or rubber skulls (above) always look good with a wig of flowing girls hair.

Redraw this (above) Tex Avery take picture very large and color it for your front porch. The kids'll love it!

Glue any old thing from your wastebasket onto a paper bag to make a mask. Add color.

Liberians considered this (above) to be a JUDGE'S mask!!!!????? Man, I'd like to see a Liberian trial!

Above, an interesting color scheme by Picasso. If you have something for the porch that needs to be painted.....

Believe it or not, these faces (above) were made from toilet paper tubes. First they were softened somehow, then painted. Then the artist used pliers and extra cardboard from other rolls to make faces.

Holy Cow! A nifty monkey face sculpture, from somewhere in Melanesia, I think.

STEVE'S NEW CARTOON SHOW!

2011-10-25T18:22:00.000-07:00

I did four posts about Steve Worth in the past three weeks, and just when I thought it was time to give some other topic a chance, Steve's internet TV show (above) debuted! Haw! Well, we'll just have to make room for a fifth post, because the event is historic. This is the first original YouTube cartoon show... ever!

Boy, Steve really got into the part (above) he's playing: that of a sorcerer who's trying to raise Walt Disney from the dead. Between attempts we get to watch three well chosen cartoons, including one of my all-time favorites: "Swing You Sinners." Steve was a line producer for some pretty good people (Spumko, Bakshi, etc.) and is a long time cartoon fan, so he knows what the good stuff is.

All this is done in cahoots with Fred Seibert and his company, "Refrederator." Fred as you know, was the executive producer behind Cartoon Network shows like 'What a Cartoon," "Dexter's Lab" and "The Powerpuff Girls." Fred got together with YouTube to see if an internet cartoon show could be made to work, and this pilot is the result. If enough fans like it, expect to see a new show at regular intervals.

Let's see...did I leave anything out? Oh yes...the way it works is that you have to click inside the black box at the end of the video. The box appears only for an instant, so be ready. When you do that you'll be taken to the next video. The whole show requires several videos to play out, but they're all connected, like beads on a string.

Leave a comment on YouTube and let Steve know what you think!

IDEAS FOR HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS

2011-10-25T00:22:00.000-07:00

I'll get to the decorations in a minute. First, check out this (above) painting. It's huge, isn't it!? I shrunk my sidebar to make room for it, and it still won't fit! Click to enlarge to see the whole thing. Haw! I pity people who are viewing this on a cel phone!

BTW: Is this Dan Krall's work?

Awwww...that's (above) one cute kid, no doubt about it!

I stocked up on Halloween candy early this year, and I did what I always did and began nibbling as soon as I got it home. I hope there'll be some left for the kids. I could ask my family to hide it from me, but that probably wouldn't help. I know all their hiding places.

I'd be getting a late start, but I'm tempted to put big versions of masks like these on my front porch for Halloween. Aaaargh! I wonder if I have enough cardboard?

Is that (above) a mask? I mean a mask you can buy? If so, it's pretty well done. Of course I collect funny masks, not serious ones.

This artist (above) is terrific! It looks like he draws with a "6H" pencil, but he succeeds in creating a mood.

Okay, about decorating....cheap rubber masks make great porch decorations. Even when they're old and falling apart, you can still find a use for them. The secret of making masks like these (above) come to life is to repaint them with acrylic paint. Reshape the ones that need it with staples, pins or duct tape, and replace the existing eyes with ping pong balls.

Old kids book illustrators pulled no punches, as you can see above. Hideous deaths were the standard consequence of crimes like not doing chores. Framed color xeroxes of pictures like this look good around doors...something for Trick or Treaters to look at.

One day I'm going to attempt to make a giant mask like this (above), only more scary. I figure black, bendable foam for the major shapes, and paint for the rest.

It would be easy to make this (above)with boxes and an old, falling-apart mask. I'd put it under the bench by the front door.

An interesting robot design, and it looks easy to reproduce, too. Well, easy if you have enough X%&$@ cardboard! You really need to start collecting boxes for weeks before the holiday. Come to think of it, the design of the guy is pretty good, too. Who drew this?

RAMBLING THOUGHTS ABOUT "NAKED GIRLS READING"

2011-10-23T01:34:00.000-07:00

Here's an interesting idea: "Naked Girls Reading." Books and girls...a nice combination, if it can be made to work...but can it?

I wish the girls would read something a little meatier than the books shown on the posters.

When I said "meatier" I was thinking of something like Tennyson but, come to think of it, I'd really like to hear a poem like the one above read naked...wouldn't you? The poem starts 22 seconds into the video.

Nudity would add so much to a reading like the one Edie Adams gives to the lyrics of this song (above).

I'm a big fan of public readings, and I'm always trying to think of a way to make them commercially feasible. In the past actors and writers used to go on the road with shows that consisted entirely of them doing dramatic readings from their favorite books. The public loved them! I'm grasping at straws, I know, but...is there a chance that Naked Girls Reading could help to make that popular again, at least on a very small scale?

Aaargh! Probably not.

The problem here is that these girls are all burlesque dancers, and probably aren't very good readers. Even so, with the right director....

Can you sustain a whole show with possibly bad readings? I wonder. Do the readers ever dance while they read? Would more variety in the program help? Even classical burlesque didn't consist of wall to wall girls. They punctuated the girl acts with comedy.

Apparently Naked Girls Reading is a franchise. The local organizer is a guy named Vlad the Retailer. He has a terrific sign outside his office (above), so you get the feeling that he must know what he's doing. Vlad's been doing Girls Reading for at least two years now, more if you include possible promotions for similar ideas, like the one below.

All over the country promoters are trying to bring back burlesque in one form or another. Sometimes they even combine burlesque with professional men's wrestling. I wish them luck, but I don't think it'll happen on a large scale. Burlesque's time has passed. Now, naked literature on the other hand.....

THE BEST HALLOWEEN COSTUME EVER?

2011-10-20T23:27:00.000-07:00

It may also be the ugliest. Where on Earth did that guy get a suit like that? And what's it made of? Rubber? Vinyl? It doesn't look very comfortable. It reminds me of the tar ball Moe was trapped in when he floated up to the top of a barn in one of The Three Stooges films.

Thanks to a much appreciated comment from Teki, I now know where these suits come from: a company called Squeak Latex. Check out squeaklatex.com and the YouTube video above.

Here's (above) the Squeak Latex "Blueberry Suit." Amazing!

Probably everybody here has seen this already, but in case you haven't...this is one of the new line of realistic masks put out by Rusty Slussen's SPFX company. The cost? $810, and worth every penny. A bank robber recently robbed five banks with an afroamerican variant of this! Thanks to Patrick Micheal for telling me about it!

There are much better views of the mask on other YouTube videos, but this one shows how quickly the mask comes off, and it's only 20 seconds long.

Man, every year plastic masks look more appealing to me. They're more imaginative than most rubber masks, and they're a heck of a lot cheaper. The problem is that the Golden Age of this sort of thing may already have passed.

I'll have to pay a visit to my local Goth supply store and see what's on the walls this year. I don't think "The Spirit" stores sell these. I wonder why?

Wow! A nifty disguise (above) that you can put into a brief case or a back pack!

A cool wooden mask (above)...from Japan, according to a commenter!

The best thing about kid costumes in a box was always the plastic mask. Nowadays you can buy masks like that without buying the costume. At last! Reason has prevailed!

First dog costumes, now baby costumes like the one above. What next?

So THAT'S how you make a spider costume (above)! Okay, I get it now!

Anime-style robots (above) look great, if you don't mind walking on stilts.

I don't know about you, but I like to be read to by naked girls. It's this Sunday!

STEVE MAKES SHISH KEBAB (PART III) (FINAL)

2011-10-19T21:23:00.000-07:00

JOJO: "Well, here it is, all 367 pounds of it!"

HUNGRY GUESTS: "ME FIRST! NO, ME! GIVE IT HERE!!"

STEVE: "WAIT!!!!! Protocol demands that one who is virtuous and trustworthy sample the meal first so the gods of the dinner table will be satisfied that we gave it our best shot. I nominate Auralynn!"

HUNGRY GUEST: "Er...okay! (Gulp!)"

Auralynn takes a bite. The room goes silent as she carefully chews and swallows. She pauses...almost speaks...then pauses again........then, after the deepest reflection...

AURALYNN: "Yes, Stephen has produced a fine meal."

RELIEVED GUEST: "Thank Heaven! LET'S EAT!"

That did it! Everybody lays into the food.

CHOMP! EAT! RIP! TEAR! CRUNCH!

CHOMP! BITE! CHEW! CHOMP! GRAGGLE!

RIP! TEAR! CRUNCH! BITE! CHEW! MANGLE!

CHEW! SNARSH! BITE!!!

CRUNCH! TEAR! RIP!

MUNCH! BITE! RIP!

SHRUMP! BITE! CRUNCH!

SLASH! BITE! MUNCH!!!

LATER....

ALL: (COLLECTIVE GROAN!)

They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon.
- - - Edward Lear

BTW: That great picture of Steve holding the kebabs close to his face in Part I was taken by Auralynn.

STEVE MAKES SHISH KEBAB (PART II)

2011-10-18T00:21:00.000-07:00

INT. STEVE'S KITCHEN:

STEVE: "I already put together the kebabs. Lots of good marinated chicken breasts on 'em. I'll show you in a minute. Right now we're going to make the side dishes: zucchini, cucumbers, eggplant and corn. We slice them lengthwise then give them a nice rub with olive oil, garlic, pepper, and fresh red basil."

EDDIE: "Are you really going to use that much garlic?"

STEVE: "Yes, absolutely! Listen, you can never have too much garlic! That makes everything taste good! You'd eat your own foot if it was covered with that stuff!"

STEVE: "See, what you want to do with garlic and olive oil is marinate yourself from the inside. It's what W. C. Fields meant when he said that he never drinks water because it makes the insides rusty. Booze on the other hand, makes the insides nice and smooth, at least that's what Fields believed. That's the way I feel about garlic and oil."

AURALYNN: "Stephen, What is that brown, mushy...stuff?"

STEVE: "That goo? That's marinated ground chicken from the Armenian market! The regular chicken is on the kebabs. The ground chicken is something different. I thought I'd give it a try!

Oh yes, I put some Gazpacho on the top of it! That's a kind of homemade vegetable soup that you normally eat cold. I had some left over in the refrigerator, so I thought I'd pour some on. I like to experiment!"

EDDIE: "I thought ground meat was supposed to look like worms."

STEVE: "It usually does, but the marinade made it lose it's shape. Don't worry...that probably won't affect the taste! Anyway, here's the kebabs and the wrapped-in-foil side dishes, all ready to cook! Nice, huh?"

EXT. STEVE'S BACKYARD:

STEVE: "Okay, here's the meat on the barbecue. I grill it directly over the two center flames for a short time to sear it. That'll create a skin that'll lock in the juices."

STEVE: Note the two pans of water. That's to keep the food moist when we put the cover down and barbecue. Today I'm only using water, but normally I'd use chicken broth, orange juice, wine, or even beef or chicken stock. I use water this time because the Armenian marinated chicken is already perfect the way it is, and doesn't need flavor enhancements."

EDDIE: "Don't the words 'grilling' and 'barbecue' mean the same thing?"

STEVE: "No way! Grilling means the meat is directly over a flame. Barbecuing means the meat is cooked by indirect, radiant heat. I'm about to stop grilling and begin barbecuing now. I'll turn off the middle burners and turn on the side ones. Then I'll put the cover down.

This is the stage where most of the cooking takes place. It'll take a while, and when it's almost done I'll pop up the hood and grill it a short time on the center burners again. That's to sear it again and make sure the juices don't leak out."

EDDIE: "Any other theories?"

STEVE: "Nope. It's all pretty simple, really. You combine stinky stuff (aromatics like fresh basil, ginger, and garlic), dead stuff (meat), liquids (chicken broth, beer, wine, beef stock), grease (olive oil), and fire (from a barbecue). Do that and you can't go wrong!"

EDDIE: Okay, those are the final words from the man himself! In the interest of objectivity I'll do one more post where Auralynn, JoJo, Alex, Steve and I sample what Steve has wrought, and judge him. Don't miss it!"

STEVE MAKES SHISH KEBAB (PART I)

2011-10-15T23:32:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd do an occasional guest spot where friends who cook show us how they make their favorite dishes. I'll start with Steve Worth who makes an outstanding barbecued Shish Kebab, and declares that he'll reveal all his secrets here.

INT. STEVE'S CAR:

STEVE (VO): "Fresh ingredients are important, Eddie, and since we're doing Shish Kebab, what better place to go than the local Armenian market?"

STEVE: "Um...I wouldn't take pictures in there. They don't like it."

EDDIE (VO): "Right. Got it. Trust me. No pictures!"

INT. MARKET:

EDDIE (TO HIMSELF): "Weeell...maybe just one. It's so beautiful in here."

EDDIE (VO): Oooohh, look at that label! I gotta get a picture of that! Geez, some of this caviar goes for $130 a can!"

EDDIE (VO):

Man, look at those cool vodka labels! 'Gotta get a picture of those!"

EDDIE (VO): "And those sheep eyeballs! Yuck! That gets a picture!"

EDDIE (VO): "Tongues! Do people really eat those (CAMERA CLICK)?"

EDDIE (VO): "Holy Mackerel!!! It's a framed photo of the owner! 'Gotta have a picture of that!"

STORE OWNER: "Hey, hey, hey! Why you take picture? Let me see camera!"

EDDIE: "Uh, Steve...maybe it's time to pay for everything."

OLD GYPSY WOMAN (V.O.): "Gasp!"

LITTLE KID: "GASP!!!!"

OLD GYPSY WOMAN: "The Double Circle! The SYMBOL FOR THE EVIL EYE!!!"

PRIESTS: "Did you say The Evil Eye!?"

SHOCKED CUSTOMER: "The Evil EYE!"

WOMAN: "THE FREAKIN' EVIL EYE!!!!!!!?????"

Panic! Mothers grab their children and run for the exit.

EVERYBODY IN THE STORE: "Evil eye! Evil Eye! EVIL EYE!!!!!"

STEVE (VO): "I'll pay next time!"

LATER AT STEVE'S HOUSE:

IN ATTENDANCE: STEVE, AURALYNN, JO JO AND ALEX.

STEVE: "Okay, we'll get started on the Shish Kebab!"

STEVE: "Now, the first thing you need to know is..."

EDDIE: "STEVE, WAIT!!!! There's not enough room here! We'll cover your recipe in the next installment, entitled:

"STEVE MAKES SHISH KEBAB (PART II)"

THE UNIVERSE IS...ARE YOU READY FOR THIS...FLAT!!!!

2011-10-13T22:26:00.000-07:00

That's what physicists are telling us now...that the universe is flat. Twenty years ago it was considered curved; saddle-shaped, in fact. Man, things are changing fast! It's an exciting time to be a cosmologist, but a confusing time for everybody else.

So where did this idea come from? The answer is contained in the 15 minute video above. Tor Barstad says we have a reliable way to measure the curvature of light from two celestial objects billions of light years away, and that these lines and angles show no bending, as they would if the universe was curved.

Here's (above) a simpler explanation. This six minute video takes a while to get started, so I recommend beginning at the two minute mark.

It's hard to know where all this is going, and new discoveries could change the picture in unpredictable ways. A couple of weeks ago it was discovered that a neutrino might be able to travel faster than light. If that turns out to be true, that could have a big effect on cosmological calculations, even though the faster speed increment is very slight.

BTW, there's a couple of interesting comments under this YouTube video. One says that "flat" refers only to the relatively even distribution of energy in the universe, but Tor Barstad's video definitely talks about flat in terms of geometry.

This one minute video (above) isn't relevant, but I'll put it up anyway because it's so interesting. It turns out that there's one thing we know for sure that can travel faster than light, and that's space. After The Big Bang space itself expanded faster than the speed of light, and is still expanding that fast. Anything traveling within existing space is limited to the speed of light.

It's strange to think how space is now regarded as a thing with definite properties, and with measurable energy.

MORE GILRAY

2011-10-11T22:40:00.000-07:00

Gilray (above) wasn't just the funniest cartoonist of the early Nineteenth Century, he was one of the funniest cartoonists ever. I'm glad to see that nowadays he's getting the critical recognition he deserves.

He's most famous for the etchings he did during the Napoleonic Era (above). They're terrific, but my personal favorites are the caricatures of fashion (at the top) that he did in his later style.

I think this one's called "The Prince."

Haw! This picture (above) leaves no doubt that if Gilray had been born later, he would have done full justice to the baggy/skateboarder fashions that began in the 1990s.

Man, seeing this (above) makes me want to draw. That's the highest compliment one cartoonist can give another.

Apparently some people (above) in Gilray's time payed so much attention to their wigs that they neglected certain other things.

Here (above) Gilray celebrates the opening to the public of an art exhibit at one of the downtown museums. Apparently public exhibitions like this were a novelty in Gilray's time.

Interesting, huh?

Hey, why did my sidebar shrink?

THE BEST COMMERCIAL OF 2011: J. G. WENTWORTH

2011-10-10T00:49:00.000-07:00

Here, for my money, is the best commercial currently on TV: the operatic bus ad for J. G. Wentworth. I find myself singing it on the street, and I musn't be the only one because YouTube is full of parodies of it. I wish I knew the story behind the making of it. Evidently a lot of trial and error was involved, and I document some of that here.

This is a one minute film that does everything right. Take the music: it's always catchy and to the point, and it's full of opportunities for good soloists to shine. Here a sympathetic director cast a great tenor and a great baritone, and rightly attempted to give them the star treatment.

Incidentally, note that the singers address the viewer most of the time, and not the girl who had the problem. That sounds illogical but, as you can see, it was the right thing to do. And I love the way the baritone in the back nudges his way up to the foreground. That's classic stagecraft. You can tell the director had stage experience, or at least hired a consultant who did.

Here's (above) an earlier version of the same commercial, probably by a different director. What a contrast! It opens on a boring, horizontal long shot where we can't see the performers' faces. When they do go in for a closeup it's on the female lead, who lacks star quality. The male lead is a little better but there's no attempt to make him a star. A great song is getting a frighteningly generic treatment here.

Compare that to the dynamic one-point perspective on the bus (the top video). where we could see the main actor clearly, and where the two primary singers were handled like stars. I love the way the bus version puts a lot of emphasis on the chorus. I LOVE choruses, and Baroque music, which this is, is full of them.

I wish I knew where this film (above) fit in the chronology. Is this earlier or later than the others? It certainly makes a lot of mistakes. The change of venue from shower to basement, to auto accident, to garage, to nursery is jarring. The guy in the shower has some star quality, but he's not appealing in this role. The only appealing actor in the film is the white-haired mechanic, and he's not in it very long.

I have to admit that if I had directed this version I might have been tempted to change venues just like they did here. Man, that would have been an expensive mistake! We're lucky to have three versions of this film so we can learn without wasting money.

Here's (above) an early Wentworth commercial, which was done on the cheap. It's not a bad idea if you only have a few bucks to spend, but it doesn't work as good as it should because none of the actors has star quality. They're just generic people.

Regarding the first three videos: I love the way Wentworth kept at the problem til they got it right. They knew they had a first-rate song, and were willing to persevere through a lot of trial and error til they got what they wanted.