I GET MY COMEUPPANCE

This is for all the Theory Corner people who were mad at me for making pictures collide with the right sidebar. I can't promise to fix that right away...I just think it's funny...but readers deserve some satisfaction for all the suffering they've endured. For those readers I offer this picture (above) of me getting my just comeuppance.

As long as I'm in a confessional mood, I'll admit that I went out of my way to find pictures of busy subjects with the intention of buggering up the sidebar even more than I normally do.  I looked for pictures of messed-up hair, tangled wire, and spaghetti.

Why? Why do I have this irresistible urge to mess up my beautiful sidebar?  I don't know. It's one for the psychologists, I guess. I'll just offer my chin for one more chastisement then go back to my hole under the gnarled oak tree and nurse my wounds with the water beetles.



 

FOOLING AROUND WITH PHOTOSHOP

As you can see, I'm still just a humble, bungling student of the program. Anyway, here I am as a hipster (above)...somebody who's so hip that he doesn't even have to work at it.

Here I am (above) as a successful, Chairman of the Board-type. John says I should call myself "Uncle Corporate." He thinks I should dress like this all the time.

Here I am again (above) as a bookie in a state where it's illegal. I stay one step ahead of the law because I have an expensive lawyer.

This time (above) I'm an Italian immigrant from a hundred years ago.

The immigrant again (above).

Now a truant officer (above)!

A similar body shape (above), only now I'm a detective.

Here I'm a wacky announcer (above) on The Shopping Network!

My last one. Now I'm (above) an opera singer, singing my guts out.

Here's (above) my leading lady!

Here's John's caricature of "Uncle Corporate." I look only 110 years old, which is younger than John usually draws me.

CAPTAIN HOOKED / DOG PIE (PART 2)

CAPTAIN HOOKED: "So whaddaya say? How about some tasty goodness?"








CAPTAIN HOOKED: "No, no...wait!"


CAPTAIN HOOKED: "You don't think I'd give a friend an inferior pie, do you?"


CAPTAIN HOOKED: "I mean apple, cherry and custard are fine. You could argue that blueberry blackberry and lemon are sublime! Fine pies, all, but..."


CAPTAIN HOOKED: "...the real gourmet requires something better, something... mmmm... something more poetic, and refined... something more like......."


CAPTAIN HOOKED: "DOG PIE!!!!!"



(SFX) DOING!


CAPTAIN HOOKED (singing): "Dog Piiiie!!! A canine treat that will never fade, / Just don't ask how it was made!"



CAPTAIN HOOKED (singing): "Dog Piiie!!! Carefull not to get it on your scarf, / Nothing like a pastry that says 'Arf!' "




CAPTAIN HOOKED (singing): "Of course this sets us all to grieving, / Because a dear friend must be leaving!"

CAPTAIN HOOKED (singing): "Though perhaps if he were nice, / We wouldn't need this sacrifice!"


CAPTAIN HOOKED (singing): "Dog Piiiiie!!! Delicious gift from above,/ It's just full of doggy love."


CAPTAIN HOOKED (singing): "One regrets to be expedient, / When one's friend is the main ingredient!"




CAPTAIN HOOKED (singing): "A little word or two, / And we could instead have carrot stew."


CAPTAIN HOOKED: (An aside, not singing): "Gee, that wasn't a very good last line, was it? I think it's the effect of that last pie. I've been picking flea collar out of my teeth all week!"



CAPTAIN HOOKED: "Well, c'est la vie!"


CAPTAIN HOOKED: "So how's about it!? Do we take a little trip!!!!???"



TO BE CONTINUED.....

CAPTAIN HOOKED/DOG PIE (PART 3)

ON A HILL ON ROBBER ISLAND: Captain Hooked and his crew, and Peter Pan's dog (I really need to think of a name for him), climb to the summit to get a better view. Hooked has forced the dog to reveal that Peter Pan is hiding out with the robbers.


Up til now we haven't seen the robbers. Can it be that Robber Island contains no robbers?


CAPTAIN HOOKED: (WHEEZING AND PANTING): "This'll do! You can see the whole island from here!"





CAPTAIN HOOKED: "Whew! It's a good thing I brought this bottled water! Oooooohh! That's good! Yeah...oooooh yeah, that hits the spot!"


CAPTAIN HOOKED: "The mark of a good water is its mineral content. Just the right amount of feldspar, with a tad of sedimentary limestone and a hint of lotus leaf."





CAPTAIN HOOKED: "Careful, careful! We don't want to waste precious resources."





CAPTAIN HOOKED: "Wait a minute! What's THAT!!!!!????"


CAPTAIN HOOKED: "Gasp! It's some hideous jungle thing, and it's probably sucking my blood right now!!!!"


CAPTAIN HOOKED: "HURRY! GET IT OFF!!! Please, please! I beg you! I can feel the blood draining out of my body now!!!!!!!!!!!!!"





The dog examines the "jungle thing" and discovers that it's a lady bug. He gently plucks it off.














CAPTAIN HOOKED: "Gasp! You saved my life! How can I ever repay you!?"





CAPTAIN HOOKED: "Wait! Water! The gift of life!"


CAPTAIN HOOKED: "Here, you take it! Don't worry about me! I've had a full life! Go ahead and drink it all, and don't look back!!! Take it, I say!!!!!"











Tries to sip up the water...but it's completely empty. Hooked drank it all.








CAPTAIN HOOKED: "Now where's that twerp, Pan?"


CAPTAIN HOOKED: "I don't see anything, just trees and sand! I don't even see any robbers!"



CONTINUED BELOW.....


Still photos and captions (above and below) copyright Eddie Fitzgerald, 8/15/2008.
Color film (below) copyright Jim Arnold, 8/13/2008.