I won't bother talking about my present getting-to-sleep fantasies because if they were known I'd be arrested for sex mania. In other words I'm a pretty typical male in that respect. What I want to describe here is the fantasy that got me to sleep when I was a kid, starting when I was...mmmm, maybe in third grade and ending in my last year of high school. It was my flying saucer fantasy. 
In this fantasy I had my own flying saucer in the garage. After a hard day being chased by bullies I'd come home, lock myself in my room and, when I could be sure no one was listening, push a button that would cause the wall to slide open, revealing a part of the garage known only to me. Inside, almost touching the wide walls on either side, was the awesome powerhouse crouching tiger sting chord of a real flying saucer.
Of course the saucer recognized my approach and put out its ramp to meet me. Naturally the door slid closed when I was inside. From this point on all was seriousness and protocol. I'd settle into the black leather seat and flick switches on the high-tech control panel. The saucer would vibrate into life and I'd take a moment to see if the comic book and root beer dispensers were in good working order. They were. A few more switches and the roof slid back and then came the magic moment when the humming saucer slowly rose into the sky.
Once in the air I'd take a couple of turns around the higher trees then head straight up into the clouds. Satisfied that the city looked OK from up there I'd then dive down to ground level where I'd careen around the streets just above the cars. People had to duck and run away but they didn't resent it. They admired me for having such a way cool machine. Finally I reached the school where I'd strafe bullies with my machine guns and bask in the admiration of adoring girls.
After a couple of years it dawned on me that I might invite one of my girl admirers to take a ride. You know, give her a thrill. I was too young to think of doing anything else with her. Of course the girl oooed and ahhhed at everything and was much impressed. I even would let her look at my comic books and drink my root beer! 
As the years slipped by it seemed that the admiring girl more and more wanted to sit on my lap, the better to see me work the controls. It was getting hard to concentrate with all that hair and body parts next to me. I began to think that a kiss wouldn't hurt. Hmmm, that wasn't bad. Maybe if we...well, it wasn't long before we were enacting the whole Kama Sutra.And the saucer? What saucer? Who needs a saucer when you've got hot girls like this!?
haw haw haw!!
ReplyDeleteWow - thats a brilliant story. Your blog never ceases to interest!
ReplyDeleteI guess I've had a similar experience as you! Your the only person I know who has actually brought it up though, perhaps everyones ashamed of thier fantasy worlds.
I have a friend Ritchie who also dreamed of space, hes a 70's man, he said when he was younger he would feel the bed start to spin slowly and really thought he was rising into space.
I was born in 85 and never really thought about space!
I have a very good memory
ReplyDeletehere's some highlights of my sleep fantasies through the years (some overlap).
When I was about 5-7 my sleep fantasies always involved me getting chased by cartoon wolves (from mighty mouse) one was continuously running around the house waiting for me to step outside. I was terrified until I fell asleep. Not good.
When I was 6-13 I was occassionally trapped in a house (eventually full of girls) surrounded by Zombies (In Black and White). Scary at first but after time this one was fun.
From 8-10 it usually involved impressing girls with my incredible video game playing skills. I would sometimes be dressed in western clothing and play Duck Hunt with a real revolver(I must have been very sleepy).
from 11-13 My sleep fantasies usually involved stopping an armed gunman (bank robberies, muggings),
No special powers, just me beating the crap out of assailants and people loving me for it. I think I saved a lot of people from fires too.
You know what's weird, none of my sleep fantasies ever involved me living through the situation they've always involved me watching it. Pretty awful.
Jims right very few people have the guts and bad taste to talk about this stuff but they really should. Nothing's strange, if any of the other guys that I knew in elementary school said they didn't have similar fantasies revolving around their video game skills I'd have to call them a dirty liar.
You know the old story where the girls father is going to lose the house and some guy comes to town helps the father out and falls in love with the daughter. That story was probably loosely inspired by sleep fantasies.
One of my childhood friend's sleep fantasies always involved catching Leprechauns.
Every day I'd see him in the playground and he used to talk about the one he almost caught the night before.
"It ran down the hole"
I think that was his high point of his day.
Earth girls are easy, eh, Eddie?
ReplyDeleteYou should be careful about posting your innermost wet dreams on a public blog, Uncle Eddie. The naked Karl Rove is reading this right now.
ReplyDeleteSo what you're aysing is, that over time, your flying saucer fantasy evoloved into an f-ing saucer fantasy.
ReplyDelete"To Serve Man, " indeed!
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ReplyDeleteI think I'll try that! Saucers are so cool!
ReplyDeleteId also be honored if you used a page of my jim tyer comic to illustrate something!
"Naturally the door slid closed when I was inside. From this point on all was seriousness and protocol."
ReplyDeleteThis sentence made me laugh so hard! Your writing kills me.
"I even would let her look at my comic books and drink my root beer!"
Even the root beer?!
"It was getting hard to concentrate with all that hair and body parts next to me."
What a lovely description of females.
You used to be so sweet and innocent, Eddie! Thanks for sharing, you should ask Katie to tell her epic dream to you! She emailed it to me- it was insane!!!
hey, uncle eddie, i know you're a don martin fan, i wonder if you've noticed the upcoming "completely don martin collection"? looks pretty sweet!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0762430508/ref=reg_hu-wl_item-added/105-1802993-1750066
Would 7 year old Eddie invite 7 year old Marlo for a space voyage?
ReplyDeleteCheck out this LINK, EDDIE!!
http://a551.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/
images01/93/m_3a4c7322c55
d744fa3aeab90de196dde.png
http://a551.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/
ReplyDeleteimages01/93/l_3a4c7322c55d
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or this one, rather
Marlo, it's like this:
ReplyDeletelink
Marlo you're so cute!
ReplyDeleteJim, Rogelio: Wow! Thanks for putting those up! It's interesting to see how kid fantasies change over the years.
ReplyDeleteCharlie: Thanks much! I'll definitely use it!
Kali: Tell Katie to email it to me! I want to read it!
Jerk: Wow! That's great! A stiff price, though. Kids won't be able to buy it.
Marlo: I definitely would have invited you..AND shared my root beer!
You should take your girl admirer into space. Imagine the possibilities without the limitations of gravity.
ReplyDeleteI had a dream that an invader from space was firing on my family and I . . . I started to take off and fly away, when a fireball hit me in the back, but as I didn't die (and was flying) I knew I was dreaming. So I flew over to confront the alien, who had a face full of fire and malice, and I punched him right on the nose!!
ReplyDeleteIn space no one can hear you orgasam...
ReplyDeleteI totally would never had let the Saucer out of the dream. And Eddie, there is a story I read that is for you!
ReplyDelete"Off on a Starship" a short story by William Barton. I have it in a book called "The Year's Best Science Fiction" Twenty-first annual collection.
It's right up your alley as far as this post goes. If you have trouble finding the book or a copy of the story and you are interested, please let me know and I'll help out!
Micah: What was the plot? I may never have the chance to read it.
ReplyDeleteWhat, Eddie? A short story? One you an easily pick up at a library? No time?? You are planning on sticking around, aren't you? *worries*
ReplyDeleteJenny: Oooookay! I'll get it from the library. I don't want anyone thinking I'm going to kick the bucket!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a kid, I used to have nightmare all the time when I feel asleep. The last one was about Marty McFly from Back to the Future running away from a large monster in a movie theater that looked just like my room fan.
ReplyDeleteAfter that, I thought enough is enough, and I asked my dad what I could do. He told me the secret to controlling my dreams and ever since I've had only the dreams I want to have!
The secret was to think hard if I suspected I was dreaming whether I was seeing in color or in black and white. That's it, that was enough to wake me up just enough to realize I was dreaming and thus give me control, and I can still do it to this day.
My sleep fantasies are mostly about flying through the air to a city at night filled with buildings which contain any cool thing I want them too. As a matter of fact, I think I'll go there right now! Good night.
Taber: Your Dad's color theory is pure genius! I wish someone had told me that when I was a kid!
ReplyDelete"Jenny: Oooookay! I'll get it from the library. I don't want anyone thinking I'm going to kick the bucket!"
ReplyDeleteDis you mean da buck-bcuk-bucket?!?!
Hey Uncle E.
ReplyDeletePlot goes a little something like this! An outcast kid stumbles onto a landed Saucer. Once inside it whisks him away to the farther reaches of the galaxy. Seemingly on autopilot it stops at a weigh station of sorts where the boy figures he's not going to get home soon. Finally arriving on a planet and a desolate city.
The boy explores some and finds a deactivated hulk of a black robot. Or is it lifeless as it seems?
In the dark of night the robot moves! Strange noises emanate from it and it grabs the boy! He cries out to the empty planet as the robot pierces his skin and quickly withdraws.
shortly the robot starts to make life more livable for the boy. Water to drink and bath in instead of acidic paste and food the boy wants to eat.
together they explore the mysterious culture of the dead city. And the boy grows older. He realizes that even if he were to travel back to earth his family and friends would already be dead while he stood there thinking of returning home.
The robot tries to change shape to be of comfort to the boy, at first an odd featureless alien looking creature, then finally a girl his own age. they then travel the galaxy in a saucer and develop an intimate relationship.
There is a very touching scene when the robot, having gleaned human emotional responses from the boy's mind, gives herself to him in love. Seeing the young body of the girl he had crushed on in school sweeps him away. The initial lovemaking is painful to the girl/robot and she retreats for an evening to consume energy for another transformation and returns to him a grown woman (as information from the boy's mind indicates.)
And I haven't even scratched the surface! It's a fascinating study of adolescence and growth. A cast away story with strange and beautiful turns in it!
Sorry it took me a while to get back to you! I was out of town. If you are interested in the story more let me mail you a copy to borrow or whatever! Books are for sharing.
Micah: Thanks much for the interesting story! It sounds like a novelette. I don't need to borrow it because I have a hold on it at the library! I live within an easy walk of my local library so I'm a frequent borrower.
ReplyDeleteEddie,
ReplyDeleteWalking distance to the library? Fantastic luck! Well best wishes for you when you get to read that.
Fresh ground meat you buy yourself at the prime meat counter is the only way to go! The Carl's Jr. crap burgers are the product of at least two hundred and fifty sick cows, per pattie. Some people live by In-N-Out but they don't put enough real meat on their sandwiches AND they sneak Bible verses on the bottoms of their cups. Must be a California thing.
ReplyDeleteI love this: “I’d take a moment to see if the comic book and root beer dispensers were in good working order. They were.”
ReplyDelete