TV ANNOUNCER (VO): "Not Godzilla, not King Kong, but gigantic women as tall as skyscrapers wander the streets of our great city! Who are they? Where did they come from? What do they want? Scientists are baffled, and the police are powerless to stop them! All we can say for sure, is that they seem to be searching for something....but for what?"
TV ANNOUNCER (VO): "...and listening to what goes on inside buildings! But why!? What are they looking for!???"
TV ANNOUNCER (VO): "On the streets thousands flee in terror."
TV ANNOUNCER (VO): "Roads and airports are congested as a panic-stricken population attempts to flee. The question on everybody's minds is: 'Who are these women? What do they want!??' "
INT. OFFICE BLDG.
CO-WORKER #1: "Oh, my God! One of those women is outside right now! We're all
gonna die!"
UNCLE EDDIE (EXASPERATED): "(Sigh!) You're not going to die. Nobody's going to die, except maybe me. I'm the one they're looking for."
CO-WORKER #2: "YOU!!!??? The office boy? YOU'RE the one they're looking for??? Why?"
UNCLE EDDIE: "Weeeell, they're kinda' my old girlfriends. They were all too short, and I like tall girls, so I used to sneak vitamins into their drinks. I guess I over did it. "
CO-WORKER #3: "Well, tell them to go away!"
UNCLE EDDIE: "You can't just tell somebody 50ft. tall to go away!
UNCLE EDDIE: "Look, just chill out a little longer, and when they can't find me, they'll go away. They'll never, ever find me here!"
GIANT: "Eddie!? Is that you?"
The giant takes off her dress and does a sultry rub against the side of the building.
GIRLFRIEND #4: "Ooooh, Eddie! I've been looking for you...sooooo long!"
ON THE STREET: Eddie's car careens out of the parking garage.
UNCLE EDDIE: "I gotta get outta here!"
Another girlfriend blocks the way.
GIRLFRIEND #5: " Eddie, there you are! Let's have lunch!"
UNCLE EDDIE (VO): "Good Grief!"
SCREEEEECH! The car screeches to a halt then takes off in a different direction.
MATILDA: "Eddie! It's me, Matilda! I still have your Tiny Tim records!"
SCREEEEEECH!
UNCLE EDDIE (VO): "Sorry, Matilda! 'Can't talk now!"
DAISY: "Eddie! At last I..."
UNCLE EDDIE (VO): "Sorry Daisy! 'Gotta go!"
Eddie's car races through traffic, takes lots of shortcuts.
UNCLE EDDIE (VO): "Sorry! Pardon me!"
UNCLE EDDIE (VO): "So Sorry!"
UNCLE EDDIE (VO): "Excuse me! Sorry!
UNCLE EDDIE (VO): "Beg your pardon! Excuse me! Pardon!"
UNCLE EDDIE: "Huh? What's this?"
UNCLE EDDIE (VO): "I'll just park infront of this orange thing. They'll never find me here."
MILDRED (VO): "Soooo THERE you are!!!!"
MILDRED: "It's me...Mildred, your girlfriend! You were running away, weren't you? Oooohh, I'm so mad! I could..."
MILDRED: "....Ha ha! Just kidding! You know I could never be mad at you! I like you so much, I could just eat you up..."
UNCLE EDDIE: "WAIT!!!!!!!"
UNCLE EDDIE: "Um, how 'bout a cup of coffee? You know, all sweet and everything, just the way you like it!?"
EXT. COFFEE SHOP, LATER: Mildred waits outside while Uncle Eddie goes inside to score some coffee. A passer-by stops to stare.
MILDRED: "What are YOU looking at!?"
INSIDE THE COFFEE SHOP:
STARBUCKS EMPLOYEE: "And what size will that coffee be, sir? Large, larger, or "grande?"
He looks back at Mildred (outside).
UNCLE EDDIE: "I'll have the MUCHO, MUCHO, MUCHO, MUCHO, MUCHO, MUCHO, MUCHO, MUCHO GRANDE please, with a couple of sacks of sugar and, oh yeah...a 2X4 to stir it with!
THE END
Many thanks to GARCIA ACCASBEL for the great girl photography!
Garcia's site: http://www.flickr.com/groups/474990@N25/pool/page7/
HarHar! Awesome photo story Eddie, I laughed at you driving around all those cars and begging their pardon the whole time.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to more!
Hehehe, great story! If America ever needs to elect a Philosopher King I would back you in a heartbeat.
ReplyDeleteJoshua, Severin: Haw! Thanks! Telling a whole story with just a few pictures is a real challenge, but it's fun even when I make mistakes, like I did here.
ReplyDeleteThe story looses momentum halfway through, but I think I know how to fix it.
Everybody: I rewrote the story and managed to tell it just one part this time! I like it a lot better now!
ReplyDeleteHey Eddie. Just wanted to give you an update on how my senior year is going, since I asked you about it back in July. Unfortunately, it's been utter hell and an absolute unexpected disaster, even with all the classes I could possibly ever want, since I've worked extremely hard up to this point. I've tried a lot of things to help my grades go up, like staying after school as much as I can and asking for help from my generous teachers, but nothing seems to be working as effectively as it should, and I've lost hope at this point. I'm taking two extremely hard courses (AP Language and AP Government, the former is eating up all my time and doing pretty bad in because I don't have all the time to do every single homework assignment and find it really vague and confusing. It's really pathetic, since my sister took the same class two years ago, so I could have just asked her for lots of help over the summer. Also, a bit of laziness on my part, because there's so much stuff I could have done to prevent all of this, and it's just painful. I thought the former class would help me out with analyzing arguements and writing much better, etc., but it's turned out to be one of those classes I deeply regret taking) The other class I could do very well in, if I didn't have that one class to deal with. It's affecting my performance in all my other classes) because the art school I want to go to in Atlanta actually accepts AP credits, if I get a 4 or 5 on both essays, etc. I think I'm being way too hard on myself, but I really don't know anymore. I think I should just accept that there's only so much I can handle. What's your opinion on this?
ReplyDeleteAnyways, this story is excellent. Your blog always cheers me up even during the absolute worst of times. Can't wait for more.
Roberto: Man, my heart goes out to you! I had trouble with French and Latin in high school, which is odd because I liked the subects, and was eager to learn. I really feel I could have done better if the classes had only slowed down, and maybe put more emphasis on aesthetics.
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid I don't have much to offer in the way of practical advice, but I'll give it a feeble try.
Vocabulary's easier to learn than verb forms and grammar. Regular verbs are easier to learn than irregular ones. Word order isn't too hard. I wonder if you could pass tests (just barely) by learning only the easiest things?
Kids books and comics are a good way to learn, but you probably don't have time for that. Believe it or not, Napoleon's "Art of War" is a useful tool for learning French because French wasn't Napoleon's native language, and he used only simple speech. Having a couple of old, obsolete textbooks at home is useful, just to get a different take on the subject.
How would I teach French (if I were qualified, which I'm not)? I'd only require pigeon French in the first year. I'd accept bad speech as long as it succeeded in communicating. If a student said, "Jean go library yesterday," instead of "Jean went to the library," I'd give him a passing grade. That's the way little kids learn their native language. They speak pigeon first, then add the proper grammar later.
I'd combine the teaching of pigeon French with readings and translations of the most beautiful passages of classic French rhetoric. Talmon's 1950s book on the French Revolution, "Totalitarian Democracy," contains some exquisite passages.
really enjoyable!
ReplyDeleteFun shtuff Eddie. Real funny shtuff
ReplyDelete