THEORY CORNER POUR LES FEMMES (NO MEN ALLOWED!) 3

MY INTERVIEW WITH UNCLE EDDIE

by Buelah Pithfuzzy

"Pack up! We're going to send you to Uncle Eddie's House!" the TC for Women editor told me. Wonderfull! Being a fan of the famous theoretcian and renowned ladies' man, I was excited more than I can say!

Pulling up the driveway of his famous villa, I didn't know what to expect. Would he bowl me over with theories? Would he try to seduce me? As it happened, he kissed my hand, which I suddenly realized was exactly what I had wanted him to do. He seemed to be sensitive to every nuance, knowing without having to be told what a woman wants and needs.

Inside we sat down and, while sipping some of the most delicious tap water I ever tasted, I commenced the interview:


TC for W: "You stood on the hood of my car when I pulled into the driveway. Would you say you're impulsive?"

Uncle Eddie: "Not impulsive. Just...how do you Americans say it?...just happy to
be in the presence of a beautiful woman. Excuse me please, while I
stand and adjust the tension on my male bikini...there. Next
question?"


TC for W: "What was the longest time you ever spent making love?"

Uncle Eddie: "One night and a day. More than that and I start getting itchy."

TC for W: "Do you prefer stupid women or intelligent women?"

Uncle Eddie: "Oh, intelligent women, definitely. And if they have buck teeth, then
so much the better. But it's not the teeth so much as what a buck-
toothed woman has in her eyes, the buckness of soul, you know
what I mean?"

TC for W: "Do you ever cook for your women?"

Uncle Eddie: "Oh, yes! That is my pleasure! I make a delicious stew consisting of
oysters, catnip, Viagra and vodka. The woman holds the funnel in
her mouth and I pour."

TC for W: "Are you offended when John K draws you like this (below)?


Uncle Eddie: "Let me see (puts on his glasses) ...Oh, that John! He is such a
child."

TC for W: "Why do you think women are so attracted to you?"

Uncle Eddie: "I hope it's not because I'm a cartoonist or any status thing like
that. I hope it's because they find me a mystery."

TC for W: "Are you a mystery?"

Uncle Eddie: Well...heh, heh!...I won't say yes and I won't say no."