I know a lot of kids read this blog so here's something for them. It's a really sweet little story called "The Pokey Little Animation Writer." The story starts in a suburban bedroom where Billy's parents are roused out of their sleep by a knock on the bedroom door....
Knock! Knock! Knock! "Huuuh?" said Dad, waking suddenly. "Who...Wha...Wh...Who's there? For Pete's Sake, stop knocking!" 
"Um...It's me Dad. I can't sleep! Er...I have urges I can't explain!"
"URGES!? Oh, Bashaw! What kind of urges could you have at your age?
"Well Dad, I know it's strange but I have an urge to find an animation artist and beat him up. I know it doesn't make sense but I get really mad at the thought of artists writing and directing their own stories. I guess that's silly isn't it? I mean, why should I get mad about what artists do?"
"Son, did you say... 'beat up?' Oh, Good Lord! I didn't realize you'd grown so fast! Um... Sit down , It's time you and I had a talk."
"Son, I'll just say it outright. Your mother and I are...are...outcasts...hated and shunned by all civilized people because of what we are...animation writers. And you son, you will grow up to be an animation writer too!"
"That's right," said Billy's mom, "that's why you get so mad when you think of low-life artists making their own cartoons!"
"But Dad...won't the artists feel bad if we take their medium away from them?"
"Naw," said Dad, "they don't have feelings like we do! If they had feelings they'd be writers like us. They just have...notochords!"
"Now get to sleep, Buckaroo! If you're good I'll take you out hunting tomorrow! If we find an artist directing a cartoon we'll trash him and you can break his pencils!"
And they did. And Billy and his family lived happily ever after.
THE END
THE END
Oops! I forgot to say that the two sentenses that begin with "Your mother..." were lifted from a McKimson cartoon. You can see a clip from that cartoon on John's blog.
ReplyDeleteI also have some sentences that start with "Your mother..." but they are for another guy in another thread.
ReplyDeleteHey, you didn't write this story, Uncle Eddie. You just relayed something that happens 10 times a day within the animation industry.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to steer away from any plagiarism law suits, you should have exaggerated this beyond the point of ridiculousness. That way you can show a little bit of integrity.
Next time portray animation writers as Godzilla-type monsters leveling entire cities or gigantic Klingon warships attacking defenceless planets (or Darth Vader's Death Star would do nicely as well). I know this is only a SLIGHTLY bigger exaggeration than what you have, but I think it's enough to keep you out of trouble.
;)
Eddie Fitzgerald: King of Satire.
ReplyDeleteI've seldom laughed so hard. That kicked ass.
The McKimson quote came out of left field, too!
Do you think animation writers will get a reference to a McKimson quote? Perhaps it should be a reference to a bad late 70s sitcom theme song instead. I suggest One Day At A Time or What's Happenin? Writers LOVE those shows.
ReplyDeleteSee ya
Steve
P.S. Artists don't feel pain when you take the hook out of their mouth.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteCartoonists/Notochordates:
ReplyDeleteStructure Of A Cartoonist
Animation Writers/Invertebrates:
Cartoon Writer's Mandibular Attachment
why dont you and john just DIY? im convinced through your awesome posts that you are capable of making amazing cartoons, put all your spare time into making a five minute masterpiece, put it up on youtube and after it gets a billion hits maybe the moron executives will give you money for a show. I cant stand the whole "if only some executive gave me a million dollars I could create amazing cartoons" attitude.
ReplyDeleteTHAT is one of the best stories ever written!
ReplyDeleteThanks for another brief reprieve from my day of tedium.
Whats going on with Your Radio Show, and Puppet show ideas?
If you start making some stuff like CD's or on demand books of some kind, I'm ready to send you some of my hard earned money!
Should be published and on the shelves of local bookstores.
ReplyDeleteI cant stand the whole "if only some executive gave me a million dollars I could create amazing cartoons" attitude.
ReplyDeleteYou are talking about people who pretty much invented internet cartoons without getting paid. It's possible that at this point in their lives John and Eddie are interested in strategies that pay, not ones that maybe pan out. I can't blame them. I likes dollas.
It's alo true that the industry badly needs reform. It has to be dealt with. Why should the assholes win? What's good about that?
That was so depressing....yet fun to read!!! Great pictures too!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat, now I'm going to have nightmares!
ReplyDeleteEW!!!! John, those were gross!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh, and thank you John, for the photo. Apparently cartoon writers have at least three vaginas.
ReplyDeleteHey Eddie,
ReplyDeleteWatch that "Your mother..." McKimson clip again. Would you say the father hawk is using the Delsarte methods in his acting?
If you change the words "animation writer" to the "n" word, it puts a whole new twist on your story.
ReplyDeleteJohn: LOL!
ReplyDeleteJorge, David, Cletus, Steve, Max, Kali: Thanks much!
IDRC: LOL! And thanks for answering Anon!
OhJ: Thanks for the kind words! I'd do the radio and puppet shows tomorrow if I could, but the programs take time to figure out. I'm just waiting til I get the time to learn them.
Anon: You're probably a animation writer, or maybe an apiring one. That's OK, there's plenty of room in the industry for good writers but...in my humble opinion...and if you're an ethical kind of guy...and if you have an inkling of the great things that are ahead if only artists could push them through...you'll want to work for an artist/director and not try to take his job.
HA!
ReplyDeleteSee... THIS is the kind of vilification I like.
And Stephen? I hated "What's Happening" AND "What's happening now."
All the best...
Another bitch slap of reality from Uncle Eddie. There has to be some sort of genetic defect in the writers that want to destroy cartoons, no one can be that evil and be normal.
ReplyDelete"Apparently cartoon writers have at least three vaginas." at least.
ReplyDelete>>I also have some sentences that start with "Your mother..." but they are for another guy in another thread.
ReplyDeleteAnd those words are, "Your mother is a saint." How kind of you to say.
I have two words for you, and they aren't "happy birthday."
You're welcome.
ReplyDeleteI loved Shirley Hemphill... even more than Valerie Bertinelli.
ReplyDeleteSee ya
Steve
This does my notochords good. Thank you, Uncle Eddie!
ReplyDeleteMax: Delsarte? Yes, it's great isn't it?
ReplyDeleteWil: Nice picture of Benjamin!
ReplyDeleteOh, and thank you John, for the photo. Apparently cartoon writers have at least three vaginas.
ReplyDelete"Apparently cartoon writers have at least three vaginas." at least.
Wait--I thought it was the cartoonists who are getting fucked eight ways from Sunday.
Spizz: Good to hear from you again!
ReplyDelete