THEORY CORNER FOR WOMEN (NO MEN ALLOWED)

Imagine my excitement when the editor of Theory Corner for Women burst into my office and informed me that if I hurried I might just be able to get an interview with the world-famous cartoonist and stud muffin, Uncle Eddie, at his fabulous Theory Mansion. I didn't need to be told twice!

It was night by the time I arrived at the house. Uncle Eddie's social secretary led me to the sprawling grounds in back, to a large outdoor hot tub. A maid was lighting up bits of paper in a nearby outdoor fireplace. When it flared up, she threw in kindling wood, then placed a few logs on top. Uncle Eddie was sitting in the in water, surrounded by candles, thoughtfully looking up at the stars.

One glance at Uncle Eddie and I almost forgot that I was a working girl. When he spoke to the maid his speech was odd, a little English or maybe mixed from foreign travel. He had a solid look, with gentle, squinty eyes, and sensuous buck teeth. His hair, almost grey, seemed impossible to keep down. After introductions were made, and Uncle Eddie graciously posed for a picture (above), the interview began.

TCFW: "Do you feel like living, Uncle Eddie?"

Uncle Eddie: "I always feel like living, as you call it. death is just death -- dying off -- disinterest in everything -- decay. And I am not decaying, I hope.

TCFW: "Are you a happy man?"

Uncle Eddie: "What does happiness mean to you? I mean, how do you equate it? For me it's all love, no matter what else you call it. Some people call it power, To me it's very simple -- love, love, love..."

TCFW: "But what kind of love? Body love, spiritual love?"

Uncle Eddie: "The whole works! No matter how it begins, it must end with the whole works -- that's how I look at it."

TCFW: "A woman needs that too...'

Uncle Eddie: "A woman needs many things -- but mostly affection, constant affection."

TCFW: "You make it sound simple."

Uncle Eddie: "I think we're talking too much about it, talking about something that needs very little speech."

The outdoor fireplace was sparking. A twig sprang out and fell on the ground between us.

Uncle Eddie: "This is the way the world will end. Not with a whimper, but with fire -- a big fire."