I have a problem! A friend and frequent commenter on this site has a feud going with my other friend John K, and takes every opportunity to knock him in print. I know what you're thinking: so what? John can take care of himself. Weeeel, it's not that simple.The person I have in mind is slow to anger but once aroused...Holy Cow! Run for the storm cellar! The man doesn't stop till his opponent is a bloody mass of palpitating organs on the floor(I mean this in a verbal sense; the man isn't violent). This guy isn't just an angry young man, he's a Tasmanian Devil!
I thought of asking my friend to cool down and take a vacation from the site for a while, and I'll do that if I have to, but I'm really conflicted about it. I just don't feel comfortable with censorship. I've wracked my brain to think of some other way of handling this and here's the best solution I could come up with...
...WE NEED TO FIND THIS MAN A GIRL! Not just any girl but a girl who's a Tasmanian Devil in her own right... someone who can match the guy growl for growl, then kiss and make up. They say love soothes the savage beast. Let's put that to the test!
To all Theory Corner Women...if you're single, and maybe a bit on the temperamental side...or if you have a girlfriend who's proud that she doesn't take guff from anybody...Boy, do I have the man for you! Of course this girl shouldn't be too shabby in the looks department. The man I have in mind is rather studly and can't be expected to lower his standards. What does he look like? Let's see...he's in good shape... maybe in his early thirties...neat...well-spoken. One person I asked thought he looked like Marlon Brando (above).
I think he looks like John Garfield (above).
Now this man can be a real terror to outsiders but he's a real pussycat to his friends and co-workers. He's in no way shape or form abusive. He's literate and he's a hard worker. His only flaw is that he verbally rips the heads off people he thinks are pompous and beats them verbally to death with their own tendons. Well, we all have defects.
Some girls are like that too! Imagine how happy a girl like that would be with someone of her own species!
I hope Theory Corner readers will come to my aid here. If you have a candidate in mind please put her picture and contact info up somewhere you can link to. Imagine how good you'll feel knowing that you brought two kindred souls together!
I think he looks like John Garfield (above).
Now this man can be a real terror to outsiders but he's a real pussycat to his friends and co-workers. He's in no way shape or form abusive. He's literate and he's a hard worker. His only flaw is that he verbally rips the heads off people he thinks are pompous and beats them verbally to death with their own tendons. Well, we all have defects.
Some girls are like that too! Imagine how happy a girl like that would be with someone of her own species!
I hope Theory Corner readers will come to my aid here. If you have a candidate in mind please put her picture and contact info up somewhere you can link to. Imagine how good you'll feel knowing that you brought two kindred souls together!
Haha, that Freleng drawing that you posted makes me cringe.
ReplyDeleteTwo words, Eddie:
ReplyDelete"Tony Curtis!"
hows'about Ann Coulter?
ReplyDeleteEddie, how do you know he's not gay?
ReplyDeleteI second Ann Coulter, except for the fact that nobody has proved she's not a man.
ReplyDeleteEEEEEE! The Tasmanian Devil pictures are so cute.
ReplyDeleteNow that I got my "girly-girl" out of the way....
Question for craig d: Tony Curtis? Are you suggesting him for Uncle Eddie's friend, or are you saying that Uncle Eddie's friend looks like Tony Curtis?
>hows'about Ann Coulter?
ReplyDeleteHe's too liberal for her. They`d do nothing but bicker.
Wait, maybe she is perfect for him.
Anonymous said: "I second Ann Coulter, except for the fact that nobody has proved she's not a man."
ReplyDeleteEww, talk about your "Wild Turkey Surprise"!!
Why not just start your own blog? Immoderate rants are what the blogosphere does best.
ReplyDeleteHi Eddie,
ReplyDeleteI thought you might have been hinting that this person was me, but then I read this sentence:
"What does he look like? Let's see...he's in good shape... maybe in his early thirties...One person I asked thought he looked like Marlon Brando...I think he looks like John Garfield..."
That's when I knew it couldn't be me. I'd kill somebody's mother in order to looked like John Garfield or Marlon Brando! In good shape? Please! My waist tells me differently. Early thirties? HA! I only wish I was that young again!
I wonder who this person could be, then? Everybody here seems so polite.
Hunsecker: For crying out loud, don't run yourself down in print! I'm trying to get you a girl!
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ReplyDeletejennifer:
ReplyDeleteAll will be revealed HERE!
Ann Coulter for sure.
ReplyDeleteAnn Coulter is a cruel, bullying, hypocritical, emaciated bag of bones. An apologist for the secretive, authoritarian wealthy people in power. she's either clinically insane or an amoral sociopath.
ReplyDeleteI can't stand the sound of her braying, Mr. Ed-like voice. There is nothing remotely attractive, warm or appealing about the woman, if she even IS a woman.
Is she available?
>>Hunsecker: For crying out loud, don't run yourself down in print! I'm trying to get you a girl!<<
ReplyDeleteI'm starting to get the sneaking suspicion that maybe this post really IS about me.
Yaaaay! Awesome way of handling the situation Eddie. I'm still grinning. :-D.
ReplyDelete>That's when I knew it couldn't be >me. I'd kill somebody's mother in >order to looked like John Garfield >or Marlon Brando! In good shape? >Please! My waist tells me >differently. Early thirties? HA! I >only wish I was that young again!
ReplyDeleteUh huh huh huh, JJ hates himself, huh huh huh huh :)
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ReplyDeleteI'd like to wrangle me a three-way with Ann Coulter and Shirley Phelps Roper. It'd be interesting to say the least.
ReplyDeleteWe had a dog in our family that was like a tasmanian devil...
ReplyDeleteSee ya
Steve
Thad, that Shirley Phelps cunt makes Ann Coulter look like Mother Theresa.
ReplyDeleteHi Jorge,
ReplyDeleteMother Theresa is worse than both of them put together.
>>Eddie, how do you know he's not gay?<<
ReplyDeleteHello Brian,
I'm not gay (in either the happy or homosexual sense of the word) but I must say, you are a handsome man. If I were in prison I'd want you to be my cellmate.
I verbally abuse people I don't like (and even some that I do) all the time and it never prompts my buddies to set me up. In fact, they go out of their way to cockblock me. Whats up with that?
ReplyDeleteNow if you're implying your friend just needs to get laid then go the discount route and hit either a Vegas brothel or a local massage parlor (with a 'full release' coupon, of course). In the long run, it will save money, time and mental anguish... with the added benefit of him not being dragged into her personal astrologer or psychic to see if their signs are compatible.
Hey Eddie,
ReplyDeleteMaybe this will explain my behavior and why I frequent your blog so much.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnTOzItCszY
(I wish I knew how to post a link like Craig D. does...)
"she's either clinically insane or an amoral sociopath." or worse: a moral sociopath.
ReplyDelete"Mother Theresa is worse than [Shirley Phelps-Roper and Ann Coulter] put together."
ReplyDeleteI am in awe at the extreme stupidity of this statement. I think it's fairly obvious you don't mean it, but the fact that you so readily spout Chris Hitchen's thesis and pretend like it's your own proves how incredibly stupid you really are.
Take your foot out of your mouth, along with Chris Hitchen's dick.
That's it for me, folks.
Actually, Chris Hitchens is insane too. I haven't read any of his books though, but he was once a great journalist.
ReplyDeleteJorge, why do you hate freedom (and me) so much?
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ReplyDeleteThough she is a stupid evil bitch, Ann Coulter is easy on the eyes.
ReplyDeleteJeez, and people here thought I was bad...
ReplyDeleteReally Jorge, is that kind of insult towards Thad called for? When are you guys going to get along and play nice? Or at least keep the debate civil, like me and Kricfalusi do.
Jorge, I'd like to believe that anyone who liked The Departed has some smarts. Please prove me right.
Thad,
ReplyDeleteChristopher Hitchens wrote a great article for Harper's called The Case Against Henry Kissenger. It's now a book.
That was before he went off the deep end after 9/11.
"Jorge, I'd like to believe that anyone who liked The Departed has some smarts. Please prove me right."
ReplyDeleteNot to sound mean but liking THE DEPARTED dosen't require alot of smarts. Don't get me wonrg,it was a great film but Marty's earlier works should have gotten oscars like TAXI DRIVER or RAGING BULL.
>I wish I knew how to post a link like Craig D. does...
ReplyDeleteHopefully you're not being sarcastic Hunsecker. Here's a link to Craig's post on how to embed links.
I would have let him post it but it's probably easier for me to do it since I have to look it up every other day.
rogelio: Wow! I have blog groupies! Who knew?
ReplyDeleteHello Brian,
ReplyDeleteI'm not gay (in either the happy or homosexual sense of the word) but I must say, you are a handsome man. If I were in prison I'd want you to be my cellmate.
LOL! Honestly, I didn't even know who Eddie was talking about. I just wanted to add a dumb comment. Thanks for the compliment though!
>>Not to sound mean but liking THE DEPARTED dosen't require alot of smarts. Don't get me wonrg,it was a great film but Marty's earlier works should have gotten oscars like TAXI DRIVER or RAGING BULL.<<
ReplyDeleteI agree that Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, and (I would add) Goodfellas are Scorsese's best films. But The Departed is no slouch.
>>Hopefully you're not being sarcastic Hunsecker. Here's a link to Craig's post on how to embed links.<<
ReplyDeleteNo sarcasm meant there. Thanks for the info.
"But The Departed is no slouch."
ReplyDeleteOh by no means,wonderful preformances overall.However it's not as compeling as Scorsese's earlier films.
I was sorry to have missed this delightful thread (away on a trip) but I wanted to second what Cableclaire said: Eddie's brilliance extends into many dimensions: art, theory -- and now social skills!
ReplyDelete