My local library just gave away a bunch of magazines, among them some Elles and some Vogues. I took home some samples which I'll share with you. It's pretty weird stuff.
How do you like this cover (above)? I haven't read the article which explains it, but it appears to be about Drew Barrymore who has just fallen into a pool in her new bondage evening gown. She managed to pull herself out just as a gunman came along and announced that he's going to shoot her. Wow! Heavy stuff!
Vogue ran a "Daring Evening" article (above). Boy, it's daring alright! Let's see...a cheetah bra with thick satin drapery pants, and gold ultra-heel snakeskin shoes wrapped in white velvet ribbon. Wow! I wish I could have seen the Lucy Ricardo moment when she brought it home and showed it to her husband.
Photos like this always come with quotes. They're surprisingly deep. Does the magazine hire philosophers?
Here's (above) a "Daring Duo." It's a super thin, skin-tight body stocking with a breast-eradicating bra and chattering teeth necklace. Add to that jewel-studded raspy pantaloons and black peek-a-boo heels. Less than $4,000 before tax. A steal!
Wait a minute, the article doesn't tell us what the handbag costs. It's a tiny thing, so maybe they throw it in for free.
Most handbags in the ads (above) are enormous. I guess a woman needs a big handbag to set off her feathered crotch.
Here's (above) another picture associating handbags with crotches. The signifigance of this will probably hit me when I'm walking down the street a month from now, but right now I haven't got a clue. Boy, women are hard to figure out!
A lot of the pages in Elle and Vogue are devoted to ads. Here's an ad for Bed Head Foxy Curls. It takes five Foxy Curl products to get that zombie look. You've got your Foxy shampoo and "moisturelicious" conditioner, your "extreme" mousse, your Foxy contour cream (whatever that is), and your Foxy hair spray.
Bare skin abounds in women's magazines, but the gay men in the ads never seem to be turned on by it. This guy (above) is positively repulsed by the idea that his girlfriend took her blouse off. His whole day has been ruined, you can tell.
By the way, the guy is wearing black lipstick and has slicked-down fascist future hair. Is that what lies ahead for men?
Haw! Cartoon Steve (
http://cartoonsteve.weebly.com/) sent me this picture of me ogling the Calvin Klein girl. Thanks Steve! I hope I get a modeling job out of it!
I predict that "Daring Duo" will come to be regarded as one of the great comic images of the 21st Century. A 2-legged female centaur using just the butt end of the horse.
ReplyDeleteStunning, strange, erotic, and racy at the same time! I don't even read Vogue or Elle, but whenever I see one of their magazines on sale the next time, I'll definitely take a look at them.
ReplyDelete"By the way, the guy is wearing black lipstick and has slicked-down fascist future hair. Is that what lies ahead for men?"
Funny thing about that. I actually knew a gay "vampire" (he thought of himself as one. Don't ask me why.) student from my old middle school who actually would put on black lipstick, black clothing, and even black nail polish on his fingers. I never cared for his fashion sense (many people I knew there literally hated the guy just because of his homosexuality. Poor fellow.), but it just astounded how the last magazine photo in the post reminded me of that guy.
If I was in the last ad, I be happy, instead of disgusted.
ReplyDeleteClearly the Calvin Klein ad was ahead of it's time, as it features a gay vampire and the walking undead, two things that are very popular right now.
ReplyDeleteI think the advertisements in magazines tell the story about how the culture of the buyer is perceived. You can even do this now with the remaining published magazines, and see what people think of a group as a subculture.
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For some reason the fact that you can afford to wear 4000$ Louis Vuitton shoes and look incredible in them makes all these people look depressed... or hungry.
ReplyDeleteIt would seem that all vampires today are not only undead, but also unstraight!
ReplyDeleteThat last picture looks like a multiple choice. I didn't even notice the guy at first.
ReplyDeleteHe has a single earring in his right ear & a naked girl which signifies that he's butch. The authentic-looking graffiti gives it a West Side Story vibe.
That little Calvin Klein purse is a trademark. Millions of women have one (or a counterfeit). It's a "my first Louis Vuitton" item.
What I love is when they show the male models playing chess or reading a leatherbound book in a private library .with the same sour expression
ReplyDeleteHahaha, don't be silly! Vogue and Elle have not been an accurate representation of reality, future or otherwise, for years! Men will continue to wear whatever's on the top of the drawer, same as they always have.
ReplyDeleteThose magazines have some really great pictures, though. The outfits can jog the imagination, and the photography is often stunning. My only complaint is that the models always have the same cold, unapproachable attitude.
Ha - I couldn't resist. Heres a more realistic expression for the Calvin Klein ad: JPEG Link
ReplyDeleteI've always found "high fashion" a great joke. I remember when some fasion designer did a presentation of fall mens' fasions and one of the models had on a leather Roman skirt!
ReplyDeleteWho in their right mind would wear that? Most high fasion seems very impractical - and expensive.
I'll stick to what one fasion designer called "dead clothing" - cheap jeans, sneakers, and simple shirts. At least if I tear or dirty them it won't cost me a whole paycheck to buy a new one!
Cartoon Steve: Haw! Thanks much! I added it to the article!
ReplyDeleteJack: I'm with you, but fashion is moving in a definite direction, and it's far from jeans and t-shirts. I honestly think I know what's coming. Read the next post.
Jack: Oops! Not the next post, but I'll get to the subject soon!
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