PHILOSOPHY FOR CRIMINALS (STARRING, "THE PHILOSOPHY GIRLS")

BUTTERCUP: "Wow! Girls, look at this article! It says in the animal kingdom you find creatures that kill for sport, even when they're not hungry. They just want stay in practice, and they find any activity other than hunting to be boring. The author says that maybe some humans are like that."

PETUNIA: "That sounds a little more complicated than it needs to be, Buttercup. Murderers just want something, and they rub people out who get in their way."

GLADYS: "Hmmm. You're assuming that most murderers think about what they do, but I think it's more...impulsive...than that. They don't think about it...they just do it, and regret it later!"

VIOLET: "Well, I don't know if that really explains it, Gladys. I mean, most people are able to restrain themselves."

MILDRED: "Maybe murderers aren't like everybody else. Maybe they were just born without self control."

GLADIOLA: "Wait a minute. I think I get what Violet was driving at. Murderers must have self control...if they didn't they wouldn't be able to get through the day."

RODNEYETTA: "Yeah! The act of murder might have been impulsive, but there was a precondition. The murderer had to have laid the groundwork by doing a lot of thinking about the subject over months and years."

GERTRUDE: "Right! Over time the murderer psychs himself into thinking that he's an adventurer, or an instrument of higher justice. He gradually refines the image of himself as he who favors the decisive act, he who is superior to the average man who overthinks everything."

GLADYS: Wow! Heavy!!!!"

GRETTA: "It's heavy, alright! The murderer primes himself with so much bad philosophy, that the violent, impulsive act becomes inevitable."

LILY: "So what do we do? It's hard to flush out bad philosophy!"

DARLENE: "Maybe we should write a book that argues right to the points that convince borderline people to commit crime."

DAISY: "I don't know, Darlene...do you really think they'd read it? I mean...do murderers read?"

MAGNOLIA: "Of course they do! Human beings are thinking creatures! They'll read it if it really argues directly to the points they care about! We're The Philosophy Girls! We can do it!!!!"

ALL (ALMOST ALL): "Hooray!!! Well said, Magnolia! Now let's take a quick skinny dip to clear our minds!"

THE END

Many thanks to Auralynn When for the terrific pictures!