Sunday, November 20, 2011

MAKE YOUR MOTHER HAPPY

If you're a guy, and you want to make your mother happy, there's no easier way to do it than to send her a picture of yourself in a suit. All parents, no matter how laid back, no matter how criminally inclined or grody they are, yearn to see a picture of their son in a well-tailored suit. Photo editing software makes that easy to do, so why deny that simple pleasure to them? Why not send them a distinguished picture of yourself this very day? Here's a little help from the staff of Theory Corner...

First, you'll need a good picture to graft your head onto. I recommend the one above, which I believe is the young Humphrey Bogart. It's black and white, which avoids color matching problems, and the pose is simple and direct.


Here's (above) a photo of my own face grafted onto Bogart's body.  I took a black and white picture of myself with the computer's camera,  cut out my face using the Lasso Tool, and slid it over Humprey's face with no further adjustment. I just can't believe how quick and easy it all was. The flat lighting on my my face, the ghost image, the chicken feathers coming out of my cheek...none of these flaws were bad enough to prevent the picture from being a parent pleaser.


Of course, Humphrey might not be to every one's taste. How about Errol Flynn (above) instead?


Or Tyrone Power (above)?


One more photo: this one to send to wives, not mothers. Put your face over Tyrone's. 


4 comments:

  1. Good lord! Were men genetically better looking back then or is it just the black and white photos? From now on all pictures taken of me shall be black and white. By the way, Eddie, what if I don't want to make her happy, what if I want to make her UNHAPPY? Should I take a picture of myself holding a picture of myself wearing a suit? Then she'll know a picture of me wearing the suit exists, but she'll also know that she doesn't have it. heh heh heh. Oh, mother...

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  2. Eddie, you're a genius! What a timely gift suggestion.

    This is a gift every parent will treasure. You look so employable.

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  3. Shawn: You want to make your mom UNHAPPY!!!???? Hmmmmm. Well, I guess you could send her a picture of you huddled in a blanket in the snowflakes, unsuccessfully bumming money from passersbys.

    My whole family had markedly greater respect for me when I showed them the graft where I look like Bertrand Russell.

    Pappy: Employable? That's a good thing!

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