I wouldn't make a very good guru. I haven't really learned much about life, and much of what I do know is so commonplace that it wouldn't be worth repeating. Even so, there are a few little odds and ends that you might be interested in hearing. See what you think of these minor pearls of wisdom:
The first has to do with the proper way to apologize. If you're sincere about an apology, never dilute it with qualifiers. Never say, "I'm sorry I left the gate open and the dog got out, but it never would have happened if you hadn't......." That's not a real apology. You're still blaming the other person. It's better to say, "I'm sorry I left the gate open. I just wasn't paying attention." You take all the blame on yourself...because it's an apology, remember?
The second pearl of wisdom has to do with the proper way to comfort a friend who's just had a setback. Never say, "I'm sorry you missed the party. It was great!" Say instead, "How come you missed the party? Everybody was asking for you!" A friend just let me down that way, and it made me feel better.
For the same reason never say, "After you were laid off the rest of us adjusted and the work is going smoothly now." Say instead, "After you were laid off there was chaos. We're still struggling with it." Why pass up a chance to make somebody feel good about themselves?
Let's see....is that all? No wait, there's one more item: when insulting a person in the heat of a shouting argument, always use profanity. Never say, "You incompetent idiot! My kid could do better than that!" Say instead: "You bastard! Get your head out of your ass!" People remember personal insults about their competence. They forget profanity.
This advice arises from a profanity laden fight I witnessed between an employer and an employee. The employee finally stormed out, slamming the door behind him, and I was certain that he'd never work there again. Amazingly he was back at the desk a couple of days later. Why? In spite of all the shouting, neither had said anything very personal about the other. In some circles profanity is an acceptable way of letting off steam. Nobody gets permanently offended by it.
Interesting, huh?
Great tips! I always hate it when people try to issue these insincere, condescending apologies without considering the other person's feelings.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of profanity, are you familiar with the Scottish chef Gordon Ramsay? You should watch Kitchen Nightmares (both US and UK versions), Hell's Kitchen, and the documentary Boiling Point to get a good idea of how he motivates and insults his employees and the people he tries to help. He doesn't sugarcoat anything and always tells people the truth, even if it's laced with lots of profanity.