Finally I came to the last one, which was not a hat but rather a toupee. It was the nine dollar "Tacky Toupee" pictured above, near the top. The instant I put it on my jaw dropped. In fact, the jaws of everyone at the table dropped. Nobody was laughing. There was dead silence. All, including me, were stunned.
Poor Milt didn't know why everybody was staring. Finally someone blurted out: "Oh, my God! He looks ten years younger!" I said more like twenty. We were all amazed. it was just a stupid horsehair wig, yet it sheared years off his apparent age.
The lesson I learned was that one day, when my hirsute days are over and I get really thin on top, I'm going to cover up with a toupee or a baseball cap. It just doesn't make any sense to deny myself the self-confidence that comes from faking a full head of hair.
I have inherited the 'chrome dome' and enjoy the cool breeze blowing over my scalp in my private life. However, like my hero director/actor Ron Howard, I wear a ball-cap in public. While Howard still looks like Richie Cunningham, I just look like an old dude with a hat.
ReplyDeleteHats are better 'cause they don't insult the intelligence of the rest of the world. If I ever had to wear a toupee it would have to be at gunpoint, and even then I'd leave it in the shrink wrap, or leave the price tag hanging off it like Minnie Pearl.
ReplyDeleteI believe this James Bond actor is wearing the same toupee!
ReplyDeleteJoel: I wonder why Ron Howard doesn't cut cut his hair closer to the head? He'd look better.
ReplyDeleteMike: It would be a mistake for a toupee owner to try to keep the rug a secret. Better to make a joke out of it...but still wear it.
Don: Haw!!!