THE CHRISTMAS CAROL (ABRIDGED)

EXT. SCROOGE'S OFFICE: ORPHANS SING CHRISTMAS CAROLS ON THE CORNER.

SCROOGE: "Beat it! SCRAM! Amscray!"

THE ORPHAN GIRL RUNS BACK, BITES SCROOGE'S HAND.

INT. SCROOGE'S OFFICE:

CHARITY COLLECTOR: "Mr. Scrooge, how are you?"

SCROOGE: "I'll be better after I soak my hand. What do you want?"

CHARITY COLLECTOR: "We're here to collect for the poor. It's that time of year  when want is sorely felt. We figure a gift of...oooh...10 pounds should do it."

SCROOGE: Ten pounds!? Are you nuts!!? Are there no workhouses? No treadmills? Get out! GET OUT!" 

NO SOONER DO THE TWO COLLECTORS EXIT,  THAN TWO MORE STEP INSIDE....

SCROOGE: "NO!!!!!!!"

....AND THEN WALK RIGHT STRAIGHT OUT AGAIN.

SCROOGE'S NEPHEW BURSTS IN:

NEPHEW: "Uncle Scrooge! I came to wish you a Merry Christmas!!!"

SLAP! SLAP!

NEPHEW: "How the heck are ya, Uncle? How the heck are ya'?"

NEPHEW: "Um...er...I don't suppose you could lend me a couple of pounds? I want to get a present for my...."

SCROOGE: "Go away. Just go away!"

THE NEPHEW EXITS.

SCROOGE (TO HIS CAT): "How are you, Bootsie? You don't want anything, do you?"

SCROOGE'S CAT BEGS WORDLESSLY FOR MORE FISH HEADS.

SCROOGE: "Bowser?"

HIS DOG BEGS FOR A BIGGER BONE.

THE GOLDFISH BEGS FOR MORE TURTLE FOOD.

SCROOGE: "Humbug! I can't get any work done here!"

SCROOGE: "Cratchet, you should count yourself lucky. You live in a miserable hovel, you eat rats just to get a little protein, but at least your little crippled boy, Tiny Tim, has a level head. He's not interested in baubles and toys like the rest of these ninnies."

  

ON TINY TIM, LOOKING IN A TOY STORE WINDOW:

HE IS DEFINITELY INTERESTED IN BAUBLES AND TOYS!

CRATCHET: "UM, Mr. Scrooge....er, could you see your way to lending me a pound or two so the family can buy presents for...."

SCROOGE: "Nnnno!"

ON THE STREET: SCROOGE WALKS HOME:

CROWD OF PANHANDLERS: "Spare change?" "Brother, can you spare a pence?" "C'mon...just a ha'penny!" "Spread a little lovin.' "

SCROOGE: "No! No! Nada! Zip! Nein!"

CROWD OF PANHANDLERS (CONT): " 'Spare a farthing?" Two pence is all I ask!" Spare change?" "Don't be a tightwad!" "Let's have it, ya old miser!

SCROOGE: "NO! Nope! Not a chance! Naah! Uh-uh! No!"

BLIND BEGGER: "Buddy, can you spare a......"

SCROOGE: "NO-O-O-O!!!!!!!!!!"

SCROOGE APPROACHES HIS HOME....

....TAKES OUT HIS KEYS....

MARLEY (GHOST-LIKE) (VO): "S c r o o o o o o o g e!"

ON THE DOOR KNOCKER:

MARLEY'S FACE APPEARS:

MARLEY (WAILS LIKE A GHOST): "S C R O O O O O G E!!!!!"

MARLEY (VOICE CHANGE): "Scrooge, how's about slipping me a pound or two? It's Christmas and I just wanna buy a few presents for the other ghosts. Nothing fancy, just..........."


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Aaaaargh! I goofed up the whole story! It could have been a lot funnier.  I just didn't have time to do it right. There's so much to do in the week before Christmas! *Sigh!*