Talk about a page-turner...it's hard to imagine anyone reading this putting it down and making a sandwich. I wish I could remember where I got it. It's all dialogue so maybe it was a screenplay. Anyway, the author had the knack, no doubt about it. See what you think.
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Willie: You're laughing at me again! You're always laughing at me. But you won't feel so funny with this knife in you.
Cecily: Sit down Willie, and don't threaten me. You don't frighten me at all. But you might scare the servants and give them more to gossip about.
Willie: My God! she has no higher thought than that! Even now, when death stares her in the face! Why aren't you saying your prayers, you fool?
Cecily: Put down that knife! Put it down, I say! I could save myself by raising my voice, but you know I'd rather die than bring the servants in on a scene like this!
Willie: A scene! Why woman, I'm going to kill you. Don't you understand anything? You've only got a minute to live. Say your prayers! Damn you! Say your prayers!
Cecily: Calm down, Willie; calm down, I beg you. You must control yourself. Please! -- as a favor to me.
Willie: You dare to ask me for favors? Go ask for them from the man you've given favors to! The man? The men!
Cecily: You dirty little weasel!
(Willie stabs her deep in the heart, and she screams involuntarily)
Servant: Beg pardon, ma'am, but did you call?
Cecily: No...er, yes, I -- I am ill -- a little -- suddenly. Telephone for Doctor --Doctor --the nearest doctor. You'd better run.
Servant: But ma'am, you are bleeding!
Cecily: I spilled some wine on my dress. The doctor! Why are you still here?
(The servant runs out)
Willie: What have I done? What have I done?
Cecily: You've killed me, that's all. It was such a funny thing for you to do, so old fashioned.
Willie: You are too beautiful to die! I won't let you die!
Cecily: It's growing very dark, Willie -- very dark! and I'm drifting, I wonder where? Can you hear my voice way off there? Better throw me a kiss, and wish me bon voyage.
HAHAHA! YES! Priceless book covers and scenes.
ReplyDeleteNo.No!NO!N-O-O-O!!!
ReplyDeleteDon't let her die! She's too, too, far too funny to die!
I'd read romance novels if they were as upfront with the absurdity of their plots as that.
ReplyDeleteIt's why I don't watch 'Sex and the City'. Four insane women sounding insipid, and there's no tongue-in-cheek aspect; it's just unadulterated busy-bodying.
Also why I don't watch 'The View'. Yuppie mental masturbation. Especially since Rosie left.
- trevor.
PS: Did you design those silly versions of the covers, Eddie?
Dear Sir, I prefer Mr. Longmire's "For the LOVE of SCOTTIE MCMULLET".
ReplyDeleteThere's a whole section in my library with those ridiculous over the top romance novels.
ReplyDeleteThey're all really thick, and have a bronzed man with alarmingly huge pecs ravaging some lusty damsel. Her dress is usually half ripped off, she's clutching his chest and he's about to chew her throat out.
Not to mention the locations. Usually it's on a cliff, or a rock by a raging sea in a thunderstorm.
Hilarious.
I used to read this kind of fiction at my library until I kept encountering dried stains that caused too many pages to stick together.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I should admit this, but my wife used to do illustrations for romance novel covers. Really obscure ones for ebook readers, but still, they were recognisably romance novel covers.
ReplyDeletepseudonym, You aren't really admitting it, as you are writing about it pseudonymously.
ReplyDelete"He never watched where he was going....Because he couldn't see".
ReplyDeleteBrilliant.
I like to think that Cecily survived, changed her name to Cleopatra Pepperday and later sang to W.C. Fields of her happier days with Willie, gathering up the shells by the seashore.
ReplyDeleteEddie, have you found that most "woman oriented" romance novels focus on interactions (thoughts, dialog, touching), while most "male oriented" novels focus on intra-action (swordplay, guns, speeding cars, bash-em-with-da-club, etc)?
ReplyDelete