Boy, I really made a mistake by starting the "Love nerds" blog so quickly, with only the smallest warning. Very few people had ready-made films to post, and making one from scratch is a big undertaking if you haven't done it before. I think I'll modify the Nerd site to accept still photographs as well as videos, and put a little less emphasis on romance. It would simply be nice to see the people who post here, so if you have a photo, send me a link and I'll post it on Love Nerds.
Anyway, the subject of romance is still heavy on my mind, so here's my latest thought on the subject. It's a question: what percentage of the crowd above...of the opposite sex in the crowd above...are likely to find your type of person appealing? What percentage would want to have a serious relationship with someone like you? Well, obviously there's no telling, but my strong hunch is that the number would be smaller than you think.
You look at any group photo and at first glance it looks like at least half of the people in it might find someone like you appealing, but look again. People have a lot of unconscious prejudices. The closer you look the more plausible it is that something about you might seem vaguely alien to some of these people. I'm not talking about racial or ethnic distinctions. I mean something more peculiar than that.
[Since all my photo reference is of women, I'll assume the reader is a guy.]
For example, smooth skin people (above) usually prefer to date other smooth skin people . If you don't have smooth skin, then you're just not on their list.
Some people (above) are realists. They just wouldn't feel comfortable dating head-in-the-clouds "artsy" types. Some artsy types have the same bias against realists.
Some people are in the fast lane and only want to date other fast lane types. Ditto the slow lane.
Some really nice girls are kind of pricey and high maintenance. Can you afford them?
Big-boned women are unfailingly kind, but their hearts belong to manly truck drivers.
Some girls are never without a boyfriend. Within 24 hours of breaking up, they're back in the harness again with a new guy. You can try to date them, but you better be prepared to digest a knuckle sandwich.
Some girls (above) only want to date Mr. Right. Maybe you don't fit that description. Maybe the girl has a fantasy about living with her lover in a Thomas Kinkade house with with heart-shaped throw pillows, and glass unicorns on wicker shelves. Maybe you're a grungeball.
Girls with very small mouths tend to date men with small mouths, why I don't know.
Maybe something about the girl bothers you. This girl's stare bothers me. I had a friend once who used to date a girl who stared at him. She didn't mean anything by it, but my friend found the stare withering, as if she had seen into his soul and found it lacking. He had to stop going out with her.
It's amazing that with so many obstacles that couples still seem to find each other. They say that half of all marriages don't work, but the flip side of that is that half of them do. That means there's a lot of happy people out there.
20 comments:
Thanks for the nudge. maybe i'll put something together.
I'm gonna go ahead and say that a goof 2% of women in the world would find me appealing.
As for the girl who stares at you, it reminds me of Mad Men. "Come over here." "Why?" "Because I feel like you can see right through me..."
I met the man of my dreams on Match.com. Five 1/2 years later, we are married, own a house (well, are paying for a house), and are more suited to each other than ever. If we disagree about something, we just lie down and talk about it until we understand the situation from both sides, form a plan, and act on it. Works great!
I think we work together well because we are both very intellectual types. We have lots to talk about. I am more fof a Feeler than he is, so I've helped him to learn to express emotions instead of holding them in so long. He has taught me responsibility and perseverance.
In terms of looks: We both have fair skin, but I have dark brown hair and hazel eyes, he has blonde hair and blue eyes. He's tall and slender, I am average height and slender. I'm an extrovert, he's an introvert.
There is a test somewhere online to determine your "type" by having you rapidly select faces from a changing selection. I will try to find it for you, Eddie.
On the other hand, you don't need more than one true love at a time.
There are 3 billion members of the opposite sex. There's no school tomorrow & many unattached girls are receptive to the idea of having a presentable date for the holiday party season. Girls: asking someone out is scary & potentially humiliating, but you can do it! Don't let the stale customs of a dying patriarchy deny you your happiness.
The odds of finding a real Mrs. Right increase when you stop building the fantasy Mrs. Right in your head. It's something a lot of people do when they're single and looking.
It's like going to the grocery store and searching the aisles for that perfect snack that's chocolatey, gooey, but not too nutty, but healthy, and it's not so sugary it'll hurt your teeth, and it's not in all kinds of extraneous packaging, and it has hints of cinnamon and nutmeg, and a delicious fruit filling. The more criteria I stack on to my perfect snack the more difficult it will be to find it. You eventually get to the point where your list gets so long that you crave a snack that doesn't exist!
But if you don't intellectualize things too much then you realize that there's A LOT in that grocery store that will satisfy you.
I'm betting that after the Holiday is over, people like me can get to the vid project.
I'll make a Love Nerds video, I just need time! Just so long as there's no time limit, I think people will get involved.
Thought-provoking post as usual, Uncle Eddie. Kelly Toon, pappyd and Adam T also have some really interesting commentary as well (cool story, Kelly Toon!).
The man I was going to spend the rest of my life with (he is the one that passed away going on 9 years now) was NOTHING like my "visual type"! I like tall (6ft+), Mediterranean/Middle Eastern looking, "meat-on-their-bones" build types (think Antonio Banderas), yet this man was short and blond (he had a "meaty" build, though). However, he was my "emotional type". He was really funny, intelligent, and had a lust for life.
As for your "Love Nerds" site (fascinating concept, btw), I think that's a good idea to post pictures as well as videos since it takes awhile to make a video, and someone may not want to do a video. I really enjoyed some of the posts on there so far. I also give a lot of props to those who have published their videos on the site. It take a lot to do that, and I admire that.
I agree with the others who said that you'll probably get more video entries after Thanksgiving, or maybe after Xmas.
On the sexist objectification/ scientific survey side of the scale, A friend and I once approached Playboys collections of playmates coffee table book with the notion, given that each young woman so involved had the best possible personality match for you, how many might you choose for a date or relationship? (with any stigma of posing nude not folded into the situation)
Even with a population supposedly prechosen for their attractivness, we may have given the nod to less than 2 percent, with an overlap of less than half between us.
Actually I think it was more like 1 percent and 0.5 percent. The minimal overlap is a bit telling; everybody has their type, to some degree. And I'm sure that given a larger group of those being tested, everyone of those bunnies would have found a match.
You could play this game with any collection of photos of strangers. I think the last time I played with hotornot.com years ago, I tended to be more harsh than the general populace in such judgements.
But does that mean you need to be in a situation where over a hundred may be available to you? Perhaps that is why so many mates are chosen in college. You might not be traveling in such large packs later in life.
"Maybe the girl has a fantasy about living with her lover in a Thomas Kinkade house with with heart-shaped throw pillows, and glass unicorns on wicker shelves." - HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! Awesome! You always make me laugh.
I'd say less than 2% of men in the world would find me attractive. Luckily, I found one of them!
~Amy
I haven't engaged in a 'proper' relationship in eight years. I haven't entertained the notion of a proper relationship with a specific individual in three of those eight years.
My twenties made me not cynical but skeptical. The most fun I always had was from women younger than I, because the younger they were the less focused they were on 'landing a man'.
I found that the closer to 30 a girl was, the more likely she saw me not as a potential to be happy with someone, but a 'project'. I also met a staggering percentage of females whose whole existance has been based on fantasizing about their special day: the day they get married.
I'm not opposed to marriage, I just don't see it as a sacred institution by which you should plan your future life. I also don't see how, if I date someone for ten years, and then we get married, suddenly things are different.
If nothing's going to change, why get married at all? The love's there, that's all that matters. It's like saying, "The love we have is so righteous, we gotta bring the GOVERNMENT in on this shit, Honey". If it's tax breaks you're after, just incorporate.
And as for kids? Well, I love kids, but bringing a child into the world at this poor stage we're in, seems to be me to be an awful act of cruelty. The educational system is a joke that'll only get worse, and I don't have the stomach for home-schooling.
So since most ladies spell commitment in a very specific way and are reluctant to just 'be' with someone, maybe now I can join Jorge in the ranks of the 2% men.
After all, his folks have the good beer.
- trevor.
PS: Eddie, can you accept links to MySpace pictures?
PPS: HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL MY FRIENDS HERE AT THEORY CORNER!!
PPPS: I'm partial to red heads and brunettes. Blondes? Hrm. Well, I'm no gentleman, but I'm all for fun.
Kelly: You found each other on match.com!? Son of a gun, so the video method actually works! I'm curious to see the test you talked about, and it's terrific to hear that you and your husband get along so well. Two people really are stronger than one.
Jorge: 2% is huge! That number probably contains a lot of first-rate people.
Adam: Interesting!
Mike, Josh, Aaron: Good for you!
Trevor: Haw! You sound like me before I had a family and found out how much fun it wasI
I have a different take on kids. Rational, humane and effective kids are an asset to the world, not a liability, but you need marriage to bring them up that way.
We all know about dull and boring married people, but has anyone counted the number of dull and boring single people? Maybe dull and boring has more to do with age than anything else.
Now that you mention it, I have noticed that some women seem to want a husband more than a specific man. I wonder if marriages like that are successful? Maybe those are the dull and boring marriages. Or maybe they work out fine. I wish I knew.
In my opinion it helps to marry early so you get the pick of the crop, and are most likely to get someone who genuinely loves you.
Jennifer: Boy, talk about getting derailed. What do you think of match.com and all that? It worked for Kelly! I think you talked about this in the past, but I can't remember what you said.
If you made a film for that company, why not put up a link? Me saying this has nothing to do with Love Nerds. If you have a film and haven't put it up here, I'm sure you have your reasons. I only mentioned it because if you're dissatified with it, I or someone here might think of a way to beef it up.
Amy: I'm happy for you! Boy, Jorge's 2% expression has really caught on!
Trevor,
On hair color.
There is nothing particularly attractive or unattractive about merely having Blond hair, it is those that think they HAVE to be be Blond to spend a lot of effort faking it that one might have to watch out for. They tend to use the word blonde where it is unnecessary, such as to describe someone with light brown hair you would never call a blonde, they will say that someone has 'dirty blond' hair.
The big secret regarding red heads, and their apparently early habit of augmenting nature with henna et cetera is, since they have melanin deprived follicles to begin with, they tend to go Grey before their time. Commonly in their twenties. There are bad and good connotations associated with Redheads.
Brunettes sometimes feel inferior for sharing the most common hair color, so attitudes of self esteem surrounding hair color can be just as funky here as well. Just find someone that doesn't seem damaged by their need for their hair to be a certain hue.
Many thanks,Eddie!"It would simply be nice to see the people who post here" That are seducing words,making us an offer we can't refuse and give us the easy option to send you a photo too.The vid I want to do is still a thinking in blueprint.
Hans: Redheads get grey before their time? Sometimes they start in their twenties? Fascinating! I didn't know that!
You REALLY love the image of a girly and her "glass unicorn collection", Eddie. Jesus!
Couple of things: nobody's perfect, including a potential Significant Other. Your examples are all one dimensional.
It's a fact that chemical attraction plays a big part of attraction. It's also a fact that for a lasting relationship two people better either share interests in common OR just be pretty tolerant, nice people who want to be together not based on looks, money or smooth skin but because they care about each other that much.
I don't think it's true about redheads based on my family. My aunt has always had flaming auburn hair, doesn't color it and just recently in her early 80s has about 30% gray. My dad who's younger too has half his original shade. Red in fact is one of the hardest natural shades to color artificially(with a different color that is)--the "red" is very resilient and dominant.
Going gray is an inherited thing no matter the color; my mom, a brunette with no red, went completely gray at 30. It can look quite striking on a younger person.
That's my anecdotal experience anyway. :-)
Re: your other site, Eddie-I suspect the vast majority of blog readers would never post videos. YouTube is the place for that if ones so inclined. Mixing the aims up-find a mate! AND find a job! Is a dicey juxtaposition for many, don't you think? Perhaps if the theme(s) were more broad, a spoofy "romance" post or 3 wouldn't put off other potential posters? Just a thought.
Jenny: Interesting! I don't have enough experience with hair color to offer even an anecdotal opinion.
About Love Nerds...you make a YouTube video then send me the link, so YouTubers will definitely see it. I wouldn't put people to the trouble of making a video that only Theory Corner people would see.
Having a promotional video of yourself is a good idea. Everybody should do it. You can link to it on other sites beside this one; you could even link to it on a job resume. If I were single I'd put up (on YouTube) a personal one to pitch myself to girls, and a professional one to get me a job. It's funny to think of what would happen if an employer saw the sexy one.
I wonder who'll be my type if ever. Ahhh I finished searching awhile ago. I would tend for the artsy type though, I just gotta find the one that'll love me back just as much. But then again I stopped searching I guess we will have to find each other...
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