THE BEST KIND OF TATTOO

I would never ever, ever, get a tattoo for the simple reason that no artist is likely to come up with a design that can rival the mystery and profundity of unadorned human skin. Even so, I can't help but have opinions about it. You have to admit they are kind of interesting.

The best tattoos are the ones from cultures that have been tattooing themselves for hundreds of years like the South Sea islanders. That's a Maori tattoo in the picture above.

You could use muted pastel colors instead of black, as in the blue and white sketch above. I don't think you'd get you much respect from people like The Hell's Angels, but other artists would appreciate it.

Here's (above) a design inspired by 50s album cover artist, James Flora. Flora's art has a graphic look that seems to fit tattoo design.

Here's the same design with color.

According to the Flora blog, that's where I got these pictures, the tattoo artist was asked to combine the Pete Jolly album cover above, with the one of "Mambo for Cats" below. Interesting choice.

The problem with pictures like this (above) is that they contain so much line work that you'd need a large area of skin to make them read. Maybe the wearer should have chosen a detail rather than the whole picture.

Holy Mackerel...a Ren & Stimpy tattoo! Nice, but the color's a bit intense.

I like tattoos that are close to the natural skin color. That way you see the wearer first, take in his personality, then see the tattoo...which after all, is just an embellishment.

John Kricfalusi would be a much sought-after tattoo designer if he ever decided to try it. The subdued color on this fan drawing from a John original (above) would look great on skin.

Here's another Flora deign. If it were shorter and a little longer I could see it as a band around the wrist, like a watchband.

More Flora (above) tattoos. Some type of dog like this would be great for girls. I'd use details from the bottom picture, not the whole thing.


I work in the TV industry so if I were getting a tattoo maybe a Flora TV wouldn't be out of line. I'd just have to remember to avoid the biker bars.

Two Flora designs (above) for a small-size tattoo, the bottom one for a girl. The problem is that Flora's designs benefit from a clean, sharp line, and that's probably hard to draw on rubbery human skin. Maybe these Flora designs are harder to reproduce than they look.

Thinking about this makes me wonder how tattoo artists practice. Do they tattoo supermarket chickens?

This sax player would make a good tattoo, maybe at the size it's reproduced here. But what if the artist goofs up? What if he hiccups? There's no eraser on the tattoo needle, no undo button. Thinking about this gives me new resolve to reserve my own arm for pimples and ugly scars like the Good Lord intended.

P.S. Two commenters said I gave the short shrift to cartoon character tattoos...or tattoos inspired by cartoons. I have to admit that a black and white cartoony battleship like the one Popeye had on his chest could look pretty good.

One commenter said he was thinking of doing Albert the Alligator smoking a cigar...another good choice. But, come to think of it, Albert was drawn by Walt Kelly who was a master of the thick and thin line. You're not likely to find a tattoo artist who can match that.