Let's try another excerpt from the article (below) (click to enlarge):
Imagine my greater shock when I showed the article to my adult daughter, and she agreed with it. She said she did have trouble making friends in grammar school because nobody her own age read anything she read, or even showed any interest in it. She was glad for what she still thinks was a better than average early education, but she said it came at a price, definitely a price. Man, I felt terrible!
So what am I to make of this? Am I a bum?
Read the whole article at The Onion site:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/cool-dad-raising-daughter-on-media-that-will-put-h,26132/
16 comments:
Shoot, you might want to check out a fairly recent podcast from Freakonomics that covered parenting. They discussed the type of cultural grooming you've described here, and found no statistical link between that form of parenting and the typical markers of success: grades, income, etc. However, the same economists they interviewed went on to say that they, too, pushed their kids into museums and literature. Parents can never know for certain how their kids will turn out.
And we all know The Onion is fake stories for everyone's amusement, right?
My brother is 7 years older than me and he helped me appreciate things other kids didn't know a thing about. I am so glad after growing up the internet came along and showed that I am not alone. Thank you Al Gore!
I think parents should teach children what is important. I also think we were all brainwashed as children and we all grow up together with people our own exact age. We end up liking the same stuff marketed towards us regardless of quality. After reading John Taylor Gatto's Underground History of American Education (the scariest book I've ever read), I ended up thinking that wasn't healthy, being a predictable consumer.
I think it is important to know what has stood the test of time in order to have a benchmark on quality. People need to be exposed to what their peers like but have prior knowledge to judge the quality of what they are consuming. It is better than liking something because everyone else does like this article claims:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1261493/Following-herd-Fear-dictates-music-teenagers-listen-to.html
Well, keep in mind that The Onion is a comedy site, and the news is made-up. Sure, there might be a kernel of truth in there, but still, it's fake.
As for the subject, though, I did the same with my son. Sure, he got whatever was popular from his classmates, etc., but at home, he got so much more. Music and books and movies he'd never heard of and would have had little chance to experience. We compared them and talked about them, and while he also had that issue of his peers not knowing what he talked about some of the time, he was able to pass along those things to them and broaden THEIR horizons.
Nah, not a bum.
It's in The Onion because it's a joke. Of course you did exactly what you should have done in raising your daughter. She was taught to be culturally literate. She will and probably has learned everything she needs to know of her own culture but is so much deeper than her friends. It makes an enormous difference in society to have people who understand who Godard, and Ernie Kovacs and Charles Dickens are. Remembering them allows the world to grow intellectually.
She also has a good view of you so I'm sure that has been a one-up on her friends.
Just being a kid is hard enough. Throw in teenage angst and any thinking young person is going to have trouble relating to their bubble headed piers.
PEERS! PEERS! Not piers...duh.
Joke or no joke I've been struggling with this for years. My three year-old was born nine weeks premature so there was all the concern he would be behind. My plan before he was born was to raise him on classics and good ol' hands-on creative development. Then last year he was diagnosed with stage three liver cancer and went through rounds of chemo and surgery. He's in a form of remission now but, gosh, he has two developmental strikes against him and has regressed from all the hospital admissions! Do I fast track him to peer acceptance or stick to a plan similar to yours? I don't want him to be a social misfit but being a bright, creative kid and, hopefully, successful adult matter to me.
What to do?
Brian O.
I'm glad I was brought up that way. I think one of the most important lessons I learned growing up is that you shouldn't sacrifice quality and taste for social acceptance. I think I'm far better off than those allowed to settle for nothing but cheap thrills and conformity. Besides, anyone worth their salt will appreciate having friends with diverse mind-expanding interests.
I think the article is just stating the obvious and the onion did a good job of it, they're great at that. Exposing stuff to children, from generations past will obviously separate them from their peers. Not everyone will raise your kids the way you do. I don't think you should feel guilty at all. You were just expressing your interests to them, I would have loved that as a child (I did get some of that from my own parents). Your kids are more educated because it, probably. The only time this becomes a negative is if you forced it on them and they didn't want to comply. Otherwise, don't feel bad. There is a lot worse ways to raise a kid, trust me. Also, I wish I could say my dad was a layout artist on "The Ren & Stimpy Show", haha!
I don't really think cultural literacy is something that necessarily gets transmitted from parent to child. I think kids will sort of gravitate towards what their innate intelligence perceives as quality. I grew up poor in a city where there wasn't much you could call "high culture," and I and kids I grew up and are still friends with through some social mechanism ended up getting exposed to and liking what intellectuals consider quality art.
We definitely didn't get exposure through our parents or siblings. So now I'm reading Nabokov while my sisters are reading Danielle Steele. I have a friend who plays me Charles Mingus records while his sister plays terrible house and pop music a few doors down the hall.
I don't think parenting necessarily can transmit an appreciation for good art. Even if a parent herself is cultured and wealthy there's still a good chance that her kid is going to be dumb and fall for expensive showy crappy-art instead of cheap crass crappy-art. Instead of getting bad tattoos he'll buy bad abstract expressionist paintings. Instead of reading the latest Dan Brown novel he'll read literary criticism written in inscrutable jargon by failed novelists.
A bright kid is going to find the level of intellectual stimulation he needs otherwise he'll get so lonely he'll kill himself. The Internet and the omnipresent media that developed because of it doesn't change that. Taste is nature over nurture... definitely.
Cultural literacy comes at a price. Because of it "faggot" was my nickname in high-school. Things are better in college taking art and animation classes with people on a similar track, but there are still exceptions. I mention names like Schiele, Caravaggio, Goya, Daumier, or Sargent and still find myself having to explain who they are. I've even had to explain who Clampett was to an animation student (anime-kid). Not to mention in high-school I had an english teacher who's never heard of Ayn Rand or Jean-Paul Sartre!!
But even in high-school and college i'm friends with a good amount of people cause I try not to be bitter or cynical (like a smelly hipster) but instead politely explain who they are and write down a source where they can find out more if their interested (like a good teacher).
Raising kids with culture is somewhat important, but remember that kids are exactly that: kids. I have a 9 year-old step sister and i don't make her watch foreign films, i don't make her watch b&w films, and I don't make her listen to my music, but if she wants to she can. And it's mostly cause she wants to hang around and be kinda like me (not entirely though :P). You should be cultured FOR your children don't make THEM cultured, they'll take suit eventually. It's more important that they learn to be nice to people and work hard.
Brian: Holy Mackerel! What a story! I'm afraid I can only offer advice that you've long ago figured out for yourself, but I'll take a stab at it.
Did you say your kid is three years old? If so a pet is in order, if you don't have one already. Maybe different kinds of pets.
If he seems to lack confidence around other kids I'd consider putting him in first grade when he's old enough for second grade. Let him see you work. Read to him and let him see you reading.
Let him prepare the food sometimes, and force yourself to eat it. Answer him when he talks to you. Give him chores to do. Chase him a lot. Hike and swim with him, and take him for rides in small row boats or inner tubes.
Read Brothers Grimm stories to him. Read comics to him. Watch 50s monster movies with him. Get him lots of the best comic book reprints. Play sports with him even if you hate sports.
If you baby sit with him, and a movie you really want to see is on TV, remember that your kid is more important than the movie. Don't push your kid in anger, and if a rare time comes when you have to hit him, do it only once very lightly on the back of the pants. Make a big deal about Halloween, the Fourth of july and Christmas.
Finally, I think even secular parents should give their kids a grounding in religion when they're young. Kids have to be taught ethics and stories are the best way to communicate those lessons.
I feel silly saying such obvious things. Intuition is usually pretty reliable for raising little kids. It's when they get to 5 and beyond that things get more complicated.
Michael: Haw! Thanks!
Anon: I think I read some of that author! Interesting stuff!
My story's similar to what Andreas said above. My brother is 9 years older than me and introduced me to all kinds of cool stuff: dinosaurs, Gremlins, Road Warrior, Lord of the Rings, 80s alternative college rock, classic and obscure animation... the list goes on and on. And on. Meanwhile the rest of the kids at school were busy listening to Debbie Gibson and whatever. It definitely made it harder to fit in, but it also helped mold me into the alt artist I am today. No regrets.
Hey Brian, I think you're probably doing just fine, regardless of the movies you show your kid. So long as you love him the best you can, and it sounds like you do, he should be just fine. I think the bottom line is that every parent will express their love in a different way, but it's the expressing that really matters.
Best of luck!
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