Saturday, October 08, 2011
HOW I RAISED MY KID
This post is an answer to Brian who wrote to see if I had any ideas on the subject of early education. Brian has a young son, so his interest in the subject is more than academic. I answered briefly on the comments page, but I did a horrible job. I'll try again, and maybe I'll do better this time.
Well, let's see...I think it helps if you know what virtues you're trying to teach. In my case I wanted my son to be smart, skilled, manly, kind, honest, articulate, hard working and idealistic (Today I'd add other qualities, but this was what was on my mind at the time). The hardest of all these qualities to transmit turned out to be skill. I only have skills that are relevant to the entertainment industry, and my kid wasn't interested in that. That meant general man skills, like learning how to fix a car, had to be learned outside the home, if at all.
Geez, how do you arrange for that? School wasn't set up to teach things like that, and I didn't personally know anyone who did man jobs for a living, not anybody who lived nearby, anyway. My biggest regret is that my kid didn't learn some of that stuff. If he had he might have grown up to be an engineer, which I think is a terrific thing to be. What he is now is also pretty good, so I have no complaints, but...building a bridge...now that's a real job (if you're not lucky enough to be a cartoonist, that is)!
My biggest fear for my kid was that he would grow up not fitting anywhere, not fitting into a specific niche that he has a clear and intense passion for. With the best of intentions school has turned out a generation of generalists...a big mistake, which is already leading to all sorts of problems.
But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe that's me thinking like a parent. Parents like their kids to pick careers that have clear benchmarks, the kind of thing where you get the right schooling and the right certificates and you're all set. Another term for it is ticket punching. It's the kind of security that all parents want for their kids, and that all kids hate.
Anyway, what I did do right in my opinion, was to make lots of heroic books and films available, and to talk about them frequently, and with enthusiasm. I had lots of traditional boys books by Henty and Horatio Alger, Dumas, Rafael Sabitini, Karl May, Jules Verne, Robert Louis Stevenson, Arthur Conan Doyle, and lots of sci fi, war strategy, history (kid firendly history like Defoe's "Journal of the Plague Years") and biography (kid friendly stuff like Ben Franklin's autobiography). We also had comics and comic reprints of Carl Barks, Stanley, Classics Illustrated, EC horror and sci-fi, DC, and Marvel.
Films we watched on tape in those days included Jason and the Argonauts, Sinbad, Davy Crockett, Zulu, Excalibur, And Then There Were None, The Four Feathers, The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms, Murder in the Rue Morgue, Sergio Leone, Hitchcock, Star Trek, The Twilight Zone TV show, Indiana Jones, Star Wars, etc., etc. We also had lots of taped comedy: Sid Caesar, Kovacs, Gleason, Clampett, Avery, Jones, Disney, Betty Boop, etc.
The guiding star of my parenting philosophy was John Stuart Mill's dad. Mill senior used to take his son on long walks where he would talk about subjects most kids never even hear about. I would have loved it if my dad had done that for me, but I'm afraid my own talks were sometimes monologues rather than dialogues.
The toys around the house were mostly war toys...the most politically incorrect plastic war toys I could find...but also building blocks, cars and sports stuff. I'm not a militarist, but war toys like swords and flintlocks are a fun way to connect with history.
My kid liked all these things until he was about ten or so, when he started to be influenced by what other kids were reading and watching. We only had one of every media appliance, and they were all in the living room, where parents had some influence on what was watched. It was bliss from a parent's point of view, but it all ended when a friend gave my kid a radio of his own when he was ten. After that everything changed drastically, and my kid enthusiastically entered the modern world.
Things I thought my kid would like and he definitely didn't: a classic chemistry set, an Erector Set from the 1930s, and the film "Forbidden Planet," which he hated. He loved the Brothers Grimm when he was very young, but after 7 or 8 or so he lost interest. Me, I never lost my taste for those stories.
So that's the kind of media my kid was exposed to for the first ten years. He turned out okay, so it couldn't have hurt him much.
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12 comments:
What about your daughter? Did she get the war toys and auto mechanic lessons too, or did you have different theories for her?
Steve: Haw! We would have done the same for her, but she showed a preference for literature and sports.
Brian: Aaargh! I accidentally deleted your comment. Sorry! I didn't get a chance to follow the link you sent.
I'm glad you liked the article! This is the best place for follow up comments because the subject of early education is an interesting one and, who knows, we might get the attention of someone who knows more about it than we do.
My dad is a painter, and I think the best thing he did for me was to praise my drawings when they were good, and be specifically critical when they weren't.
It was great to have a dad who was interested in art as well. Not many people have that.
I got big doses of Dr Seuss, Mark Twain, Salinger, Bob Dylan,Al Hirschfeld, Picasso, Carrevaggio, Tom Waits, Art Galleries, Old movies, poetry (the poetry never caught on with me) occasional trips to the country, and occasional trips to dodgy hamburger joints in the city.
He did a good job, although he was pretty relaxed about me smoking as a teenager. That maybe wasn't great. Not that I woulda stopped smoking if he wasn't okay with it. Teenagers don't particularly care what their parents find offensive.
I think I would be much too much of a hypochondriac. I also don't know if I could relax and let my kids do things like climb trees and swim in rivers. I'd always be worried.
I'm actually glad your son was given that radio since, as was mentioned in your last blog post about parenting, a kid needs to know about modern culture so he can connect with his peers. I underwent a similar change when I learned about Nickelodeon. Up until that age I had only watched old Fleischer, Warner, and Terrytoons on VHS (whatever my parents found in the discount bins, so no Disney). Finding out that there were modern shows made specifically for kids like me was nothing short of bliss. I could finally keep up with conversations other kids were having about Doug, Clarissa Explains it All, and that scandalous show Ren and Stimpy.
I DID grow up shy and awkward, but I don't think it was because of the media my parents did and did not let me see. My brother underwent the same style of parenting, but he never had problems making friends.
Eddie, your insight is so helpful! That's OK about losing the link. We were in the LA-area for our son's Make-A-Wish trip and wanted to treat you to a beverage, lunch, dinner or whatever as a Thank You. Hope you can accept this post as our sincere thanks!
Brian O.
Brian: You're very welcome! Aaaargh! Too bad I missed you guys when you were here!
Boy, you sound like a good dad! My own father was great, but he'd have limited my wish trip to wherever we could have gone on a tank of gas.
Severin: Yeah, all my friends were glad he got the radio, too.
Don't forget Wagner. I'm shocked he didn't get a shout out!
Jenny: Wagner!? How could I have forgotten that? Well, my kid didn't take to that music like I did, so maybe it's just as well that I left it out.
Hey, you don't blog as frequently as you used to. Have you bailed into Facebook?
Your son has one interesting father :)
I'm sure the Wagner had an effect even if he didn't discernibly take to it, if only by proxy from its effect on you.
Re my Blackwing blogging-yes, I'm sure in serious arrears there. I've just been much too busy with work and other stuff. A couple of books I've been working on outside of the day job. But I do keep writing posts in my head, meaning to actually sit down and, well, post them. Maybe I'll do it this week. Thanks for noticing!
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