EXT. SCROOGE'S OFFICE: ORPHANS SING CHRISTMAS CAROLS ON THE CORNER.
SCROOGE: "Beat it! SCRAM! Amscray!"
THE ORPHAN GIRL RUNS BACK, BITES SCROOGE'S HAND.
INT. SCROOGE'S OFFICE:
CHARITY COLLECTOR: "Mr. Scrooge, how are you?"
SCROOGE: "I'll be better after I soak my hand. What do you want?"
CHARITY COLLECTOR: "We're here to collect for the poor. It's that time of year when want is sorely felt. We figure a gift of...oooh...10 pounds should do it."
SCROOGE: Ten pounds!? Are you nuts!!? Are there no workhouses? No treadmills? Get out! GET OUT!"
NO SOONER DO THE TWO COLLECTORS EXIT, THAN TWO MORE STEP INSIDE....
SCROOGE: "NO!!!!!!!"
SCROOGE'S NEPHEW BURSTS IN:
NEPHEW: "Uncle Scrooge! I came to wish you a Merry Christmas!!!"
SLAP! SLAP!
NEPHEW: "How the heck are ya, Uncle? How the heck are ya'?"
NEPHEW: "Um...er...I don't suppose you could lend me a couple of pounds? I want to get a present for my...."
SCROOGE: "Go away. Just go away!"
THE NEPHEW EXITS.
SCROOGE (TO HIS CAT): "How are you, Bootsie? You don't want anything, do you?"
SCROOGE'S CAT BEGS WORDLESSLY FOR MORE FISH HEADS.
SCROOGE: "Bowser?"
HIS DOG BEGS FOR A BIGGER BONE.
THE GOLDFISH BEGS FOR MORE TURTLE FOOD.
SCROOGE: "Humbug! I can't get any work done here!"
SCROOGE: "Cratchet, you should count yourself lucky. You live in a miserable hovel, you eat rats just to get a little protein, but at least your little crippled boy, Tiny Tim, has a level head. He's not interested in baubles and toys like the rest of these ninnies."
HE IS DEFINITELY INTERESTED IN BAUBLES AND TOYS!
CRATCHET: "UM, Mr. Scrooge....er, could you see your way to lending me a pound or two so the family can buy presents for...."
SCROOGE: "Nnnno!"
ON THE STREET: SCROOGE WALKS HOME:
CROWD OF PANHANDLERS: "Spare change?" "Brother, can you spare a pence?" "C'mon...just a ha'penny!" "Spread a little lovin.' "
SCROOGE: "No! No! Nada! Zip! Nein!"
CROWD OF PANHANDLERS (CONT): " 'Spare a farthing?" Two pence is all I ask!" Spare change?" "Don't be a tightwad!" "Let's have it, ya old miser!
SCROOGE: "NO! Nope! Not a chance! Naah! Uh-uh! No!"
SCROOGE: "NO-O-O-O!!!!!!!!!!"
SCROOGE APPROACHES HIS HOME....
....TAKES OUT HIS KEYS....
MARLEY (GHOST-LIKE) (VO): "S c r o o o o o o o g e!"
ON THE DOOR KNOCKER:
MARLEY'S FACE APPEARS:
MARLEY (WAILS LIKE A GHOST): "S C R O O O O O G E!!!!!"
MARLEY (VOICE CHANGE): "Scrooge, how's about slipping me a pound or two? It's Christmas and I just wanna buy a few presents for the other ghosts. Nothing fancy, just..........."
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Aaaaargh! I goofed up the whole story! It could have been a lot funnier. I just didn't have time to do it right. There's so much to do in the week before Christmas! *Sigh!*
2 comments:
I'll hand it you you, that was pretty funny as is!
BUT! I think you will find that this is in fact the most condensed version of 'The Christmas Carol' ever http://bit.ly/UCNv8S
It goes at lightning speed! Loud and nuts, the way I likes it.
Joshua: Haw! That was great... and as fast as you promised!
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