Showing posts with label philosophy girls. Show all posts
Showing posts with label philosophy girls. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

THE PHILOSOPHY GIRLS EXPLAIN CATO

Hello, Theory Cornerites! My name's Dandelion Fortesque, and I'm a Philosophy Girl. As you probably know, each Philosophy Girl specializes in a particular niche in the history of philosophy. Mine is the Roman Stoics...you know: Marcus Aurelius, Seneca...people like that. 


Today I'll be talking about Cato the Younger, the great Roman Stoic and Senator who disemboweled himself when Julius Caesar took power. Cato wasn't the type to commit suicide. He did it because he knew that Caesar would have him killed anyway, and he wanted to die in a manner that would inspire people to unseat the tyrant and restore The Republic. 


 It's worth asking, "Why did Cato believe that his death would motivate anybody to do anything?" After all, his adversary Caesar was popular and had convinced a lot of people that what the nation needed was a benevolent dictatorship.

  
The answer to that question is an interesting one. Most of the higher-ups in Rome were 
associated with the interests of the various ruling families or political factions. In the Senate only Cato and a small number of others had real moral authority. When he took a stand and backed it up with his life, people listened. 


That's because Cato had a reputation for objectivity and for thinking things through for himself. It was well known that he wanted to do what was best for Rome, regardless of his own biases, and regardless of what special interests thought. Every Senator claimed to do the same thing, but it only a small number actually did. How did Cato manage to convince a bunch of cynical aristocrats that he was the real deal?


Well, he lived the way that he spoke. He wore a simple black toga when all his peers wore lavish purple. He lived in a modest house and walked to work. He ate what the common people ate. When he was a general, he disdained a horse and walked along with the soldiers. He ate what his soldiers ate, and slept in the same gear. When sick, he never complained.

People are impressed by self-discipline. 


Cato's often cited by people who believe in the importance of character. He wasn't the richest or the highest born Roman, or the most successful general, and yet he was as influential as any of them. You could say that his character was worth an entire legion. 


That's really all I have to say, but I can't resist adding a footnote. Here's how Plutarch described Cato's death. Don't read it if you're squeamish...it's pretty grizzly:

Cato did not immediately die of the wound; but struggling, fell off the bed, and throwing down a little mathematical table that stood by, made such a noise that the servants, hearing it, cried out. And immediately his son and all his friends came into the chamber, where, seeing him lie weltering in his own blood, great part of his bowels out of his body, but himself still alive and able to look at them, they all stood in horror. The physician went to him, and would have put in his bowels, which were not pierced, and sewed up the wound; but Cato, recovering himself, and understanding the intention, thrust away the physician, plucked out his own bowels, and tearing open the wound, immediately expired.


I warned 'ya! See you next time!

Sunday, May 27, 2012

A FRENCH PHILOSOPHY GIRL



INT. ANTEROOM OF OFFICE RESTROOM, PARIS: 


JEAN PIERRE: "Hey in there! Other people need to use the facility, too!"



CHANTALLE: "Sorry. Somebody left a magazine in there, and it had an article about Uncle Eddie. I just had to read it."

JEAN PIERRE: "Uncle Eddie? The internet guy? Why read about him?"


CHANTALLE: "Why read about......??? You must be kidding!"


CHANTALLE: "Gasp! Oh, I get it. You're jealous!"


JEAN PIERRE: "Why would I be jealous? He has a nose like a pickle. Besides, he's John K's toady. Everybody knows that."


CHANTALLE: "Uncle Eddie's nobody's toady. He does Theory Corner and Theory Corner sponsors The Philosophy Girls."


CHANTALLE: "I'm thinking about trying out for the Philosophy Girls.  They travel all around the world, arguing and persuading in the service of truth and wisdom. Only the top 15% of applicants are accepted."


JEAN PIERRE: "Well that's all well and good, but I'm a member of...(Ahem!)... the...um... Philosophy Boys. It's an even more elite group. Only the top 5% are accepted."


CHANTALLE: "Really? What do they do?"


JEAN PIERRE: "Do? They...er...wear the coveted Philosophy Boys blue blazer, of course. We never go anywhere without it."


CHANTALLE: "Hehe! Well, if you never go anywhere without it, how come you're not wearing it now?"

JEAN PIERRE: "Er...it's in the next room. Stay here and I'll bring it in."


OUTSIDE, ON THE STREET: 

JEAN PIERRE: "Quick! Anybody have a blue blazer to sell!? You Sir, would you like to sell y...Madame, would you....."

***************

Friday, September 02, 2011

PHILOSOPHY FOR CRIMINALS (STARRING, "THE PHILOSOPHY GIRLS")


BUTTERCUP: "Wow! Girls, look at this article! It says in the animal kingdom you find creatures that kill for sport, even when they're not hungry. They just want stay in practice, and they find any activity other than hunting to be boring. The author says that maybe some humans are like that."



PETUNIA: "That sounds a little more complicated than it needs to be, Buttercup. Murderers just want something, and they rub people out who get in their way."


GLADYS: "Hmmm. You're assuming that most murderers think about what they do, but I think it's more...impulsive...than that. They don't think about it...they just do it, and regret it later!"


VIOLET: "Well, I don't know if that really explains it, Gladys. I mean, most people are able to restrain themselves."


MILDRED: "Maybe murderers aren't like everybody else. Maybe they were just born without self control."


GLADIOLA: "Wait a minute. I think I get what Violet was driving at. Murderers must have self control...if they didn't they wouldn't be able to get through the day."


RODNEYETTA: "Yeah! The act of murder might have been impulsive, but there was a precondition. The murderer had to have laid the groundwork by doing a lot of thinking about the subject over months and years."


GERTRUDE: "Right! Over time the murderer psychs himself into thinking that he's an adventurer, or an instrument of higher justice. He gradually refines the image of himself as he who favors the decisive act, he who is superior to the average man who overthinks everything."


GLADYS: Wow! Heavy!!!!"


GRETTA: "It's heavy, alright! The murderer primes himself with so much bad philosophy, that the violent, impulsive act becomes inevitable."


LILY: "So what do we do? It's hard to flush out bad philosophy!"


DARLENE: "Maybe we should write a book that argues right to the points that convince borderline people to commit crime."

DAISY: "I don't know, Darlene...do you really think they'd read it? I mean...do murderers read?"


MAGNOLIA: "Of course they do! Human beings are thinking creatures! They'll read it if it really argues directly to the points they care about! We're The Philosophy Girls! We can do it!!!!"

ALL (ALMOST ALL): "Hooray!!! Well said, Magnolia! Now let's take a quick skinny dip to clear our minds!"

THE END

Many thanks to Auralynn When for the terrific pictures!



Sunday, August 15, 2010

PHILOSOPHY GIRLS AUDITIONS (PART 1)

EXT. THE THEORY BUILDING, HEADQUARTERS OF "THEORY CORNER. INC."

 HUNDREDS OF EXCITED SINGERS AND DANCERS WAIT TO BE INTERVIEWED FOR SLOTS IN "THE PHILOSOPHY GIRLS," THE WORLD'S FOREMOST GIRL PHILOSOPHY REVIEW.




INT. THEORY BUILDING: ON THE APPLICANTS:



BUTTERCUP: "Only two slots left, and there's dozens of girls ahead of us. It doesn't look good!"


















AT THE HEAD OF THE LINE: 







INTERVIEWER: "Nice job, Lily! You sing and dance, you know your philosophy, and you're able to handle tough questions. Congratulations! As of this moment, you're a PHILOSOPHY GIRL! Report to Theory Mansion on Monday and we'll introduce you to the gang!"

LILY: "GASP! I can't believe it! it's been my dream since I was a kid! Thank you! Oh, THANK YOU!"

BUTTERCUP: "Aaaaargh! Oh, great...now there's only ONE spot left!"




















BUTTERCUP: "Lily, you gotta help us out here. We're DESPERATE! Please, please; what questions did they ask!?  They wanted to know about the Positivists, right?"

LILY: "The Positivists? No, not the Positivists.  They were mainly interested in the manly Greek and Roman thinkers...some Enlightenment people...a little on Ayn Rand. "




















BUTTERCUP: "Oh yeah, Ayn Rand.... (GULP!) AYN RAND!!!???? I haven't read ANY of her books!!!"













SUNFLOWER: "Neither have I! She was a follower of Nietzsche, wasn't she?"









DAISY: "Nietzsche!? Rand REPUDIATED Nietzsche! She liked him for a while in her youth, and that was it."
























GLADYS: "EEEEWW!!!! Who let a KID in here!? Beat it, Pee Wee. You're too young to be a Philosophy Girl!"

CONTINUED  IN THE NEXT POST......







PHILOSOPHY GIRLS AUDITIONS (PART 2)

VIOLET: "Well, maybe she's right, Gladys.  Rand says we're born with fundamental rights, which no  Nietzchean Superman or Leviathan state can morally withdraw."


























IRIS: " 'Sounds good Violet, but the Utilitarians had another way of looking at it.  They said the  purpose of the state is to bring about the most happiness for the most people.  It would be hard for the state to do that unless it had a lot of power. "





















PETUNIA: "But who decides what makes you happy?  Hitler?  Stalin? Rand says it's not the job of the state to make you happy. It's the job of the state to protect your right to make yourself happy, whatever way you choose, provided you respect the rights of others to do the same. It's right here in the Declaration of Independence...our 'inalienable right to life, liberty and the PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS!' "






























OUTSIDE, ON THE LINE OF APPLICANTS:


GLADYS (VO): "GOOD GRIEF! ANOTHER KID!!!! What's this, the PHILOSOPHY BABIES!!??

MAGNOLIA (VO): "I don't know, I think she's kinda cute."

GLADYS (VO): "See if you think so when you end up having to clean her turtle bowl!"