HALLOWEEN MASKS FOR 2012

I hate to start with a gripe, but where are the cool plastic masks (above) this year!!???? The ones above are from the late 90s. Geez, I miss affordable, collectible, funny Halloween masks like these!

How do you like the brand new one above? A bit too realistic in my opinion, but you have to admire the craftsmanship.. 

Here's an interesting crop of half masks (above). They're useful because you can wear them to parties without suffocating inside. I'm thinking that you might also use them to revitalize dried-out, full face shelf masks.

Is this (above) really a mask? I guess it could be could be if some holes were punched in it. 

Wow! A nice Conan O'Brien (above)! If I were Conan I'd have a whole wall of these in the living room all year 'round.

Ah, The Sea Hag (above)! I think this came out in 2010 but it's still on sale!

This (above), believe it or not, is Tony Blair. It doesn't look much like him, but it might make a great shelf head if it had the right kind of wig on it.

Holy Mackerel!!!!!! Imagine if this girl (above) came Trick or Treating at your door!!!!!!!!!! You'd give her your life savings wrapped up in the deed to your house!

SAVILLE ROW SUITS

Boy, I wish I could have a suit like the kind Connery wore in the early James Bonds.

I like that tailored look superimposed on a good fabric. The area around the shoulders and neck is especially important to get right. The fabric has to cling like a second skin.

Me, I can't afford a tailor-made suit. I get 'em off the rack.

They (above) never fit right. I probably look horrible in them.

How did Cary Grant do it? He looks like he was born in a suit.

Wouldn't you kill to have real, custom-tailored, Saville Row threads? You can have one like this (above) for just under $5,000.

Here's one (above) by Saville Row stylist, Tom Ford. It has an Armani influence and sells for a measly $2,700.

Since the hippie era men's suits have been regarded with suspicion as emblems of class distinction. They certainly are that, but they're also symbolic of efficacy, intellect, and sophistication. That last point, sophistication, requires a little history to appreciate.

In Louis XIV's time (above) men's clothes were all about ostentatious wealth.  

Beau Brummel, the great simplifier of fashion in Regency England (early 1800s), changed all that. He favored the look shown above. Even kings deferred to him.

Brummel later favored the modification shown above and, once again, everyone followed. Collars were lowered in imitation of the way naval officers dressed. Men like the military look.

Amazingly women's fashions didn't undergo a similar simplification. They continued to wear ornate, Marie Antoinette-style wedding cakes for a kazillion years or so. Sophisticated style was the domain of men from Brummel's time til after WWI.


                                                   
England is a cold and damp country so eventually Brummel's sporty look gave way to the frock (above), which was long and sheltering, and always buttoned in the front. The frock favored the tie which was initially used to show off the wearer's school or regional colors.

The older Brummel design was kept alive by sportsman and military men who preferred the freedom of movement it afforded. Horsemen especially favored this cut and, since most people rode in the mornings, this type of jacket was called a "morning" coat.

The modern suit jacket is the inevitable result of combining the frock and morning coat in one medium-length jacket that can be worn all day long.

Buttons on the sleeve came about because physicians insisted on them so they could roll up their sleeves without taking their jackets off.  Saville Row began by catering to the doctor trade, so the buttons persisted, even when they were no longer in demand. Maybe also because they seemed to denote military rank.

Sigh.

LUNCH TIME AT THE INSTITUTE FOR THE HIGH STRUNG

EXT.  INSTITUTE FOR THE HIGH STRUNG (formerly The Institute for the Terminally Self-Righteous and Abysmally Contrarian):

THERAPY LEADER: "That's enough group therapy for now, class. Hey, it's lunch time. How 'bout if I make some sandwiches?

PATIENT #1: "Whoa! Whoooooooa!!!!! Wait a freakin' minute! So what your tellin' us is that you're going to make sandwiches, and that we just supposed to eat whatever you make. Like...we're not even consulted! Am I the only one here who can see something wrong with that!?

PATIENT #2: "He's right! This isn't the Third Reich, you know. We have rights!"

THERAPY LEADER: "Oh, sorry. Would you prefer something else?"

PATIENT #3: "What I prefer you're not offering."

 PATIENT #4: "Will you all just pipe down and let the guy make some sandwiches? You crazy people disgust me!"

PATIENT #5: "Oh, it's Mister Sanity speaking! Well, listen up, goofball....You're just as whacked out as the rest of us!"

PATIENT #4: " Why you vile...filthy....if you weren't crazy I'd......"

PATIENT #5: "Is he right, Doctor? Am I crazy?"

DOCTOR: "No, no. You're just high strung, like everybody else here. A couple months on bland food and dreary, overheated rooms and you'll be just fine."

PATIENT #5: "Wha...? Y-you're condescending to me aren't you? What kind of doctor are you? You're just a quack!"

PATIENT #5: "Oh, there I go again! Are you sure I'm not crazy, doctor?"

DOCTOR: "No, no...of course not."

PATIENT #5 : "That's good. Then it won't matter if I've brought my gun to class."

DOCTOR: "Huh? Gun?"

 PATIENT #3: "Don't bother looking for it, it's right here. I saw it in your purse. First I'll kill everybody here, then I'll make the sandwiches the way I want them, then I'll take a bus into town and kill everybody there. This is going to be fun."

SLAP! ANOTHER PATIENT GRABS THE GUN.

PATIENT #6: "Whaddayou know about sandwiches?"

PATIENT #7: "Hit a girl, will 'ya!?"

PATIENT #8: "Oh my God! It's the clowns from the Institute for Deviant Clown Recovery  next door! They must have been attracted by the slaps!!!"

(SFX: SCREAMS AND SOUNDS OF SLAPS FROM INSIDE THE INSTITUTE)

ABOUT MARRYING AURALYNN

I don't mean ME married to Auralynn....I'm already happily married.... I mean one of the young men that frequent this site, and have by now doubtlessly developed a crush on this unique woman. I've known Auralynn for a while now, and might have some useful advice to impart. Let me think.....

...Well first off: babies.... I don't really know what she thinks about them, but I figure if she likes one, she'll love five...thus the picture.

Second: she loves architecture, especially if it's retro or funky. If you want to marry this girl you'll have to have an appreciation of style.

How did she get that way?  Well, it all started when she was a kid.

She had a pet named "Charlie." Charlie was a stylish goldfish who had a big, golden tail and who swam around all day looking as cool as could be. Auralyn watched him endlessly.

Inspired by Charlie's example, she chose the "artsy" path in life. 

She took lots of snapshots with her little kid camera.

She also watched a lot of those old Universal horror movies on TV. She acquired a taste for things retro.

As she grew up she realized that she was different than the other kids in the neighborhood.

When she became of age she left home to seek out other stylish people.


TO BE CONTINUED.........


BTW: The film stills are from a terrific film called "Amalie."

MY PERSONAL MYTHOLOGY

"I have often had the fancy that there is some one myth for every man, which, if we but knew it, would make us understand all he did and thought."  William Butler Yeats  I heartily concur. I think all of us have a personal mythology that guides our lives. I'm not talking about religion or a thought-out philosophy. I'm talking about a strong, almost unconscious intuition about life and how we fit in to it. Maybe it's a fragment of a story that explains things for us, and it's different for every person. I thought it might be fun to try to articulate some of these suppressed stories, and see what they look like when dressed and cleaned up. My own myth is that I'm Odysseus and the forces I meet in the world are represented by colossal monsters and beautiful sirens. My intuition tells me that the world is a beautiful but menacing place and that there are people who would kill me if they could, not for any rational reason, but because they're driven by forces they don't understand any more than I do. I also believe that the world is full of Siren-like temptations that, if I gave in to them, would fatally weaken me. A personal myth often seems silly when you put it into words, and mine is no exception. When given articulation it seems more passive than I'd like it to be, as if I'm doomed only to react to things and never to heroically prevail. On the other hand, maybe those negatives testify to the authenticity of the story. Maybe it comes from some common primal depth where survival is the ultimate value and where we all feel dumb panic and awe at the grand and magical nature of the world. Maybe, I'm not sure. At parties and restaurants over the years I've heard other personal myths that are different than mine. Many years ago a guy told me that he saw himself as a soldier ant who had to keep the other ants in line. I overheard a girl say that the love of friends is the ultimate value, no matter what sacrifices are called for. Last but not least...I don't personally know anyone who buys into this myth, but I know that it's out there because of biographies I've read...is the myth that kill or be killed is the rule. Mess up others before they mess you up. That sounds pretty harsh, but in the hands of someone who believes in reason and kindness it can produce someone with the necessary toughness to succeed. Interesting, huh?