BAD STORYBOARDING

Carl Reiner (above, left) was indisputably one of the funniest people ever to work in television. The best sketches he did with Sid Caesar may never have been matched. In view of that it's hard to account for why his own sitcom pilot, "Head of the Family" was so...so not happening.  

I don't mean it was conceptually flawed. The germ of something valuable was there right from the start, and the show succeeded beyond expectation when it was reworked as "The Dick Van Dyke Show." I just wonder how it could have come about that a talented guy like Carl could have made so many mistakes at the outset. 

The answer I'm going to give is almost certainly wrong, but for the purpose of this blog I'll assume that Carl crashed because he was a victim of bad storyboarding. 

Here's (above) the intro to Carl's show. I'll assume it was done by an evil storyboarder who was hell-bent on sabotage.

The boarder has Carl dash out of his house and into his car. The music is generic, wacky, suburban music. Being evil, the boarder makes his human star a tiny speck. In this shot the car and the mailbox appear to be the true heroes of the show.

On a reverse angle (above) Carl pulls out of the driveway. You can't really see him. Geez, everything in this shot is light grey.

Above, the light grey car disappears into the light grey morass.

Now it's (above) the grey city's show. Carl doesn't stand out very well.

When he comes up to camera (above) he's covered by other people.

At last (above) we finally get to see our star. He enters his light grey office...

...and ceremoniously gives his hat to one of his writers. I forgot to say that Carl plays the role of a story editor for a TV show. This is where he works.

The title comes on and it's about a family, except we haven't seen a family yet. I'll add that Carl looks a little smug and unfriendly here.

He (above) removes the legs of one of his writers from his desk...

...then he takes his coat off while his credit comes on. Too late Carl is seen to be wearing dark clothes so that he he stands out from the grey. Fade out/fade in to...

...to his home (above) where we see his wife preparing food. Er, actually what we see first is the distant room behind her. The storyboarder made all the perspective lines point to it. Carl's wife is wearing...what else?...light grey.

The titles go on with his wife and son both getting a credit, but I'll end the intro here and switch to the reworked version of Carl's show (below), the later one that starred Dick Van Dyke. See what you think of it.

In the reworked show the title quickly fades on and we get a moment to read it. This intro is all indoors on a beautifully lit set. I presume the evil storyboard man has been killed and replaced with a good storyboard man.

Then the star comes in.

He's met by his wife and son. Since they seem likable, and they like Dick, we assume that Dick Van Dyke must be likable, too.

Dick's wife points to their guests...

...and that motivates a cut to a wider shot showing Dick's writer friends. Notice the perspective lines point to Dick.

Dick walks towards them and does a broad, funny trip over the ottoman.

We dolly in as everyone helps him up.

Dick comes up smiling. He probably tripped on purpose as a gag. In other words, he liked his friends enough to play a little prank on them. The good storyboarder has twice showed us that Dick is a funny, nice guy who's loved by his friends. Fade out. This is the end of the intro.

An interesting comparison, eh?

Carl stayed on as executive producer and the real life story editor of the show. On the advice of Danny Thomas and Sheldon Leonard it was shot at Desilu, which had the best TV facilities of its day.

So, was Carl an idiot for goofing up his first pilot? No, not at all. The later one works much better but who's to say that we wouldn't have made the same mistake in his place?

Carl's original intro understandably tried to drive home the point that the star was a family man who commuted every day to a glamour job in the big city. The later intro took a different tack and tried to make the point that the star was a funny, likable guy who the audience would probably like to spend time with. The latter point turned out to be the right way to go.

A LONG KISS

Sorrreeeee!!!!! Another cheater post from the past! I am just soooo doggone busy! Don't worry, I probably won't have to do this again after today. Anyway, as long as these drawings are up I can't help but make a fresh comment on them.

These are were just fooling around doodles. It struck me as interesting that when you kiss a girl you can't see how she's reacting. I mean, she could be reading a book over your shoulder and you'd never know it. If your eyes were closed she could put a piece of liver against your lips and you'd go wild with smooching it. Boy, you really have to trust that the person you're kissing is into it just as much as you are.

I did a whole bunch of kissing poses that day. If I ever find the others I'll put them up.

THE ORIGIN OF CHIVALRY

My understanding is that chivalry saved Europe. Will someone correct me if I'm wrong? Here's the way I heard it...

The early Christians were pacifists, which is fine except Europe in the Dark Ages needed muscle to defend itself against Scandanavian, Mongolian and Islamic predators. The newly Christianized German barbarians came up with an idea that would simultaneously satisfy the pacifists and still allow Europe to re-arm, and that idea was built on the old German idea of knighthood.

The new idea was that the pacifists were right...yes, it is wrong to kill...but only if you do it to further your own ends. It's not wrong if you kill unsefishly, for someone else's sake and not your own. The new synthesis was called chivalry and the first knights of this type (there were other types) were widely respected for their high ideals. Without these knights Europe would surely have sucumbed to internal wars and outside predators.

So, have I got it right? I can't remember where I read this.

WOMEN TO DRAW

When I'm busy like I am now it's hard to keep up the blog. That's when I'm glad I have files of interesting people to fall back on. I just sift through the pictures and allow myself to be inspired. Here's a few examples. 

Let's see...okay, the first picture (above) is of Bridget Bardot. She looks great here but I can't forgive her for dismantling the bombshell era. She had a younger look than the bombshells she competed with, and looked good in casual clothes. She made funny bombshells like Jane Mansfield look overdone and old-fashioned.

Yikes! Here's (above) a harsh reminder of the darker side of life. What did this woman see that made her look that way?

Haw!

Here's (above) an anomaly...a plain-looking woman who's also photogenic. In comedies women like this are worth their weight in gold.

The caption to this picture read "Gwendolyn Brooks." Who is that? Anyway, I like the idea of playing classical music in a neat and orderly room while subway cars clatter away outside. You'd think a location like this would be hostile to musical thought, but my guess is that it's actually one of the most musically stimulating environments you could find. I'll bet Beethoven works fine near railroad tracks.

Here's (above) Tex Avery's Little Red Riding hood. In high school I used to think girls like this were incredibly sexy.

Also sexy are bored women (above). Why the heck is that?

And tall women....very appealing in my opinion. Tall women are said to feel uncomfortable when dating shorter men. They think shorter men regard them only as a kinky novelty. That might be true in some cases, but I vote that tall women should go for it anyway.

Mike is constantly struck by how ugly men are compared to women, and you have to admit that he's right. There's definitely a lot more beautiful women than there are handsome men. Nature makes them like us nevertheless, which is pretty nifty.

GRETA GARBO'S FEET

The cigarette girl (above) is Garbo, the famous Swedish American actress of the 30s and 40s. I've blogged about her before but this time I'd like to focus on her feet. She's reputed to have walked on what amounts to kayaks. You'd think this would be a career-ending flaw for a dramatic actress, but the public forgave it. They were all focused on her face.

'Lest you've forgotten, this...

...this is the famous face.

Some of my favorite Garbo films were the ones where she appeared to be studying the face of the person she talked to. Humanity was a puzzle to Garbo, something to be figured out.

Bye the way, how did she come up with that flat-on-the-sides hair style? It looked like her hair was carved out of wood and lowered onto her skull with chains.

Artists loved her. 

Men went nuts over her. She was so...mysterious!

Even the great Barrymore (above) fell for her. Look at that indecipherable look on her face. Fans clamoured to know, "For God's Sake, what is she thinking!!!???"

Maybe she was just bored, or maybe she had judged the human race and found us wanting. I prefer to think she was developing some great thought...some idea of cosmic significance that had the power to change the world if only she would divulge it.

Anyway, about the feet...She was a boon to women with big feet. She made it seem downright fashionable.

According to this artist (above) she had feet you could surf with.

It was a great look. Even fish tried to imitate it.

Who knows what influence she might have had on fashion had not WWII intervened?

THE LEADING MAN

All men envy the handsome, square-jawed kind of man (above) referred to as..."The Leading Man." The term Leading Man obviously comes out of theater and film, but it isn't confined to that. A man can be a leading man even if he sells pizza for a living.  It's a physical type.

In the film industry I'd say Rock Hudson (above) was the quintessential leading man. He had the jaw, the physique and the self-confidence.

The jaw is important. No jaw...no leading man.

Leading man is a rare physical type and film studios gobble up every one they can find; every one that can act, I mean. That's because you can do things with leading man types that would be implausible if done by anybody else. No behavior is too over-the-top for this kind of guy. 

In "Magnificent Obsession" Rock (above) becomes the greatest surgeon in his field just so he can operate on his girlfriend, Jane Wyman (above). When the time comes he throws his shirt on the floor and operates bare-chested. Lesser doctors in the room are fully clothed, but not Rock. Surrounded by admiring nurses, with superhuman concentration and with sweat glistening on his pecs, he saves the life of a woman who inferior doctors had written off as inoperable. 

Of course he did. That's what a leading man does. 

I digress here to explain that leading men, star-types and chick magnets aren't exactly the same. Chick magnets and stars like the young Brando (above) are merely handsome. Sure, they have appeal but they have to work at it, they have to..."turn on the charm." Leading men don't work at it. It just is. They have the jaw. It's something they're born with.

 One thing all leading men types have in common is that they're invariably really nice people to know. That's unusual because it defies the odds. Every group contains defective personalities, that's to be expected. How come leading men are the exception?

I don't know, but I'll hazard a guess. Leading men-types are nice because they're so universally appealing that, ever since childhood, everyone they've ever known has been kind to them. They've never seen the harsh side of life. They've never felt the sting of rejection.  Never having been treated badly, they naturally tend to be unguarded and friendly. After all, their only competition is other leading men and they're rare as hens' teeth.

'Just a guess.