EVIL OLD LADY (EXPANDED)

Yikes! Sorry for the absence! No sooner did my marathon Downton Abbey series end than my kid came to visit, and I've been busy doing things with him. One of the things we did was talk about Photoshop and I made the the sloppy collage above to illustrate a point.

My kid might work on a project that requires him to sign what he does and I offered to help him come up with a signature. There's lots of reference on the net.

I tried my hand at it myself. My first name is easy to write in a flamboyant style but my last name is long and resistant to design. Maybe I should just call myself "Eddie." That'll be a tip off that I'm either famous or utterly insignificant.

I envy Jerry Lewis. His first and last names are short and are full of letters that look good in script. The "J" and "L" in particular lend themselves to lavish thick and thin.

MORE ABOUT COMEDIC FIGURE DRAWING

 I was a cartooning teacher for a while and in some classes we would apply whatever the lesson was to model drawing. Before paying individual attention to students I'd quick-sketch the pose myself on a big board just to suggest one way of approaching the problem. No one was required to draw in my style.

If you're curious to see what this kind of session (or rather, an idealized version of such a session) might have looked like then read on. For the purpose of this post I'll try an operatic theme.

Before the comedic poses started the class will have done some quick sketches of the models so they got used to caricaturing them.

Backgrounds were optional but encouraged. I handed out reference to those who wanted it. Yikes, maybe the BGs would have been a little simpler than the one shown above.

The opera had no script and nobody actually sang. I just got the models to take comic singing poses, as Wood did here.

Haw! I like a pose where someone steps on someone else.

The model session was meant to firm up the lessons contained in the lecture that preceded it. In this case the lecture was about composing figures in space. One of my jobs was to position the models so there was a foreground, middle ground and background.

The scenario could involve several people even though there was only two models. The models did double duty.

Hopefully, we got some good, comedic poses in there.

The beginning and end poses suggested a hint of a story even if the middle ones were completely random.

What style was used?

Whatever style the student chose. No, that's not my drawing above. I got it from the net.

MY SOLUTION FOR NEW YORK'S "UGLY" PROBLEM

That's (above) the way New York City looked in 1950. Pretty impressive, eh?

But that was then, and this is now. Let's face it, present day New York has an ugly problem. A lot of the city was built in the tens and twenties and  that style hasn't always aged gracefully. There are exceptions, but the fact remains that even places like Dubai and Yemen have cities that look better than New York now, at least in some areas.

Well, there's not much money to rebuild now, so we'll have to live with the old warhorse as is for a while longer. Here's my probably cock-eyed suggestions for prettying up the city and bringing in more tourist dollars without spending a lot of money.

Suggestion #1: More trees would help, and so would more shops on the exterior ground floors of buildings.

Suggestion #2: Do something about the awkward spaces between some of the tired old buildings. I don't mean the giant skyscrapers, which I love, but the dirty, dismal structures that are maybe seven or eight stories high. Buildings like that are often surrounded by ugly streets that are way too wide, are hard to cross, and are wind traps in the winter.

For certain streets like that, I suggest an elevated boardwalk over the traffic. Build it to look either deliberately old fashioned or ultra-high tech; either is okay provided that it looks very inviting to users. Make it for walking and for bicycles. The boardwalk would follow an irregular path around the area, covering the streets that need a little magicians' misdirection to divert attention away from their ugliness.

Suggestion #3: Take some profession with lots of visibility like bus driving, and limit the practitioners to beautiful women in miniskirts. Sure it's unfair to everybody else who wants a job, but the idea is to bring in tourist dollars.

Suggestion #4: Make the world's first roller coaster mass transportation. I don't mean something with loop-the-loops or really high hills...just something fast and fun and hilly that careens around the streets above the traffic. Maybe there's almost a mile between stops. This would be for physically fit riders only, and would not be a substitute for normal bus routes. Build just one to see if it catches on.

Suggestion #5: Seed the city with exotic birds. Stock the river with shore-hugging fish with a high tolerance for dirty water.

Suggestion #6.....no, that's enough for now.

Post Script: Okay, New York is a heck of a lot more visually interesting than Dubai...I overstated that...but you can see what I'm getting at, can't you?

CARNIVAL BARKERS

I don't know about you but I love to listen to carnival barkers, Shamwow salesman, racetrack announcers, auctioneers, streetcorner preachers, medicine show pitchmen....anyone who can entertain with the quality of their voice alone. I just came across a forgotten file of a carnival barker's script...read it and see what you think. The setting is a sideshow on Coney Island.

Yikes! That was kinda' hard to read, wasn't it? Like it was underwater. Sorry about that...It was an old file and I must have done a bad job of scanning it. Anyway, keep reading...it's worth the effort. 

The barker sets the stage by shooing away the kids in the audience...only there were no kids...then he resumes:

Haw! None of these pictures gel with the text but I thought you'd like to see them anyway. I love the jaded look on this barker's face (above) and the determined look on the woman's. It's hard to imagine nowadays, but a tattooed woman was once a shocking novelty. Anyway, back to the text....

Great, eh? Boy, it makes me wish I'd run away to the circus and been a barker!

ADDAMS FAMILY-TYPE CHRISTMAS GIFTS!

Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! HO! Maybe it's the depressing economic news, but I'm in the mood for a different kind of Christmas this year. This time I need something that gives vent to my frustration, something...special! With that need in mind, here's my list of 2008 gift picks...



The pricey one first...how's about giving that special someone a binocular microscope! There's nothing like the gift of live, squirming bugs, like the hornet above, seen close-up!



If you had a bad experience with microscopy before, it's probably because you didn't know how to stain things and prepare the slides. Maybe you didn't know how to light them! You won't have those problems with a binocular (stereo) microscope. Binocular scopes don't use slides, and just about any lighting - a desk lamp or flashlight - will do just fine. That's because binocular scopes are low powered for a microscope. Don't expect to see the bug's cells, Just expect to see the bug nightmarishly large and big enough to bite your face off!

[Actually the picture of the pond skater above was taken with a binocular scope, and the hornet near the top with a monocular scope. Both are taken from the net but accurately reflect the views I routinely see with my own binocular scope. I usually end up viewing a little bit wider than this in order to see more of the bug, and increase the stereo effect. The closer you get, the more things flatten out.]



Edmund Scientific sells a 20 X 40 binocular scope for 200 bucks. That's a bargain! My own scope is a different model, but I got it from Edmund for roughly the same price and it works great! I have a link to their catalogue on the sidebar.




Ever since I saw "Nightmare Before Christmas" and read Dickens' "Christmas Carol," I've thought of Christmas as having horrific overtones. it's not primarily horrific, but it has a little bit of that in it, don't you think? Well, maybe I've gone off the deep-end, but it strikes me as almost appropriate to hold a seance to say Merry Christmas to one's dear departed love ones, and here's the book that can help you do it.



I never read it (that's the book above), I just stumbled on it by accident on the net, but looking at the funky ad made me curious. Even a room full of skeptics is bound to produce some kind of group vibe that would be interesting. If at least a third of the people present were believers in ghosts, that would be even better!



The book claims to walk you through an entire seance. It includes a script for the host and info about tricks that can be done in the dark...sounds good to me! The more raucous (above)the better!



If I were staging it, I would have a finale where accomplices sneak into the dark room wearing black robes and loudly kidnap one of the guests. They'd need to throw a lot of stuff, too.

Anyway, the price for this book is 25 bucks. Come to think of it, if someone gets this book on Christmas, they probably won't be able to stage the seance til New Years. That's OK, new Years would be perfect for it!




Here's (above) a gift idea I always suggest at Christmas, but so far as I know only one person has ever taken me up on it. It's the gift of drinks and free meals for life! Here's how it works:

From the hardware store buy a yard or so of transparent flexible tubing (not pictured), the kind you wrap around naked wires for insulation. The inside should be about as wide as a pencil. Run the tube down the inside of a long-sleeve shirt till one end peaks out from the cuff and the other end discretely peeks out of your open shirt collar, next to your neck. Now you have all you need to suck up the drink of the person beside you without being noticed. "OK," you say, "that gets the gift recipient a free drink, but how does he get the meal?" Read on!

The meal comes to you courtesy of Extend -O- Fork (shown extended above), which is available on-line or from any fun shop. You probably saw them the last time you made a rubber chicken run and just never noticed them. It's a normal-size fork that telescopes out like a car aerial. You simply divert the attention of the unintentional meal sharer and feast! Together with the drink-sucking tube, it's the perfect gift!

The total cost: Under $10!

SOME INTERESTING FILM TITLES

Mark Simonson, the artist who designed my "Uncle Eddie's Theory Corner" banner, has hooked me on typography. Here's are some examples of interesting film lettering gleaned from the links on Mark's site. See what you think.

I'll start with a fairly normal title card (above) from the 40s. It's straight-forward, flat poster art (above)...very effective when accompanied by good music.

More exciting were the titles that were laid over action. Usually these occurred at the end of trailers. The titles at the beginning of the film itself were usually more conservative.

I love how dramatic titles (above) often were done in a tiki style, as if they were ripped from canoes on cannibal islands. The incongruity of stark, primitive lettering over modern city backgrounds promised a story filled to the brim with raw emotion.

I assume this title (above) is also from the trailer, and not from the film. The title floating over the crowds and cars seems to convey a point that's not emphasized in the film, i.e., that we're going to see a story about grimy, sweaty, but somehow tragic and heroic urban man. It's a manifesto that declares the filmmaker's belief that modern man is a fit subject for great literature. I love manifestos. A film should convey passion. It should grab you by the collar and try to convince you of something.

I also love it when a film's graphics make points that aren't overtly contained in the script. They're best when they address the subtext rather than the text.

Here's a common Noir technique: The title appears over a city background but is framed by fuzzy black borders. You get the feeling that we're looking out at the world through malevolent, satanic eyes. Or maybe we're pulling down the slat of a blind to look at a scene in Hell.

I said that trailers usually contained better graphics than the film, but there were exceptions. Here's (above) a perfectly fine trailer end title...



...and an even better title graphic that appears at the start of the film. Once again the typography conveys weird, primitive, psychological energy, but it's laid over a classical, Rubenesque color scheme. The card promises thrills, but assures us that we're safe in the hands of a master storyteller.

Here's (above) the end title. In a comment Lester said the constable seems to say "Alright, folks, move along. There's nothing to see here. Nothing to see," and that's exactly right. It's a terrific counterpoint to the high-intensity drama we just witnessed.

I would add that there's something weird about the shot. The graphic seems to say, "The story is over now...you can go home and relax...but impish, malevolent magic is still at work in the world, so don't relax too much. "

BTW: The link to Mark's site and the Annyas screenshots that Mark linked to:

http://www.marksimonson.com/

http://www.annyas.com/screenshots/

THE LEAD SLED DOG THEORY

In a film or a story The Lead Sled Dog is the character who sets the pace for everybody else. He gives the film a metronome beat. He's like the base player in a jazz combo. Other actors find themselves naturally calibrating their performance to the rhythms of the Lead Sled Dog. They wrap around it. They bounce off it. If your script or your actors don't have a Lead Sled Dog then you have a rudderless ship and you're screwed.

Sometimes the Lead Sled Dog is the star. Sometimes not.

An example of the Lead Sled Dog as star is Jackie Gleason in the old Honeymooners TV series. Look it up on YouTube. Even when Gleason wasn't physically in a scene his presence was felt. Other actors made their characters a counterpoint to what Gleason was, so that when you finally see him his over-the-top character seems even more outrageous.

An example of The lead Sled Dog as supporting actor is Danny Glover in the film, "Lethal Weapon." [Glover is obviously a first-rank star in this film, and is fully the equal of Gibson, but I'll treat him as a supporting actor just to make my point more clearly.]

Granted, Gibson is the box office draw, the protagonist, the handsome, driven guy who makes things happen. But the Lead Sled Dog? Nope.

The lead dog in that film is Danny Glover. He's the reactor who's constantly amazed by Gibson's character, who defines Gibson for the audience. Without Glover the Gibson character is just a suicidal crazy guy. With Glover, Gibson is evolving and heroic, someone who's worth taking the trouble to get to know.

Another example: Laurel and Hardy. Who's the Lead Sled Dog there? It's Hardy. Laurel does stupid things that make Hardy react and Hardy is one of cinema's great reactors.

Who's the Lead Sled Dog in Ren and Stimpy? Answer: Stimpy. Stimpy establishes the beat that underlies the story. [Note: John says the lead sled dog in that series was Mr. Horse.]

Who's the lead dog in the Andy of Mayberry show? Andy Griffith! You watch the show for Don Knotts but Knotts organizes his performance around the pace layed down by Griffith.

Interesting, eh?