Here's my first short story, written just for this blog. I did it in less than two hours, and I have to admit that it sucks. I panicked when I realized the story was going awry, and I tried to crib from a story about miners to save it but, Alas!, even the cribbing couldn't help. OK, I'm going to put this turkey up anyway, because I don't have anything else to put up. Here it is... a short story directed at readers in the animation industry....
"THE DIRTY OLD BONY FINGER"
BY AN ANONYMOUS BLOGGER
Getting gray hair sucks but there are a few advantages. One is that you will some day get to play the role of prophetic old gypsy. Young people can't do it, they don't have the gravity for it. I can't wait for the day when I can grab teen-agers by the arm like Marie Ouspenskaya in "The Wolfman" and shake my bony finger at them while predicting doom. Sure, they'll laugh, but there's something creepy about being on the other side of a bony finger, and you can bet they'll lose sleep over it.
My plan is to go to an art school and seek out the computer animation students. I'll dress up in rags and then some dark and drissly night I'll hide myself outside, in some alcove in the architecture. When a suitable victim walks by I'll jump out and grab him by the arm.
"Hey!", the student will say, "Let go!" Of course I don't let go and out comes the bony finger. "Harken to me, young man! That stupid Maya program will never feed your spirit! Give it up! Go to Hollywood and be a full animator in 2-D!"
"Who ARE you!?", says the student. "Forget who I am!", says I. "You're young and quick! You'll be an excellent inbetweener! First you'll inbetween, then you'll assist, then you'll take on the mantle of a full-blown animator, then you'll direct and maybe go higher yet!" "Let me go!", says the student, worried that he might get a disease if he touches the bony old finger.
"You know nothing of studio life! Let me tell you about it! The greatest studios of them all are in Hollywood! I know them inside-out! I've wandered their halls which are like the paths in a sorcerer's garden. The drawings, they come alive! I've seen funny walks and goofball expressions sparkle under the shine of extender lamps! You've seen it too, in dreams when you were a kid, haven't you?" "Well... I really don't remember," says the student.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T REMEMBER!?", I howl, trying to sound like Marley in the Christmas Carol. The boy cringes. "No other life so tests a man! The mighty problems an animator struggles with every day would make him crazy if he didn't fight and fight again to overcome. Don't be misled by the blackened fingers! Full animators are giants among men! Now go to Hollywood and get a job tomorrow! To heck with Maya!...Huh? What's that? Do you hear anything?"
"I don't hear anything." says the confused boy. "I hear it," says I, "It's the studio owner's beautiful daughter!" "Where? Where!? I don't see anybody, "says the boy! "I see her," I say. "You're free to think she's beautiful any time you like...but... you're not free to court her until you've proved yourself! With paper and pencil I mean! WITH PAPER AND PENCIL! Go to Hollywood! Be an inbetweener!"
"But I still don't see anybody," says the boy. "I just can't..." The boy turns, and seeing no one there, realizes he's alone. The raggedy man with bony finger has disappeared!
I, of course, will have creeped to the parking lot and made my getaway in a car. The boy will stand befuddled in the rain. Was the old man and the finger a dream? Does computer animation really suck? Should he give up 3-D and learn to animate? I figure if I do this to two students a night for a week, one of them might actually take my advice.
THE END
I've already done a blog about teeth but there's lots more to say.
John used to say that Clampett was the first cartoon director to emphasize funny teeth. He's certainly the first one I know of. Clampett's teeth are especially funny because they reference the way teeth really are. They're not just horizontal and vertical lines. Look at the Clampett dog above -- the teeth are uneven in size and one row overlaps the other, just like real teeth. 
Usually healthy teeth (above) are enough to convey a gag. Even healthy teeth are full of surprises. Notice the way the bottom row of teeth slant inward while the upper row grow almost straight down.
Some cartoonist prefer slightly unhealthy teeth. Here's (above) a set where the top teeth flare inward at the center and then outward as the teeth wrap around the muzzle. The bottom teeth are almost straight.
Other cartoonists prefer downright abnormal, Basil Wolverton teeth (above). Here the upper gum has wasted away leaving the irregular, shovel-type teeth exposed. I like that snaggle tooth on the bottom right.
Here's (above) a nice set: two almost normal front teeth, then a gap, then outwardly flaring teeth on the side. I like the way the six teeth appear in groups of two.
Here's (above) a wide, wide mouth full of squat little nuggets. There's almost no evidence of a rounded, horse shoe-type muzzle. The teeth all seem to be up front. Who would have teeth like this? Maybe an embezzling accountant. He's the butt of office jokes, and he often grinds his teeth in frustration, but he takes the jokes without complaint because he knows that he's only a few more withdrawls from a permanent vacation in Tahiti. 
Here (above) the natural dominance of the top teeth is exaggerated. The top row covers the bottom like the lid on a piano keyboard, except that the bottom teeth flare out on the side. 
You may have to draw trolls and witches someday so keep this hideous dwarf tooth (above) at hand.
I can't stand standard cartoon girls like the Bratz girls above. Who would ever want to meet these hideous fashion zombies? Not me!
Cartoon girls don't have to be ugly. Look at the life Katie Rice manages to inject into her characters! I love Katie's stuff! I'm not normally interested in cute but her girls are more than cute. They embody youth and a sense that it's great to be alive!
A couple of years ago I decided to stop drawing girls in the Bratz style and try to discover a way of drawing them that felt right to me. Of course when I worked on other people's projects I drew the girls the way I was told. It was still fun (especially John's girls). But when I drew for myself I tried to find a style that fit my own taste and life experience. For better or worse, this (above) is what I came up with.
Commenters liked Colette in "Ratatouille" more than I did. They were touched by the way she fell in love with the guy who washes the dishes. Well, I was too. But I can't help thinking that the character dynamics would have worked better if Colette hadn't seemed so independent. She looked like someone who'd been around the block and had no romantic illusions. She looked jaded. She didn't need a relationship. When it developed it seemed forced and phony.
Gee, thumbing through this book reminds me how of how much I miss Freud. That's his couch and chair in the picture above. Taken individually a lot of what Freud's ideas don't hold water. Taken collectively they constitute a marvelously imaginative and thought provoking body of work. Psychology was more fun in the Freudian era.
Shirley's picture is proof positive that the famous Elvgren Smile (above) exists in the real world.
