ON CHRISTMAS EVE

I've always wondered what bachelors did on Christmas. If you don't have a family of your own, and your parents live far away, what do you do on...that night...Christmas Eve?

I guess you hang out with other bachelors, but what if there are no other bachelors? There's bound to be Christmas Eves where your bachelor friends are all inaccessible.

I'm about to find out because at the last minute my kids were prevented from visiting, and my wife is out of town. I've never, not even once, had to deal with something like this. In a whole lifetime it'll be my first Christmas alone. I'll have to be here by myself....just me...tossing playing cards into a hat.

But don't feel sorry for me. To tell you the truth, I'm thrilled to be going through this. The writer in me tells me that experiences like this are golden. The sting of loneliness is more than made up for by the treasure trove of lonely bachelor ideas I'll probably get.

The problem is that good friends heard about my problem and called to invite me to share their family Christmases. That's wonderful...I'm lucky to have friends like that...but they don't realize that this is my time to be exiled in the desert, my time to suffer. They say you'll never be a first-rate artist until you've suffered. How do I explain to my friends that I can't agonize over the sting of rejection while they're being nice to me?

I'll have to figure out what to do about this, but in the meantime I'm going to the mall to see if I can get some pictures of angry shoppers.

UPDATE: I just returned home from a night of partying. There goes my resolve to suffer. Thanks to friends I'm doomed to be a shallow man, someone who's never been purified by the chastening fires of rejection.

MIKE'S FAVORITE CHRISTMAS SONGS

Mike came up with a pretty impressive Christmas list of his own, which is too good to keep to myself. Here's what the man will be listening to over the next few days.



















Nice, huh?

STILL MORE CHRISTMAS MUSIC

'More great Christmas music and a few photos at the end.

Here are some pictures from last night's Christmas party at John's. I can't show any of the wide shots I took because so many people didn't want to appear on the net, not even as vague blurs in the background.

That's Jo Jo and Auralynn above.

Here's (above) Mike Kazallah.

That's (above) Sierra, who who might be a little mad at me for taking a picture without warning. I'm regarded as a pest when I have my camera out.

There's Sandra in the middle!

Above, Auralynn again, this time with Jim Smith. Thank goodness for miniskirts!

 Holy Cow! Sean looks like the picture on the famous cough drop box!

This (above) is me eating cheese puffs, which is one reason I haven't been asked to star in any action/adventure movies lately. Auralynn took the picture.

*Sigh!* Good 'ol Christmas!

MORE CLASSIC CHRISTMAS SONGS

This (above) isn't a traditional Christmas song, but maybe it should be. Earlier peppy versions recorded when Dietrich was younger can be found, but this slow and throaty one from 1954 is full of experience and wisdom and conveys the meaning best in my opinion.



O'Connor's is the best modern version that I've heard. See if you agree.



This version (above) of Drummer Boy got so much radio play when it came out, that some people from that era can't bear to hear it any more. I think it still holds up.



 Jonathan Antoine (above)...I never heard of him before I discovered him accidentally this morning. He's so awkward-looking that I thought the video must be a joke before I played it. Now I have played it and, believe me, this guy is no joke. He's rough around the edges, but he'll be a household name in a few years, wait and see.



I post this every year at Christmas, and will probably do the same thing next year. It's great, isn't it?

SOME OF THE BEST CHRISTMAS SONGS

Here's (above) a terrific version of "O Holy Night" but you may have to push a "Watch on YouTube" link to see it.

This song reminds me that Christmas is the ultimate philosopher's holiday. This is a day and a season that means something, that condenses two thousand years of thought and experience into a celebration that transmits some of the best ideas of Western Civilization.



This video (above) contains two songs, but the first is the one that interests me. It's amazing that a delicate song like "Silent Night" would work so well on a tin mechanical device that could fit into a jewelry box.



"Ave Maria" is an interesting song. It's full of opportunities for virtuoso singers to show what they can do, yet it's only satisfying when it's entirely devoid of egotism.



This version of "Jingle Bells" (above) is great, but it'll probably vanish in a few days. Sony won't allow it to stay up very long.

In my opinion Jingle Bells is the best of all secular Christmas songs. Who'd have thought that a song about the thrill of a sleigh ride, something that few living people have ever experienced, would make a good subject for a song?



From Phil Spectre's Christmas album, the Ronettes (above). Poor Spectre. He had a lot of talent before he snapped.

THE CHRISTMAS CAROL (ABRIDGED)

EXT. SCROOGE'S OFFICE: ORPHANS SING CHRISTMAS CAROLS ON THE CORNER.

SCROOGE: "Beat it! SCRAM! Amscray!"

THE ORPHAN GIRL RUNS BACK, BITES SCROOGE'S HAND.

INT. SCROOGE'S OFFICE:

CHARITY COLLECTOR: "Mr. Scrooge, how are you?"

SCROOGE: "I'll be better after I soak my hand. What do you want?"

CHARITY COLLECTOR: "We're here to collect for the poor. It's that time of year  when want is sorely felt. We figure a gift of...oooh...10 pounds should do it."

SCROOGE: Ten pounds!? Are you nuts!!? Are there no workhouses? No treadmills? Get out! GET OUT!" 

NO SOONER DO THE TWO COLLECTORS EXIT,  THAN TWO MORE STEP INSIDE....

SCROOGE: "NO!!!!!!!"

....AND THEN WALK RIGHT STRAIGHT OUT AGAIN.

SCROOGE'S NEPHEW BURSTS IN:

NEPHEW: "Uncle Scrooge! I came to wish you a Merry Christmas!!!"

SLAP! SLAP!

NEPHEW: "How the heck are ya, Uncle? How the heck are ya'?"

NEPHEW: "Um...er...I don't suppose you could lend me a couple of pounds? I want to get a present for my...."

SCROOGE: "Go away. Just go away!"

THE NEPHEW EXITS.

SCROOGE (TO HIS CAT): "How are you, Bootsie? You don't want anything, do you?"

SCROOGE'S CAT BEGS WORDLESSLY FOR MORE FISH HEADS.

SCROOGE: "Bowser?"

HIS DOG BEGS FOR A BIGGER BONE.

THE GOLDFISH BEGS FOR MORE TURTLE FOOD.

SCROOGE: "Humbug! I can't get any work done here!"

SCROOGE: "Cratchet, you should count yourself lucky. You live in a miserable hovel, you eat rats just to get a little protein, but at least your little crippled boy, Tiny Tim, has a level head. He's not interested in baubles and toys like the rest of these ninnies."

  

ON TINY TIM, LOOKING IN A TOY STORE WINDOW:

HE IS DEFINITELY INTERESTED IN BAUBLES AND TOYS!

CRATCHET: "UM, Mr. Scrooge....er, could you see your way to lending me a pound or two so the family can buy presents for...."

SCROOGE: "Nnnno!"

ON THE STREET: SCROOGE WALKS HOME:

CROWD OF PANHANDLERS: "Spare change?" "Brother, can you spare a pence?" "C'mon...just a ha'penny!" "Spread a little lovin.' "

SCROOGE: "No! No! Nada! Zip! Nein!"

CROWD OF PANHANDLERS (CONT): " 'Spare a farthing?" Two pence is all I ask!" Spare change?" "Don't be a tightwad!" "Let's have it, ya old miser!

SCROOGE: "NO! Nope! Not a chance! Naah! Uh-uh! No!"

BLIND BEGGER: "Buddy, can you spare a......"

SCROOGE: "NO-O-O-O!!!!!!!!!!"

SCROOGE APPROACHES HIS HOME....

....TAKES OUT HIS KEYS....

MARLEY (GHOST-LIKE) (VO): "S c r o o o o o o o g e!"

ON THE DOOR KNOCKER:

MARLEY'S FACE APPEARS:

MARLEY (WAILS LIKE A GHOST): "S C R O O O O O G E!!!!!"

MARLEY (VOICE CHANGE): "Scrooge, how's about slipping me a pound or two? It's Christmas and I just wanna buy a few presents for the other ghosts. Nothing fancy, just..........."


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Aaaaargh! I goofed up the whole story! It could have been a lot funnier.  I just didn't have time to do it right. There's so much to do in the week before Christmas! *Sigh!*

MORE RECENT ASTRONOMY PHOTOS

Here's (above) a view of the Great Lakes at night, with a sultry, languid warm front penetrating up into Ontario.



Here's Hurricane Sandy making it's way up the Atlantic Coast and making landfall in New Jersey and New York. It's an eerie film to watch.

At first you can follow the movement of the fronts by following the ordered movements of the clouds. After a bit you realize that some of the important fronts are invisible. Large fields of clouds just suddenly pop into existence, something which looks even weirder with time lapse photography. It's as if Zeus or Loki were stirring up a froth, adding ingredients as they work.

While we're on the subject of hurricanes, here's some that might be going on right now on Saturn. This (above) is a view of the Great Vortex that lies at the center of Saturn's North Pole. This whirlpool allows us to peek underneath the hazy upper clouds and see what goes on beneath and, mystery of mysteries, what's under there is lots of Earth-type pinwheel hurricanes. Some of them are the same size as the largest hurricanes that you find here.

I'll add that this vortex is in the center of large, concentric, hexagonal clouds (not seen above) which have yet to be explained.

Odd geometries aren't unique to Saturn. Here's (above) something called "The Red Square Nebula." The square shape has nothing to do with reflections on a lens...the nebula really is shaped that way. But why?

Here's a rarity: something called a polar ring galaxy. It's dominated by a large horizontal disk that has apparently absorbed a smaller vertical galaxy that we see in the middle.

Here's (above) a moon in a close orbit of Saturn, but I can't remember which moon.

Saturn's moons continue to amaze. This (above) is Methone, which appears to be smooth and egg-shaped. How is that possible? Even the Earth has craters. One scientist speculates that the moon is completely covered with tiny pebbles that cover up the surface features.

A planet has been discovered in orbit around binary star Alpha Centauri B, the closest star to Earth.  The planet has a mass similar to Earth's, but is much too close to it's sun to sustain life as we know it.

Most of the planets we've discovered are very close to their suns. I used to think these types of worlds appeared in large numbers only because they were easiest kind to detect, but recent TV documentaries claim that no, that's the way those solar systems really are. Most planets hug their suns. Our own system isn't typical at all.

Here's the Space Shuttle "Endeavor" being flown low over the streets of L.A. It's on it's way to it's final resting place in a hanger at The California Science Museum.

I saw this! Mike and I were pulling into the parking lot at Disney's when half the studio spilled outside in the direction of our car. For a moment we felt like real celebrities but, alas, they weren't there for us. A few minutes later the Shuttle appeared close overhead, accompanied by jets that looked like something out of Star Wars.

MY FAVORITE NEW CHRISTMAS VIDEO

I usually post every other day, but during the two weeks leading to Christmas I might post a bit more frequently. That's because with all the bad news in the papers I figure a lot of people are bummed out, and in need of a little extra Christmas cheer.

My own resolution to myself is to put my problems on hold for a couple of weeks. There's plenty of time to worry and fret after the holiday.

In that spirit, here's a terrific Christmas video. It wasn't made specifically for Christmas, but it arrives at exactly the right time and feels Christmasy to me. Be sure to click off the ads and enlarge it to full screen.