In a few months I'll be moving to a small town in the farm belt. I'll have to see what kind of work I can rustle up there. Small towns don't have much need for art. I hate to think about it, but there's half a chance that I'll end up as a salesman in a La-Z-Boy store.
Yeah...La-Z-Boy. You probably didn't know it but La-Z-Boy's a big employer in rural America. If you don't live in a small town you probably don't realize how widespread it is. It's not just a few pushpins on an empty map....
....it's a
whole doggone map full of pushpins!!!!! In case you haven't heard...La-Z-Boy is an
empire! It's huge! That company
owns this country!
Sure, if you live in a big city you don't need La-Z-Boy. You can buy designer furniture, and it'll be sophisticated and artistic and perfectly satisfying.
But that's because you live in a big city.
You can't get that stuff in the rest of America.
Yesssir....step just one inch beyond the city limit sign and you're in La-Z-boy Land!!!!! The whole swathe of real estate between the megacities is united in the opinion that furniture design peaked in the 1960s. Fuzzy recliners still rule and any attempt to improve on them is regarded as an attack on Western Civilization.
If I get the job this (above) is what I'll be selling. These are the Coca Cola of chairs, the Mount Everests, the Plus Ultras, the Sultans of Seats. They come mainly in three fuzzy colors: Murky Rose, Ash and Dirty Powder Blue. I'm not sure but the company might also make the rounded Thrift Store-type end tables and coffee tables that always accompany the recliners.
I know what you're thinking...that Lazy Boys are prol furniture and upscale people wouldn't be caught dead with them. I don't blame you for thinking that, but you're wrong. The rural rich like La-Z-Boys every bit as much as the poor. They're just better at hiding them.
Trust me, tucked away behind the glitzy curb appeal of the country mansion is a living room packed to the gills with the workhorses of the La-Z-Boy fleet, including the magisterial train-length La-Z-Boy Sofas.
La-Z-Boys are the sentimental glue that binds Americans together and makes us an essentially classless country. All rural Americans, rich and poor, educated and uneducated, love the stuff.
Okay, I'm not being fair to the recliner people. Actually, the different recliner companies have research labs and are constantly investigating ways to update. Here's (above) a gaming recliner.
And here's (above)...what is that thing?....I'm guessing a physical fitness recliner, so you can doze off while exercising.
I'm not sure what this (above) is, either. Maybe it's a drum set for cutting edge garage bands who want to rebel and sock it to The Man while playing in sybaritic comfort. I'd better find out since I might be selling this stuff soon.
Drop by the store and identify yourself as an Uncle Eddies Theory Corner reader. Maybe I can get you a discount.
5 comments:
James Sims: I don't celebrate John's birthday for the reason that if I did, he'd feel the need to celebrate mine. and I don't want non-family members to do that. John knows, to put it mildly, that I wish him well.
Honestly, it feels as if your tongue is lodged in your cheek, but I'd love to watch a reality show of you selling Lazy Boys. Your writing on the subject is hilarious and full of insight. All the best with the upcoming move. -Doug
Doug: Haw! Thanks! I have to admit that selling La-Z-Boys would be an interesting adventure. I'll keep up the blog while I'm away, so you'll be able to see what life is like in the heartland.
Apropos of absolutely nothing in this post--the NYT just reviewed a new show of Picasso's sculptures/3D art; seems to me you've GOT to make a point of seeing that one! I don't know how long it runs(look it up!), but I suspect it's only a train ride from wherever you're going.
Wow! Uncle Eddie selling La-Z-Boys! That is just shocking to me. But perhaps you will work with someone who aspires to be an animator!
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