UNCLE EDDIE'S THEORY CORNER: brain that wouldn't die

Friday, March 06, 2015

THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE

Last night I saw "The Brain that Wouldn't Die" at John's house. It had a terrific plot. Let's see if I can remember it....

[Spoiler Alert: I tell the whole story here, but you should read this anyway. Knowing the story in advance is actually helpful in appreciating the interesting structure.]

A young, idealistic scientist and his fiance Mildred had a road accident. The scientist survived but Mildred's head was severed. The handsome young scientist quickly wrapped up the head and took it his basement lab where he hooked it up to a life support system.

Mildred awoke to find that she was she was just a disembodied head.

HEAD (ALARMED): "This is monstrous! You shouldn't have done this to me! You should have let me die!"

(THEN...)

HEAD: "Huh? What's that noise? It sounds like a door rattling."

HANDSOME SCIENTIST: "Oh, that....that's just the hideously deformed victim ofmy earlier experiments."

ON THE LOCKED DOOR:

HANDSOME SCIENTIST (VO): "We keep him locked up. He's insane and tremendously powerful. If he ever escaped from that room he'd rip us all to bloody shreds...but don't worry. That little lock cost a whole dollar. He'll never break out."

The handsome scientist goes out on the town to find a suitable body for his girl's head.

He scours burlesque houses and beauty contests.

Finally he finds a perfect specimen, a photographer's model. He invites her home to see his lab.

BACK AT THE LAB: THE HEAD, TIRED OF WAITING, ARGUES WITH THE NEUROTIC LAB ASSISTANT:

HEAD: "What do you know of anything? Without the encumbrance of a body I've acquired mental powers that I never dreamed were possible. Now I can take revenge for what the world has done to me! With this new power I will create an army of zombies that will take over the world!"

NEUROTIC LAB ASSISTANT: " Powers? Zombies!? Haw! Look at you! You're just a stupid old head! I'm the one with I.Q. points! I was first in my class at Harvard! Whaddaya think of that?"

HEAD: "Well if you're so great then let's see you open the door and peek in at that monster in the room over there."

NEUROTIC ASSISTANT: "Peek in!? Well, er...I don't know."

HEAD: "Okay...if you're scared..."

NEUROTIC LAB ASSISTANT: "Scared? Did I say I was scared? Well, I guess I can take a quick look..."

MONSTER: (Big growl)

NEUROTIC ASSISTANT: (Big scream) "AIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!"

JUST THEN THE HANDSOME SCIENTIST COMES IN:

HANDSOME SCIENTIST: "Mildred! I found a body for you! (HE SPOTS THE ASSISTANT'S CORPSE ON THE FLOOR) Huh? What's he doing there?"

HEAD: "That's your neurotic assistant. He tried to take a look at the monster in the room but he got zapped because he didn't open the door properly. With your brains you could do it safely, but you're probably too....too scared."