BACKSTAGE AT THEORY CORNER

Tour Guide: "Did you know that every year hundreds of parents and children from local schools take the Theory Corner Tour? Here's the latest bunch, anxiously gathering up their cameras and autograph books as they pull into the parking lot."

Tour Guide: "The studio's all abuzz because today we're filming 'Halloween Story.' It's the scariest thing we've ever done here."

[If you haven't read it yet, "Halloween Story" is the post beneath this one.]

Tour Guide: "The sets are massive! It takes rows of powerful arc lights just to make the the living room set look authentic. Wait, there's Uncle Eddie now! Maybe we can get him to say a few words!"

Uncle Eddie: "Hi kids! Boy, did you luck out! We're just about to film the climax of the story! You're gonna die when you see this!"

Uncle Eddie: "Here's Kali, the photographer! Hey Kali, meet your fans! She's really got a knack for horror! She's always saying, 'More extreme! Exaggerate!', and I do. Gee, I hope my mother doesn't see this stuff!"

Uncle Eddie: "OK, it's time to shoot! You kids stand over there, and don't touch anything! All right, gotta do my breathing exercizes...find my center...that's it...focus on the imaginary kid I'll be talking to..."

Uncle Eddie: "OK...... ready!"

Uncle Eddie "Sooooo little Trick or Treater, you want candy! Candy's all that matters to you, isn't it? I went to all the trouble of putting this bread and butter together but no, that's not good enough for you! It has to be candy!"

Uncle Eddie: "JEZEBEL! People like you give kids a bad name!

Uncle Eddie: "Here, I know you'd like this bread if you only tasted it. Let me cut a slice for you!"

Uncle Eddie: "I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT!!!!"

Kid: "WAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! (CRIES)

Uncle Eddie: "Huh? What? Hey, it's just a story! Aw, poor little kid! Here, take this lollipop! Er... maybe the tour oughta move on to the next thing."

Angry parents glower at Uncle Eddie as they pass.

Uncle Eddie: "Heh, heh...happy, um... halloween!"

Tour Guide: "This part's for adults only. Fans of Theory Corner know that we frequently have beautiful women discuss philosophy! We get into some pretty heavy stuff here!"


Tour Guide: "Theory Corner spares no expense to find women who actually like philosophy! Lots of times the discussion goes on for hours after the shoot. Sometimes...


Tour Guide: "AAAAAAAA!!!! Who let the little boy in here!?"


Uncle Eddie: "What's the matter!? Are you all right, kid!? Here. Put your head down, you won't feel so sick that way! You know, I know it's hard to believe, but someday you'll actually like to see women like that...honest! Trust me! Um...you're not gonna sue are you?"

Tour Guide: "Well, that's the tour! What do you think?"

Kids: "YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!!!!!!!

MAGIC FOR KIDS

Kids are great! One of their many assets is that they're a great audience for magic. Their jaws drop when you wave your hands and the supermarket door opens. When I did that for my son for the first time I thought he'd faint. He was positively awe-stricken. I was expecting him to kneel down and worship me as a white god. My favorite trick of all though, was the disappearing nickel.

It's almost too easy. You put a nickel in your palm and tell your kid (my daughter in this case) that you're going to make it disappear right infront of her eyes. Now kids aren't stupid, and they're likely to say something like, "Piff! Piff! C'mon Dad, nobody can really do that! I wasn't born yesterday!" It's important to little kids that you know they're worldly and not to be trifled with.

So you say to the kid, "No, I mean it! It's real magic! Just watch the nickel closely and it'll vanish right infront of your eyes. " The kid gives a skeptical look. "Here it goes...keeeeep watching...!" The kid's face gets closer to your palm. "I feel it starting to disappear...It's starting to ...yes, there it goes...Oh my God, it's...it's...!" Then sudden;y, "HOLY COW! WHAT'S THAT BEHIND YOU!?" Huh? She turns to see what you were pointing at and you pocket the nickel! When she looks back again the palm is empty. Klong! The kid is flabbergasted! Nothing to do now but sit back and receive waves of awe and adulation.

Gee, I miss that. Kids have a way of making you feel like a king. BTW, the kids in the pictures aren't mine, I got them off the net.