THE ART OF SEDUCTION

Boy, French President Chirac knew how to kiss a hand! That's him above, kissing the hand of Laura Bush.

What style! American hand kissing is formal and done at a distance. Not so Chirac's. He comes in close, clasps the woman's hand with both hands as if it was a priceless treasure, and leans down to it. He looks at it for an instant as if to savor it, then closes his eyes and delivers a passionate kiss directly to the skin; that's the skin, not the air above it, which is customary.

Here he is (above) kissing the hand of German Chancellor, Angella Merkel. She looks happy. Man, one hand kiss from this guy and a woman must feel like she's had a whole nasty weekend with him, replete with ocean breezes and Pina Coladas brought on a tray from the hotel bar. Where did Chirac learn how to do that? 

Maybe it's in the air in France, at least that's what Elizabeth Scioling says in her new book (above). She says France is a whole country founded on love stories. Even the word "seduction" is much more in common use in France than in America. You see it in newspaper headlines like "Afghanistan: The French in Seduction Mode." The word has been stretched to mean: to attract or influence, to win over, even if just in fun. The techniques employed include: sensuality, subtlety, mystery and play.

So far so good...it all sounds great...but the rules of French seduction can work against Americans. Smiling, for example. We like to smile and will often smile at everybody we meet, and this grates on some Frenchmen. For the French the smile is reserved for the person we wish to seduce or influence. To lavish it on everybody in the street is to cheapen it. I don't agree, but it's an interesting thought. 

I love the way the French speak in old films like the ones by Renoir and Truffaut. Where an American might say," You can meet a girl anywhere, you can't predict where or when," a Frenchman in the films might say something like, "You can find the woman in your life in a restaurant, in a cafe. It starts with an innocent, stupid sentence. 'Can you pass me the salt? Can you pass me the carafe of water? And then...a look!' "

  Do you see the difference? The Frenchman excitedly illustrates his thought with examples. His speech indicates that he relishes the imaginary moment when the game of seduction begins. 

"Every man has two countries, his own and France," says the old saying, and I concur. 

A THEORY CORNER EDITORIAL

To Theory Corner Men:

Men, let's face it. We've been selfish. We never talk to women the way they want to be talked to, the way they CRAVE to be talked to. They want their men to hold their hands and talk to them Don Juan de Marco-style, like this:

"There are some women...fine featured...a certain texture to the hair, a curve to the ears that sweeps like an eternal nautilus...these women have fingers with the same sensitivity as their feet...and when you touch their knuckles it's like pressing your hands around their knees..and touching this tender, fleshy part of their fingers is the same as brushing your hands around their thighs...and..."

OK, it sounds hokey to us but women eat this stuff up. And if they like it so much, why not give it to them? Consider that one half the world (men) has it in their power to make the other half of the world (women) substantially happier without spending a single cent. What a huge improvement for such a small effort!

I hear you say that that modern women would never fall for something this corny. NOT TRUE!

I've tried this on my family and female friends and it worked 100% of the time! I don't mean I tried to seduce them, just the opposite. I bragged before hand that I could get a reaction from them, whether they liked it or not, with over-the-top purple prose, then I read the dialogue hesitatingly from a dog-eared piece of paper in the presence of other people. Even under these circumstances, even with the most skeptical of women, after only a couple of minutes they were all reduced to shell-shocked puddles. Don't take my word for it, try it yourself and improve the world.

BTW, the picture is by the young Robert Crumb.