A MEAL WITH MY KID

I hate to put up family travel pictures. I mean, who's interested in that apart from me and a couple dozen friends and relatives? Even so, I thought I'd make an exception here and tell you about a trip I made to visit my grown-up son in the future. That's right....the future!

It all started when I received a kind of funky greetings card (above) postmarked March, 2039. It was from my kid, then fully grown up and living in the same city thirty years from now. He said he'd be happy to treat me to dinner. Wow! Imagine that! A dinner with my kid thirty years in the future! Of course I accepted!

Getting there was easy. The card said I had only to stare at something white for a few minutes and a time warp would take care of the rest. I did, and it worked!

Following the instructions on the card, I took a paper helium plane (above) to my kid's house, which was in a small town North of LA.

We landed at Vagina International Airport (above).

His house was nearby so I decided to walk there. The scenery was beautiful.

I had no trouble finding the house but it took me forever to figure out where the door was.

I found my kid reading in the living room, behind his buttocks sculptures. Amazingly, he looked only slightly older than the last time I saw him, back in 2009.

It was great to see him! We talked and talked and talked, and finally sat down to a light lunch. That was my chair above!

To my surprise the bowls were just for decoration. The meal was the flower...I guess everybody in the future's a vegetarian! I said I wasn't hungry.

After lunch we left for the city. Above is a picture of my kid's butler, who helped us into the car. The poor guy was the victim of flawed genetic engineering.

In the city we decided to take in a movie (above) that everyone was talking about. It was the story of a poor circle that longed to be a square, but kept falling into something that looked like egg yolk. I didn't understand it but my son and the rest of the audience were moved to tears and bought souvenirs in the lobby. 

After the show we went to a swank vegetarian restaurant (above).

My son said the restaurant (above) was rather small by the standards of his time, but he thought an intimate setting was best. I kept hitting the people behind me with my elbow.

Finally dinner was served, and the proud waiters and cooks all gathered around to see what somebody from the past would think of their cooking.  That's it above. I couldn't figure out how it worked, so I had to make an excuse about not feeling well enough to eat. 

My kid called a cab...that's it above. Boy, the future does wonders with plastic!

Back home I ran for the nearest hamburger stand. The future's great but don't expect to be able to eat the food!

JOHN SINGLETON COPLEY, PAINTER OF IQ POINTS

Most Americans know John Singleton Copley from his famous portrait of his contemporary, Paul Revere (above). That's a pity because the Revere portrait was done while Copley was still leaning how to paint, and it's far from being his best work.

Copley was an idealistic realist, a tradition that goes back at least as far as Rome.  The Romans sculptors gave us portrait busts (above) that were startlingly realistic, and yet were overlayed with an ideal that most of the subjects shared, one which placed great value on being practical men of action.

  


Above is a portrait of Brutus, the friend and assassin of Caesar.

Copley reminds me of another realist, Holbein. Thanks to Holbein we have what must be a starkly realistic depiction of the characters at Henry VIII's court. That's Thomas Moore above. 

I'll mention in passing that Copley painted a number of famous seascapes (above) dealing with shark attacks.

If the Romans made portraits showing men of action, Copley made portraits (above) showing men of determination and thought. Copley loved to paint IQ points. 

Were the people he painted really as bright as they appear here? Who knows?

It's odd that a painter can be a realist and still skewer his portraits (above) in a direction that reflects what the painter himself thinks is valuable in life. Copley clearly values intellect and drive. These are no nonsense people who get things done. 

Copley was an American who emmigrated to England just before the Revolutionary War. He taught himself how to paint from the engravings in books and the small number of European oil paintings that managed to find their way over here. 

This (above) must be an American portrait. 

Once in England he soaked up the European styles like a sponge. You can see the influence of Gainsborough and even Rubens here (above). Boy, look how stiff the girl in the picture is! How did that happen?

Even his old women (above) look like they have enormous inner strength.

This (above) is an interesting character study. The man shows diligence, judgement, wit and humanity.

I can't get over how real these pictures (above) seem. To judge from Copley people back then looked just like we do.

The influence of Rubens is large in these (above) children's portraits. 

After a while his English portraits get less idealistic, but no less skilled. I imagine that he painted this woman (above) as bored because she made no attempt to hide her lethargy while sitting.

Occasionally he painted simple, practical men (above).

From an earlier period maybe, two portraits (above) of humane, intelligent men who got things done. 

Who is this man (above)?

THE ONLY MANLY OCCUPATION

I've always thought of men who worked with iron and steel as participating in the work of the gods. That's Thor above. This gigantic picture is on the wall of the Museum of Science and Industry in London.

I like the line in "Jason and the Argonauts" where one of the Greeks marvels that they wondered into the valley where Esphestus crafted the pre-historic giants.

Somehow no other job seems manly to me. I mean a man produces things, doesn't he? It's our job to reach into the ground, lift up tons of iron ore,  and make magnificent, impossible things out of it.



I always thought of iron as a mysterious metal that came to Earth from outer space. Isn't it true that the iron in the Earth's core came here via meteor and asteroid collisions?

The picture above is of Mercury, which has an unusually large core of iron.  Maybe the whole planet is the core of a planet whose mantel was blown away. Click to enlarge.

I like the way iron can be used to craft delicate art objects like these iron shop signs (above) in Salzburg. I read that artisans competed to see how far their signs could stick out over the streets without falling down. 

Even the MacDonald's in Salzburg has a beautiful iron sign.

Iron gates (above) are especially beautiful. What an interesting counterpoint to tile, stone and stucco!

And what silhouettes (above) they make!

I like greenhouses (above) with their walls of glass and iron. There's something very civilized about them.

It's odd that something as heavy and industrial as iron (above) should set off something as delicate as plants so well.

Iron is a fearsome instrument of war. Here (above) iron (or mostly iron) canons cast a shock wave on the water.

I'd hate to be on the other side of this (above) barrage.

Ever since the Industrial Revolution iron has symbolized heavy industry. What would Esphestus have thought of this (above)?

Giant iron gears (above) have always fascinated me,  though I can't help but wince when I think of the fate of anyone caught in them. 

It's amazing that iron steam engines can be so powerful and useful, and still be works of art at the same time.

We're just frail little bags of guts, but we like to work with the heaviest, most brutal and inhuman materials imaginable. 

I wish I could have seen the first elevated trains (above).

When I was a kid it took all my will power and a zillion threats from my parents and teachers to prevent me from playing on the urban train tracks.

The "El" stations (above) all looked like the beautiful, pseudo-expressionist train stations that Germans built in the 19th century. I hope that cities that are lucky enough to have these stations still in operation will resist plans to tear them down.