THE LAST "MAN" CARTOONIST

Like everybody else I get compliments occasionally, and like everybody else I take them with a grain of salt...at least I usually do.  For some reason, every once in a while,  a compliment gets past my guard and I regard it as a cosmic truth, a titanic affirmation that something about me is worthy of sitting in a jeweled box at the top of a golden tower studded with elephant tusks.  I have just received such a compliment. and I will now, with shameless immodesty, share it with you...... 

A couple of days ago John K remarked in a blog post on Jimmy Hatlo, that I was the last "man" cartoonist he could think of. That's "man," not "manly," which is probably a superior rank, but I'll take the compliment anyway. Imagine that. The last one. After me a whole species dies. Think of it.

Yes, according to John I'm The Last of the Mohicans (above).  I think the "man" reference has something to do with my life experience being in what I draw. Geez. He's obviously being much too generous, and everyone reading this will have a long list of much more qualified candidates, but I refuse to let truth get in the way.  I expect everybody who visits here to wipe their feet first, and wear a surgical mask lest germs reach the precious throat of this last of his species. 

I'm toying with the idea of doing a Sunday Comics page. Maybe something every other Sunday. I don't have any ideas, and I'm not sure that I know how to color and ink in Photoshop, so I might have to use crayons. Let me think about it. Whatever it is will probably look horrible, but I feel a responsibility to at least make an effort...I mean, being the last man cartoonist and all.

THE ONLY MANLY OCCUPATION

I've always thought of men who worked with iron and steel as participating in the work of the gods. That's Thor above. This gigantic picture is on the wall of the Museum of Science and Industry in London.

I like the line in "Jason and the Argonauts" where one of the Greeks marvels that they wondered into the valley where Esphestus crafted the pre-historic giants.

Somehow no other job seems manly to me. I mean a man produces things, doesn't he? It's our job to reach into the ground, lift up tons of iron ore,  and make magnificent, impossible things out of it.



I always thought of iron as a mysterious metal that came to Earth from outer space. Isn't it true that the iron in the Earth's core came here via meteor and asteroid collisions?

The picture above is of Mercury, which has an unusually large core of iron.  Maybe the whole planet is the core of a planet whose mantel was blown away. Click to enlarge.

I like the way iron can be used to craft delicate art objects like these iron shop signs (above) in Salzburg. I read that artisans competed to see how far their signs could stick out over the streets without falling down. 

Even the MacDonald's in Salzburg has a beautiful iron sign.

Iron gates (above) are especially beautiful. What an interesting counterpoint to tile, stone and stucco!

And what silhouettes (above) they make!

I like greenhouses (above) with their walls of glass and iron. There's something very civilized about them.

It's odd that something as heavy and industrial as iron (above) should set off something as delicate as plants so well.

Iron is a fearsome instrument of war. Here (above) iron (or mostly iron) canons cast a shock wave on the water.

I'd hate to be on the other side of this (above) barrage.

Ever since the Industrial Revolution iron has symbolized heavy industry. What would Esphestus have thought of this (above)?

Giant iron gears (above) have always fascinated me,  though I can't help but wince when I think of the fate of anyone caught in them. 

It's amazing that iron steam engines can be so powerful and useful, and still be works of art at the same time.

We're just frail little bags of guts, but we like to work with the heaviest, most brutal and inhuman materials imaginable. 

I wish I could have seen the first elevated trains (above).

When I was a kid it took all my will power and a zillion threats from my parents and teachers to prevent me from playing on the urban train tracks.

The "El" stations (above) all looked like the beautiful, pseudo-expressionist train stations that Germans built in the 19th century. I hope that cities that are lucky enough to have these stations still in operation will resist plans to tear them down.

THE JOHN KRICFALUSI MANLY CARTOONIST BURGER

Sid: "You're here for the recipe, right? This burger's for cartoonists only...are you a cartoonist? Do you have I.D.? Hey, put the wallet back! I'm just kidding! OK, have a seat and listen up!

Uncle Eddie got this recipe directly from John K. and I got it directly from Uncle Eddie! This is the real McCoy, the world's manliest cartoonist burger."

Sid: "Start with lean ground beef...not the very leanest, you need a little fat...and an equal amount of ground angus and ground sirloin (That's 1/2 hamburger , 1/4 angus and 1/4 sirloin). Supermarkets keep these already ground and wrapped, right next to the ground beef.

Back at home it's important to have a Frankie Laine CD on while you're working. You can't make manly burgers unless you have manly music playing. And be sure it's the right Frankie Laine disc; the cuts "Wild Goose" and "Bowie Knife" are absolute necessities."

"OK, mix all the burger meats in a bowl, together with a raw egg. Add some spices. John uses chili powder, oregano and red and black pepper. No salt! Add some chopped onions. Mmmmm! Smells good already!

When you shape the paddies be sure they're a little bigger than the rolls you'll be using. Don't be stingy. The rolls, by the way, are bakery rolls with poppy or sesame seeds. "

"Now grill the burgers on the BBQ. Don't put the hood on, that's not the manly way. A real man allows the burgers to quick cook so they get crispy on the outside and mushy on the inside.

While the burgers are cooking you'll want to go back inside and fry some bacon and red and yellow peppers together. Mushrooms too, if you prefer. The bacon will give everything a great flavor. Make sure the bacon isn't over-cooked. You don't want it to be a burnt slab like the kind you get in restaurants. Take a taste. Aaaah!"

"Now turn the burgers over and put the cheese on top. No crummy American cheese, it has to be sharp cheddar or Swiss. Toast the rolls. When the paddie's cooked take it inside and heap on the bacon and peppers. Add some lettuce, maybe the deep green kind with the red tips. It has to be lettuce with flavor -- no iceberg! Serve it up with fresh, sliced onion rings. Put on the roll.

If you've done it right you should have a burger rich in flavor nuggets. As your teeth travel through the juicy little masterpiece you should experience a succession of textural delights. All it needs now is the right beer: LaBatt 50s or Pilsner Urquell if you can get hold of them."

"And there it is, The Manly Cartoonist's Burger. A meal fit for a king!