A VARIENT ON THE FLYING DREAM

PATIENT: "Are you sure you want hear about this dream? It's kinda silly, and it doesn't make sense. I don't want to waste your time."

PSYCHIATRIST: "You're not wasting my time. Go ahead."

PATIENT: "Okay...here it is, but remember, you asked for it.

Okay, well, it was late afternoon in a city I'd never been in before. I had time to kill, so I figured I'd take a walk around...sort of get a feel for the place."

PATIENT: "People were just getting out of work. They poured out of the buildings and lined up at bus stops and turnstiles. Everybody was jostling everybody."

PATIENT: "I felt like I was getting in the way, so I looked for smaller streets to explore. I took shortcuts through alley ways."

PATIENT: "I knew enough about big cities to avoid the most dangerous looking places..."

PATIENT: "...but even normal streets struck me as a little odd. As it got darker and I got farther and farther into the labyrinth, I'd see fewer people. Oh, they were there, but I'd no sooner catch a glimpse of them than they'd turn a corner or walk into a door." 

PSYCHIATRIST: "So they were trying to avoid you?"

PATIENT: "Maybe, or maybe I was just out of sync with them."

PATIENT: "It was the same way with buses and subway cars. I'd arrive just when they were pulling out." 

PATIENT: "The whole time I had the feeling that I was being watched."

PATIENT: "But who'd want to watch me? I didn't even know these people."

PATIENT: "Later on I got tired of walking. Not only that, but I was hopelessly lost."

PATIENT: "That's when I stumbled on an old hotel with a restaurant on the bottom floor."

PATIENT: "There were people there, but they didn't think much of me. I could feel the hostility."

PATIENT: "But why, I kept thinking. What did I do to them?"

PATIENT: "I think they wanted to tear me apart, but were under some restraint that I didn't understand."

PATIENT: "It was all too much. In an effort to block it out, I buried my head in my hands."

PATIENT: "The instant I closed my eyes I heard a loud airplane engine and I flashed on a vivid image of an airplane flying over some kind of tundra. Don't ask me how, but somehow I knew that the plane was in trouble. It was out of gas and would have to make a landing in a field of trees." 

PATIENT: "I could also hear the ticking clock on the restaurant wall."

PATIENT: "The plane circled around once then came in low. The engines sputtered and stopped."

PATIENT: "It glided over tall pine trees. It was suicide to land in a place like this, but the pilot had no choice."

PATIENT: "As if things weren't bad enough, the landing gear got stuck halfway down. I could see the pine trees rushing up. I could hear screams. I had the sickening feeling that the fate of this plane would determine my own fate."

PSYCHIATRIST: "What happened?"

PATIENT: "What do you think happened? It was horrible."

PATIENT: "I looked up to see what was happening in the restaurant and I was amazed to see that everyone was positively jovial. It's as if they were relieved of a burden of some sort. They hadn't changed what they thought about me, though. I could see that."

PATIENT: "They surrounded me like it was a game they were playing, and I tried to reason with them. 'Look, I don't want to bother you, I just want to get back to the center of town. Does anybody here know where I can get a trolley?' "

PATIENT: "A crowd had gathered outside. "He wants a trolley! Get him a trolley!' they shouted.

PATIENT: "A flaming trolley was brought up."

PSYCHIATRIST: "Wait a minute! Hold the story there! Your hour's up and I have other patients."

PATIENT: "Huh? B-but what about my dream?"

PSYCHIATRIST: "It was a fine dream! We'll talk about it next time."

PATIENT: "But...but..."

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Aaaaaargh! If the deadline wasn't hard upon me, I'd have shelved this story because it's riddled with flaws. I started with two completely unrelated ideas that I thought I could fuse: one about someone who gets lost, and another about a crashing airplane. Geez, what was I thinking? Any ideas for how I could have saved this?

A HOTEL EVOLVES

This hotel was used in a horror film I just saw called "The Innkeepers." I can't really recommend the movie but the hotel, which was real and not a set, was interesting. The hotel's seen a lot of changes in the last century and I thought it might be fun to trace them, and pass judgement on the architects who made them.

This hotel is called "The Yankee Peddler." In a comment Bougieman identifies the location as Connecticut, and my guess is that the picture above was taken about a hundred years ago. I love the long porch and the gazebo-type structures on the corners.

Later on the hotel (above) was renovated and enlarged. An annex was butted up against its right side. Of course we all wish the old hotel had been permitted to stand unmolested, but the new addition isn't horrible. It continues the dominant lines of the old building, and the street view is still somewhat pleasing. 

Notice the exterior of the old hotel has been altered. No more gazebo corners, no more tall trees, no more shutters on the side of the windows, no more chimneys or nifty crawlspace vents, no more high Victorian-style arches supporting the porch roof. 

I notice the entrance now has a Teutonic or Mayan look. It's more austere. Now there's a little fence around the porch roof, and that seems to work. 

A little later (above) and the side porch has been removed. There's only the front porch now. That's a big, big change for the worse. The building's character depended on the porch. 

Still later, it appears (above) that the buildings have been white-washed...or is that a tint added by the photo developer?

Here's the present hotel. The porch is completely gone and a new facade fronts onto the street. The new look is far from perfect, but the renovation could have been worse and the architect succeeded in giving the place a lively feel.

Even so, I still miss the wrap-around porch with it's gazebos and fleet of rockers. People like to look at other people. I also miss the chimneys and trees, and I'd have re-instated the storefronts on the bottom of the annex. Those would provide more visual interest for pedestrians.

If this were a modern building, built from scratch, I would have recommended using the roof space for a garden restaurant. Rooves are the most neglected asset of current architecture.

THE BEST HALLOWEEN COSTUME OF 2012!

Now THAT'S (above) a Halloween costume!!!! We're not likely to see a better one this year! Even though it's early in the season I award it The Theory Corner Bronze Pumpkin Award for the Best Halloween Costume of 2012!!!!!!!!!!!

Boy, would I like to have a suit like that!

Here's (above) an interesting picture. A woman rushes to save another woman (her mother?) from being burned alive. This is a beautifully composed shot. Putting the staircase prominently in the foreground leads us to think the house itself is responsible for the fire.

You have to wonder why these women would choose to live in a killer house. No doubt one of them inherited the house and is so glad to get it that she ignores every decapitation and drowning that takes place there.

Above, a pretty good picture, but it's marred by the fact that the mad scientist is  physically fit. Mad scientists are sickly, everybody knows that.

Good Lord! If I'm not mistaken, this (above) is the very haunted house ride that was the highlight of my kid vacations! I used to hang on the railing and imbibe the screams and and loud bursts of steam coming from inside. In my back pocket was a rolled up copy of the latest Mad Magazine. 

Haw! Here's Batman (above) the way Wally Wood might have drawn him.

Unbelievable! This (above) is an ad for a Lysol-type product. The copy reads: "Don't let bacteria have descendants in your home."

Nice! This pair of manic running legs would look great in 3D animation.

The best sci-fi films always show always show the recipient of a ray blast disintegrating in stages, one step at a time, as on this cover (above).

  

A lesson to young astronauts: never sneeze in your space helmet....or is that a Sparklet's bottle?

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Thanks to the excellent blog, "Monster Crazy" for the great pictures used here!

http://monstercrazy.tumblr.com/

SOME INTERESTING PHOTOS

Here's some interesting photos. I can't adequately describe why I like them, and that intrigues me. That means there's a part of me that I don't understand, a part that makes judgements and operates from a philosophy that I'm not consciously aware of. Geez, I wonder what that philosophy is?

In the case of the woman above, maybe what fascinates me is her confidence. She's living in the here and now. She's completely a creature of the present era, surrounded by magazines and gas burning taxis and wearing the colors du jour. She's made her peace with this epoch and is completely at home in it. Me, I live in the past and the future, so I'm out of sync. I envy her. 

Maybe I like this face (above) because it's so happy, in spite of the scowl. 'Just a human being delighting in her own senses and the pleasure of being with friends.

This (above) is an easy one to figure out. I like the fact that she's trying to figure something out, even though it looks like she might abandon the activity any minute. It's such a human thing to do. This would be a great way to start a live action film, with a close shot of the hero trying to fix something or figure it out. It would create instant sympathy with the character. 

  

Here (above) I'm really in uncharted territory. I haven't the faintest idea why I like this awkward photo. Maybe part of it is because it does such a good job of capturing a moment in time, even if that moment doesn't seem very important. 

I think I understand why I like this (above) picture. The little girl in the foreground is secretly unhappy even though the adults in the background seem to be enjoying themselves. Probably she was momentarily irritated by something, but I prefer to imagine that she's expressing her permanent dark side. 

I don't mean she's crazy or anti-social, just that the world doesn't measure up to the way she thinks it should be and it gets to her every once in a while. Pessimists are valuable people because their frustration with things being out of kilter leads them to roll up their sleeves and do it right. 

WHY YOU SHOULD EAT MASHED POTATOES

Why should you eat mashed potatoes?  I wish every question were as easy to answer as this one: you should eat them because VIRTUALLY EVERY COMMON VEGETABLE TASTES GREAT WITH THEM. If you're not getting enough vegetables then here's your solution.

I know, I know...you're worried about the starch. Well, the USDA gives them a clean bill of health and so do I. Listen, I had mashed potatoes almost every day for the whole time I was growing up and I was skinny as a rail. I always ate a decent amount of vegetables at dinner and I didn't even like vegetables. I only ate them because they seemed to go well with the potatoes.

And it wasn't just me. Lots of my friends ate mashed potatoes and none of us ever got fat. The girls pictured above probably ate mashed potatoes...everybody did when I was a kid and there were much fewer obese people then than now. 

Later we became New Agers and turned against mashed potatoes in favor of rice, because it was more exotic. Big mistake! Vegetables can taste great with rice if the meal's an Asian dish cooked the Asian way, but if you cook a standard Western dinner and simply substitute rice for mashed potatoes, the vegetables suck, and you end up ignoring them. Some American rice eaters give up vegetables entirely.

I told this to a friend who was horrified that I'd even think of eating a potato. He was an ex-hippie who regarded potatoes as a CIA plot to make us lethargic so The Man could manipulate us easier. It's hard to know what to say to someone like that.

He regailed me with stories of vegetables he'd eaten in restaurants that were to die for, and which didn't require a bit of potato. Weeeeell, that's true...I'll concede that if you can afford to have a chef with a well-stocked kitchen cook all your vegetables, then you don't need potatoes. He can saute the vegetables in stock, give them a hint of mango, a little chervil ( a French spice not sold in most American supermarkets), three kinds of oil, expensive brands of balsamic vinegar, and top them with a little cognac....yeah, if you can afford to eat that way every day then you don't need potatoes. 

So why not baked potatoes instead of mashed potatoes? Well, they taste great, but they don't blend with vegetables as well as MP. Also, they require chives and sour cream and those are pricey if the only time you ever use them is in small amounts on potatoes. They'll rot in the refrigerator (above).  

So how do you cook mashed potatoes? My parents just boiled russets whole (not chopped up) til they were soft, put them in a bowl, peeled and chopped them, added whole milk, (nowadays most people prefer Half and Half) and a little melted butter then mashed them with a masher til the lumps were out. They were always eaten hot, immediately after mashing, with a side of cranberries, and with meat and vegetables. Yum!

I looked up mashed potatoes in the American Test Kitchen Cookbook and their concern was fluffiness. To get the lumps out they recommended buying a mill or a ricer (like a giant garlic press) to squeeze the potatoes into spaghetti which you stir into fluff. Right away I saw a mill on sale for ten bucks, and I bought it.  

Aaaargh! What a nightmare! The mill was clunky, too light to sit still, and absorbed half of the potato into its complicated inner workings. It reduced a medium-sized russet to a golf ball. What a gyp! And cleaning the thing was a real chore. Apparently the Test Kitchen has the luxury of top of the line equipment and a staff dishwasher!

Okay, end of rant!

BTW: squash is the exception. It doesn't work with mashed potatoes.

A CITY FOR THE YOUNG

I have an admittedly impractical fantasy about urban planning: I ask myself what a city would be like if it was populated almost entirely by the young...say 50 and below. And what if the people in such a city were not only young, but also physically fit? How would people like that get to work? What kind of houses would they live in? Would they take rollercoasters to the job (above)? Would they swim to it?

I love the idea of using rollercoasters (above) for real urban transportation. Maybe a city of the young could do that.

The idea of rollercoasters cars snaking through the suburbs, of cars full of laughing people  emerging from clumps of trees and disappearing into them again...I find that exhilarating to think about.

Okay, it's not practical...I admit it.

In such a city maybe even things as commonplace as sidewalks might look different. Physically fit pedestrians might not mind if the sidewalks were hilly (above) and fit the natural contours of the land.

Maybe small streets might be designed to hold rainwater for a few hours before draining it away. It would be an excuse for kayaking. A city of the young might look at rain as a source of fun rather than a nuisance.

Maybe a way would be found to make water rides into public transportion.

In such a city even walking to school might be an adventure. I like the idea of city planners taking the trouble to be sure kids had fun making the trip to school. Making them walk would be better for their health than using a school bus.

BTW, I'm not sure the wall idea above is a good one. It seems a bit contrived, too much like meddling adults had something to do with it. It's a good springboard for thought, though. Exactly what would kids like to climb on?

No doubt a young city would value urban horseback riding (above) more than it's valued now. Lots of equine rental places might spring up.

No doubt that we'd also see fun architecture with lots of towers and balconies and with
 bridges connecting the buildings.

Maybe young people would be more playful with the urban landscape. Maybe they'd prefer to see contrasts in mood and texture when they look around. I like the idea of heavy, atmospheric architecture like the kind above existing only a few dozen yards from light, modern places like Kinko's.

The problem here is that in the wrong hands, all this could look very cheap and tacky.  You could argue that amusement park architecture should stay in amusement parks where artifice is expected and is part of the tradition, and where it's safe from nitpicking by bureaucrats. In my fantasy city none of this is a problem. It all works...somehow.

A city of the young might be so attractive that even old people would want to live there. I mean, who'd want to leave a place like this?

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Thanks to Joel Brinkerhof who sent me a link to a great video about Coney Island that triggered some of this speculation. I won't link to it now, because I have other plans for it. Thanks again, Joel!