BACKSTAGE AT THEORY CORNER

Tour Guide: "Did you know that every year hundreds of parents and children from local schools take the Theory Corner Tour? Here's the latest bunch, anxiously gathering up their cameras and autograph books as they pull into the parking lot."

Tour Guide: "The studio's all abuzz because today we're filming 'Halloween Story.' It's the scariest thing we've ever done here."

[If you haven't read it yet, "Halloween Story" is the post beneath this one.]

Tour Guide: "The sets are massive! It takes rows of powerful arc lights just to make the the living room set look authentic. Wait, there's Uncle Eddie now! Maybe we can get him to say a few words!"

Uncle Eddie: "Hi kids! Boy, did you luck out! We're just about to film the climax of the story! You're gonna die when you see this!"

Uncle Eddie: "Here's Kali, the photographer! Hey Kali, meet your fans! She's really got a knack for horror! She's always saying, 'More extreme! Exaggerate!', and I do. Gee, I hope my mother doesn't see this stuff!"

Uncle Eddie: "OK, it's time to shoot! You kids stand over there, and don't touch anything! All right, gotta do my breathing exercizes...find my center...that's it...focus on the imaginary kid I'll be talking to..."

Uncle Eddie: "OK...... ready!"

Uncle Eddie "Sooooo little Trick or Treater, you want candy! Candy's all that matters to you, isn't it? I went to all the trouble of putting this bread and butter together but no, that's not good enough for you! It has to be candy!"

Uncle Eddie: "JEZEBEL! People like you give kids a bad name!

Uncle Eddie: "Here, I know you'd like this bread if you only tasted it. Let me cut a slice for you!"

Uncle Eddie: "I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT!!!!"

Kid: "WAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! (CRIES)

Uncle Eddie: "Huh? What? Hey, it's just a story! Aw, poor little kid! Here, take this lollipop! Er... maybe the tour oughta move on to the next thing."

Angry parents glower at Uncle Eddie as they pass.

Uncle Eddie: "Heh, heh...happy, um... halloween!"

Tour Guide: "This part's for adults only. Fans of Theory Corner know that we frequently have beautiful women discuss philosophy! We get into some pretty heavy stuff here!"


Tour Guide: "Theory Corner spares no expense to find women who actually like philosophy! Lots of times the discussion goes on for hours after the shoot. Sometimes...


Tour Guide: "AAAAAAAA!!!! Who let the little boy in here!?"


Uncle Eddie: "What's the matter!? Are you all right, kid!? Here. Put your head down, you won't feel so sick that way! You know, I know it's hard to believe, but someday you'll actually like to see women like that...honest! Trust me! Um...you're not gonna sue are you?"

Tour Guide: "Well, that's the tour! What do you think?"

Kids: "YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!!!!!!!

GOODBYE!

I'm out of here! I just don't get enough responses to keep a daily blog going! I went to a lot of trouble to put up something decent last night and by mid-afternoon I got only four replies. Four! Man, you guys are hard to please! "Today-I-clipped-my-toenails"-type blogs get more than that. I'm gonna book!

Thanks to all the regulars whose kind letters kept this going for 520 posts. Sorry I had to delete the post containing your current comments in order to put this up. They were all very, very much appreciated. I have a feeling most of us will meet sometime in the future! For now, so long!

A HALLOWEEN STORY

IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT.......

SFX: (Knock! Knock! Knock!)

Man: "Hold your horses! I'm coming, I'm coming! Who is it? Whaddaya want!?"

Man: "Oh, a trick or treater! Is it that time of year already? Hmmm. Well come in! Come in!"

Man: "Have a seat! Oh, you'd rather sit over there? Wouldn't you rather...but that's that's alright. Sit wherever you want."

Man: "That was my wife's chair before...before... the accident."

Man: "Actually she was just my last wife. I've had five. They all had...er, accidents. Heh, I guess the house is unlucky."


SFX: Lightning

Man: "Now I know you probably want some candy! Of course you do, you're a kid Well, you're gonna get some! Yesireee!"

Man: "Mildred! Are you listening up there in heaven!? I wanna give this nice kid some candy! Now don't disagree! I promised her candy and I'm gonna give it to her!'

Man: "Huh!? What's that? Candy's too good to give away!? But what about the little kid? What does she get? "

Man: "Oh no! (Gasp!) Not that! It's too gruesome!"


Man: Oh well, whatever you say, dear!

Man: "Now see what happens, kid? You got me all upset. I need to relax. Let's smoke a pen. That always makes me feel better."

Man: ""Ah, a Bic! Bics smoke better than Parkers. It's a better grade of plastic!"

Man: "My first wife used to smoke pens with me."


Man: "Actually, you remind me of her."



SFX: Lightning again.

Man: "How 'bout some bread and butter?"

Man: "You're not interested in bread & butter? Oh, I forgot! You said you wanted candy! "

SFX: Knock! Knock! Knock!

Man: "Huh? Oh, it's more trick or treaters!

Man: "We'll have that bread & butter some other time. You look kind of anxious to leave, anyway."

Man: "By now! See ya later! Don't run too fast!"

Man: "Haw,haw,haw,haw! The old psycho trick always works! Now I have all the candy for myself!"

Man: "Let's face it! Candy bars are too good for kids!"

Photographs by Kali Fontechio

TOO SLEEPY TO WRITE!

Sorry! I can't keep my eyes open!

MY TASTE IN NEKKIDS

WARNING: NON-PORNOGRAPHIC NUDES BELOW!

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Here's (above) my all-time favorite nude photograph, taken by Weston. It's probably influenced by Matisse. It's indisputably a terrific work of art but... that's not what this is about. This is about what John K calls "nakeds", steamy pictures that are meant to be a turn-on.

I'm not turned on by dominatrices and cold, inhuman model types. I like real girls, the way they really look. There aren't many sites with pictures like that but here's three. See what you think.

The first is "Suicide Girls." Man, goth girls are sexy! I don't buy into goth philosophy but who cares about philosophy when you have girls like this to oogle!?

Nongnong,nong,nong,nong (knuckle biting)! OK, she's not naked but I can imagine it!

I'm going way out on a limb with this one (above). She has a sense of humor and that's sexy, don't you think?

Here's (above) a neo-hippy girl from the "Hippie Godess" website. She looks kind of surly for a hippie but maybe I'm misreading the expression. The hippies were half right...underarm hair really is sexy, but not leg hair. Click to enlarge.

Here's (above) a disgustingly wholesome girl from the "Domai" site that Kelly recommended a while back. Behind the sincerity there's something phony, but behind the phony there's more sincerity so I'm buying into this one! Click to enlarge.

Nonganonganonganonga! In a better world the mail would be delivered by carriers like this (above).

Here's (above) a nice one to go out on. What's the real color of her hair, anyway? I'm betting brown.