STEVE MAKES SHISH KEBAB (PART III) (FINAL)

JOJO: "Well, here it is, all 367 pounds of it!"

HUNGRY GUESTS: "ME FIRST! NO, ME! GIVE IT HERE!!"

STEVE: "WAIT!!!!! Protocol demands that one who is virtuous and trustworthy sample the meal first so the gods of the dinner table will be satisfied that we gave it our best shot. I nominate Auralynn!"

HUNGRY GUEST: "Er...okay! (Gulp!)"

Auralynn takes a bite. The room goes silent as she carefully chews and swallows. She pauses...almost speaks...then pauses again........then, after the deepest reflection...

AURALYNN: "Yes, Stephen has produced a fine meal."

RELIEVED GUEST: "Thank Heaven! LET'S EAT!"

That did it! Everybody lays into the food.

CHOMP! EAT! RIP! TEAR! CRUNCH! 

CHOMP! BITE! CHEW! CHOMP! GRAGGLE!

RIP! TEAR! CRUNCH! BITE! CHEW! MANGLE!

 CHEW! SNARSH! BITE!!!

CRUNCH! TEAR! RIP!

MUNCH! BITE! RIP!

SHRUMP! BITE! CRUNCH!

SLASH! BITE! MUNCH!!!

LATER....

ALL: (COLLECTIVE GROAN!)

They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon.
- - - Edward Lear


BTW: That great picture of Steve holding the kebabs close to his face in Part I was taken by Auralynn.


 

STEVE MAKES SHISH KEBAB (PART II)

INT. STEVE'S KITCHEN:

STEVE: "I already put together the kebabs. Lots of good marinated chicken breasts on 'em. I'll show you in a minute. Right now we're going to make the side dishes: zucchini, cucumbers, eggplant and corn.  We slice them lengthwise then give them a nice rub with olive oil, garlic, pepper, and fresh red basil."

EDDIE: "Are you really going to use that much garlic?"

STEVE: "Yes, absolutely! Listen, you can never have too much garlic! That makes everything taste good! You'd eat your own foot if it was covered with that stuff!"

STEVE: "See, what you want to do with garlic and olive oil is marinate yourself from the inside. It's what W. C. Fields meant when he said that he never drinks water because it makes the insides rusty. Booze on the other hand, makes the insides nice and smooth, at least that's what Fields believed. That's the way I feel about garlic and oil."

AURALYNN: "Stephen, What is that brown, mushy...stuff?"

STEVE: "That goo? That's marinated ground chicken from the Armenian market! The regular chicken is on the kebabs. The ground chicken is something different. I thought I'd give it a try!

Oh yes, I put some Gazpacho on the top of it! That's a kind of homemade vegetable soup that you normally eat cold. I had some left over in the refrigerator, so I thought I'd pour some on. I like to experiment!"

EDDIE: "I thought ground meat was supposed to look like worms."

STEVE: "It usually does, but the marinade made it lose it's shape. Don't worry...that probably won't affect the taste! Anyway, here's the kebabs and the wrapped-in-foil side dishes, all ready to cook! Nice, huh?"

EXT. STEVE'S BACKYARD:

STEVE: "Okay, here's the meat on the barbecue. I grill it directly over the two center flames for a short time to sear it. That'll create a skin that'll lock in the juices."

STEVE: Note the two pans of water. That's to keep the food moist when we put the cover down and barbecue. Today I'm only using water, but normally I'd use chicken broth, orange juice, wine, or even beef or chicken stock. I use water this time because the Armenian marinated chicken is already perfect the way it is, and doesn't need flavor enhancements."

  

EDDIE: "Don't the words 'grilling' and 'barbecue' mean the same thing?"

STEVE: "No way! Grilling means the meat is directly over a flame. Barbecuing means the meat is cooked by indirect, radiant heat. I'm about to stop grilling and begin barbecuing now. I'll turn off the middle burners and turn on the side ones. Then I'll put the cover down.

This is the stage where most of the cooking takes place. It'll take a while, and when it's almost done I'll pop up the hood and grill it a short time on the center burners again. That's to sear it again and make sure the juices don't leak out."

EDDIE: "Any other theories?"

STEVE:  "Nope. It's all pretty simple, really. You combine stinky stuff (aromatics like fresh basil, ginger, and garlic), dead stuff (meat), liquids (chicken broth, beer, wine, beef stock), grease (olive oil), and fire (from a barbecue). Do that and you can't go wrong!"

EDDIE: Okay, those are the final words from the man himself! In the interest of objectivity I'll do one more post where Auralynn, JoJo, Alex, Steve and I sample what Steve has wrought, and judge him. Don't miss it!"

STEVE MAKES SHISH KEBAB (PART I)

I thought I'd do an occasional guest spot where friends who cook show us how they make their favorite dishes. I'll start with Steve Worth who makes an outstanding barbecued Shish Kebab, and declares that he'll reveal all his secrets here.

INT. STEVE'S CAR:

STEVE (VO): "Fresh ingredients are important, Eddie, and since we're doing Shish Kebab, what better place to go than the local Armenian market?"

STEVE: "Um...I wouldn't take pictures in there. They don't like it."

EDDIE (VO): "Right. Got it. Trust me. No pictures!"

INT. MARKET:

EDDIE (TO HIMSELF): "Weeell...maybe just one. It's so beautiful in here." 

EDDIE (VO): Oooohh, look at that label! I gotta get a picture of that! Geez, some of this caviar goes for $130 a can!"

EDDIE (VO): 

Man, look at those cool vodka labels! 'Gotta get a picture of those!"

EDDIE (VO): "And those sheep eyeballs! Yuck! That gets a picture!"

EDDIE (VO): "Tongues! Do people really eat those (CAMERA CLICK)?"

EDDIE (VO): "Holy Mackerel!!! It's a framed photo of the owner! 'Gotta have a picture of that!"

STORE OWNER: "Hey, hey, hey! Why you take picture? Let me see camera!"

EDDIE: "Uh, Steve...maybe it's time to pay for everything."

OLD GYPSY WOMAN (V.O.): "Gasp!"

LITTLE KID: "GASP!!!!"

OLD GYPSY WOMAN: "The Double Circle! The SYMBOL FOR THE EVIL EYE!!!"

PRIESTS: "Did you say The Evil Eye!?"

SHOCKED CUSTOMER: "The Evil EYE!"

WOMAN: "THE FREAKIN' EVIL EYE!!!!!!!?????"

Panic! Mothers grab their children and run for the exit.

EVERYBODY IN THE STORE: "Evil eye! Evil Eye! EVIL EYE!!!!!"

STEVE (VO): "I'll pay next time!"

LATER AT STEVE'S HOUSE:

IN ATTENDANCE: STEVE, AURALYNN, JO JO AND ALEX.

STEVE: "Okay, we'll get started on the Shish Kebab!"

STEVE: "Now, the first thing you need to know is..."

EDDIE: "STEVE, WAIT!!!! There's not enough room here! We'll cover your recipe  in the next installment, entitled:

"STEVE MAKES SHISH KEBAB (PART II)"  

THE UNIVERSE IS...ARE YOU READY FOR THIS...FLAT!!!!

That's what physicists are telling us now...that the universe is flat. Twenty years ago  it was considered curved; saddle-shaped, in fact. Man, things are changing fast! It's an exciting time to be a cosmologist, but a confusing time for everybody else.

So where did this idea come from? The answer is contained in the 15 minute video above. Tor Barstad says we have a reliable way to measure the curvature of light from two celestial objects billions of light years away, and that these lines and angles show no bending, as they would if the universe was curved.



Here's (above) a simpler explanation. This six minute video takes a while to get started, so I recommend  beginning at the two minute mark.

It's hard to know where all this is going, and new discoveries could change the picture in unpredictable ways. A couple of weeks ago it was discovered that a neutrino might be able to travel faster than light. If that turns out to be true, that could have a big effect on cosmological calculations, even though the faster speed increment is very slight.

BTW, there's a couple of interesting comments under this YouTube video. One says that "flat" refers only to the relatively even distribution of energy in the universe, but Tor Barstad's video definitely talks about flat in terms of geometry.



This one minute video (above) isn't relevant, but I'll put it up anyway because it's so interesting. It turns out that there's one thing we know for sure that can travel faster than light, and that's space. After The Big Bang space itself expanded faster than the speed of light, and is still expanding that fast. Anything traveling within existing space is limited to the speed of light.

It's strange to think how space is now regarded as a thing with definite properties, and with measurable energy.

MORE GILRAY

Gilray (above) wasn't just the funniest cartoonist of the early Nineteenth Century, he was one of the funniest cartoonists ever. I'm glad to see that nowadays he's getting the critical recognition he deserves.

He's most famous for the etchings he did during the Napoleonic Era (above). They're terrific, but my personal favorites are the caricatures of fashion (at the top) that he did in his later style.

I think this one's called "The Prince." 

Haw! This picture (above) leaves no doubt that if Gilray had been born later, he would have done full justice to the baggy/skateboarder fashions that began in the 1990s.

Man, seeing this (above) makes me want to draw. That's the highest compliment one cartoonist can give another. 

Apparently some people (above) in Gilray's time payed so much attention to their wigs that they neglected certain other things.

Here (above) Gilray celebrates the opening to the public of an art exhibit at one of the downtown museums. Apparently public exhibitions like this were a novelty in Gilray's time.

Interesting, huh?


Hey, why did my sidebar shrink?