I'd like to introduce all my readers to my friend Scott. No, that's not him above. That's simply the subject of his expertise. Scott is one of the world's formost experts on women. He's also a chick magnet. He isn't quite at Vincent Waller's level but he's only a couple of notches below and that's saying a lot. Scott and I worked together on Tiny Toons and I can tell you that the hall outside of his room was the site of an endless traffic jam caused by all the girls in the office passing and repassing his room on any excuse they could think of. He could have papered the wall with all the phone numbers he got.
The reason I mention Scott is that one day he told me his secret for finding the right women to date. When I heard it my jaw dropped. It was the best advice about women I'd ever heard! In fact, everybody I told it to thought it was the best advice THEY'D ever heard! Honestly, when I told this secret at parties you could have heard a pin drop afterward. This is the atomic bomb of dating secrets. It has to do with two questions that the potential date, or her friends, must answer affirmatively.
Question #1: Does the girl like her dad? Scott will only date women who like their fathers. He reasons that if a girl feels mistreated by her dad she'll spend the rest of her life making other men suffer for it.Question #2: Does she have brothers or sisters? Scott reasons that only- children are selfish and self-centered. The girl must have siblings. He's also a big believer in birth order. Avoid the last girl born into a big family because she's probably wild.
There it is. Scott told it to me and now I've told it to you.
32 comments:
Oh crap! I think my dad is awesome on some levels, but for other reasons not so much. Am I going to mistreat all of the man-kind in my life????
Phew! I have a brother, so I'm not too selfish, but I am the second born! Can I be tamed?!! Is there any hope of the future???!!!!! Have the planets aligned?????!!!!!!!! !!!
"Avoid the last girl born into a big family because she's probably wild..."
Um, and that's bad because...?
My question is: How do you attract the woman in Example A, and avoid the woman in Example B?
Also, how many times has Scott been maced?
EF,
The same is true for men. If a man mistreats his mother he's not worth bird shit on a windshield in the driving rain.
All this might have something to do with "Thou shalt honor thy father and thy mother."
Jason Kranzusch
Interesting observations. I remember waaaaay back, when I was dating - I ran into a stretch where every girl I went out with, by some weird coincidence, her father had died in the past few years. And each and every one of these girls was crazier than the last one. Lots of issues, I guess...
It got so bad, that when I met a girl I'd say, "Hi, I'm Steve. How's your Dad?"
Well, I was never a babe magnet (unless you stop to consider that a magnet can also repel under certain conditions) but my wife certainly fits both criteria outlined herein.
Note to self: Cross off "Sponge Bob" lingerie from this year's Christmas list.
Uncle Eddie if you ever post a picture like that again (Miss Squarepants) I'm getting on the first flight to CA to go smack your hands! You are bad!!
(I'm just busting on you) :D
Who the hell is "Scott"?
On the "positive" side, certain women who loathe all men have solid career paths and golden parachutes in children's network programming, particularly if they never have any kids themselves, which automatically renders them experts in their field.
Only two days ago I was considering that I'm probably paying a daily price for the unfaithfulness of my father-in-law.
What if the potential dreamgirl hates both of her parents?
And what if she's the youngest of 14 but they all died in a fire when she was 6?
Not so easy now, is it, Scott? Or Eddie, or whoever.
And what about if she's an orphan who was raised by wolves? And she's the youngest, but in wolfdom that makes her the runt?
Too much love for Daddy isn't good, either. It's almost worse.
In conclusion, finding true love is a pain in the ass and there's nothing anyone can do about it. (Exhibit A: I'm a middle child, and I have a swell dad, and it only took about a million years to find my husband.)
But anyway, that catchy title is awfully misleading: "Advice from a Chick Magnet"? I'm not suggesting that Scott isn't a chick magnet--clearly he is, based on women walking back and forth past his door for no apparent reason--but where is the how-to for eliciting a magnetic response from chicks? I was expecting bulleted items in a sidebar, at least. Eddie, do you also write headlines for Cosmopolitan and Maxim?
On the "positive" side, certain women who loathe all men have solid career paths...
Finally, a sensible explanation for my near-total failure to become a high-powered, leathery-skinned hag! Career = Manhater! :-D
That little slice of knowledge could very well of saved me a costly marriage and even more costly divorce.
Vincent
I think perhaps those are right on a certain level, but the things they are looking for are far more fundamental.
Most guys don't want a girl with deep-seeded psychological issues. They also don't want a girl who demands their money and time excessively. Not every girl who has a poor relationship with her father or was an only or youngest child has these problems, and many people who have fine relationships with both parents and have many siblings still have these problems in spite of the factors in their favor.
As an aside, though, if you're looking for a girl who's got no issues, is completely unselfish, and isn't "wild," you probably won't end up with anyone interesting.
Wow, so many of my experiences with women make sense now.
This blog has been amazingly great lately. Good work Eddie. You can't get this stuff anywhere else.
Ah God damn it! I used "Of " Instead of "Have" Again! Pity the the child raised in the land of funny accents.
Vincent
Ive noticed that most women for whatever reason are just crazy. (they prob. think the same for men) Its just finding the least crazy one out of the bunch that is the trick.
Hey, my wife loves her dad AND she has a brother! I guess things will be A-OK!
"My question is: How do you attract the woman in Example A..."
It's easy. The secret to attract beautiful women is to be really, really good looking.
In my dating years (When Love Boat ruled the airwaves) I was quite the chick magnet. Unfortunately, all those chicks looked like your example B. There might have been one or two example A's in the bunch, but they were kept pretty well hidden by all the example B's that would congregate outside my door.
Dude, whatever. Dating "rules" are always such BS.
...except for the one I heard that states if a man (or woman) treats service people (waiters, cashiers, etc.) like crap, they're an asshole. That one seems to ring pretty true.
And also, like Mike F, I'd also like to know how many times "Scott" has gotten pepper spray to the peepers? :P
That is brilliant advice.
I came to a similar conclusion about the father thing when I starting noticing patterns in the women I was dating.
that advice is useless, you must tell us how to get the girls in the first place! I suggest a post titled art as chick bait. It worked a couple of times to me, getting attention by showing off my drawing skills. And I don't consider myself even a decent artist. I'm sure you as pro must have some tips, Eddie! For the love of God, share!!
Your friend Scott is a very wise man.
Once upon the time there were three sisters, one was too hot, the other was too cold, and one was just right. I applied the theory of birth order to this situation, given my ideas about birth order and personality,and what do you know?
I was flat wrong.
What would you guess the birth order for the best adjusted of the three?
The girl in the secvond photo look just like a girl in my 6th grade class. She loved to wear yellow too! One time she was sucking on one of those colored pencils, that when added with water turns into watercolor. Her mouth turned blue!
Women like men who like women.
Women like men who like women
Ha... this is so relevant to me right now.
My girl me 3 weeks ago saying that she felt like she needed to be free. She said that she loved me and that she could see us getting married and it was freaking her out. I was (and am) so very confused and hurt that someone who said they loved me could simultaneously want to get out of the relationship.
She's an only child.
Eddie you're a genius.
Ha.
Maybe this only makes sense because the breakup still stings, but it makes me feel better.
Oh yeah, she absolutely hates her Dad too.
Although I never liked him either.
He's SO right, dammit!
I haven't experienced the father thing first hand enough times to really be able to tell any differences, but for some reason I've definitely dated quite a few youngest siblings and it sucked.
From my experience it seems like the youngest experiences the highest highs and the lowest lows. It doesn't seem like they have a ton of regard for other's feelings when they hit either end of the spectrum.
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