Tuesday, December 08, 2009

A POLITICALLY CORRECT "JACK AND THE BEANSTALK"


A few years ago a writer at a well known animation studio sent this memo to his boss. It asked the question, "If Jack and the Beanstalk were written today, at this studio, would it get approved?" The writer imagines that yes, it would be, but only if the following changes were made (below, click to enlarge):



Nifty, huh? My copy of this memo cuts off the name of the writer, but I'll gladly give him an author's credit if he writes in and identifies himself.



31 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! On a side note the "I am married to a cartoon princess in my mind" guy was a character I made up, I'm working on becoming a writer of some kind and the internet is a fun place to experiment. Your response was really cool!

Anonymous said...

The reaction you can get to a stupid couple of paragraphs you write out of boredom on the internet is amazing.

http://digg.com/comedy/Girlfriend_found_wierd_vids_I_made_of_her_PIC (500k hits!)
http://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/9ya0t/dear_yahoo_answers_i_am_batshit_insane/

Anonymous said...

http://www.gocomics.com/theargylesweater/2009/12/08/

How is this for a Far Side ripoff?

Anonymous said...

http://www.thehousenextdooronline.com/2009/12/conversations-lawrence-of-arabia.html found a really good conversation about Lawrence of Arabia you might find interesting.

3awashi thani said...

woa o,o i'm scared...
you know that alway pissed me of in desney movies the hero never kills the villian the villian trips or something and falls of a suspiciously placed cliff.

thomas said...

Not being in the animation business, this reads like it comes from another planet.

Funny thing though, is that they miss the most obvious thing...

the beanstalk is a phallic symbol.

SHHHHH!! Don't tell anyone!

Pseudonym said...

This is only relevant if you squint at it, but Jim Hill just posted a review of the new edition of Tom Sito's Timing for Animation. I wanted to draw your attention to this image, which says an awful lot about the way that movies are made these days. Here's an actor, here's a caricature of the actor, and here's what actually ends up on screen.

Jorge Garrido said...

Hilarious! I wish I could write that funny!

"Does it have to be a beanstalk?"

In 7th and 9th grade we had a cool teacher who read us that "politically correct fairy tales" book and we had to write our own. I thought it was hilarious but the teachers didn't explain it correctly so nobody else got that it was making fun OF political correctness. I used to think this kind of thing is hilarious. I walked around for years in this anti-PC mode.

I forget what comedian said it, but he said that he'd like to see political correctness die before his time, but before that he'd like to see it suffer.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Anon: Your links were cut off...couldn't read 'em.

About the made-up character -- that may get you hits but you lose long-term credibility when you do things like that. You could have made a reputation in the fiction world by making a short story out of it, something that doesn't pretend to be real.

Jorge: PC certainly is a comedy killer. The 70s was an odd time. The same decade that witnessed the expansion of irreverant stand-up, also witnessed the unleashing of mind-numbing political correctness.

Maybe that kind of contradiction is standard in revolutionary times. I think of The French Revolution which was made to promote freedom and simultaneously created a police state with a warrior emperor in charge.

Anonymous said...

Thats true but I wouldn't want my real name connected to that stuff anyhow, was really just a joke.

I'm more into writing comedy than serious fiction.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Pseudo: Holy Mackerel! None of the pictures looks like the one preceding it!

Niki said...

This is hilarious! and I really like the picture you've chosen too!

Patrick McMicheal said...

I like the last line "Can we make Jack a girl?"
How about a black girl...better yet, a black girl in a wheelchair! Perhaps she's also blind! and an amputee!
Add another line: Can we take "stalk" out of the title? It sounds devious...lets change the title to "Jack and his beans, Talk"!!!

Craig said...

. . . like having Greedo shoot first.

Amanda H. said...

LOL! I think they're trying WAY too hard to make Jack and the Beanstalk PC.
"Please remove the Goose That Lays the Golden Eggs or this will have no basis in reality and no one will relate to it."
...are you kidding me?! It's a fairy tale, its SUPPOSED to be fantastic and unbelievable. Plus Jack used the golden eggs so he and mom could have some money. (if I'm remembering the story correctly)

Anonymous said...

What do you think about this animated version of "Jack and the Beanstalk"?:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=af5mstpUCHE

Lester Hunt said...

Also, please remove the offensive suggestion that Englishmen have a distinctive smell.

Anonymous said...

Makes me wonder what they'd do to the Iwerks adaptation!

Pseudonym said...

One thing I especially noticed in that image, Eddie, is that the drawn versions are... not the world's greatest masterpiece, but certainly the product of someone with some talent for caricature. But what ended up on screen is toned way down, even compared to the original photograph.

What kind of a dysfunctional system would drive a self-respecting animator to tone down Steve Buscemi?

Freckled Derelict said...

God that is depressingly accurate.
Love the top pic, what is that from??

RooniMan said...

I just read it, and I have this to say: ARE THEY OUT OF THEIR @#$!ING MINDS?!

Who ever thought of doing a "politically correct" Jack and the Beanstalk needs a foot up their ASS!!

Whit said...

If Tim Burton were to do a dark adaptation of "Jack", featuring a Jeffrey Daumer-ish, bone-grinding giant, and it became a blockbuster cultural hit, all the note-givers would be requesting a "Tim Burton-ish" bone-grinding giant character, to prove how hip they were.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Freckled: I wish I paid more attention when I got that image off the net. I don't know where it's from.

Rooni: It was a "what if" scenario. Nobody was actually planning a beanstalk story.

Anon: The duck vampire looks horrible.

talkingtj said...

memo: please refain from commenting on the previous memo concerning the jack and the beanstalk story.allowing people tp randomly express opinions on various topics is both dangerous and potentially offensive.in the future, we the upper corporate management would love to see the "theory corner" shut down, as we are not in the business of promoting intellectual debate.
thank you
corporate stiffs
promise this will never happen.

Anonymous said...

Eddie,

I completely agree with your analogy of political correctness and the French Revolution.

There was a time where this country needed diversity and understanding. You had to fit into a certain box, know your place, and shut your mouth. God help you if you fought the system.

The 1970s were a revolutionary time all around. People started saying bull**** to society's roles for them, and when society fought them, they pushed back and pushed back hard. In entertainment, the cutting-edge entertainers got people to think by being "offensive" and by breaking the rules.

Now that people "get it", the pendulum has swung the other way. People are so petrified to offend anyone that it's easier to be politically correct than face a lawsuit or face a mob of - well, realistically 5 or 10 - angry people.

The other part of "political correctness" that bothers me is the double-standard of it. I watched a politically-neutral special on the double-standard of political correctness and how it's affecting the textbooks in the United States. Anything that favors left-wing thinking is praised, and anything that shows left-wing thinking in a negative light is euphemized (ex: "resistance fighter" versus "terrorist"). On the other hand, anything that shows right-wing thinking in a positive light is ignored, while anything that shows right-wing thinking in a negative way is enhanced.

Look, I don't want it to go back the way it was, where people who weren't white, straight and male were expected to accept being in a secondary role, and I don't want the media to go back to being the so-called "pro-American" propaganda machine. I just want society to start using some common sense.

Ben Jones said...

Ha! Nice try, Eddie! That can't be real!

Please tell me it isn't real.

Bimmi said...

Holy crap, it's the Sleeping Giant from Tweetsie Railroad! That thing scared the piss out of me when I was a kid!

My first thought was "surely, he's not still around," and sadly this proved to be the case:

http://users.conninc.com/photohost/tweetsie.htm

Talk about politically incorrect; the big attraction at Tweetsie back in the day was an all-out gun battle between injuns and the cavalry... one which left plenty of dead redskins in the aftermath. Fun for the whole family!

K. Nacht said...

Le Republique! Eddie, you're getting political. I'm going to have to report you to the Commitee of Public Safety.

Anonymous said...

What I ask related with this post,if It is PC or not the "Jack and the beanstalk" vampire duck vid?

cartoonjoe said...

Gott in himmel!!


(personally, I prefer the version used in the X-rated animated feature "Once Upon a Girl!")

Anonymous said...

nice post. thanks.