THE ART AND SCIENCE OF SEDUCTION

Sorry ladies! This post is for men only.  Are you alone, men? Is the door to your computer room locked?   Good. Then we can commence.

Well, for starters you'll have to spring for a nice restaurant (above).

You'll want something romantic: candlelight, wine, linen, high prices...and oh yes, strolling violinists...they're a must for atmosphere.

If you're lucky they'll spend all their time at other tables. You have a mission to accomplish, and for that you need to reduce everything else to background.

Up til now you've engaged in idle chit chat, but now the time has come to get serious. When your girl isn't looking, extend your cuff where you've written the secret dialogue I've prepared for you on this blog. Read it one final time to firm it in your memory, then retract it. Don't be scared. Trust me, this dialogue is foolproof, and it'll work even if you flub it. All women, with no exception, are vulnerable to this sort of thing.

At the right moment hold her hand, look into her eyes, and with all the earnestness you can muster, say  the following without deviating from a single word....

YOU: "You know, I have a fantasy about you. Do you want to hear it?

[She says she does]

YOU: "I'm waiting for you in your living room. It's night and the room is dark except for the coals of a dying fire that smoulders in the fireplace. You emerge from the back wearing only a towel. Your inky black hair is shiny with water from the bath, fingercombed back."

[She makes a joke of it, but you continue in earnest, slowly and deliberately.]

YOU: "I want to drown myself in your taste, in your scent, in the feel of your skin. I want you to come to me, and you're unable to stop yourself."

[At this point, you need to...intensify. Never lose eye contact. If you have it in you, deliver "The Look."]

YOU: "In my dream all my focus is on you. I sense that a border has been crossed, and we both know it. I tell you to not to think about reason and logic. Don't think about what's proper or improper..."

[Now lean in.]

YOU: "...just clasp my cheeks between you palms. I tell you that I want to feel the heat of your hands race through my body from my face to my toes. I want to feel the fever of the night! I want to haul you over to me and slant my mouth over yours in a kiss."

[She's struggling to make a joke of what you're saying, but she can't. She's mesmerized.]

YOU (V.O.): "Resist if you think you can, but I know you can't, because there's a longing in you that you can't deny."

[At this point the whole restaurant is eavesdropping. People at other tables are ignoring their food, carried away with what you're saying.]

   YOU: "I tell you to lean a little closer....I want you to take my full kiss."

 YOU: "You stand on your toes and wind your arms around my neck."

YOU: "You burrow your fingers into...the damp hair...on the back....of my.....neck. And then...and then.........."

BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Her world explodes! Her brain careens around the inside of her skull!!!!!!!!!]

[She upturns the table and leaps across the empty space, smothering you with kisses while tearing at your clothes! The whole restaurant erupts in applause!]

After that...after that......well, it's time to end the post.


BTW: Sorry there's no attribution for the terrific animation at the top. I can't remember where I pulled it from!