TV ANNOUNCER (VO): "Not Godzilla, not King Kong, but gigantic women as tall as skyscrapers wander the streets of our great city! Who are they? Where did they come from? What do they want? Scientists are baffled, and the police are powerless to stop them! All we can say for sure, is that they seem to be searching for something....but for what?"
TV ANNOUNCER (VO): "...and listening to what goes on inside buildings! But why!? What are they looking for!???"
TV ANNOUNCER (VO): "On the streets thousands flee in terror."
TV ANNOUNCER (VO): "Roads and airports are congested as a panic-stricken population attempts to flee. The question on everybody's minds is: 'Who are these women? What do they want!??' "
INT. OFFICE BLDG.
CO-WORKER #1: "Oh, my God! One of those women is outside right now! We're all
UNCLE EDDIE (EXASPERATED): "(Sigh!) You're not going to die. Nobody's going to die, except maybe me. I'm the one they're looking for."
CO-WORKER #2: "YOU!!!??? The office boy? YOU'RE the one they're looking for??? Why?"
UNCLE EDDIE: "Weeeell, they're kinda' my old girlfriends. They were all too short, and I like tall girls, so I used to sneak vitamins into their drinks. I guess I over did it. "
CO-WORKER #3: "Well, tell them to go away!"
UNCLE EDDIE: "You can't just tell somebody 50ft. tall to go away!
UNCLE EDDIE: "Look, just chill out a little longer, and when they can't find me, they'll go away. They'll never, ever find me here!"
GIANT: "Eddie!? Is that you?"
The giant takes off her dress and does a sultry rub against the side of the building.
GIRLFRIEND #4: "Ooooh, Eddie! I've been looking for you...sooooo long!"
ON THE STREET: Eddie's car careens out of the parking garage.
UNCLE EDDIE: "I gotta get outta here!"
Another girlfriend blocks the way.
GIRLFRIEND #5: " Eddie, there you are! Let's have lunch!"
UNCLE EDDIE (VO): "Good Grief!"
SCREEEEECH! The car screeches to a halt then takes off in a different direction.
MATILDA: "Eddie! It's me, Matilda! I still have your Tiny Tim records!"
UNCLE EDDIE (VO): "Sorry, Matilda! 'Can't talk now!"
DAISY: "Eddie! At last I..."
UNCLE EDDIE (VO): "Sorry Daisy! 'Gotta go!"
Eddie's car races through traffic, takes lots of shortcuts.
UNCLE EDDIE (VO): "Sorry! Pardon me!"
UNCLE EDDIE (VO): "So Sorry!"
UNCLE EDDIE (VO): "Excuse me! Sorry!
UNCLE EDDIE (VO): "Beg your pardon! Excuse me! Pardon!"
UNCLE EDDIE: "Huh? What's this?"
UNCLE EDDIE (VO): "I'll just park infront of this orange thing. They'll never find me here."
MILDRED (VO): "Soooo THERE you are!!!!"
MILDRED: "It's me...Mildred, your girlfriend! You were running away, weren't you? Oooohh, I'm so mad! I could..."
MILDRED: "....Ha ha! Just kidding! You know I could never be mad at you! I like you so much, I could just eat you up..."
UNCLE EDDIE: "WAIT!!!!!!!"
UNCLE EDDIE: "Um, how 'bout a cup of coffee? You know, all sweet and everything, just the way you like it!?"
EXT. COFFEE SHOP, LATER: Mildred waits outside while Uncle Eddie goes inside to score some coffee. A passer-by stops to stare.
MILDRED: "What are YOU looking at!?"
INSIDE THE COFFEE SHOP:
STARBUCKS EMPLOYEE: "And what size will that coffee be, sir? Large, larger, or "grande?"
He looks back at Mildred (outside).
UNCLE EDDIE: "I'll have the MUCHO, MUCHO, MUCHO, MUCHO, MUCHO, MUCHO, MUCHO, MUCHO GRANDE please, with a couple of sacks of sugar and, oh yeah...a 2X4 to stir it with!
Many thanks to GARCIA ACCASBEL for the great girl photography!
Garcia's site: http://www.flickr.com/groups/474990@N25/pool/page7/