Thursday, December 05, 2013

THE EX-THEORY CORNER READER


THE CONSEQUENCES OF NOT CHECKING THEORY CORNER EVERY DAY: A TRUE STORY

The reckless artist/computer user lapses from his Theory Corner routine. He views the site less and less as the months roll by. With the added time he's "saved" he takes to drink. His wife demures but he insists she take a "little sip."


 Devoid of the intellectual stimulation they took for granted on Theory Corner, and now being habituated to the bottle, the couple is unemployable. The wife is forced to take in washing.


With insufficient money to pay the bills, the family's furniture is repossessed. The dissolute artist consoles himself with mindless YouTube videos about funny house cats. His mind deteriorates.


 His wife and children are forced to take to the streets and beg.


 Now they face eviction. The children go to bed hungry. Even the computer has to be sold. They're bereft even of cat videos.


 Driven by alcohol, the ex-Theory Corner reader blames his wife for his problems. He treats her roughly.


 She sees no way out. On the waterfront a cry is heard in the middle of the night.


 Finally the trembling, emaciated artist winds up in a lunatic asylum, sans wife, sans children, sans everything. All day long he mutters to himself, "Theory Corner... Theory Corner... Theory Corner...."

A WORD TO THE WISE IS SUFFICIENT.

11 comments:

Roberto Severino said...

This is exactly how I'd be if I didn't check your blog on a regular basis. I find that as a lot of other animation bloggers put up fewer and fewer posts a week and ones that actually have anything of substance, Theory Corner remains one of my top destinations to visit for new content. I hope this place continues for years to come. It's helped me out in so many ways.

Roberto Severino said...

To sum it up, your blog continues to be a breath of fresh air in the midst of negativity and complaining that I see on certain websites and challenges me to push the boundaries of what can be possible in cartooning. I hope my comments have made a difference in terms of providing an incentive to keep the blog going.

Joshua Marchant (Scrawnycartoons) said...

Don't think I'm not always lurking around Eddie.

Also, in recent developments, I've just graduated from Animation College!
Here's some photos of me in my smart new clothes, my proud, short, sister
and my fellow graduates.

I'll be sure to let you know when my showreel, portfolio and new cartoon stories are up. I think you'll dig'em.

Stephen Worth said...

Next up should be a retelling of Hogarth's Harlot's Progress starring the Theory Girls.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Roberto: Haw! Thanks for the kind words!

Joshua: Congratulations! I like the reference to "my short sister." It would be an intriguing title for a kids book.

Steve: I'm embarassed to say that I hadn't heard of the Hogarth series. I looked it up and it was great.

Stephen Worth said...

Next time you come by, I'll show you vintage printings ca. 1850s of Rake's and Harlot's Progress.

Joel Brinkerhoff said...

I stared into the precipice, my life veering closer to the edge. I saw no reason not to fling myself willingly into the abyss but took one more moment to right some wrongs. Then I read your blog. How silly of me, the answer had been right there all along, and me too blind to see it. But I have seen the light, and oh how it shines. I will be back tomorrow and tomorrows tomorrow. Till then I wish you Peace on Earth and Goodwill to Men.

paul said...

Oh my gosh, Eddie, Holy Hell yes! You are so right on. People seem to have taken this stuff for granted and they don't even try to exploit it all in the least. Thanks for your fabulous theory post.

Moral: If a wannabe animator/cartoonist/artist gets it, then so should all the others.

Kudos to you.
Polyvios G. Christoforos
www.paulspaintings.tumblr.com
www.pauliecstuff.tumblr.com

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Joel: Haw! A fellow lover of purple prose, I see.

Paul: It looks like the Kickstarter film you linked to would be well done. I can't bring myself to be a booster of H&B though. Most of their product was mindrot.

They did employ artists when full animation was waning, and they did have a knack for good sound and snappy intros, and their consumer products were fun, but the stories themselves were mindnumbingly awful. The public used to think animation people were imaginative and inventive, but not after Bill and Joe got hold of the medium.

Limited animation can be funny...look at all the funny limited commercials other studios did, look at the best of Jay Ward or John K. Look at the first few episodes of the Flintstones, which had a brief creative spurt in the beginning before Bill and Joe squeezed the creativity out.

The problem with Bill and Joe was they were blind to story and humor. They were craftsmen merely, not entertainers. Even their fully animated Tom and Jerrys were cliche-ridden and souless. I don't think they ever really understood the medium they were in.

Gillian Finley said...

Hi Eddie;
While I have NOT taken to drink, I have drifted to Youtube as a result of not making Uncle Eddie's Theory Corner a part of my weekly schedule.

You will be happy to know that divine intervention has...intervened, and because my fan fiction site has been transferred to blogger, I will be in the immediate vicinity of your blog.

Thank you for sounding the warning alarm, on the possible tragic outcome! Thank heaven, it's not too late for me!

The Aardvark said...

You condemn me with your pretty words, Sir.

(I actually like to save up, and then glut myself in one glorious binge. AND, it doesn't make me feel urpy, like many inferior blog brands!)