It's presumptuous but it has to be said: tall people need lessons in being tall. I don't see anybody else stepping up to the plate, so I'll take a crack at teaching it myself.
First off, you talls need to stop slouching and stooping. Stand up straight! Be proud to be tall! Do what Abraham Lincoln did: wear a top hat, be thin, wear stovepipe pants. Emphasize your height, don't de-emphasize it.
Throw out your oversized furniture and start shopping for tiny furnishings at kids stores. You'll want teeny weeny chairs (above) that require high knees when sitting.
Kid furniture is the most uncomfortable furniture in the world... even kids hate it. I sympathize, but you need to buy it anyway.
When looking at something on the ground, always keep the legs straight and bend drastically at the waist. It's a good look for a tall man (above).
I'll digress to mention something I recently read: namely, that over a hundred years ago there were still some Chinese who had never seen a westerner except in reprints of English cartoons. Since the cartoon characters were all stiff legged (like the one above) lots of these Chinese concluded that Englishmen didn't have knees! Wow! That's the kind of audience every cartoonist craves!
Back on topic: choose friends who are smaller than you. That'll make you seem taller.
I have a short friend and we get along great. Being the taller person, I help him screw in light bulbs and...
...he helps me find contact lenses.
I suppose pesky small people would horn in and demand a channel of their own. Well, I understand that. It must be frustrating to live in a world dominated by ordinaries.
Even so, the smalls will just have to wait.
Tall people have suffered too long.
5 comments:
Hi, Eddie. Sorry to be off topic here but I have a question that I'm hoping you can answer.
I remember John K taking about an episode of The Adventures of Mighty Mouse where they took out all of the jokes (and anything else that would have made that episode fun) and it ended up winning an award from some parent group for "being good for families" or something like that. Do you happen to recall the name of that episode? I plan to use clips of it for a video I'm working on.
Eddie I see that you have a fondness for detective stories. Are you familiar with the Heironymous "Harry" Bosch novels by Michael Connely? They are all set in LA. Connely was given creative control over a Netflix series, called Bosch. I know as a long time LA resident you would recognize how well he depicts the place. Bosch is an incredible character, too. You should definitely check out the first season on Netflix, I think you'll appreciate it.
To the topic of your post, I remember the hosts of "What Not To Wear" (a makeover show) exhorting a very tall and slouchy woman to embrace high heels and own her altitude. The male host is tall and he says he appreciates always being able to see an exit through a crowd.
David: I think I know the episode you're talking about. It was the lead cartoon in the very first episode. My own "Witch Tricks" followed it. I can't remember the name. It was about a big, dumb, good-natured dog whose hero was Mighty Mouse. I thought it was charming.
Kelly: Wow! I'll definitely look for it on video and if I can't find it I'll look up the books. Thanks for the tip!
I'm glad that a TV show has the same opinion about height that I do. Being tall is an asset but tall people are sometimes ashamed of it because they were were the target of jokes in grammar school. That's too bad because kids pick out other kids to make fun of and if they lack an excuse like height they'll just find something else.
When you said it's the worst in the world but buy it anyways I laughed so hard. So Eddie, do you think people should start living lives that make us seem more like comic cartoon characters in real life?
Jason: YES! Yes I do! It's very important. I got it from Clampett. Clampett was a prankster who in real life enjoyed having fun by surprising people. He didn't have to consult a story bible to find out what Daffy would do. He lived like Daffy and had the character do what he would do (or would have wanted to do) in the same situation.
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