THEORYBOY FOR SENIORS

WARNING: "Nothing obscene here, but it's probably not office or school safe.

UNCLE EDDIE: "Hi Folks! I've done special blog posts for both men and women in the past and they were pretty well received. I even did a couple just for kids. It occurred to me that I never did one for seniors. I'll remedy that right now.

Welcome to the ST. ANDREW HOME FOR SENIOR MEN."

GEORGE: "Hi, Uncle Eddie! Gee, a whole blog just for us! I'm overwhelmed."

UNCLE EDDIE: " 'Glad to be of service. What do you want to see? How about some pictures of trout fishing in the local lake? I have pictures of all the lures that people use there!"

GEORGE: "Why don't we do trout a little later? I'm thinking we might start off with a little...you know...a little pulchritude."

UNCLE EDDIE: "Pulchritude? Oh, yeah...right. Okay, Here's Wendy (above). She loves posing for stuff like this."

GEORGE: "Wow! She's great! Er, wait a minute....it looks like she's having a problem with one of her socks." 

UNCLE EDDIE: "Oh, yeah...I remember that. She had a back problem and she couldn't bend over to straighten it. We didn't think anyone would notice."

GEORGE: : "I always notice stuff like that. You should have brought me along. Haw! I'd have straightened it. Get it? Heh, heh, heh!"

UNCLE EDDIE: "Haw! Geez, George...what a horndog! And at your age, too!"

GEORGE: "Wait a minute, Uncle Eddie...Ted here wants to ask you a question...."

TED: "Hi, Uncle Eddie! Well, what I'm wandering is...well...do you have any pictures of a girl with...you know...a rack?"

UNCLE EDDIE: "A rack!!?? Er...well, um...I guess so.  Here's Magnolia. Is she rackable enough for you?"

SID: "Yeah, yeah, she's fine, Uncle Eddie. Okaaaay....now it's time to go for broke! I'm picturing...I'm picturing a young chippie, a full blown Dominatrix replete with spiked dog collar, a big old snake, and leather everything. Whaddaya say, whaddaya say?"

UNCLE EDDIE: "Huh? Leather? A SNAKE!!!!???? I don't know, Sid. I mean, this is a family blog and all that. I don't want to..."

SID: "Aw, I knew you'd wimp out."

UNCLE EDDIE: "I didn't say I was going to wimp out! I just....(Sigh!) Oh, okay..."

LATER:

AS UNCLE EDDIE PACKS UP TO LEAVE:

NURSE: "Did everything go alright? It was so nice of you to talk to the men. They're so starved for intellectual stimulation."

EXPLORING THE INTERNET

I thought I'd do a quick and dirty survey of the adult internet sites. Theory Corner covered this a few years ago but the net's changed since then and it might be interesting to see how things are different now. 

I'll start with a category I'm already familiar with...the one devoted to hairy nerd girls. I'm fond of this category myself but don't ask me to explain why....we're all play things of the gods. Anyway, this group hasn't changed much. 

Here's a category I'm not familiar with, but I'll give it a shot. It's about girls flicking cigarette ashes on guys' heads. This girl (above) is remarkably friendly, a clear departure from the tradition that says only mean girls should play this role. I know I'll appear like a prude, but I admit to being disturbed to see a venerable tradition of meaness set aside like this. 

This (above) is from a foot site that specializes in dirty feet. Yes, there is such a thing, and maybe that's new. Are those ants on the girl's feet? YUCK!!!!

Another constituency that's still with us is the tramplers. Some men still like to be walked on.

I can''t explain why that is, it just is. 

Men are hard to understand.

Anyway, I promised to talk about new categories, and there is something new on the scene. I speak of the practice of adding "mature" to everything. If there used to be sites covering fat girls in miniskirts, now there are additional sites covering "MATURE  fat girls in miniskirts."

Matures have moved into every category: there's rubber suit matures, verbal abuse matures, blowing smoke in your face matures, naked hitchhiker matures.....there's mature everything.

 You can laugh but there must be big money in this stuff, because there's a zillion sites like that. I guess that's the Baby Boomers doing their thing.

Maybe that's for the best. Thanks to Boomers we now have a choice. You can still get verbal abuse from a mean twenty-something, but that's boring.

Now you can also get it from an elderly, more nuanced abuser...somebody who's been around, who knows how to juggle vowels and consonants. Now you get to choose.

Interesting, eh?

ARE YOU A FOOT PERSON?

Man, there's a lot of adult foot sites on the net! I mean a whooooole lot! Evidently there's a lot of guys who like to look at feet. 

I wonder what it's like to be a girl and know that there's thousands of men out there who want you to step on them. What if the situation were reversed and thousands of women wanted men to step all over them? It's so strange...I don't know what I'd think. I guess I would step on them if it really meant that much to them, but I'm not sure.

Most of the sites (above) aren't dirty...they're just odd. They're full of pictures of fully clothed women walking around and lounging in their bare feet. Yep, that's all they do! I kid you not, people pay for that!

Hmmmm. Actually, I kinda like the walking feet picture. Maybe I should have led with that.

The girls in these pictures usually look bored. I imagine this girl (above) is thinking about her grocery list.

"Hmmmmmm," she thinks, "Pears are on sale today but I always buy too many and they go to waste."

Of course not all foot sites are PG-rated.  Some are really raunchy (above). Usually the drastic ones combine feet interests with some other thing. There's a million mean girl sites on the net where the girls snarl at the camera and make like they want to punch you in the nose. Sometimes foot themes get grafted onto that.

Does it work? You be the judge.

Here's (above) foot interest combined with fur obsession. Personally I don't think it works. On the other hand, if she were smoking at the same time, you'd appeal to the fur people, the foot people and the smoking people all at once. Throw in a little mean for extra measure.