INT. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT
MILT: "Hi Eddie! Am I late?"
EDDIE (VO): "No, no. Have a seat."
MILT: "What's the matter? Why so glum on this wonderful day Mother Earth has given us?"
EDDIE: "Glum? Do I look glum? I'm not...I'm not......"
EDDIE: "...Oh, what's the use of hiding it? I've had a bad day!"
MILT: "A bad day? Really? What happened?"
EDDIE: "Well, this morning my wife and I were standing there at the barbecue, nibbling on bits of hamburger..."
MILT: "Say no more! I see the problem. Burgers are full of cattle steroids."
EDDIE: "Weeell.... there's more. My wife leaned too close to the coals and caught fire so I reached for a bucket of water and threw it on her. Only it wasn't water. It was battery acid. She was reduced to brain, a lung and an eyeball."
MILT: "Eddie, Eddie, Eddie...how often have I told you....meat effects your senses, including your vision."
EDDIE: "That's not all! I scooped the brain and guts into a shoebox and ran for the hospital. On the way I fell into a manhole and dropped the box. The contents were immediately chewed by vicious dogs."
MILT: "That means the dogs got some of the steroids. See how that stuff spreads through the ecosystem?"
EDDIE: "Wait, wait, there's more! A tanker truck came by and its cargo of lemon juice and pepper splashed onto the still-living brain. It was horrible. The brain twisted and writhed in pain.
Me, I crawled out of the manhole but my legs were shattered. I had to crawl here over gravel and broken glass. It took hours."
MILT: "Well you can't expect to make good time if you insist on eating things like cattle steroids! I mean, geez!"
MILT: "Look, how 'bout we get a couple of salads, then you'll feel better."
EDDIE (VO): "Yeah, a salad! You're a wise man, Milt. I'm starting to feel better already!"
