SUPPORT GROUPS

HORACE: "As the group leader I'd like to welcome you all to the first session of the Extremophile Support Group. Daisy, maybe you'd like to start."

DAISY: "Sure, I'll start. What are we all doing here? I look around the room and I don't see anybody who looks offensive. I don't even know what an 'extremophile' is."

MARIGOLD: "I'm only here because my mother said there'd be food."

TULIP: "I don't know about the others here, but I'm offended by the woman sitting beside me." 

IRIS: "Yeah, what's with her? Why is she...well, you know..."

DANDELION: "If you're referring to me, then the proper term is 'undraped.' That's my extreme. I simply prefer to live the way nature intended, the way birds live."

HOLLYHOCK: "You want to wear... feathers?"

VIOLET: "I think she's saying she wants to be buck naked."

MAGNOLIA:"Well, I think Dandelion has the right to dress whatever way she wants. This was a free country the last time I looked."

PETUNIA: "Yeah...free to be WEIRD!"

GERANIUM: "Well then I'm free to take my extremophile fist and..."

HORACE (VO): "Now, now, Ladies...we're all extremophiles here and we need to show sisterly solidarity. "

GERANIUM: "Haw! Look who's talking...from a guy, no less!"

HORACE: "Maybe we need to cool down for a few minutes. Let's take a muffin break.  I made them myself, but I have to warn you...they're for eating only on the right side of the mouth."

THE SUPPORT GROUP

INT. MENTAL HEALTH FACILITY:

GERTRUDE: "Um...Hi! Er...is this the room where the support group meets?"

ALL: "Yay! The counselor's here! Now we can get on with this! C'mon in! We thought you forgot about us!"

 GERTRUDE: "Um, I'm not the counselor. I'm just here for...um...help with shyness."

DAISY: "You're not the counselor?  Now what'll we do? This whole session is a rudderless ship! What are we supposed to do...counsel each other?"

GLADIOLA: "Well, maybe that's not a bad idea. I mean, all disorders probably have  something in common. Maybe we can help each other."

ARNOLD: "I'm game. Why don't we go around the room and let everybody say why they're here?"

MATILDA: "I'll start. I'm Matilda. I have a surgical addiction."

FRED: "Fred. Gender confusion."

JOLSON: "Mother Fixation."

IRIS: "I hate men."

CLOVER: "Me, I like men...maybe too much."

MARVIN: "I'm Marvin and I'm suicidal. I'm lonely 'cause I can't find a woman who likes my kind of guy. By the way, it's hard to commit suicide in a cheap oven like this. Look at the valve heads...they're plastic.

ROSE: "My name's Rose. I have the same problem. Nobody wants to go out with me either, so I figure I'll end it all. My oven has copper valves, by the way. My ex says they last longer."

MARVIN (VO): "Rose? YOU know about oven valves? Geez, I thought women didn't care about things like that. Er...ya wanna get a cup of coffee later on?"

SEDGWICK: "Hey guys! I was just in the room next store, and they're holding a support group for female sex addicts."

BADOOMBADDOM!!!! CHAIRS FLY AS EVERY GUY IN THE PLACE RUSHES OUT OF HIS SEAT, LINES UP FOR THE FEMALE SEX ADDICT GROUP.

THE ABSENT COUNSELOR FINALLY COMES IN:

COUNSELOR: "Hi everybody! Sorry I'm late!"