THE SICKLY LOOK

Has anyone, except maybe Peter Lorre, ever taken as many sickly pictures as Marlena Dietrich? There are a ton of them! Even her happy pictures like the one above, have an eerie, just-back-from-the-dead quality. This isn't a criticism, I like these pictures, I just think they're funny.

Here's (above) Marlena in what appears to be a picture of a dead person poured into a chair. Her hat is a crow, ready to feast on the carrion.

Dietrich's face (above) is a skull.

Here (above) Dietrich looks up at us like one of the pit characters in Dante's "Inferno." It's a beautifully executed picture. I wonder who made it. Maybe Steichen. 

Lots of pictures show her hanging on things, so as not to fall on the floor.

Oops! Too late! Here (above) she catches herself in mid-fall, while her other tortured self looks on.

This time (above) she clings to a pillar.  

Above, the just-poured corpse again.

I wonder why the death motiff was so popular in Dietrich's time. Was it a product of WWI or the Spanish Flu? Maybe it came out of the over-the-top pulps.

Here (above) she appears to be seconds from death.

Garbo also sat for a lot of sickly pictures, except Garbo seemed to exemplify severe depression rather than death. 

During the WWII years sickly was out and the healthy, wholesome look was in. 

HAPPY TREE FRIENDS

I just found out about this show. I never heard of it before today. Are all the episodes as funny as this one?

LAST NIGHT I HAD A DREAM

Last night I had a dream.  In the dream heavy winds ushered in menacing storm clouds.

Some one said the weather was caused by a gigantic near-Earth asteroid. I looked up and there it was, immense in the sky.

It didn't take long for the clouds (above) to cover everything.

The clouds formed a roof, trapping every one beneath.



Then the rain (above) started. 

It was an ugly, grey rain, the kind that saps your energy and makes it impossible to think. I ran into a restaurant to get away from it.

Inside I was beset by visions where I could see through the eyes of other people. 

For a moment I was a boxer who'd just been hit.

Then I was a sailor looking over the railing at a rough and surging sea.

Miraculously a break in the clouds appeared and the rain stopped.

Overjoyed, I raced out the back door where I found a steep set of stairs. Something felt wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it.  A bicyclist raced by. I ran down the steps to flag him down.

Out on the street (above) everything was dry and silent. No sign of the bicycle man. No movement of any kind. It was like a frozen frame in a piece of film, only it was real.

I wandered into an apartment building (above). One of the doors was open, and I stepped inside. A man was there but he refused to talk or even look in my direction. 

In a corner a couple made passionate love. Their heavy breathing and my own footsteps were the only sounds I could hear.  

I turned to leave and found a woman sitting on a chair by the door. She just stared at me, as if she expected me to do something.

Somehow I knew that if I touched the woman something horrible would happen. I ran out onto the street but nothing looked familiar...

...and that's when I woke up.

Or it would have been if I had actually dreamed this dream. I have to admit that I made it up. One of these days I'll put up a real dream if I can remember to write it down. 

BTW: some of the photos here are from a terrific blog called "If Charlie Parker Was a Gunslinger, There'd Be a Whole Lot of Dead Copycats." 

HOW CARTOONISTS SHOULD DRESS

I shouldn't have to say this...after all, it's obvious...but cartoonists shouldn't dress like the rest of humanity. Let everybody else have their wrinkleless, tapered shirts; a cartoonist should wear one-size-fits-all, boxy shirts that have to be gathered up like a bed sheet and stuffed into pants that are too big or too small. That's the way the Deity intended cartoonist men to dress, and any other way is blasphemy.

Of course there's something to be said for undersized clothing like the kind Harold Lloyd wears wears in the picture above. The clodhopper shoes are a nice touch. Come to think of it, the old lady, the kid, and the bum are dressed pretty well, too. They all dress like the stereotype of the kind of person they are, which is what cartoonists should do. That's what we can do to make the world more interesting. 

 


It's not enough to have the nice threads (above). You have to learn how to strike the poses that set them off.

I suggest starting with a thrift store jacket like the one above.  

Don't avoid clothes that wrinkle. If the Duke of Windsor can wear them, so can you.

Naturally sneaky people (above) should wear the kind of clothes that look good on sneaky people. Dishonest people should always wear white gloves. 

Middle age paunch (above) is a gift, which cartoonists should exploit. Wear the pants high, with a tight shirt and loose collar. Cultivate the disdainfull, irritable look that goes with them.

Padded shoulders (above) of course.


Throw out your shampoo. Wash your hair with bar soap (above) and comb it down the middle.

If you're a fairly mild person (above), then flaunt it. Wear clothes that emphasize it. Study hen-pecked husbands in old films and dress the way they dress. 

If you're a big guy (above), then start dressing like a bully. Don't actually BE a bully...real bullies are evil...but there's nothing wrong with looking like one. People who look that way make the world more interesting.

I know what some of you are thinking: "I'm a big guy, but I don't have the personality required to look like I push people around." Well, you don't have to push anybody around. Here's (above) Eric Campbell, the guy who bullied Chaplin in so many of his best films. In real life Campbell was a nice guy who wouldn't think of hurting anyone. He simply geared up to look intimidating, and if you have the frame for it, that's what you should do. 

Every cartoonist should find a funny stereotype that suits them, and dress that way. 

Oh yes...comb your eyebrows up. It's required.

While I was searching for smoking pictures for a recent post I stumbled on these sleazy but hilarious "I'm-beautiful-send-me-your-money" videos. Haw! I can't believe people actually do stuff like this!

One of the video commenters talks about "the smoking community." Really? There's a smoking community!? Well, live and learn!



This lady hypnotizes the viewer then orders him to send her all his money. Youtube has a kazillion of these hypnosis videos. It's a whole genre! One of the hypnotists was so good that I had to turn the video off, for fear that a minute later I'd walk like a zombie into the living room, put everything I've got in an envelope, and send her my next month's rent!

Don't watch too carefully!

SEA BATTLES IN THE AGE OF SAIL

Most of these pictures are of the battle of Trafalgar, of the Nile, and of the fight against the Spanish Armada. Click to enlarge.

I assume that most sea battles took place within several tens of miles from land. I dread to think of what happened to survivors (above) who had to navigate back to land from battles in the deep ocean. One of these days I'll have to read "Men Against the Sea," the story of Captain Bligh's thousand mile journey on a dingy after the Bounty mutiny.



A sea battle at night (above). It must have been quite a sight.

Here's a battle (above) in what might be the early morning. How strange to see savage killing at an hour of the day that we all associate with delicacy and quietude.

Was there ever a scene that was really like this (above), with sailors thick as ants clinging to the side of a ship? Cecil B. DeMille filmed scenes like this for "The Ten Commandments."

A scene from one of the Spanish Armada battles (above). This painting loses a lot by being seen small. Be sure to click to enlarge.

A modern painting (above) showing Nelson's ship "Victory" from a low angle.

It appears from paintings (above) that canon smoke often clung to the water. Was that because the guns were aimed low, at the waterline? 

It amazes me that anybody ever tried to take battle to the deep ocean. I mean wooden ships (above) were just corks on the waves.

A forest (above) of masts.

Nelson (above) painted by the lumpy artist who did the picture of the Victory broadside.

Apparently the trick in old naval battles (above) was to maneuver into a position where all your firepower was brought to bear on an enemy who was at a disadvantageous angle, and could only aim a few of his guns at you.

Here's a picture of Nelson's ship painted by Turner. Sometimes I prefer his earlier, more realistic pictures to the vague, soupy mist that he painted later in life.

MORE THEORY CORNER COMICS

Be sure to click to enlarge! No wait a minute, strike that! These pictures make me look 105 years old. Come to think of it, you should read this very small, and in dim light. Maybe upside-down, too.

BTW, I know I spelled "comics" wrong in the title. I'm too tired to fix it!

Also BTW, Kali Fontechio just put up a definitely nifty video she and Nico made. Check it out!