MORE JOAN CRAWFORD PICTURES

Aaah, Joan Crawford (above)! I don't think she ever took a bad picture. Or maybe she did and had the bad ones burned.

John K used this photo in a blog post, and I nearly fell on the floor laughing. Even when she's getting molested by her dog (above), Crawford came off looking good.

She did great angry poses (above).

She was also good at pouty scheming (above).

She had great poise. Gee, I miss that. The last time I saw that in a film was when Michele Yeow (spelled right?) came off that way in "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon."

Like Garbo and Dietrich she was good at looking bored (above) by the men who were always trying to paw her.

When she liked a guy, though, she throw herself into the experience, laughing at all his jokes, and hanging on his arm. A man in this position had to take a bath in kerosene to get her off. Of course the inevitable day came when she realized she'd fallen out of love and had to murder him.



I hope you're enlarging some of these pictures.

She cultivated a neurotic, confident look.

How many women could confidently wear a bosom of flowers (above)?

Crawford looked good in still photography and she had the wisdom to transfer that look to cinema. Maybe she got the idea from silent films, which seemed a little artificial and "stagey" because they took so many of their visual cues from still photography, but which had a powerful graphic impact.

Joan wasn't happy unless she was scheming.

Fortunately in real life she had the relaxation derived from sucking her children's blood....just kidding.

Sometimes her creepy pictures got a bit too creepy. The one above is genuinely scary.

As I said before, Crawford had terrific poise (above). Poise is about more than standing up straight. It has to do with style and character projection.

Even her conversational poses were stylized.

The famous legs (above). Men in the Crawford films always had to compliment them. Was that in her contract?

Crawford may be my favorite actress. You can laugh at her, but she was a great stylist.

MORE SMOKER (ADDED SHOTS)!!!!!!!!

INT. CAVE HIDEOUT:

DR. EVIL (V.O.): "There's an easy way to get them to stop, Smoker. Tell us where the death ray is hidden."

DR. EVIL: "C'mon, man. What good is it to you?"

THE SMOKER: "Is that all you got? I've seen old ladies hit harder than that!"

MARGO: "Stop it! Stop it! Can't you see that he's telling the truth!? He doesn't know where it is!"

DR. EVIL: "Yes, I'm beginning to agree with you Miss Reed. Unfortunately that means we don't need your friend anymore."

DR. EVIL (V.O.): "Robot! Bring the girl to the car! We're leaving!"

Then, to the gang...

"Cut him loose, boys! We don't need him now!"

GANGSTER: "Cut him lo....? I'd rather cut him up! How come he gets to walk?"

DR. EVIL: "Better than that...he gets to dance...with BEULAH! Let her out!"

GANGSTERS: "B-B-Beulah!? Are you sure?"

GANGSTER: "Heh, heh. Yeah, he's sure. Let her out. Beulah just lo-o-oves to dance."

GANGSTERS ALL: (laughter).

DR. EVIL: "Good-bye, Smoker! You'll like Beulah. She's very affectionate. She likes nothing better than a good, long HUG! (Laughs)".

The thugs leave and lock the door behind them.

THE SMOKER: "I've gotta get outta here and get to a phone!"

THE SMOKER: "Wait a minute. What's that sound?"

THE SMOKER: "Hello! Anybody there!?"

THE SMOKER: "There it is again!"

SMOKER: "Who's out there!?"

He looks up.

NEXT: EPISODE 4: "BEULAH!"

Once again, thanks for stills from the Shadowplay blog, URL in the sidebar links.

PHILOSOPHY CORNER

I have a friend who has very unusual opinions about a lot of things, and who you might be interested in getting to know through these pages. I have to emphasize that the ideas expressed in this imaginary dialogue are his and not mine. I disagree with some of what's expressed here, but I like the spirit behind it. It's all so thought-provoking that I thought it deserved to see the light of day. See if you agree.

Oh, and this is not a rewrite of the somber piece that I said I wrote last night. That's on a different subject. Okay, here's the dialogue:

Eddie: "So Paul, let me get this straight. You're a monarchist?"

Paul: "Yeah...well, a constitutional monarchist. It's Biblical."

Eddie: "Ah, so you have a religious reason."

Paul: "Not entirely. Monarchy also makes sense because that's the only way to grow an aristocracy. We need aristocracy so that society can be guided by philosopher kings. We need them so we can have culture again."

Eddie: "But there have been so many evil aristocrats and crazy kings."

Paul: "Fewer than you might think. A lot of what we know about aristocrats was written by ideologues who hated them."

Eddie "What about the rights of man? Are you saying that a Pharaoh is entitled to own me?"

Paul: "Good Grief, no! Just the opposite! The monarch is one of the guarantees that you won't be owned and that your rights will be respected. The king has to answer to God for the stewardship of his people. The other guarantee is the Christian religion and the Judao-Christian tradition. Religion is a more trustworthy defender of your rights than politics."

Eddie: "But democracy allows us to get rid of people in power who abuse their office. It assures a degree of stability because at least 51% of the people get to be happy with the way things are."

Paul: "I think you're naive. The people in power try to set things up so they can't be voted out."

Eddie: "Aaaargh! There's not enough time to thrash this out, so let's move on. What kind of literature do you like?"

Paul: "Oh, Mallory's book on King Arthur, the one that the movie "Excalibur" was based on...some of Shakespeare. Those and 'Old Yeller.' "

Eddie: " 'Old Yeller!!!????' You mean the DOG story that Disney based a film on?"

Paul: "Yeah, that's it. It's a story about duty and the need to accept it with unshakable determination. It's also indirectly about honor."

Eddie: "Honor? Then you must like movies like the old black and white version of "The Four Feathers."

Paul: "Definitely, and the book is even better. The book makes a distinction between different kinds of honor, and reserves special praise for the man who realizes the downside of honor but pursues it anyway. The film's not half bad, though. There's a wonderful scene in it where the girl explains the necessity of honor, but it's not in the book."

Eddie: "Well, I guess you like "The Three Musketeers." That's all about honor."

Paul: "Mmmm...sort of, but it also ridicules it. At the end of the story the musketeers have nothing except their honor. D'Artagnon doesn't get the girl and they're all poor. Their only satisfaction is that they lived a life of honor and are respected by other men."

Eddie: "How about "Don Quixote?" I had to put it down about a third of the way through because the plot was so simplistic, and I hated the anti-heroic message."

Paul: "You should have persevered. The first half is anti heroic, anti-chivalry, but the second half says Don Quixote was right."

Eddie: "Wait a minute! That's not what I heard!...but...Aaaargh! We've gotta close this! See you later folks!"

Paul: "Bye, bye!"

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M PUTTING UP DILBERT!

I wrote a long and serious article for this spot, but it came off so pompous that I'll need to do a rewrite lest I get stoned in the street. Putting that aside means I have nothing to post tonight except these hilarious Dilbert strips that my daughter just showed me. I'll put up something better tomorrow.

"THE SMOKER" RECAST

I thought I might revive "The Smoker," and I toyed with idea of making him a little like Dick Tracy.

I tried some Chester Gould-type villains.

It didn't look bad.

Man women make great villains.

I've always wanted a heroic chin. Now, thanks to Photoshop, I have one!

THEORY CORNER STORE...CLOSED!!!!!!

Holy Mackerel! The response to the Theory Corner store was a deafening yawn...the worst response to anything I posted in at least a year and a half! Well, the consumer has spoken, no doubt about it. Boy, I knew I was entering a niche market, but I didn't occur to me that the niche might be that small. Oh, well...live and learn.

I'll retire the store while I re-think it. Probably I'll take the advice of commenters who said I should have started by selling my own material first. In the meantime, I'll post as before.