"PSYCHIATRIC"

PSYCHIATRIST: "Okay, tell me about this recurring dream that you just had. Don't leave anything out."

DREAMER: "Well, it started as it always does on a beach on a cold and overcast day. The place was almost empty, and I remember wondering where everyone else was. Even in the winter there should have been people walking their dogs. Where were they now?"



DREAMER: "Across the water I marveled at what appeared to be glaciers, but I also wondered how that could be. I mean, there weren't supposed to be glaciers this far South."

DREAMER: "Unable to take the cold any longer, I walked over to a nearby hotel, hoping to get warm in the lobby."

DREAMER: "An employee came to the door. He had a mocking, impudent face, and I could tell that he was going to turn me away, but a voice from inside told him to let me in. He reluctantly opened the door."

DREAMER: "Inside a man with a fedora beckoned me to get into an elevator with him."

DREAMER: "We went to the top floor in silence, and when the door opened...we were in a ballroom! People were dancing lethargically, as if they'd been doing it for a long time."

DREAMER: "The man in the hat pointed to a window."



DREAMER: "I looked outside but didn't see anything special. It was daytime and kids were playing in the street."

DREAMER: "I turned to ask the man what I was supposed to be seeing, but he was gone. It looked like he'd escaped onto the roof."

DREAMER: "I turned to the window again and this time everything had changed. It was dark outside. Somehow night had fallen, and the impossibly thick and expanding glacier I'd seen out at sea was now right outside the window, slowly and inexorably pushing cars and debris ahead of it. At the speed it was going it would only be a matter of hours before the town and everybody in it would be crushed. "

DREAMER: "In a panic I shouted to a man who was on the phone nearby. Nothing I said seemed to matter to him."

DREAMER: "I called to an old woman too, and got big belly laughs in return. She thought it was hilarious."

PATRONS: "Hey, quiet down over there! If you want to shout, go outside!"



BAND LEADER: "Yes, why don't you go? Nobody wants you here."

DREAMER: "I knew it wouldn't do any good to argue, so I made for the stairs."

DREAMER: "On the way down it occurred to me that I might not be the only person who didn't know about the glacier. I thought I'd warn the other people in the hotel, so I frantically knocked on doors. One opened by itself revealing a fat man screaming on a couch. I tried to reason with him but the more I talked, the louder he shrieked."

DREAMER: "Another door opened into a room of people who appeared to be waiting for something. They were indifferent to what I said about the glacier, and seemed to resent my presence."

DREAMER: "Other people just stared."

DREAMER: "The final door opened and revealed...revealed what? What kind of crazy place was this?"

DREAMER: "Out on the street it was dark and there was snow on the ground."

DREAMER: "No use trying to get my car. It was somewhere under the glacier now."

DREAMER: "In the distance I thought I heard a humming and churning noise. I didn't pay much attention at first."

DREAMER: "After a while the sound was deafening. Holding my ears I noticed a shaft of light methodically zig-zagging its way over the sidewalk. When I looked up to find the source I saw it... a round, mechanical thing in the sky, with a searchlight in one eye. It scanned the street, apparently looking for people. I hid behind a pillar til it passed."



DREAMER: "It's a good thing I did because round flying things were soon all over the streets, incinerating every human who couldn't hide fast enough."



DREAMER: "As if that wasn't bad enough, groups of predatory human spotters began to emerge from nearby buildings and joined the hunt. Whenever they spotted a fleeing man they blew a whistle, which summoned the killing machines. How could people do that to their own kind?"

DREAMER: "I saw a group of men on their hands and knees looking at something, and ran over to them to warn them. I did everything to get their attention but to no avail. They were absorbed in watching something in the ice right under their feet."

DREAMER: "I looked down, and sure enough there really was something down there. I know it doesn't make sense, but there were...there were live women under there... and they were beckoning to the men on the surface. "

DREAMER: "These were no ordinary women. Most were stunningly beautiful and they flirted like sirens. A few had the sentimental appearance of beloved and long-dead mothers and sisters. Every man saw the unique woman that he yearned for."



Finally one of the men, unable to restrain himself any longer, reached out and clasped the hand of one of the women.



DREAMER: "He was immediately pulled under the ice and drowned..."

DREAMER: "...as I was a moment later. I remember looking up at the hole in the ice as my lungs filled with freezing water. As it always does in these dreams the hole filled with light as killing machines leaned down and watched me with impersonal interest. I guess with all that thrashing around I put on a pretty good show. "

DREAMER: "And that's it! That's the point where I always wake up. What does it mean? Am I going crazy?"

PSYCHIATRIST: "Crazy? No, no. Not crazy. We'll talk about it next week. I do have to remind you though, that the magazines in the waiting room are for all my patients, and if you continue to take them home I'll have to charge you for them."

THE END

BTW: Many thanks to the excellent blog, "Shadowplay," which is where I got most of these pictures.

http://dcairns.wordpress.com/

A PROMOTION FOR THEORY CORNER (REVISED)

Okay, here's (above) a revised version of the second draft. Please, please tell me if you find that any of it is still confusing. It works for me, but maybe I've lost my objectivity. Many, many thanks to commenters who let me know what was wrong with the previous versions. Click to enlarge.

NOTE: I changed "Procopius" to "Polybius." Sorry for the confusion. Procopius was the Roman historian who wrote about all those horrible things the queen of the Eastern empire was alleged to have done. Polybius was a much earlier (and probably better) historian, who wrote about my hero Scipio Africanus.

I can't believe how many mistakes I made in the writing of this ad. Am I always this addled?

Kali sent me this video (above)! What a pal! What a pal! Have you seen the George Liquor on a log that she's selling on her site? It's beautiful!

FACES TO DRAW & ME IN A PODCAST

Spike Jones is a caricaturist's dream (above)! His head is shaped like an upright football, with a wide, cartoony middle section, and a narrow top and bottom.

The young Liberace had a fascinating face (above)! It was wide with heavily padded cheeks, tiny eyes and a thin, pointed nose and chin. The teeth were tucked way in under the nose, and the hair was combed up and back, making it look like it was on fire.

The older Liberace (above) looks a lot more normal. Plastic surgery?

BTW, this clip is really funny. If you're rushed, then start it at the 2 1/2 minute mark.

Who is this (above)? He has a wonderfully comic face (above) set off by a round, volumetric body and interesting vest wrinkles. Vests were God's gift to caricaturists, but nobody wears them anymore.

This (above) is A. J. Muste, a famous pacifist and thorn in the side of the Johnson Administration. He had a long, narrow head with a huge pointed nose, thick horn rims and a high, bread loaf fedora. This reminds me that most artists don't draw fedoras big enough. A good fedora always changes the head shape, always looks a bit too straight up and awkward.

This (above) is the Mount Everest of eccentric fedoras...true royalty of the hat world. I love the way the hat continues the outline of the hair. If I ever see these on sale I'll hock my children to get the money to buy one.

Stepin Fetchit's half closed eyes (above) and high eyebrows were his trademarks, but the thing that really made them work was the "U" shaped bulge above his nose.

Charles Laughton (above) had even more facial padding than Liberace, but in Laughton's case the pads are relaxed and friendly, and even a little floppy. His face consists of small circles (above) embedded inside larger circles; spheres overlapping spheres.

Last but not least is Louis B. Mayer (above). His head and body look bland and ordinary, but his eyes are 1,000% alert and ready to go on the offensive. It's the contradiction of blandness and unexpected vitality that makes this picture hard to put down.

BTW, I'm in a podcast on the ASIFA Hollywood Animation Archive site!!!!!! This is the second installment, and this came out a lot better than the first. I talk about drawing theories, story, direction, how to do difficult assignments and all that. If you're curious to hear what I have to say, then give a listen!

http://www.animationarchive.org/podcast/

MY EXPERIMENTS WITH LUNCH RECIPES

Right now I'm between jobs and unfortunately have plenty of time to fuss over things like cooking. In the past two months or so I've done a lot of experimenting with lunches. I was looking for something that would allow me to lose weight, but which would be tasty and sustainable; something which would form the centerpiece of my lunches for years to come, regardless of deviations. I was anxious to make my peace with vegetables too, so they had to be in there. After trying a bunch of foods I came up with what I think is a clear cut winner, which I'll reveal at the end of the post. I think it'll surprise you...but first I want to tell you about some of the meals I tried.

Well, the first thing I tried was the complicated vinaigrette salad that I call "The Parallel Universe Salad," after the physicist friend who turned me on to it. I put up the recipe in a post about two years ago. I ate it four times a week for several weeks, and it was so delicious and so filling that I sometimes skipped dinner afterward, without missing it. A success, you say? Mmmm, not exactly.

The problem was that I ate so much of it that I began to get tired of it. You can get too much of a good thing. Not only that, but it sometimes left me with a craving for ice-cream a few hours later, making me wonder if the salad was really satisfying my need for fat. It was delicious, but I felt I had to move on.

After that, I tried frozen Marie Calendar pot pies. I microwaved them for 15 minutes as per the instructions on the box, then when they came out, and were still intensely hot inside, I stuffed them with half-cooked veggies. By veggies I mean mushrooms cooked in a little olive oil and bacon fat, and slightly cooked diced celery, walnuts, onion, and any vegetable I had in the refrigerator that could take the heat. It was great. the problem was, that these pies and veggies tasted so good that I ate nothing else for a week, and then grew tired of them, at least for a while.

Next I tried soups. Soups make good lunches, and are good repositories for veggies. I'd heat up Campbell's Chicken Broth, throw in some of those tangled bean noodles that look like birds nests, throw in spinach and Japanese pre-cooked fish or shrimp, and at the very end, toss in some hard-boiled egg slices. Delicious! Campbell's makes a good mushroom soup too, and into that I poured my usual mushrooms, veggies, fettuccini, and some cut-up boiled ham slices.

[I found it handy to always have mushrooms, celery, walnuts, ham slices, and fettucini around. They're good for adding bulk to almost anything you cook. I always have alfredo handy, too. Alfredo is fattening, so I only use it in small quantities, usually to ease the pain of eating vegetables that I don't like.]



Oh, and I took a liking to fennel (above). If you don't know what that is, it's the ugly white and green bagpipe of a vegetable that you always pass by in the supermarket because it looks so alien. It's a real Frankenstein monster of grafted elements: mild white onion-type mass on the bottom, celery-type stalks in the middle, and delicate little dill-type leaves at the top. I know that doesn't sound appetizing but, trust me, it tastes better than it looks.

How does it taste? Well, it's like a sweet, slightly licorice-flavored, extremely mild onion. It's not really an onion, but it looks and feels that way. It's very cheery and eager-to-please, and makes good filler in a recipe that requires bulk. I cooked it with mushrooms and shallots and added it to other things. It was great, but once again I ate so much of it that I couldn't bear to look at it for a while.

This brings me to the grand finale, where I reveal the most successful lunch recipe I tried during that time. Which recipe got the top spot? I hate to say it, but none of them. They were all too doggone tasty and fattening. I ended up gaining weight instead of losing it.

The only lunch I ate during those few weeks that was consistently delicious, dietetic, healthy and sustainable was.....drum beat, please.....good old American peanut butter and jam on bread or muffin, served with milk. Yep, that and nothing else. A popular hippie book called "Diet for a Small Planet" also recommends it. It's nutritious and you never get tired of it. Something in the chemistry of it makes it ever-green for your taste buds. It doesn't go with vegetables, though. I guess I'll have to save those for dinner.

So that's it for now...but I'll put on my mad scientist cap and keep experimenting.