BUSY! 'BE BACK SUNDAY!

FUNNY POSTCARDS (EXPANDED)

This is about old postcards. Some of them date back to 1900 or so, some are as recent as the 50s.

Most of them were sold at vacation spots. Workers got two weeks paid vacation a year, and they took off for the country or the seaside at the the first opportunity. They were looking for more than a simple change of scenery. They were after a lightening of the mind: a release from adult responsibility and a return to primal urges. After a year of doing what society expected of them, they wanted to say what the man above says: "Now I am my real self!"

If you were a guy, "being your real self" meant leching after girls, at least in your fantasies. 

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Mosquitoes owned the countryside and you had to pay the price if you wanted to live in their domain. Amazingly even mosquitoes were drafted into vacation sex fantasies. 

Bathroom humor, too. The vacationer allows himself to be a five year old again, amazed by body functions.

Cards (above) could be incredibly explicit...

...or over-the-top tastless (above).

Few things are out of bounds in the world of vacation cards. Probably the text in this picture (above) is urging the man to throw up over the rail, but it also looks like it's telling him to commit suicide.

I'm surprised to see that none of the famous newspaper cartoonists who tried their hand at vacation cards seem to have done very well.with it.

Vacation cartooning is a specialty, and most ordinary cartoonists can't do it. The artist has to come off as mischievous but not mean, the kind of guy who would be good at telling dirty jokes.

BTW, how do you like the intense color in this card (above)? It makes it seem like the characters are in Hell. The vacationer is depicted as Orpheus who's willing to risk everything, even damnation, in pursuit of forbidden fruit. The idea would appeal to the working man who's repressed himself for a year and has only a short time to psych himself into a bacchanalia.

More "husband with a wandering eye" humor.  Most artists botch it.  If you don't have a knack for it, that kind of thing becomes tragic. You feel sorry for the woman who has such an unfaithful husband.

Here's (above) a very skilled and funny artist...but he can't beat the vacation artist at his own game. Every artistic medium has its own unique requirements. Interesting, huh?

BOOK REVIEW: "THE 9TH INFANTRY DIVISION IN VIETNAM"

The illustrations are of some of the great military captains in European history. I explain who they are at the end of the post.

I've read a number of books about strategy and tactics on the battlefield. I usually avoid books about wars fought in the last two hundred years. It's hard to be objective about them, and modern armies tend to resemble bureaucracies. Reading about their sluggish and doctrinaire reaction to things makes you yearn for the days when Morgan the pirate could assault Panama with a plan of his own making, or Scipio could attack Carthage with only minimal interference from the Roman senate.

Even so, there's some worthy modern war books. One that all armchair generals agree is worth reading is Rommel's "Infantry Attacks." It's about Rommel's days as a young lieutenant in WWI, fighting in the Alps. The book is crude and hard to follow, but it's unique because it puts you behind the eyeballs of a young soldier who is in every way a natural for what he does. He loves his work and doesn't wish to be anywhere else. He regrets the need to harm others but delights in problem solving. Where others see only the fog of war, Rommel sees opportunity.

If America had its own Rommel in the last 50 years, that might be the then colonel Ira Hunt who commanded the amazing 9th Infantry Division in Vietnam in the late 60s. I never heard of Hunt or his men before I saw him talking about his book on BookTV. He was a marvelous speaker. According to the interviewer Hunt aggressively fought and won battles, kept morale high, and the casualty rate low. You have to wonder, how did he do it?

Hunt said that when he first arrived in Vietnam the situation was daunting. Our guys scored victories in the daytime, but the enemy owned the night. It was sometimes impossible to tell the difference between friends and foes. Helicopters were shot down when they attempted to land troops. Tunnels protected the enemy against artillary and air attacks. Booby traps took their toll, and the soldiers sucked at pacification. Hunt had his job cut out for him.

Hunt's reaction to all this was to simplify. Let professionals handle the pacification. Take back the night by fighting in the dark. Ambush, don't be ambushed. Make the tunnels a liability. The booby traps? Throw something heavy on a rope infront of you. Above all, keep the enemy engaged and on the defensive.

Things changed pretty quickly when Hunt took charge. Where previously helicopters avoided ground fire by landing troops 600 feet away from the enemy, now they landed them at night, right into the enemy's back yard. Hunt correctly guessed that few enemies would risk giving away their position by shooting at copters in the dark, especially if they knew their avenue of retreat was cut off by more helicopters.

And the tunnels? Hunt says he actually thought of them as being an asset for his side. Relying on pre-existing tunnels for protection reduced the enemy's mobility. At night heat and chemical sensors mounted on helicopters could detect areas of recent activity where tunnels were likely to be. The tunnels were more and more perceived as death traps by the enemy.

I'm simplifying here. Hunt didn't claim to come up with every new idea himself, and the enemy had clever ideas of their own, but you get the sense that Hunt was a superserious competitor. More than that he was that rarity in military history...a natural.

BTW: Just for the heck of it, I put up pictures (in no special order) of a few of what historians consider the greatest military commanders in European history. The top portrait is. of course, Napoleon. Under him is Scipio Africanus, the general who beat Hannibal and handed Rome an empire. For his trouble he was humiliated by Cato and left Rome, never to return. Beneath him is Alexander the Great, and beneath him is Turenne, the legendary general who fought for Louis XIV. Beneath him is Gustavus Adolphus, who fought in the bloody Thirty Years War. At the very bottom is John Churchill, better known as Marlborough.  He fought Louis XIV after Turenne's time. It's said that he never lost a battle.

IPHONE VS. DESKTOP

BEFORE READING YOU MUST CLICK TO ENLARGE, THEN CLICK AGAIN TO MAKE IT STILL LARGER!

To those of you who are reading this on a widescreen desktop computer, I congratulate you. You wisely invested in a widescreen and now you're reaping the reward. Your splendid machine has revealed to you in detail the whole long, soothing, and tasteful room I have posted above.

Seen large like that, the room is rather inviting, isn't it?  Don't you feel like kicking off your shoes and walking around? Feel free to warm yourself by the fire in the fireplace, or maybe relax on the designer sofa. Why not read the newspaper a bit then dose off to the gentle sound of West Coast jazz on the stereo? Aaaaaahhh!  Life is good, is it not?

Oh....but gee...some of you are reading this on an iphone.  For you this blog is just, well...just a menu: a few paragraphs on a tiny screen. That's a pity. Well, maybe a friend can describe the room I'm talking about to you.

I know what you're thinking...your iphone can display graphics, too. Well, yes it can...such as they are. Out of consideration for readers who insist on viewing my blog on an iphone, here's (above) a graphic just for you. It's not wide or sexy, but it should work fine on your device...if you don't drop it.

Have a nice day!

ANOTHER VISIT TO "STRIPPER"S GUIDE."

I just visited Allan Holtz's site, "Stripper's Guide," and discovered that comics historian Bill Blackbeard died on March 10th. Earlier this month someone told me about his death, but I was distracted and the news didn't register. When I read about it on Holtz's site I was shocked, as if hearing it for the first time. Blackbeard was the the author of "The Smithsonian Collection of Newspaper Comics," an indispensable book which almost single-handedly revived interest in old newspaper strips. Several years ago I spent an afternoon with Bill and was much, much impressed. The man will be sorely missed.

As usual Stripper's Guide was full of worthy strips that I never heard of before. What do you think of this one  (above) from 1948?  Does the style seem familiar?  Click to enlarge.

 

 If it seems familiar, that's because it is! The look is copied from Al Capp's "L'il Abner!" Is the artist, Baldy Benton, responsible or did the Post Syndicate tell him to do it? I don't know.

Here's "Fables and Puzzles" from 1903. It wasn't at all clear at the time that newspaper comics should take the form of serial drawings with word balloons. A number of artists tried this approach (above) with dense captions. 

Here (above) the same artist tries again, this time with serial drawings and reduced captions.

Here's (above) a beautifully drawn strip from 1903 called "The Interfering Idiot." The artist was Raymond Shellcope. I imagine that poor Shellcope couldn't come up with a regular character the public liked, so was consigned to the trash bin of history.

Here's (above) a postcard that Shellcope sent to a friend. The drawing is Shellcope's. How do you like the beautiful penmanship?

All the drawings on this post were stolen from Allan Holtz's excellent blog, "Stripper's Guide." 

http://strippersguide.blogspot.com/

HOW KODACHROME CREATED THE SIXTIES

I just started a book by Geoff Dyer called "The Ongoing Moment." It's a long, rambling essay about the nature of photography, and it's easily the best writing on the subject that I've ever come across. Dyer talks about how a few photographers starting in the 1920s redefined the artform by attempting to understand what photography does best, and how the personality and philosophy of the photographer could influence the result.

What does black and white photography do best? Well, it's pretty good at making things look shabby and pathetic. It's good for shooting old people with a lot of cracks and crevices in their faces.  It was the perfect medium to document the Depression and the squalid life of the early immigrants in New York City. Look how shabby Walker Evans' barber shop is above. The real shop was probably a fairly happy and social place, but the colorless photo makes it look like a compartment in Hell.

Black and white amateur photography was also pretty good at making people look old-fashioned.  People in B&W photos, even ones taken in the 1950s,  look like figures in a Mathew Brady picture. You feel sorry for them. The medium makes them look like automatons, pathetically playing out the roles history had given them to play. Even smiles in those old photos look like expressions of bravado in the face of a hopelessly primitive and gruesome existence.

Eventually cheap, color photography came around and we finally had a medium that could take pictures of happy, youthful subjects. The same smiles that photographed like forced bravado only a few years ago now looked completely sincere and joyfull.

In my opinion one of the several important reasons for the youth rebellion in the 60s was the proliferation of Kodachrome. The young generation looked so hip and cheerful in their pictures, and their parents looked so stolid and shabby in theirs. To teenagers thumbing through scrapbooks and magazines in that era, it must have appeared that a new and improved real world had come into existence in their time. You can see where that would lead to a generation gap.

Aaaargh! I meant to write about Dyer's ideas and I got sidetracked into talking about my own. I'll post more about this interesting book as I read farther into it.

THE GIRL BODYBUILDER STORY (PART ONE)

INT. LADIES' GYM:

MATILDA (VO): "The muscle tone's nice and sweet now."

MATILDA: "Maybe it needs to be just a tad firmer in the deltoids."

EDWINA: "I don't know. A little more baby oil and the deltoids'll look fine. Hey, I wonder where Daisy is?"

EDNA: "Hey look! She just walked in!"

INGRID: "Hi Daisy! How's it goin'?"

DAISY: "Horrible! It's my little sister! She met a gigolo and he wined and dined her,  and now she's gonna meet him in the park in half an hour."

FLORENCE: "Well, that's not so bad. What could happen in the park?"

Daisy shows her friends a picture of the gigolo.

DAISY (VO): "A lot could happen! She's gonna give him her life savings! He says he needs the money to buy her a diamond ring so they can get married!  I've heard about this guy! When he gets the money she'll never see him again!"

IRIS: "WHAT!!! Aaaarghhh!!! That's the lowest thing I've ever heard!"

INGRID: "Grrrrr! Somebody ought to do something about it!"

GERTRUDE: "Yeah, somebody like us! That dude is cruisin' for a brusin! What are we waiting for, girls!? The park is only 20 minutes away!"

OUT ON THE STREET:

INGRID: "Hurry up, Daisy! We've got work to do!"

ETHEL: "Sister! Come join us! We're after a gigolo!"

MILDRED: "A GIGOLO!? One of those guys cheated my cousin! Count me in!"

NELLIE: "Need another!? Count me in, too!"

The group swells as more and more girls join in the hunt.

ESMERALDA: "Girls! We're gigolo bashing! Join us!"

PENNY: "Gigolos!? I'm with you!"

RODNEYETTA: "Count me in!"

STELLA: "Just let me get my running shoes!"

BERTHA: "Me too!"

ENTIRE MUSCLE PAGEANT: "US too!!!"

The group swells further til it's a human tsunami.

It gets bigger and bigger....

...til every muscle girl in the city joins in. The group of runners is so big that they can be seen from outer space!

THE STORY CONTINUES IN PART II, BELOW.