EDDIE REVIEWS TRADER JOE'S

"Hi! Uncle Eddie here! I just left Trader Joe's. I thought I'd stop for coffee on the way home and chat about the food I just got. I can only talk for a few minutes, though. I have frozen food in the car.

"What the heck!?"

"Oh, that's an endless loop of Kate Upton. She's the new spokesman for Carl Jr's. They're trying to change their image."

"Anyway...the food! The big news is a Trader Joe's frozen TV dinner called Chicken Tikka Masala. Don't dismiss it just because it's a TV dinner. It's just as good as the Tikka Masalas you'd get at an Indian restaurant, and beats the Masalas you buy in jars by a mile. Eat it with Trader Joe's Whole Wheat Naan. Their naan isn't exactly authentic, but it's still pretty good. "

"The only problem is, the Masala's portions are a bit on the skimpy side. It's kinda pricey considering how little you get."

"I thought about making it myself, using the contents list on the box as a guide, but that might not work. In India they use fresh spices and let them simmer all day long. When they cook a meal, they're primarily cooking the spices...the rest is just an afterthought. You might need a knack to do that."

"Next on the agenda is another indian dish, "Punjab Choley." Man, that's good! I've had it every few weeks for a year now and I've never gotten tired of it. Not only that, it's only two bucks a box. What a deal!"

"I was about to say that it's just as good as restaurant choley, but I think it IS restaurant choley. I'll bet restaurants have mountains of those boxes in the back. They just open up the pre-cooked packets like I do and microwave them."

'"Hmmm, is there anything else? Maybe I better throw in a negative review so I don't look like I'm on the take from Trader Joe's."

"Well, the TJ kimchi was only so-so. A Korean friend got mad at me for even daring to buy the store-bought kind. Boy, Koreans take their kimchi VERY seriously. They think it has mystical properties. I wouldn't be surprised if they try to raise the dead with it."

"Okay, I'm outta here."

"Wow, an interesting ad!"

MY CONNECTION WITH THE HOLOCAUST

It's a tiny, tiny, tiny connection to be sure, but it's still a connection. I'm just amazed that an Anglo cartoonist living in America in 2013 (me) would have any personal connection at all, no matter how insignificant.

The story starts with a book of a German comic strip I bought at a book fair more than twenty years ago: "Aber Klarchen!" by M. Bertina. Most Americans won't know the name. It's a charming first edition compilation of a German newspaper comic from the 30s and early 40s about a mischievous little girl who's always playing tricks on adults. The drawings remind me of what German, Belgian and Dutch artists were doing in the 20s and 30s and I can even see the influence of one of my favorite 19th Century cartoonists, the gifted Wilhelm Busch.

Anyway, I bought the book for the cartoons, then promptly lost it when I got it home. Now, after rummaging through my garage, I found it again, only this time I paid more attention to the inscriptions inside, and to the old, yellow newspaper clippings (above) wedged between the pages.

According to an old, typewritten card by the book dealer, the book was taken from Heinrich Himmler's personal library. It had been a gift to Himmler's daughter Gudrun from her aunt. Sure enough, the inscriptions (above) bear that out. Gudrun's birth date is available on the net so, doing the math, I discovered that Gudrun received the book in 1941 on her 12th birthday.

According to the net sources Gudrun (above) is still alive, and in her old age is still "pin sharp." Since she was only a cartoon loving kid during the war I figured she probably shared the sorrow and regret of so many Germans from that era, and probably had completely disavowed her genocidal father. I actually thought of contacting her and selling her the book.

Well, that was my initial thought. As I read farther I discovered that, far from having regret, Gudrun is an unrepentant supporter of neonazis, actively raises defence funds for suspected war criminals, and has nothing but admiration for her dad. Yikes!

The affection for her dad isn't totally implausible. On the net I found several pictures of Himmler with his daughter and I have to admit that they're uncommonly moving. There's a gentleness and affection there. How odd that Himmler the loving father could be so merciless to other loving fathers and other daughters. How could the adult Gudrun fail to see the contradiction?

Anyway,  I'll keep the book for the time being while I figure out how to sell it.

THE BEST SHERLOCK HOLMES YET?

I found an Amazon review of this wonderful DVD set that so accurately reflects my own thoughts that I think I'll open with an abridged version of it. The reviewer wrote: 

"I needed another adaptation featuring Sherlock Holmes about as much as I needed a full frontal lobotomy. I patently refused to accept this new BBC adaptation and refused to watch it--but I relented (I'm so weak willed) and now, hat in hand, I repent. This glorious updating is fast, smart, and riveting entertainment. What an idiot I would have been to miss it!"

"Set in contemporary London, "Sherlock" modernizes three classic mysteries. Episode One is "A Study In Pink" and, by itself, it is an absolutely perfect film. The way the murder is introduced, the stellar screenplay, the ingenious play on familiar characters, the droll humor, the emotional resonance, and the technological innovation to update this tale all work in perfect harmony to create an unforgettable re-imagining of Sherlock Holmes." 

"Benedict Cumberbatch turns in a star making portrayal as Holmes. Cumberbatch, with his unorthodox appearance, has always stood out for me--but this is easily his most memorable performance.' 

"But surprisingly, it is Watson who is the real revelation here. Martin Freeman brings incredible depth as a war veteran who is alternately awed and frustrated by Holmes. While the banter is devised for maximum cleverness, there are real characters in "Sherlock." While Richie's cleverness led to a "too cool for school" vibe, the BBC version has actual emotional consequence by fully fleshing out the lead characters....[This] ranks with the best. KGHarris, 11/10."

Well said, K. G. Harris! I'll simply add that this BBC treatment also gives full vent to the philosophical side of Conan Doyle's creation. Sherlock can do what he does, not only because he has brains, but because he's able to screen out distractions and focus entirely on the problem at hand.

Can he do that because he has Aspergers? The screenwriters might have thought so, but I'm not so sure. My impression of Aspergers is that it gives focus but denies perspective. It wastes focus by attaching it to what are trivial ends. That doesn't gel with what we know about Holmes. One of his greatest strengths is exactly that he does know what's important. The screenwriter also has Holmes say that he's a high functioning sociopath, but I don't buy that either.

How much focus any of us ordinary people can give to an intellectual task isn't really known. If we were disciplined to do that from an early age, that would no doubt help, but we all have the suspicion that too much prodding would be harmful. It's hard to know how much is too much. Besides, even if we wanted to do that for our kids, how would we go about it? No institution is geared for that.

One more observation: I like the music in this series. I'm always interested to know what I believe to be the hidden emotional messages in music (sans lyrics), so I ask myself what the Sherlock music is saying. Unexpectedly, it seems sad. What I'm hearing is "You wanted this, and now you've got it. Feel the exhilaration of being truly human and accept the tragic outcome."

The title graphics that overlay the opening music carry a message of their own. First we see (above) the modern London skyline, replete with Ferris wheel. It's very tranquil, though the monochrome adds a dissonant note.

After that we see Piccadilly Square and Soho, and the traffic races ahead in fast motion. That and the montage of scientific close-ups that follow make us feel that we're seeing London as the dangerous place it really is, through the eyes of some extraordinarily perceptive person. Later in one of the stories somebody says something like, "The rest of us shuffle around the city and see only shops and cars. He looks around and sees a battleground." Yikes!

*************

BTW, a friend asked if he should get this collection for his 12 year old niece since one of the episodes involves a dominatrix. My answer was a loud "yes!" The positive messages in this series easily outweigh the negative. Also, twelve is the last age where kids would consider watching or reading something recommended by their uncle. After that they care only about what their peers think. 

RANDOM THOUGHTS ABOUT ANIMATION WALKS

Sometimes a funny story begins with a doodle of a funny character. You like how the character looks and you just have to see what would happen if you gave him a walk.  In the act of doing the walk you see unexpected things that you like, and they redefine the character. When you have a funny character who can do a funny walk you almost can't help but think of funny situations that would justify that walk. Before you know it you have a funny story.

I don't know what this woman (above) was doing in real life, but the pose suggests a  funny walk where the girl leans way back and walks with her hands on her hips.

NOTE: I wrongly omitted the label that would have identified the source of the really interesting photo above. It's from a site called "photocase.com," and the photographer's username is "erdbeersuehtig." I'll put that info back in.

Leaned back torsos are more common in runs...I guess people are more able to accept the  unrealistic weight distribution that way. 

I like this guy's attitude. He runs with his arms close to his side. He takes big strides but looks up in the air, as if he's on an idealistic quest of some sort.

   

Almost any character's going to look good on top of long, red legs like these (above). Doesn't seeing this just make you want to draw?

Let me digress to make the point that tall people are underrepresented in animation. When they're used at all, they're just dim-witted sidekicks for some short guy. Maybe tall people will rebel and then we'll have lots of tall heroes with short, dullard sidekicks. Of course we'd have to have vertical TV sets.

This pose (above) suggests a character who doesn't look where he's running. Open manholes, curbs, and tree trunks are all problems for this man, but he's in too much of a hurry to do anything about it.

Can you really buy a funny walk clock like this (above)? Where do I sign up?

Above, another collage doodle. How would you describe a walk like this?

Here's (above) a walking vehicle. I like the foreground foot in the photo because it seems to imply that the foot comes down in discreet, floppy stages. First the heel, then the arch area, then the pad beneath the toes, then...one by one...the toes, ending with the big toe.

Sometimes an idea for a walk might begin with an idea for an unusual shoe (above).

This man's shoe (above) makes me imagine a guy lying on his back on the sidewalk with his legs doing the walking and dragging the man behind, The man might read a newspaper while his legs do all the work. Or maybe he  has a laptop on his chest and he's catching up on the latest post on uncleeddiestheorycorner@blogspot.com.

THE ART AND SCIENCE OF SEDUCTION

Sorry ladies! This post is for men only.  Are you alone, men? Is the door to your computer room locked?   Good. Then we can commence.

Well, for starters you'll have to spring for a nice restaurant (above).

You'll want something romantic: candlelight, wine, linen, high prices...and oh yes, strolling violinists...they're a must for atmosphere.

If you're lucky they'll spend all their time at other tables. You have a mission to accomplish, and for that you need to reduce everything else to background.

Up til now you've engaged in idle chit chat, but now the time has come to get serious. When your girl isn't looking, extend your cuff where you've written the secret dialogue I've prepared for you on this blog. Read it one final time to firm it in your memory, then retract it. Don't be scared. Trust me, this dialogue is foolproof, and it'll work even if you flub it. All women, with no exception, are vulnerable to this sort of thing.

At the right moment hold her hand, look into her eyes, and with all the earnestness you can muster, say  the following without deviating from a single word....

YOU: "You know, I have a fantasy about you. Do you want to hear it?

[She says she does]

YOU: "I'm waiting for you in your living room. It's night and the room is dark except for the coals of a dying fire that smoulders in the fireplace. You emerge from the back wearing only a towel. Your inky black hair is shiny with water from the bath, fingercombed back."

[She makes a joke of it, but you continue in earnest, slowly and deliberately.]

YOU: "I want to drown myself in your taste, in your scent, in the feel of your skin. I want you to come to me, and you're unable to stop yourself."

[At this point, you need to...intensify. Never lose eye contact. If you have it in you, deliver "The Look."]

YOU: "In my dream all my focus is on you. I sense that a border has been crossed, and we both know it. I tell you to not to think about reason and logic. Don't think about what's proper or improper..."

[Now lean in.]

YOU: "...just clasp my cheeks between you palms. I tell you that I want to feel the heat of your hands race through my body from my face to my toes. I want to feel the fever of the night! I want to haul you over to me and slant my mouth over yours in a kiss."

[She's struggling to make a joke of what you're saying, but she can't. She's mesmerized.]

YOU (V.O.): "Resist if you think you can, but I know you can't, because there's a longing in you that you can't deny."

[At this point the whole restaurant is eavesdropping. People at other tables are ignoring their food, carried away with what you're saying.]

   YOU: "I tell you to lean a little closer....I want you to take my full kiss."

 YOU: "You stand on your toes and wind your arms around my neck."

YOU: "You burrow your fingers into...the damp hair...on the back....of my.....neck. And then...and then.........."

BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Her world explodes! Her brain careens around the inside of her skull!!!!!!!!!]

[She upturns the table and leaps across the empty space, smothering you with kisses while tearing at your clothes! The whole restaurant erupts in applause!]

After that...after that......well, it's time to end the post.


BTW: Sorry there's no attribution for the terrific animation at the top. I can't remember where I pulled it from!