UNDERLIGHT

Underlighting is an interesting effect. It emphasizes completely different details than top lighting. Look at the examples above . The two pictures are of the same person, only the light is different. The difference is amazing! The bottom-lit picture is robust and menacing. You can see every pore in the skin. The top-lit one is ethereal and unworldly. The eye sockets are huge and sunken and the details in the skin have disappeared.

The top-lit guy (bottom most, above) seems too thin to be completely menacing. He's spooky but he look like he's about to keel over from malnutrition. A lot of department stores use overlight in their dressing rooms. It's the easiest light to do and it makes people look thinner.

Underlight looks simple to shoot but you still have to pay attention to the overall effect. Here (above) a light was necessary to separate the back of the head from the background and a dark shirt was worn to eliminate the distracting body and keep the focus on the face.

This still (above) seems too good to be true. Were the eyes and mouth really that black in the original photo?



Girls playing victims look great underlit. It's such an unflattering light for them that seeing it there makes the girl seem completely out of her element and at the mercy of the killer.



You only realize how extreme and exaggerated Frankenstein's lighting was when you see other actors (above) underlit. Here's Peter Lorre with a more subdued underlight. .

Here (above) it looks like Frankenstein was hit by a top light as well as a bottom light.

An interesting interpretation (above) of Frankenstein's head, emphasizing the lower face and blacking out the forehead and hair.

Underlighting didn't seem to do much for this actor (above).

A classic example (above) of underlighting: The eyes are highlighted, the nose is a tall, dark cone, the upper lip is white with a dark moustache of shadow right above it to make the mouth seem bigger and wider.

I haven't seen "Frankenstein" lately but my guess is that a number of his scenes were top lit like the one above. It's a great effect. The toplight makes him seem intellectual and supernatural. The bottomlight makes him seem like the embodiment of fate-ordained death.

The browridge is still very prominent here and it marks the dividing line where the bottom of the face turns gray. Is that just lighting or did they help the light along with darker and lighter make-up in some scenes? How do you like the eyes and sides of the mouth?

THE POET

"Now to write this thing..."




"Hmmm....Love...our love..."

"Our love is such that..."

"No...our love runs...runs and swims... "

"We swim into love with...we swim into the swimming hole of love...we swim..."

"Oh, the heck with it!"

Glurp! Glurp!

"We swim...we dive...we swan dive..."

"Blp!"

"We SWAN DIVE into the VOLCANO BURNING!!!!"

"We're CREATURES of FIRE..."

"Mingled male and female yearning..."

"Yearning for...for...YEARNING for THE HEAT!

"For the SWEET EXPLOSION of DESIRE!"

"I SPLASH into the PLEASURE, all consuming..."

"A-l-l c-o-n-s-u-m-i-n-g..."

"...and now...and now... I'm happy...really happy...I'm..."

"I'm just incredibly happy...I'm um..."

"Blf!"

Gagork! Gagork! Gagork!

GLURG! GLURG! GLURG! GLURG!

"I'm JOYFULLY INSANE...insane with...with..."

GLURGGLURGGLURGGLURGGLURG!!!!!

"...INSANE with KISSING your TENDER FEET!"

Yes, the TENDER FEET are REALLY NEAT!!!!"

"DONE!"

"Whew!"

"I think I've earned a little nip!"

NOTE: This is a bowdlerized version of what I assume is a famous poem but I don't have the name at hand.

JOSH HEISIE'S "SECRET STORM" PART 2

Wow! Theory Corner reader Josh Heisie supplied a terrific sequel to Secret Storm Part 1! Now we get to see who was behind the door and why Juanita and Rodrigo were so frightened! Here's (above and below) an excerpt!

"No, Rodrigo! Don't do it! You have your whole life ahead of you! Don't throw it away by..." Well, I'll let you read it for yourself. The whole episode can be found at:

http://www.mindblowingthrills.blogspot.com/

Many thanks and a tip of the Theory Corner hat to Josh Heisie!

HOW ABOUT A SOAP OPERA!?

OUR PLAYERS: Juanita, the most beautiful girl in the village....

...and Roderigo, the brave bullfighter!

Announcer: "In our last episode, Roderigo shocked everybody by announcing that that he was canceling the marriage between himself and the beautiful Juanita! It seems that Roderigo got wind of a rumor spreading around the village to the effect that Juanita previously had a secret baby by the wealthy playboy and cad, Frenando Lopez.

Announcer (CONT): "Lopez can't be found and for some mysterious reason Juanita refuses to answer direct questions on the subject."

Announcer (Cont): "Roderigo, in an effort to forget Juanita, fled into the arms of the sultry village vamp, Carlita, and led a life of dissipation! In our last episode Juanita met Roderigo in the local cheese shop and begged him to take her back."

Juanita: "Why Roderigo? Why!? Everything was going so well! I'm still the same person you loved only weeks ago!"

Roderigo: "Hah! Love? You talk to me of love? What does a woman like you know of love!? And what do you know of honor?"

Juanita: "What do I know? I'll tell you what I know! I know the pure love of a woman when she loves from the depth of her soul! And honor? There is nothing more sacred to me than honor!"

Roderigo: "Well, in that case you'll be interested to know that I've decided to fight 'El Tigre', the greatest bull ever to set foot in the arena!"

Juanita: (Gasp!) "El Tigre!??? The mad killer!? The bull that's put two matadors under the ground!?!??"

Roderigo: "The very same!"

Juanita (CONT): "Roderigo, that's insane! With your gimp leg...the one you got rescuing that old lady...you wouldn't stand a chance! Fighting that bull would be suicide!"

Roderigo: "Perhaps so. What do you care?"



Juanita: "Then it is I who will leave this life first! If I'm the cause of your misery then I don't want to live!"

Roderigo (shocked): Juanita, wait! For God's sake, throw that devil blade to the ground! If anything were to happen to you, I couldn't bear it!

Roderigo (CONT): "Come to me little one! Let us put aside this rancor! Let us forget the past! We each know the worst about the other. Surely there is nothing new! This nearly broke us, but... "

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

Roderigo: "Huh?"

Juanita: "Wha...?"



KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!!!!!



Announcer: "A simple knock at the door and everything is disturbed. Why? What are Juanita and Roderigo afraid of?

Announcer (CONT); "Does it have anything to do with an alleged baby? Or is something even darker and more disturbing about to enter their lives?

Join us next week for the next thrilling episode of...."THE SECRET STORM!"


Hey, do you have a digital camera? Then why not take a crack at doing the next episode of "Secret Storm" yourself? Post it on your site and I'll link to it! I may even swipe it and put it up here...with attribution, of course!

HIGH MAINTENANCE WOMEN

Here's (above) my all-time favorite Bette Davis scene, from "Of Human Bondage." I just saw it at Mike's house. She's a wonderful over-the-top actor but when I see scenes like this I can't help asking myself what it would be like to live with someone like that. It would be a rollercoaster ride, no doubt about it.


Women like to think that men prefer stupid women, but if they do they never told me about it. The men I talked to overwhelmingly prefer smart women. The problem is that smart women are sometimes very high strung. If you're married to someone like this you better expect strong and frequent arguments over small things, and major crises on a frequent basis.





The complicating factor is that some high-strung, high-maintenance women are worth it, at least their men think so. Some guys crave the stimulation. Well, each to his own.

BTW, none, absolutely NONE of this, refers to people I know!

THE BEST WAY TO DIE

On Thanksgiving night, after our friends left and my family was asleep, I watched again the recent film about Edith Piaf called "La Vie En Rose." It's an interesting film. It gives her an horrific childhood, fame in mid-life, and loneliness and isolation in old age. The old Piaf would lay flat on her back in bed with the covers pulled way up to her eyes, shivering with fear in the dark. Maybe she was afraid she'd go to hell. Maybe she was just terrified to be at the brink of death.


Watching this I wondered if hers was the wrong way to die. I always imagined myself dying the philosophers death where I calmly said goodbye to family and friends, and maybe even joked a little. That's not what Piaf did. She was terrified and tortured. I wondered who had the better plan.





Maybe Piaf did. I remember what Homer said about what we would call tragic heroes. The hero finds what he's good at and enters into a mystical relationship with it. He sacrifices everything to be the best at it. He may be a lousy father and husband, he may have bad table manners, but he's the best at something and that's no small thing. When the end comes, such a hero dies badly. There was never any attempt at balance in his life. He lived to experience life at its fullest through his skill, and nothing in his experience prepares him for death. He dies crying and digging his fingers into the ground. And Homer says it's a good death.

Maybe the kind of person who lives life well is incapable of dying well. Maybe living life well requires us to love life too much to casually put it aside.

Or...maybe Piaf was neurotic and her extreme attachment to her lovers was a sign that her life was lived badly. What do you think?

THANKSGIVING 2007

I was dying to post some some Wally Wood and Don Martin parodies of Thanksgiving but alas, they weren't available to scan. Maybe it's just as well because looking for them led me to discover this magnificent photo (above) of Canadian troops observing a thanksgiving service in WWI. The small version of this picture doesn't convey a shred of the grandeur of the occassion. On pain of death, be sure to click to enlarge.

I wonder what they were praying for? Maybe it was to give thanks for a recently won victory. I like to think that they were giving thanks for the wonders they'd seen in their lifetimes. It would be very touching if soldiers, who must lead a miserable life during wartime, could stop to be grateful for the gift of life...not just for survival, but for the sheer wonder of it all.



Here's (above) a mid-Civil War picture. The emotions here certainly seem heart-felt. Click to enlarge.

Here's a Victorian family (above) enjoying after-dinner coffee together. Of course the baby participates. Didn't they give gin to babies in those days?

Here's the classic Norman Rockwell picture, with ice cream substituted for Turkey.

And a Wally Wood varient.

Here's (above) a terrific picture of a family celebrating the holiday together. It's meant to be seen large so be sure to click on it.

I was tempted to run several pictures like this. I find happy famiies to be endlessly fascinating.

YMA SUMAC

The queen of exotic records in the 50s was Yma Sumac. I'm guessing she was Peruvian. She took exotic elements from all over the world, including Polynesia, and blended them with her own native Peruvian music to make a mix that was full of mystery and the promise of adventure.

Sumac had a unique voice that could sing comfortably in five octaves. People were always asking, "Who's the guy she sings with?" Well, the guy was Yma sumac. She was a whole ensemble, all by herself .

Here she is (above) in the Andes.

Here she is in Mike F's harem (above). How did she get in there? Man, Mike is gonna be mad when he finds out!

GREETINGTH, POETRY LOVERTH!

This poem of Longfellow's is one of the funniest I know, rivaling even "Jabberwocky." One of these days I hope I'll get a chance to animate it.

It was taken very seriously in it's day. Towns were named for it as were high schools, an aircraft carrier, a TV space ship, a corporation, a bath mat, and shipping fodder. There's even a book called "Excelsior, You Fathead," which is my very favorite name for a book. If you're not familiar with this poem , then read on. Excelsior!

MY FAVORITE HIPPIE PHOTOGRAPHER

I'm no fan of the hippies but I have to admit that they came up with some interesting graphic ideas. The best hippie photographer I know of was Jerry Ulesmann. What imagination! I'd love to stand in a real philosopher's study like the one he did above, and see tumultuous clouds overhead. Click to enlarge. Imagine experiencing the wind and smells you encounter just before a thunderstorm while simultaneously feeling the staid, musty smell of a book-filled room. Why can't we have weather- protected rooms with no ceilings?

Actually, I have this in my own house, sort of. I have a sleeping porch with a bed where most months of the year I can wake up to the dew and that early morning fresh smell. It's unbelievably great to sleep out there in a thunderstorm, completely protected yet sort of in the thick of things at the same time. Learn from Jerry Ulesmann! Get a sleeping porch!

What a great house (above) for a witch! I wish we had more trees with thick, exposed roots in the suburbs. We have to redesign the suburbs to make them more exciting and mysterious.

I absolutely love the idea of suburbs, where you can have some of the rural experience within commuting distance of a great city. I even love the idea that prices were made low enough so that ordinary people could afford to live that way. We've had the inevitable first wave of Levittown-type shoebox houses, now it's time to design the first cool suburbs...with the help of people like Ulesmann.

Nice (above), very nice.

This image has become something of a cliche in fantasy films, but there's still something to be learned from it. Nobody knows how to make things float in the air but the best architects know how to make things appear to be so light that they almost seem to float. Think how the cathedral builders made it appear that thin pillars were holding up massive ceilings. The idea of appearing to defy gravity in a serene, natural setting is gold for the architect.

I once took a train ride through mountains in the early morning. We raced along tunnels and high wooden trestles and I watched the first light struggle to get a foothold. You could see mist creeping through through dark ravines and pathways just like the picture above. Actually, it looked even more like the eerie mist in DeMille's "Ten Commandments," the one that killed the son of the Pharoh.

What is morning mist but vapor in the air? I'd like to have morning mist outside my window and live in an environment that would heighten the effect, wouldn't you? That may be an achievable thing for an engineer or for architects who know how to maximize it . This is what I like about Ulesmann. He's a true artist in the sense that he gives us something to shoot for. He stimulates invention by giving us tantalizing glimpses of what could be.

Cataracts (above)! Ulesmann's right, we need more cataracts! And we need light elements nearby, like boats or leafy trees.

HOLY COW! KATIE DREW ME!

Here's me (above) oogling Marlo!

Here's me (above) reacting to Nico's cup crushing! Gee, Katie even captured my tip-of-the-nose hairs. Actually I had only one and I finally cut it. I had a dentist appointment coming up and I was afraid he'd obsess over it and drill the wrong tooth.

Here's (above) Kali looking rather cute.

There's lots more Katie greatness! ! Check it all out at:

http://funnycute.blogspot.com/

WHAT TEXTILES MEAN

I know nothing about textiles but the subject still interests me, maybe because it's so philosophical. The texture on textiles seem to activate and energize the colors on the surface and push them into telling a dramatic story. Without texture color sometimes seems oddly flat and lifeless.

The pictures above don't illustrate what I just said, I just like the way they look.

When I was a kid I hated lace and couldn't understand what adults saw in it. Now it strikes me as snow crystals frozen in time. The plain white sheet in the middle of the lace seems oddly out of sync with the snow pattern, and yet when you see lace without the blank part it doesn't look right. Maybe lace represents order struggling against bland nothingness.

Lace doesn't seem to fascinate the way it used to, maybe because there's so much bad lace around. A lot of people who sew prefer to work with thick, ropey thread which produces a heavy, floppy, meaningless result. The right thread is like spider silk. It's a work of art even before you do anything with it. It's probably expensive and hard to work with.

Lace is reputed to be an old lady's art form but it's hard to imagine old people having the dexterity to make delicate thread do what they want it to. Maybe the ropey stuff you used to see on the arms of chairs is the old lady's art form. It's hard to imagine that real lace would be wasted on a chair. Real lace needs to be worn but only on special occassions. It has to be kept snow white and somewhat crispy. Like diamonds it sets off the wearer but most women don't have the poise to look good in it. It's tempting to think that a woman who looks good in it is herself a work of art.

Wow! here's (above) a few things going on at once. A cool red manages to dominate the brilliant starfish and amoebas that erupt on the color's surface then sink back. Life seems to flourish on top of the red for a brief but glorious moment before it's killed off.

The black string and pom poms activate the space around the textile and remind us that the whole saga of life and death on the fabric is framed by a frightening void.

Here (above) color fights with design for dominance. The color seems to ooze and expand but a design pattern seems to be fighting to contain it. You can feel the tension. One or the other will win, but which one?

The white dots shimmer and glow like snow, distracting us from the battle underneath. It's like life: we battle each other furiously while time passes and gives a context to everything we do. It seems to render our battles insignificant, but we still have to fight. The pattern makes us aware that we're all involved in a beautiful unfolding tragedy.

This (above) is an amazing piece of work. Burning mouths from some mysterious void line themselves up to make what appears to be a musical statement. The checkered pattern makes a musical counterpoint. Surrounding it all is the wild, ghostly fringe. The pattern fights to stay together but the fringe tragically seems to be leaking its essence to the ether.

I hate to say it but I don't really like linear African patterns like the one above. The colors are depressing and seem like they're trapped behind obsessive geometry. Of course Africa's a big place and a lot of Africans are probably as indifferent to this pattern as I am.

THE BOYFRIEND STORY

Kali: "Oh, Eddie! It's so wonderful to be here with you!"

Uncle Eddie: "Yeah, just the two of us, all alone."

Kali: "Alone? Um, Eddie...the thing about us being alone..."

Uncle Eddie: "Yes, Sweetums? Dove pie? Sugar eyes? "

Kali: "Well, I...um... have problems with an ex-b0yfriend. He follows me everywhere! It's not my fault! I can't get rid of him!"

Uncle Eddie: "Boyfriend? You mean that goofy guy with the square glasses?"




Uncle Eddie: "Haw, Haw! Boy, Kali, you sure can pick 'em! You leave him to me! I might have to rough him up a little, but I won't hurt him too bad!"






Kali: "I'm...er... glad you feel that way, Eddie..."



Uncle Eddie: "Huh!?"



Uncle Eddie: "Glack!"

Boyfriend: "Who's your friend Kali?"

Boyfriend: "Ya like that coke? It's a good coke, isn't it? Nice and cold?"

Uncle Eddie: "The coke? Well, uh...yeah...it's my favorite...

(CRUSH!!!!!)

Uncle Eddie: "Well, I've gotta go now! But first I have to tell you Sir, that I'm impressed, yes, impressed with what a lovely couple you make! Call me old-fashioned but I believe the very heart and soul of the country depends on the eternal bonds made by lovebirds like yourselves! Blessings upon you, Sir! Blessings!"

Uncle eddie: "Be seeing ya!"

Uncle Eddie: (Whistles)

All pictures stolen from Nico's site, cited below! Thanks, Nico! Be sure to take a look at Nico and Kali's version of this! Those links are also below. Thanks to Jorge I reinstated the cup-crushing sequence that my computer wouldn't let me put up originally. Cup-crushing is a beautiful thing!

THE ADVENTURES OF SUPERKALI!

IT'S SUPERKALI!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES, IT'S THAT STRANGE BEING FROM ANOTHER WORLD! RAISED BY GOOD, HARD-WORKING FOSTER PARENTS IN IOWA...FORTIFIED BY A REPORTER'S JOB IN PHILADELPHIA...THE INFANT FROM KRYPTON IS NOW THE WOMAN OF STEEL......

SUPERKALI!!!!!!

Superkali: "Hi, ordinary mortals! I'm about to capture the arch-fiend, Lex Luther! There he is now! You can watch while I punch him out!"

Luther: "Ho Hum! Looks like Superkali again."

Luther: "When will she ever that learn that she's no match for my army of atomic super-zombies!

Superkali: (out of breath) "OK, Lex Luther! Put up your dukes! You're cruisin' for a brusin' and I'm the one to give it to ya!"

Luther: "Oh, really? How amusing! Why don't you give it instead to...(he transforms)....SUPERZOMBIE!!!!!!!

Luther: 'Fellow Zombies! Arise! Arise!!!! WHOOO! WHOOOOO!!!! (the call of the zombies)"

Luther: "Zombie #2! Grab her quick!"

Lutther: "Aw, you look so stressed, Superkali! Why don't you relax with a nice warm bath...of sulfuric acid!!!! BWAHaHaHaHaHA! Poe, you are avenged!

Luther: "Relax, Zombie #2. Let's smoke a pencil and savor this moment.

Zombie #2: "Thanks, but I only smoke pens. Here, try a Bic!"

The players: Ryan (who photographed most of this). Nico, Kali and Eddie.

The two zombie pictures were photographed by Kali.

All of these picture were stolen from Nico's MySpace site, John's blog and Kali's blog.

http://www.myspace.com/nicocolaleo

http://kalikazoo.blogspot.com/

http://www.johnkstuff.blogspot.com/

ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE'S FAIRIES

I'm too sleepy to put up a decent post but here's an interesting quick and dirty one. These (above and below) are the photos that convinced Doyle of the existence of fairies!

The girl in the picture above seems to be completely unaware of what I assume are dancing illustrations superimposed below her.

Imagine the creator of Sherlock Holmes being taken in by pictures like these! No matter, I still love Doyle and my respect for the man is only slightly diminished by the gaff. Most, if not all, of us will believe in something silly that we'll regret later. You can't blame him for being human.

Holmes is one of the greatest characters in all of fiction, some would say the very greatest. At the core of every story is an intriguing mystery and surrounding it is the endlessly fascinating lifestyle, moral character, courage, intellect, playfulness, earnestness and capacity for friendship of the famous detective. Holmes always changes and improves the person who reads about him. Doyle was said to have been surprised by the success of his detective stories. He thought the book everyone would remember would be "The White Company," about crusaders, I think. The Wyeth illustration above is from that book. I don't know anything about it, but if Doyle thought it was his best then that's reason enough to read it. I'll put in a save at the library.

THE ART OF PENCIL TWIRLING!

I'm still obsessed with pencil twirling! I tried it for half an hour before writing this and I can already see the improvement! Learn it yourself and we can have duels at the drawing table!

















Whit, thanks for putting me on to this! I knew about cigarette twirling but it never occurred to me to do it with a pencil til you mentioned it!

CLARA BUTT SINGS "LAND OF HOPE & GLORY"

You've heard this music before under the title "Pomp & Circumstance." In America it's the standard music played at school graduations. What you might not have heard is the core of that music performed as a song with some of the most stirring British patriotic lyrics ever written.

The version linked to here is my all-time favorite by Clara Butt ( yes, that's her name), who recorded it in 1911. Clara sounds the way Margeret Dumont from the Marx Bros films might have sounded, if Dumont could have sung. The voice sounds funny for a moment but when you get used to it, it's immensely moving and sincere.

Here's Clara's autograph on a picture of Britannia. It's a big, sentimental, and dignified signature, full of character. It's said that when you acquire character, you acquire a destiny. Clara's destiny was to be a major support for English morale during WWI.

I actually have an original autograph of hers, given to me by Steve Worth, who's also a Butt fan.....um, maybe I should have rephrased that. Anyway, thanks, Steve!

Here's (below) the lyrics for "Land of Hope and Glory. " Just to establish a mood I thought I'd combine them with a picture that would call to mind the glory days of the British Empire. Sad to say, I didn't find any first-rate pictures on that subject, so here's (above) a picture on a related subject, that of British sea power. This is from the Battle of the Nile, fought during the war with Napoleon.

LAND OF HOPE AND GLORY

Dear Land of Hope, thy hope is crowned.
God make thee mightier yet!
On Sov'ran brows, beloved, renowned,
Once more thy crown is set.
Thine equal laws, by Freedom gained,
Have ruled thee well and long;
By Freedom gained, by Truth maintained,
Thine Empire shall be strong.

Land of Hope and Glory,
Mother of the Free,
How shall we extol thee,
Who are born of thee?
Wider still and wider
Shall thy bounds be set;
God, who made thee mighty,
Make thee mightier yet.

Thy fame is ancient as the days,
As Ocean large and wide:
A pride that dares, and heeds not praise,
A stern and silent pride:
Not that false joy that dreams content
With what our sires have won;
The blood a hero sire hath spent
Still nerves a hero son.


Here's (below) where the song can be found on an mp3 format. If you intend to listen to it more than once, will you download it to your own computer so we don't tax the bandwidth of the parent site?

http://www.firstworldwar.com/audio/landofhopeandglory.htm

If the link doesn't work (it looks like the final "l" is missing), just google the title of the song.

THE WORLD OF SMOKING VIDEOS

I haven't drawn anything for the site in a while so I thought I'd look up some good smoking scenes on YouTube and draw them. To my surprise I didn't find any! Maybe it's because I got distracted by all the bizarre offerings on the sidebars. More on that in a minute! Anyway, here's (above)the best one I found, from one of the Dr. Mabuse films. It gets boring after the first minute but the opening pan of the smokers is brilliant!!! When I was a kid eating in restaurants was like that.





Here's (above) why I got distracted. There's a kazillion clips on the sidebar menus showing girls smoking. Nothing else, just girls sitting there smoking! A lot of them are goths and they blow smoke right at the camera just to let you know who's boss!






Here's another girl smoking. This one amazed me because it proved that urban men and women exist in different worlds. In the clip a girl sits down and smokes nervously beside a TV set, under some plastic leaves. What kills me is that she has complete confidence that tens of thousands of men will be interested in seeing her do that... and the weird thing is, she's probably right. After all, I watched.

What strikes me is that if I sat there with a cigarette, doing the exact same thing, NOBODY would watch it, not even my mother. Not even me! I don't know what lesson there is to be learned from this, but I thought I'd pass it along anyway.





Here(above)was an even bigger distraction! A girl blows smoke into the viewer's face while commanding him to send her money! She promises to use the money to treat her boyfriend to dinner at the viewer's expense. Believe me, she's serious! I had no idea this stuff was going on! I'm dying to know if she's making making money at it!

I won't go into all the other genres I discovered, all with a connection to smoking. There's tons of clips of close-ups of long-nailed women smoking and there's lots of "smoking ands": smoking and socks sites, smoking and shoes, smoking and glasses, smoking and pets, smoking and underwear...everything!





Here's (above) a really good clip of Jerry Lewis trapped in an elevator with a smoker. I posted this before in another context but it won't hurt to reprise it here.





I'm still marveling that the girl makes all that money with the "you-vile-worm, send-me-your-money-clips." Just to clear our heads, here's (above) a clip of a guy twirling a cigarette around his fingers like a baton. I swear I'm going to learn how to do this with a pencil! Every artist should know how!

APACHE DANCE, ANYONE?

What do you guys think of Apache Dancing? That's the dance where the sleazy boyfriend beats up his prostitute girlfriend because she won't share her money with him.

Everybody associates the dance with France but I'll bet it got started in Spain. The Spanish have a flare for this sort of thing. Look at Flamenco and Tango...or is tango purely an Argentine dance?

Here's (above)a must-see apache dance from TouTube. Don't be put off by the silly beginning. It heats up real fast.





For purists here's (above) a clip from a Parisian apache from 1934. Nifty, huh?

A HAT FOR SAYING, "NO!"

I got myself a Halloween present this year, which is pictured above. It's a Spanish "No" hat! When you shake your head "no" the little balls shake back and forth and even make a cool thunking sound when they hit the brim. If you want to see it just try to borrow some money from me some time!

The problem with the hat is that it's no good for saying "yes." Of course you can sometimes say yes without using the word. If a guy asks "Would you like me to stop standing on your foot?", you might say, "No, no! Stand no longer on my foot!" That's three no's! Or you can lie sideways and shake your head no, which will appear as yes to him. Aaaargh! I'm getting confused!

WHEN STARS CHOOSE THE SCRIPTS

Big stars have more power in the film world than ever. I'm not sure why. Maybe it has to do with the changing ways that films are financed. Overseas money is more important now and foreign backers are even more star conscious than Americans. Or maybe it has to do with a cultural shift. Whatever the reason, you have to please the big stars to get a film made now and the way to please big stars is to write the kind of script they like to play.

What do stars like? Stories that are about them! The plot's irrelevant. What matters is the character dynamics. So what if the city's going to blow up if somebody doesn't find the nuclear bomb? Who cares? What the star cares about is that their character comes off as strong and appealing, with a wide emotional range for reviewers to comment on.

The kind of scripts that stars like determine the kinds of films that get made. For comparison, here's (below) a picture gallery of films made in the era when studio bosses picked the scripts:

These are my kind of films, real stick-to-your-ribs stuff. And here's (below) an example of the kind of scripts favored by studio bosses:




The studio chiefs had pretty good taste! I love the lines, "I'm gonna kill you right now, Lone Ranger!" / "Oh, no you ain't, Cal steward."

Well, that was then and this is now. Here's (below) a gallery of pictures from the star power era:

See the difference? Stars like those intimate, psychological, Stanislavskian scenes. When they pick the scripts the film is always about emotional confrontation. In the old days when two characters had a disagreement one hit the other guy, and the guy fell down dead. Nowadays it's more nuanced. Here's (below) an example of the kind of script actors like:

Stars are running the show now so you better get to like nose-to-nose psychological confrontation. You're going to be seeing a lot of it!

MY BEST HALLOWEEN EVER!

No, the best one wasn't this year, unfortunately. The best one occurred years ago when I put on a Halloween show in my living room for my kid's Indian Guide den (Den? Troop? Coven? I'm forgetting what they were called). Actually it was the night before Halloween and I and a few Guide dads and cartoonists were the actors.

We put on three short plays...three...and two of them were serious EC-type horror dramas requiring costumes. No rehearsal, and I was writing them almost up to the minute when the makeshift curtains opened and it was time to perform. I also had to make food for everybody. Now THAT was stress!

One of the plays was about an astronaut who murdered his friend on the moon (above) because he thought nobody could ever find out. I'd rented a spacesuit from Western Costume, the people who outfit Hollywood movies. It looked great! It was the 50s kind with rings around the joints and a big, round helmet. Here's (topmost, above) a black & white picture of the suit from "Destination Moon."

The reason I'm writing about all this is to say that even though that day was one of the most stressful and exhausting I've ever had, It was the one that delivered the most fun in recollection. It really is true that it's better to give than receive. I'll bet it was fun to watch the play but it was even more fun to put it on...fun when I look back on it I mean.

That show also made me think about building an outdoor stage for my kids in the backyard. I love the one in this picture (above) that I got from a picture archive. What a great design! Don Selders, Rod Scribner's assistant animator, told me that Scribner built one of these for his kids back in the day.

I hate to say it but I never made a stage. I made the mistake of asking my kids if they would ever use it and they were appalled. Both swore that they'd rather die first. Stupid me, I should have made it anyway. Think of the memories that might have been.

I did get them one of these little Creative Playthings puppet theaters, but that was a mistake too. They never used it and never played with the puppets. Never, ever buy one of these little puppet theaters! They look great but they're too tiny to hide behind...the kids see everything you're doing, and that ruins the illusion of reality.

I did get some use out of the puppets. I'd have the puppets kiss the kids good-night when they were tucked in. Unfortunately this got them so excited that it always ended up keeping them up longer. They always wanted to beat up the puppets and, since it was my hand that was being mauled, the puppets had to fight back to defend themselves. It ended up being a brawl every night. Believe it or not, this (above) is a more practical puppet theater. It's adult height so the kids can't reach the puppets and try to kill them. By the way, that's not me in the picture.